I want to post this entry today because it plays well thematically in this day that has long been associated with bad things happening.
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]]>Today is first day of summer. Summer arrived at 7:57 this morning. That's early.
Today is the summer solstice. At least, for those of us living here north of the equator.
I wonder what time it is right now. I'ma go check real quick. Be right back.
Looks like it's 1 pm. On the solstice. Longest day of the year. Shortest night. Minimum darkness. Maximum light.
(Did I just wax poetic?)
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••If my calcs are correct then the sun should be directly overhead right about now down in Baja. Down in Cabo.
Because they are in same time zone as San Diego, and that's where the Tropic of Cancer is.
The sun would normally be directly overhead at noon. But since we're on daylight saving time, then that shifts the sun forward an hour. So it isn't directly overhead until the clocks say 1 pm.
The Tropic of Cancer is as far north as the sun gets. At 7:57 this morning, it turned around and is now heading back south.
It's heading back to the Tropic of Capricorn, to the other extreme.
There is about 3,000 miles of travel between the two tropics, in case you were curious. 3,222 to be more precise.
Takes 6 months for the sun to reach its southern destination. That's 182.5 days. That's 4,380 hours.
That means the sun travels 0.74 miles per hour. That's not even 1 mph. Humans walk 3 mph.
If you walked south for 6 hours a day, you would keep pace with the sun, and always have it directly overhead at noon for the next six months.
Speaking of walking and the sun being overhead, I went for a nice walk today to celebrate the day.
I went for a walk down to the harbor .. to celebrate the arrival of a new season.
It's nice down there .. as both PnP and Inigo will tell you.
The fresh air. The smell of the ocean in the air. The salt air. The sound of gulls.
Everybody is in a good mood there. Everybody is happy to be there. Easy to see why.
I knew what I wanted to write about today for a few weeks now. That was when I first had this thought, and I knew today would be a good excuse to craft a little something-something.
When I know ahead of time, then this gives me time to think about what kinds of things I might like to say.
It's like the story, the narrative, the journey, is taking shape inside. Or at least, it feels that way.
So you build it out. The writer builds out the vision of his inner story that has been forming. He begins with the first step and goes from there.
The topic I am talking about is the mind-blowing effect it can have on a man when he encounters women who exceed any kind of expectations he might've held.
You must admit that it is a good title. It has all the things I like in a title. It represents a formidable challenge for me.
It is a mind-blowing thing where a man must jettison his preconceived notions regarding women, and build new models that are very different from what he was previously using.
We are starting with a blown mind and going from there. "Where are we going?" you ask?
I feel a sense of the unknown pressing here. Entering unknown territories can be fraught with things you weren't expecting.
If you weren't expecting them, then you can't prepare for them. Unpreparedness tends to be associated with getting one's ass kicked.
Unless one is a resourceful fellow.
I already have in mind some bases I want to touch. But that would merely establish a platform from which I could launch out into some intergalactic shit.
If you think about something too much, you can psyche yourself out. So it's usually best to just go ahead and put your foot on the path with intention. And put some words on the page. Like I am doing now.
In 2017, at the end of a section titled » Recipe for Trouble, I wrote » I am feeling something here.
I wrote this statement in this section where I was talking about about the strong, confident feminine energy I saw displayed in a music video.
The unexpected surprise that prompted that statement is one of the reasons why I am writing in this direction now.
To be cont'd, of course.
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]]>Feels like I am more settled in here now. More home. It feels good to cut all ties with that previous part of my life.
Up until last month (Feb) I still had the same doctor in Fallbrook, which is 50 miles away.
It's a long story that I'd rather not revisit. But I am finally, after two years now, completely disentangled from my old life there in north county.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••Where I was a prisoner held captive at the mountaintop fortress of QAnon central headquarters .. where Hillary was drinking babies' blood on the regular with shady members of the deep state ..
.. who were plotting all manner of nefarious shit to overthrow Trump even as we slept.
The inmates were running the asylum there at QAnon central headquarters, let me tell you. And they made damn sure on a regular basis that you knew exactly who was in charge.
Where I had become persona non grata extraordinaire when the Judge died.
Actually, he wasn't even dead yet. They had merely made plans to take him to the place that you go from which you don't return. And already the shit was getting nasty.
The timing of these attacks sucked because I was grieving the loss myself. This is why I was in a weakened, vulnerable place.
Scripture says, you know, that the devil waits until you are in a vulnerable place before he attacks. He loves to kick you when you're down.
The devil is not going to console you when you're in a bad place, no. He is not going to come and comfort you and tell you that everything will be okay.
They did not seem to be grieving anything. No. They actually seemed more Zen-like calm than I had ever seen them.
This was when they weren't being nasty to me and telling me that the sheriff was on his way over right now to come get me in his police car and take me away.
"Okay," I said. "I can be ready to go 10 minutes. Let me know when he arrives."
What kind of people kick out a tenant during the height of a deadly, once-a-century, global plague? A rent-paying tenant.
This is the time of year, you know, when I like to stop and remember the day I was delivered from the authority of darkness.
Where I give thanks for being rescued from a bad place .. and transferred to a much better place.
When I brushed my fingers along the walls, you can bet this gratitude was heartfelt.
This plays right into the #1 thing I am struck by, and left with, in hindsight .. when comparing and contrasting my old life there with my new life here.
Particularly because the two are so different. The one is nothing like the other. The different lifestyles involved.
And this is the difference between appearances and in my lived existential realities.
You must admit that live there in Fallbrook look very pretty. It appeared beautiful. And it was. But my existential reality as lived there was something very different.
Compare that the my life here. Right after I first arrived here, and gave thanks for my deliverance .. first thing I did was call cousin Patti.
I hadn't even move my shit it. It was still down in the lobby waiting for me to schlep it up. But I didn't care about that. Because I had what I wanted.
When Patti answered, I said, "I'm in. I got keys in hand, and the property manager just left to go make copies of the lease I just finished signing."
I looked around while she was telling me how proud of me she was for doing this impressive thing under adverse conditions.
This is where I said, "You know, I have been in jail cells that were bigger than this."
I said it without really thinking. I had been beyond exhausted for a few days by then. Moving is a lot of work, you know.
The lady who moved into this house .. she did not even move herself. I had to help her husband move all her shit. That move lasted a long time, too. It was a lot of work.
She could not deal with the physical demands of the move. Of her own move.That was too much work for her. I had to help do that for her.
Judge just dropped her off at the new place, where she was out of our way. But the fact remains that, after I did all that work to help move all her shit for her .. she still kicked me out.
We are talking complete psychotic meltdowns .. on a regular basis.
One time she was banging on my door and screaming because I was taking a shower after 10 pm. It's like a child that never grew up, and is stuck somewhere in the third grade.
I'm like, "Please stop banging on my door and screaming like a banshee. You need therapy. It's not my showers that are driving you nuts."
So many bizarro stories I could share.
She was the queen of anal retentives. She made Martha look chill. I felt sorry for her, but I didn't want to be around her.
She was just the most miserable person I ever knew. And I knew some miserable folks, let me tell you.
She was not satisfied until she made others around her just as miserable as she was. That's why nobody wanted to be around her.
Some months after i arrived, I received a few messages on my phone from her saying 'Call me.'
I did not return those calls. There was no reason given why they wanted me to call. There is no chance I would ever return such a call.
I should probably note here that there was also much I admired about this person. Given her particular set of circumstances.
Which can make these kinds of things so difficult to address with proper tact. These are many instructive lessons to be learned here.
It is much easier now .. given the time and distance. Even biggest things fade in your rearview mirror after a while.
This is called perspective. Your perspective on any given thing will naturally morph and adapt with the passage of time .. as you are able to see things more clearly and put them in proper perspective.
But when the toothy gators are munching on your ass, it is difficult to get any kind of perspective beyond, "Ouch." and "I need to get the fuck out of here."
This was the period where she was spending an hour or so every morning at daybreak in the room with the view of the valley. Which is a jaw-dropping view.
When folks came over for the first time, and they walked in and saw that view, their knees buckled.
She spent this time reading her bible and studying her weekly bible lesson.
You could feel a divine serenity radiate from that room. And you could actually see the effect is was having on her.
She was calmer, more relaxed, more settled, more at ease. And much more enjoyable to be around.
Unfortunately this did not last long. No. This relatively brief period was followed by her rising well before daybreak, while it was still dark, and listening to Alex Jones.
That was where she went off the deep end. Welcome to Crazytown, USA. That was the beginning of the end.
And that lasted a long time, too. Compared to her scripture reading days.
She rose well before daybreak every morning to listen to Alex Jones rant and rave while it was still dark out. Hardwood floors keep no secrets, you know.
You could title this era » How to Lose a Little More of Your Soul Every Week with Alex Jones at QAnon Central HQ.
I was unable to help her. I certainly tried. But they do not want your help, no. It actually pisses them off.
They can't say that I didn't try. They can't say I didn't try to help.
They rejected my attempts to help. Rather strongly, I'd say.
They told me to go fuck myself. In not so many words.
Now these psychotic meltdowns were not normally directed at me. But you can't help but overhear yelling and screaming when you live in home with hardwood floors.
Hard as you might try to block it out, and deep as you might sink those earplugs .. you can still hear the natives getting rambunctious there in Crazytown.
Habakkuk said to Yahweh, you know, "Why do you make me see this nasty shit? Why are you making me see these crazy things where everything seems backwards?"
Being around crazy people affects you. And not in a good way. I talked to my therapist about this.
I learned a lot from him. A lot of good, useful stuff.
He was very validating. This was especially satisfying because I was living in a place where I was never validated. Rather I was depreciated .. on a regular basis.
It was no big secret. They told me as much. I have messages telling me how they are going to throw all my shit out on the road for the trash man to come get. Nice people.
Ah, the good ol' days. It's easy now to look back and laugh at the insanity. But when you are in the thick of it, it's never much fun.
Anyway, this disparity between the appearances and my actual existential realities at the two places was such a dramatic difference.
When I said to Patti, "I have been in jail cells that were bigger than this," .. this was a genuine observation, which tickled my absurdist sense of humor.
Do I give a shit about the size of my new place? No. Not even a little.
I have lived on a submarine for a few years. I know how to live in tight quarters. I have much experience at it.
The Navy would stick 6 sailors in a birthing compartment this size. They would put three racks over here, and three more over there. Top. middle and bottom.
This is like a captain's stateroom to me. Even better, because I'm not underwater.
Speaking of the captain's stateroom .. remind me to tell you what the Chief said to me while we were standing outside maneuvering there in engineroom upper level.
He said, "Now you've really done it. There's a meeting going on right now up in the captain's stateroom .. to decide what to do with you. So just stand the fuck by."
I bet Moses knows what I'm talking about.
That was when the captain kicked me off the boat. And I had to go talk to the Commodore.
The Master Chief took me. The squadron Master Chief. That made all the difference.
When the Master Chief says you're golden, then the Commodore says you're golden. The Commodore told the Captain to go fuck himself.
I don't think I have ever said this before. But after they kicked me off the boat, and I am heading forward to get my shit and get the fuck out of there ..
.. I just so happened to run into the captain. He was near the part of the ship where they steer the boat. The sub.
He was surrounded by a few sailors.
I shouldn't have said anything. I should've just walked right on by and kept my mouth shut .. which is what I would do today.
But my ass is already gone. So I dixn't give much of a flying happy banana split about anything right about then.
I called him out. Right there in front of a group of people, I just walked up and called his ass out. His dumb ass.
Remind me to tell you the story of when the Squadron Master Chief came and rescued me of a life in a scullery, cleaning dirty dishes on a conveyor belt. That was where they sent me. Assholes.
I wonder what time it is right now. I'm-a go check real quick. Be right back.
Looks like it's afternoon already. My, how time flies when you're having fun.
Tonight we sleep our last night in the winter of 2023. When we lie down for bed tomorrow, it will be spring.
Oh, look. Spring has arrived.
I went for nice walk yesterday to celebrate the day.
March 21. There's another good date, girly. There's a big story behind that entry.
The indicated date is indeed the 21st, but I did not post that page on the 21st, no. I posted it on the 26th.
This is my last entry before leaving. And shit is going to get gnarly when I post it. Which it did.
I have stories about my writing being watched. They would never confront me directly. But they would react.
I have a number great reaction stories I could share regarding entries I wrote which produced strong reverberations in Crazytown.
Some of which involve you. Probably the best involves you.
I could also discuss censorship here, and why it sucks so badly. We inherently resist censorship.
But knowing that people are reading your writing .. crazy people with dysfunctional intentions .. this can affect your writing.
During a quiet moment yesterday I caught myself thinking, "How could this girl possibly be connected to my ID card?"
A part of me was wondering while I was distracted with other trivial things.
Then I remembered when I wrote, "Girly, send a U-haul and a couple strong dudes to come rescue me from this tight spot I am in here."
Scripturally speaking, you know, the believer is not supposed to depend on (mere) men to rescue his ass from the tight spot in which he might find himself.
I know this. So there must be other reasons .. than a rescue operation involving two strong dudes and a small U-haul truck. And there was.
I did not have to write that entry. I was in a vulnerable place there.
Society and cultures can teach men that it is bad to reveal vulnerabilities.
But everybody feels vulnerable from time to time. It's part of being human. It comes with the deal. The deal called life.
Vulnerable spots present us with a challenging environment. You know how I enjoy a good challenge now-n-again. So I wrote it.
There is a big story behind that entry. So much insanity. You could never make up shit like this craziness.
But my point is that the ID card contains the address. The new address. My physical address. Where I live.
Though in this case, it is my mailing address. The PO box. But it still represents the same thing. Your digs. Where you grow roots. Your life roots.
I don't know how far I want to go down this path. But I think that this is the connection. For me.
The seemingly pronounced connection between you and my ID card.
Does this make any sense to you? It sounds crazy to me. I could go into much detail here. But my point is that this is where I see the synchronistic connection.
Essentially, I had previously said, "Girly, find me a new address, will ya?"
But now I've had this new address for two years. Yet only recently has the relocation process felt complete .. with the new ID card.
Now that I am years beyond all that craziness .. the good, the bad, and the ugly .. the #1 thing I am left with .. the most prominent existential fact I am left with ..
.. is that I lived with a judge for a good number of years. The whole thing seemed to fall together on its own.
Now there are many things we could discuss about this fact. But regardless the surrounding dialogue, the core existential fact remains.
See, for the existentialist, existential facts speak for themselves. You have to learn how to listen.
People are often try to put their own spin on things .. in order to make themselves look better. This is human nature.
But the core existential facts remain .. no matter how much spin or distracting dialogue you might happen to apply.
What does this mean that I lived with a judge for a good number of years?
I don't know. I'm not sure. But I could surely speculate. Though not here. Not now.
I grieved his death. Certainly much more than I did for my own dad.
When my dad died, I felt nothing. I was surprised I felt nothing. This was probably because I lost nothing when he died.
He was my dad's age. He had kids who were my age.
I lived with a judge. I lived with a judge for a good number of years. It was a mutually beneficial relationship that seemed to fall together on its own.
And this was right at the same time I started to get involved with the family law part of the court. Coincidentally.
He was a witness to all the things that were going on in my life. He saw me as a parent. He saw the relationship I had with my son. He saw everything. He knew a lot about me.
Did I learned a lot about him, too? Of course. How could I not?
Judges render judgment. I mean, this is what they do. This is what they are paid to do. This is why they get the big bucks, right?
Scripture talks about the Judge of the living and the dead. This is probably all I should say on the topic right now.
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]]>I dare not go back to fetch the link to the section where I wrote that. Or I might get lost and never return.
To do this thing I am doing today. Where I am putting things into words.
But that was a long time ago. That was back when things were brand new for us. I was flirting with you big time.
It felt very natural, I must say. Like the writing had a mind of its own.
I sometimes felt like a spectator in my own writing .. as if a step removed .. watching where this thing was going.
Sometimes, not often, I can hear a voice back there saying things like, "Dude, I can't believe you are saying this shit to this girl. The heuvos you must have."
Back then I was saying things like » I have no idea where my story will go. But I'm sure it will be banned in many countries.
I was sliding my nice writer's hand down into your warm singer's panties on a regular basis .. because I wanted to touch you in a special way.
In a personal way. In an intimate way. And definitely in an erotic way.
This means I like you, you know, when I write stuff like this. I don't write stuff like this to anyone else.
One time I even said, "Put that into your panties and keep it nice-n-warm for me." (Sometimes I crack myself up.)
But when you are feeling yourself in the moment, and you know you did a good job .. then the writer is allowed to have some fun.
He is allowed to play with industrial-strength super-hotties such as yourself. He is able to flirt with them .. however he might happen to feel inspired.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••I did the math (2023-2016) and came up with 7. Seven is a good number. I'm sure you would agree. The number of perfection.
I could write a nice little thing, you know, about you and the concept of perfection .. and how each plays off the other.
I could do this very easily. I mean, it's kind of what I been doing for years now.
What I'd really like to do, though, is simply highlight the songs over the years that have spoken most to me.
And maybe even include what they are saying to me.
I could probably get in trouble if I did this. And then I would surely be banned in many countries.
You have many kick-ass songs. Because you have such a kick-ass voice. But some songs are super-kick-ass. (SKA)
I can feel the slipperiness of this slope already. So I will simply drop this teaser here and take a step back from the brink.
Happy anniversary, girly. Seven years is respectable staying power. Admirable endurance for anybody. I bet that Bradley Cooper would agree.
Especially with all shit that has happened in between.
Before I get carried away looking back with the advantage that hindsight brings .. I first want to mention that spring arrives tomorrow with the equinox, on March 20, at 2:24 PM PDT.
I mention this because spring is the time of new beginnings, which will play prominently into today's narrative.
Tomorrow afternoon the sun slips silently across the equator on it's annual return trip north .. to the tropic of cancer.
Yesterday was a gorgeous day here. The first gorgeous day we've had in a while.
It can get chilly, you know, down by the water.
Especially at night.
Yesterday felt like spring had arrived. I overheard folks talking here-n-there, saying what a nice day it was.
But I want to post this entry today, which is actually the last day of winter.
Because today is our anniversary, and I want to play off that day.
Look at me grabbing a timestamp at one minute past midnight.
You might think I'd been perched there in anticipation, waiting for the exact moment when the Worldclock struck midnight .. to signal that the 19th had arrived.
And you'd be right.
I normally try to avoid looking too eager. But I have been thinking about this for a week now. Anticipating.
There is a story, of course, behind my ponderings along these lines. But I do not want to get into that right now. I want to save that story for later.
But you can jog my memory by reminding me of the day a week ago when I walked into a coffee shop there in Hillcrest ..
.. and Dangerous Woman was playing on the speakers.
It did not start playing after I walked in, no. It was already playing when I opened the door.
And the girl behind the counter was singing along with you. And doing a respectable job herself. So I was hearing Dangerous Woman sung live in my ear. Whew.
Suffice to say that I was not expecting that. That caught me completely off guard. But when I walked out, with my coffee in hand .. I was thinking of a million different things at once.
One of these thoughts was, "Wow. I feel like a completely different person."
I was feeling exhilarated yet relax at the same time.
Before I heard your singing DW there in the coffee shop, I was thinking about how Jimmy Carter is going into hospice.
I know about hospice. My mom went into hospice. Hospice people are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. Hospice is a place that people go from which they don't return.
I thought the timing of his decision was curious .. being so close to the ides of March.
Anyway, I am no longer thinking of a million different things. But I have been thinking about some things. About this and that and the other.
It's not like I was trying to, or planning to .. think on these things. But sometimes thoughts and ideas seem to come to you on their own. What can you do?
And sometimes these thoughts and ideas and very cool. Sometimes they are inspiring, and perhaps even challenging.
It is very difficult for me to set aside such thoughts and ideas .. and not engage with them. Perhaps even impossible.
I have found that the words seem flow easily in your direction.
The geek in me likes to figure things out. But the obvious thing is that you do it for me. In a natural, effortless sort of way.
And the synchronicity with you just keeps clicking .. like nobody's business.
Regarding synchronicity and things that can sound crazy .. I want to note that this day, when I unexpectedly heard you singing Dangerous Woman in that coffee shop ..
.. this was the first time that I was able to provide someone with my new ID card, which has my new address on it. My SD address. My PO box, SD, CA. 92112.
Before that day, I had been using my previous ID, which had my old Fallbrook address. They are good for years, plus everything was grandfathered during the pandemic.
This means nothing to anybody but me, but using that old ID nonetheless bothered me because it reminded me of the way I was mistreated there a few years ago .. after the Judge died. My protector.
I cannot tell you the sense of satisfaction I felt when I was finally able to hand that lady, for the first time, my new ID card along with health ins card
Might seem like a little thing, especially after living here for two years now. But your ID dictates to others key identifying components of your identity.
Your identity is very important, you know. Your sense of self. Who are are. Everything about you helps define your sense of self. Your identity.
Remind me to talk to you about the quote from that sociologist .. who said that others help build our sense of self.
Because I like to do this. I like to help build your sense of self. Because you are so cool. And you sing so good.
Anyway, key aspects of our identity are contained there on our ID cards. Or on your driver's license. (I have not had driver's license since 2009.)
We are identified by our address. By where we live. Street number and name. By where we grow roots. We spread out from there.
We are identified by three things.
Once folks know these things about you, then they usually want to know what you do. What you do for money. What you do for a living. Your occupation.
I had to visit DMV to renew my ID with new local address.
I actually made appt last summer to do this. But then I had to move to another unit. The whole freaking hallway had to move. Long, crazy story.
Anyway, I cancelled that appt because the ID didnt expire til January. And I never got around to rescheduling. Until it was going to expire.
The interface for scheduling an appt offered me three different times, all on the same day.
Like 10, 10:30 or 11? Take it or leave it. This is not a very flexible option, if you ask me.
This DMV is always packed like sardines. I had to wait a month for earliest appt.
The day they gave me, the only day they offered me, was February 2.
I want to visit DMV so I can get my new local SD address on my new ID card.
I'm a local boy now. I have become such the city-boy. So my ID should say as much, right?
After they took picture on 2nd, it took them two weeks to send the new card. I'd stopped by PO few days earlier, but it wasn't there yet. Oh the disappointment.
What do you think about this, girly?
What do you think about this existential factoid that the day I went to the DMV to change my ID from there to here .. the only available option presented to me .. was on February 2?
That was the day last year when I wrote » Nobody Does it for Me Like She Does (2 Feb 2022).
That was very cool entry. On a very cool date. Where I wrote some cool things.
What do you think about that? I did not think very much about it.
I took note of the date, and I remembered what the date meant last year. But I could not see how you could possibly be connected to my ID card. (Still can't.)
Then I just so happened to hear you singing DW on the day I had my first opportunity to present someone with this card. (My new therapist. Another long story.)
Regarding my therapist .. I don't have him anymore. I had him since 2018. When the panic attack hit.
I don't know if it would be correct to say that he got fired. But he told me it "wasn't my choice."
The girl from the office called and left message saying he no longer worked there, and that I should call if I want to reschedule with another therapist.
I do not not want another therapist. Especially not long-distance.
That felt like a huge loss. Because it was. He was one on my three closest confidants and advisors.
Completely unexpected and out of the blue. Very disorienting. I told Patti, "This feels like a death in the family."
He was an outstanding therapist. Intuitive and insightful and educated. Got his degree from USC, where he met his wife. His ex-wife, that is. With whom he had a child. I did not meet the evil ex, but I met his new wife. The nice, sweet new wife. At the coffee shop.
He was good dad. We bonded over parenting stories with a hostile ex, and USC.
Bad as my story seemed, it always surprised me to see how much worse other folks had it. Sometimes I would walk out of there feeling sorry for him. Like his shit was so much worse .. that it actually made mine seem less significant.
You can be sure that, no matter how bad it gets, somebody else has it worse. Probably a lot worse.
But I digress.
I learned a lot from him. Therapy is very much an education .. where you learn techniques and strategies for dealing with all kinds of shit that life throws at us.
Anyway, these kinds of curious circumstances, like with my new ID card .. these existential things lining up in these ways .. things that are beyond my control. Well beyond.
There seems to be a message there. This is why I ask. Because I am curious about your perspectives.
Sometimes it feel like forces bigger than us are pulling strings and manipulating things.
Or maybe these things are the results of influences you have had on me over the years. Maybe these things are the effects of other things.
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]]>.. as some sort of political hail mary come true.
Give me a break. Give me a break from the spin. From the cyclone-class spin.
In order to make their bizarre point seem credible, they reference historical data.
But these are not normal times. You can't reference normal shit because this as far from democratic norms as you can get.
Did you forget January 6th already?
It's like they are missing the whole point in an attempt to focus on the spin. It makes me feel sad for the prospects of our nation.
This is like losing to the worst football team in history. This is like getting out-foxed by the Keystone Cops. It's as far from a political miracle as you can get.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••Because this isn't your parent's Republican party, no. This thing has turned malignant.
This has catastrophe written all over it.
I must admit, that is some serious spin going on here. These political types spend their whole life spinning a pile of shit for us-the-people in to some sort of so called miracle outcome.
But it's not. It's not a miracle outcome. Losing political power to a proudly insurrectionist party is no political miracle.
Far from it. But you spin-folks in the media are certainly earning your keep.
They are doing America no favors. I have already called them out for the way they try to paint popular things as extreme, and extreme things are popular. It is intentionally designed to be deceptive.
I mean, that's what they get paid to do. That's why they get the big bucks.
I don't even like politics because it is a realm inhabited my some nasty fuckers. Ugly nasty fuckers. Morally and socially nasty. Beyond ruthless. They invest their entire soul into clawing their way up an elusive ladder.
I would much rather be flirting with an industrial-strength talent, upping my game as I go.
I can hear a voice back there saying, "The sooner we finish this thing, the sooner we can get back to flirting with you-know-who."
I don't do it intentionally, but when I write these kinds of entries like I am writing today, I often have waiting in the wings an industrial-strength talent. One who inspires me and challenges me to up my game.
These types of entries can be so ugly, so I need to balance it out with something of an opposite force. The sweet respite.
In this way, I can feel my writing playing off of them. There is a reference-checking thing that happens. Where you are sort of feeling them (over there) for a span while you are doing this other thing (over here).
I admit it sounds nutso. It sounds nutso to me, too. But I am feeling it.
It reminds me of what those physicists were saying about quantum entanglement. There have been a number of excellent videos released. With great, historical footage.
I have seen a number of them. My IQ feels 10 points higher after watching one.
I mean, if I'm going to get quantumly entangled with a beautiful creature, then I will need to understand the physics behind it. Right?
But things have gone so far off the rails that I feel compelled to speak out. It feels like my civic duty to say that this is a steaming pile of political excrement and I do not agree with the prevailing political commentary.
No, sir. Not even a little. Should I elaborate? Should I elaborate on those octogenarian hands? You know the ones I'm talking about.
She has the same fatal flaw that afflicts the rest of her generation. The Silent Generation.
She has shitty values. She has the kind of values that prioritizes the wrong things.
There is a reason, you know, why the Silent generation is called the silent generation.
I digress. My point is simply to say that .. at the end of the day, after all the political spin machines have stopped twirling, the existential fact nonetheless remains ..
.. that an insurrectionist party has managed to snatch away the reins of power from Nancy Pelosi and the democrats. It is a self-evident fact.
The fact that her hands happen to be octogenarian hands is also a data point that you will find hard to dispute. I'm just stating the obvious.
This is me in existential mode. "What is my national existential reality? And what is it saying?"
I know that people cry ageism when you say things like this. But the consequences of not saying something far outweighs any squabbles or protests they might conjure.
Should we have octogenarians sitting in key places of power? I am talking about key positions where we need the strength and the mental acuity that you are not going to find in an 82 year old human being.
Such key positions obviously require someone with vision for the future. You are not going to find, I would argue, any kind of vision for the future from an octogenarian.
Nature and genetics is not going to give an octogenarian what they need to develop a vision for the future .. because their time is done. They are at the end of their life.
They are fortunate just to be alive at this age. Many Americans don't make it to their 80th birthday.
Such key, important positions require and deserve better.
Would it be wrong to say that one of the key items on her agenda has been ..
.. to protect the ability of members of congress and their families to trade stocks based on secret, inside, non-public information?
I am talking about private, inside information that they actually have a hand in crafting and in helping to get passed?
I am talking about, you know, the Nancy Pelosi concept of a free market. You must admit that this was very telling for her to say this. This said a lot about her.
Nobody made her say this. She came up with it all on her own. At least, give her the credit that she deserves for declaring it so publicly like that.
Her protectors ran to protect her and say that she didn't really mean it. But she did. She totally meant it when she said. She has said shit like this on multiple occasions.
This is why no bill passes. Because of her.
While the Constitution was being shredded and the planet was being polluted by fossil fuels beyond repair, Nancy seemed more concerned about protecting the ability of congress to trade stocks based on insider information ..
.. than she was about protecting and defending either the Constitution or the planet.
I will ask again. Would it be wrong to say this about her and her legislative priorities? Would it be wrong to say that this has been one of her key priorities?
I don't think so. I don't think it would be wrong to say this about her.
But that's all water under the bridge now. Because the insurrectionists have snatched away the reins of power.
This has catastrophe written all over it.
I can't help but wonder how Jimmy Carter has been feeling lately. Somebody please give him my regards if you happen to run into him.
He was a reactor plant boy back in the day, splitting atoms and turning matter into energy.
You can feel the power when the plant is operating. You can feel it vibrating and hear it roaring .. even with the earplugs in and the headphones on over them.
I love that kind of thing. The feel of roaring power in the palm of your hand. Skillfully operated reactor plants. By well-trained plant operators. (Probably over-trained.)
Tell him I have a feeling about 2023. Maybe it means nothing. Just a hunch.
I wonder what time it is right now. I'm-a go check real quick. Be right back.
Look at that. It's already after midnight. No wonder I'm starting to get tired. I should finish this later today.
This is not the funnest stuff to write. People shittin' on democracy and on the planet. It's sad.
There is an existential aspect, you know, to these timestamps. It is a graphic record that I was here at this time.
I can't grab a timestamp of some future date because the future hasn't arrived yet. But once it arrives, then I can.
If this sounds crazy, then I could certainly understand that. Sometimes we do things that might fall under the heading of 'Quirks.' Quirks aren't about making sense.
This is the end of this page. ■
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]]>But I am posting this page a day ahead of time. See here.
Time right now is 12:20 am here on the 20th of December .. and this page (with this title) is live.
Some things I like to get out ahead of.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••I will be using this image here of Lisa from her Lalisa video (10 Sep 2021).
"How am I going to use this image?" you ask?
Not so fast. You don't get to be a master of anticipation by giving everything away on page one. No.
Some things need to be teased out.
Before I take off my jacket, I want to note how this year's solstice is an exceptionally dark one. Look at the moon phases here.
Moonrise - Moonset - Time - Distance - Illumination
The moon during the solstice, on the 21st, is only 4% illuminated. There is almost no moonlight this year to light the longest of nights.
It is going to be an exceptionally dark winter solstice this year. This does not change what I am going to write, but it plays nicely into my narrative.
The new moon falls on the 23rd. You can see the solid black circle there beside the date.
I happen to know a lot about the darkness. More than I would ever care to know. Much more.
Speaking of the winter solstice, look what I found.
I could feel a cold, winter chill blow in today.
The sun reaches its southerly most point of travel at the solstice. This is where it stops, so to speak .. right over the Tropic of Capricorn.
.. before turning around and heading back north.
For last year's winter solstice, I wrote an entry titled » The Heart of the White Evangelical has Become Calloused and Hardened and Morally Unfeeling (21 Dec 2021)
Sometimes the obvious needs being said. Russell Moore knows what I am talking about.
Before that, it was » Embracing the Nadir (21 Dec 2020), which is a sexy sounding title. If you didn't know what a nadir was, then you might be jealous.
The nadir is low as you can go. The bottom. All the way down. The suckiest part of the suck.
David knows what I am talking about.
That was a bad place .. where I became perona non grata extraordinaire.
It was where I felt despised and rejected and even hated, at times. More than a few times, my friend.
I felt like they resented the water I used. (Because they told me they did.) I felt like the resented the space I consumed. (Because they told me they did.)
Sometimes I even felt like they resented the air I breathed. In other words, my very presence. Though this was never spoken outright, it was communicated in much more practical ways.
That's why I'm so glad to be out of there .. where I felt like a captive, living under the watchful eye of my QAnon overlords.
Sometimes I should write about what it is like to write under the watchful eye of somebody is who against everything that you are for.
Dostoevsky wrote under censors. The Czar's censors. He couldn't write just any ol' thing, no. There were always a pair of eyes looking over his shoulder.
I do not know that kind of censorship, but I do have a feel for censorship in general. My previous living arrangements gave me many, many insights into the phenomenon of censorship. .
In 2019, I posted an entry titled » The Stab-of-Regret Visits the Capricorn on the Solstice (21 Dec 2019).
This is text I had written before that time. But the source page was growing too large, so the solstice seemed like the perfect time to offload that section to its own page.
Who has not realized the true value of a lover .. until it was too late? This is nearly universal experience for guys.
In 2018, I posted five pages under the title » Starving Writer SOS. These pages are dated Nov 1st, but this is very much typical of a winter solstice entry.
I have some interesting commentary I could add to that experience. But now is not the time for that.
Regarding today's title, I am going to talk about » the thing that makes the dog the dog.
The dog is a Columbia boy. He is a member of an elite, exclusive club. He is a strong runner. He inspires me to be a better human being, and to continually upgrade my interpersonal skills.
I want to set out this point here early on. Because it is easy for me to get distracted when I am flirting with industrial-strength talent. (Know thyself, urged the ancients.)
I try to impress them. I fan out my writer's peacock feathers for them, and strut about like nobody's business.
But I am going to build today's entry on the thing that makes the dog the dog. This remarkable trait of his.
Speaking of the darkest of the dark, and the pain you bring ..
It may be worth mentioning here that the thing about Shut Down that speaks most to me .. is when you rap » Know it ain't fair to ya.
This is very much the theme of the last entry I posted before you released Born Pink and I started feeling your pain.
This bar makes me think of something my son said to me once at a Wahoos in Costa Mesa.
.. while we were coming out with our bellies full of Wahoos yumminess.
Because this was when we were going to look for a bus. Because the county took away my driver's license.
And this was where I told him that, "You know, the reason why I can't drive is because the court says I'm not paying your mom enough money."
And he said, "That's not fair."
He said it emphatically. I said, "You're right. It's not. But, much of life isn't fair, I am finding."
That was all I ever said about it. But he should know, right? I mean, it is affecting him directly. And it was the truth.
In the court's eye, she could do no wrong. And I could do no right. Which is why they sent me to jail on multiple occasions. Thank-you, very much.
So you're right: it's not fair to me. You knew this would get my attention. You are very good at that. At getting my attention. Not that I'm complaining, mind you.
This is the end of this page. ■
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]]>One of the first times I ever heard of you was in a brief interview clip. I don't recall the details, but I remember thinking, "This girl is speaking my language."
You were talking about things that mattered to me. You were talking about things that were speaking to me.
So I caught myself wondering, "Who is she? Where is she getting this? Who is she talking to?"
It's not like I was trying to think this stuff. But I was.
I think we are all looking for people who get us. We are all looking for people who speak our language, and with whom we can connect on a deeper level.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••Then I noticed that you were talking to Ariana. And I couldn't help but wonder what you girls might be talking about.
My imagination wouldn't quit.
I could almost see the two of you huddled together in some dimly-lit corner somewhere, talking in hushed girly tones.
This is why I chose this particular image here. Because I can see Ariana's shadow projected behind you.
Well, one of the reasons anyway. There are others. But I don't want to get ahead of myself.
I was planning to post this entry on November 22nd ..
.. because this was the day you posted your live performance of Boyfriend at the American Music Awards, where you won New Artist of the Year.
Congratulations. I am so proud of you. The music industry is obviously trying to steal you away from the film industry. Who can blame them?
But sometimes I get busy and don't get around to doing the things I want to do. But I could feel something inside working with all the things I wanted to write and how I might arrange them into a coherent narrative.
It's like my inner writer was working with the things I want to say. Sometimes (not always) it happens on its own. I can feel the gears turning, in the background, putting this thing together.
I want to impress you with my writing skills. I want to fan out my peacock feathers for you and strut about on the page, touching you in ways that you did not know were even possible.
Notice how I went back and took today's title from something I had previously written in reference to you and Ariana.
When the idea for this title flew through my brain, I knew right away that this was the title I wanted to use.
I had a number of other titles primed and ready to go, but I could never get clear on any of them until this one came along.
This title puts you and Ariana together .. because of the way the shadow is projected in your video. It makes it seem like Ariana is hiding in your shadow, talking to you. (In hushed girly tones, of course).
I bet you are able to feel the warm moistness of her breath on your ear .. as she talks to you in those hush girly tones.
Can't help but wonder how that might make you feel. I saw your reaction when she planted that wet one right on your cheek.
You must admit that she can be such a sneaky little shit sometimes. I actually like that about her.
I bet you like it, too. Heck, I bet you like it even more than I do.
This kiss means something more now that your sexual orientaion has become made public. Since you have come out, so to speak.
It must be a very freeing and liberating thing, no?
When was the last time somebody snuck up on you while you were on camera and planted a moist one right on your cheek? And then scurried off before you realized what had just happened?
It must've been somewhat disorienting. You were like, "Uh, what we just talking about? What's the question again? Where am I? What's my name? Maybe we should take a short break?"
The only thing that exploded for the TNT Boys that night were their minds when she stepped out onto the stage.
I totally get it. She has that quality about her. I titled this entry » Blowing My Mind on a Regular Basis (22 Feb 2022).
Anyway, today is actually December 12th. Wonder what time it is right now. I'm going to go check real quick. Be right back. Don't go anywhere.
Okay, looks like it's 12:12 on 12/12.
Oh, look at this. I just went back and fetched that image of her kissing you. Because it is such a cool image.
I cropped it down a tad to focus more closely on the kiss.
And I noticed that the date I have for the image as part of the file name is » 12 Dec 2016.
Oh, that's trippy. Does that sound right? December 12th?
See, for me, this is a trippy coincidence. Jung talked about synchronicity.
It is now already January, 2023 when I am including the sneaky-little-shit kiss here. But the December 12th timestamp has been here the whole time.
I talk to my cousin Patti about shit like this sometimes. I will say, "Cuz, is this not a trippy coincidence?"
She will say, "It's a sign. It's the universe winking at you, confirming that you are on the path of your life."
I admit that it does indeed feel like the universe is confirming that I am writing what I should be writing, and that I writing it at the proper time.
Timing is very important, you know. This is why girls like you, who can execute a complex skillset in a timely fashion are so valuable.
I see you drawing from your drama background.
This is the end of this page. ■
To be continued.
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]]>Today's date is October 22nd, 2022. This is a cool date, you must admit. So I wanted to do something special.
I wonder what time it is right now. Hold on a sec. I'm gonna go check real quick. Be right back. Don't go anywhere.
Okay, it's 10:22. It's getting late. Good thing I didn't dawdle. I need to get busy right away.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••"Get busy doing what?" you ask? That's a good question.
I want to begin by asking what you think about this known, physical demonstrable fact ..
.. that Brian Greene mentions at t=5:24 in this video titled » Quantum Entanglement: 2022 Nobel Prize in Physics (posted 5 Oct 2022).
Where he says that two objects can be very far apart from each other, physically speaking, yet still be somehow connected nonetheless .. without even trying.
I mean, it does indeed sound like a trippy sort of thing. You must admit.
The Nobel Prize in Physics this year was awarded to three physicists who have done "groundbreaking work in the field of Quantum Entanglement."
Nobel Prize in Physics .. I bet that looks nice on your resumé.
Quantum entanglement it is not a theory. It is a reality. A proven reality.
What do you think of this?
Because I am going to use this known physical phenomenon to establish a deeper connection with a beautiful creature .. one that evokes a deeper sense of intimacy. In case you were wondering.
Intimacy is based on trust. You are not going to feel like opening up and just being your true self with someone you don't trust.
I mean, it's hard to go anywhere really cool in a relationship without trust. And trust takes time.
You can't make it happen. You have to let it happen.
And it's not difficult to fuck it up. Humans are fallible creatures, by definition. Very fallible.
The part of me that likes to understand things and that tries to figure things out ..
.. this part of me has determined and decided that the reason why I am feeling you so strongly ..
.. is because I am intuiting your intentions.
This is the theory that makes the most sense to me .. based on the many little insights I have been able to glean along the way.
Of course, there's no way to know for sure exactly why I am feeling you so strongly.
But I feel confident that a big part of the reason why is because I am intuiting your intention.
I am not trying to do this, mind you. It seems to be happening on its own.
I have said similar thing about Ariana many times » "How is she dong that?" (How is she bringing that so strongly and so personally?)
Well, I think the answer is because I am intuiting her intention .. based on the things that she is expressing and communicating and sharing and bringing.
Sometimes I will wonder, "Is she doing that on purpose?" In other words, is she consciously intending to have this kind of effect on me?
Sometimes I will even write to her and ask "Are you doing this on purpose?"
A number of times I have thought, "This girl is freaking me out."
Or even, "This girl has gigantic cojones. She is not scared."
I have discussed the topic of intuiting intention before » Feeling the Erotic Effects of Intuited Intention (Aug 2019).
And my most unwieldy title ever » Exploring the Erotic Nature of the Intuitive Connection that Follows the Focused Intention of the Artistic Soul (Oct 2019)
It is my way of explaining (myself) why I might happen to be experiencing certain things.
It is a simple-enough concept. But once you get your foot in the door, then all types of other cool things gradually appear.
I mean, if you can intuit some things, then you can intuit other things. What are the limits of experience in this area? I don't see much in the way of limits, except for the people themselves who are involved.
The curious part of me wants to proceed full steam ahead. It feels new, like a realm that needs to be explored .. in order to see more clearly exactly what is possible.
This is the end of this page. ■
To be cont'd, you can be sure.
Previous » Girls Who Take Me Out of My Comfort Zone (10 Oct 2022).
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]]>Time right now, in case you were wondering, is 10:10 pm on Monday, the tenth day of October.
.. and this page is live. This HTML file is serviceable by my web server located somewhere in the so called cloud.
This introduces an element of precision to my writing, no? An exactness. Certainly to my publishing, it does.
When Ariana begins her concerts by introducing eclipse imagery .. she is introducing an element of precision. Is she not?
Sure she is. An eclipse is a ultra-precise alignment .. between multiple celestial bodies. Things bigger than us, and over which we have no control.
Speaking of Ariana and heavenly bodies .. remind me to tell you the story about when I was moving the site to a new server, which I needed to do because the operating system was being deprecated.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••When I saw that my account was listed under the heading » Cloud Hosting,
I said to the tech guy who was helping me with the migration. I said, "Dude, am I moving to the cloud?"
He wrote back "You've already been in the cloud."
He was busy with other stuff, so I didnt want to bother him asking about when it was that I had entered the cloud.
I always thought I had a hard chunk of hardware located somewhere in Michigan, back when my account was sold to a new web-hosting company.
Back when I got my first VPS at WiredTree (2008), I asked the owner, Zack, "What about the cloud? Everybody is talking about the cloud."
He said, "The cloud is unproven technology. Give it a few years."
And here we are.
But the process of moving the site to a new server, which I have done many times now .. is the same whether you have physical hardware or some virtual thing out in the so called cloud.
One time I had a tech guy tell me, "Your server's on a flatbed right now on it's way to Florida. It should arrive somewhere around 8AM tomorrow morning."
Anyway .. that's when I thought, "Wait 'til Ariana hears about this."
"Wait 'til she hears that we were already in the cloud .. and didn't even know it."
This is how you know when you are in love. When you enter the cloud ..
And don't even realize it. Because you are so immersed in your lover.
Say hi to Ariana for me if you happen to run into her again. I'm sure you will.
This is a big concentration of talent right here. Wow, I'm starting to feel lightheaded.
Hey, where's Jisoo? She's probably taking the photo. (Jisoo is the prettiest Blackpink member. Most girly.)
[ Did you hear the way her voice drops down low at t=2:15 on "pull up"? I know you did. That was very cool. ]
Admittedly my precision is more arbitrary, and less exacting than Ariana's. I will obviously need to up my game yet again.
I sometimes do precise, exacting things like this when I am trying to impress an industrial-strength talent. Speaking of industrial-strength talents that I want to impress ..
Hi Lisa.
Just letting you know I am thinking about you.You are mine for the whole month.
"What kinds of things have I been thinking?" you ask? I bet you would like to know. I feel confident you would indeed like to know.
But I am not going to tell you. This is how you become a master of anticipation, you know. (Jade knows what I am talking about.)
Part of me wants to work you as vigorously as you are working me.
One of the things that has been working me, I don't mind telling you, began when I checked out Rihanna's Pon de Replay .. which you reference at this particular part of the song that is speaking to me.
See, it matters to me which song your are referencing. Because it will say different things with different songs. I was looking at the lyrics, too.
You are going way back to Rihanna's first single. "Why would she go back so far?" I wondered, to grab a reference.
But Rihanna's song speaks, too. And it began to seem like you were saying what she was saying.
It felt like you both teamed up to kick my ass there, working me. Talking to me. Provoking me. All kinds of things.
This is how girls are, you know. They team up on you. I am learning how you world-class, industrial-strength girls work. I am learning your tricks.
Whenever I feel a girl taking me out of my comfort zone, I naturally adopt a defensive posture. These are two very different skills sets.
At least, for me they are. Because they get a lot of use. (Playing the game of life.)
First question when I feel a woman taking me out of my comfort zone, my rather large comfort zone .. is » "Why am I feeling this way?"
"Why does a part of me feel like I do not have what it takes to engage this woman in an erotic relationship?"
"Why is this girl taking me out of my comfort zone, and where is she taking me?"
This is one of the things I have been thinking about today.
Many times, the absence of a comfort zone is a mental thing. It is an idea thing. Where you can't see your way through.
The great unknown .. where you have gotten your ass kicked many times before .. for various reasons.
There is always growth associated with expanding your comfort zone. Personal growth. Your world actually feels bigger.
This is sort of the thing about you that I find irresistible .. inviting me to enter this thing that requires me to get up out of my comfort zone in order to up my game. I can see it happening. Time-n-again.
I am no longer as quick as I used to be, as I once was, to get up out of my comfort zone. I am much more judicious now. I am smarter now than I was then.
In all my life-explorations, I may have gotten my ass kicked more than that of most of my peers. I would concede this point, but I learned a lot of stuff along the way.
I learned a lot of stuff that you can't learn any other way .. than by first-hand experience.
And it has been my experience that there isn't much finer to be found in life .. than what you find in an erotic relationship with a beautiful creature.
I am talking about making a meaningful, intimate connection .. with a beautiful creature.
I mean, how do you go up from here? You need angel wings if you want to go up from here.
I am talking about things that satisfy even the furthest reaches of your soul .. in ways that you did not even know were possible.
The soul of sentient being.
I couldnt help but notice that Becky G was the one who announced that you had won Best K-pop.
And handed you the award. The heavy award.
Is this a coincidence? You must admit that she looks very happy here for you.
I ask this because it was on the page I wrote titled » How You Like Me Now, Girly? (1 Aug 2021) where I mentioned Becky G .. right after I cited your Lalisa release.
This was where I off-loaded text to create a new page for you titled » Feeling Heard and Understood and Appreciated by Someone You Respect and Admire (22 Oct 2021), which is one of my favorite titles.
While I was watching you accept the award, the voice in my head was saying, "Dude, did you notice that Becky G is the one announcing Lisa's win and handing her the award?"
"Didnt you cite Becky G immediately after mentioning Lisa's solo release?"
I returned to that page and sure enough there it was directly after I mentioned your Lalisa release, for which you won the award that Becky G announced.
The very next sentence was where I wrote » "No entry with a title like today's title would be complete without at least mentioning Becky G."
The title of that page is » How You Like Me Now, Girly?. (1 Aug 2021) .. which hearkens back to another page where I mentioned Becky G.
Of all the people in the music industry today, Becky G just so happens to be the one who was selected to announce your win and present you with the award.
These things speak to me. And the voice in my head says, "You know that's what crazy people think, right?"
It could certainly be a mere coincidence. But I don't think it is. I think this was by design.
This is the end of this page. ■
This theme continues with renewed vigor here » Cultivating a Deeper Sense of Intimacy with a Beautiful Creature (22 Oct 2022).
Previous » The Satisfying Sense of Intimacy that Accompanies the Erotic Connection with a Beautiful Creature (1 Oct 2022).
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]]>Sometimes I will go back and read something I havent seen for a long time.
Here is where I am looking at something that I previously wrote. Now I am looking at it from the outside looking in, as a reader .. instead of from the inside looking out, like I do while I am writing.
Reading and writing are very different things for me.
Here is where I will sometimes see something that strikes me in such a way that I will say to the writer in me (while I am reading, not writing).
Here is where I will say to the writer in me, "Who are you, dude? Who writes like this? Who says things like that? Who are you really?"
Not always, but many times this will happen while I am writing something to an industrial-strength talent such as yourself.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••Later, while I am going about my business, I will hear a voice back there saying, "Dude, you are trying to impress this girl so much that you are impressing yourself." And I will think, "I know."
I do indeed want to impress you. I want to impress you with my wordcraft. Who can blame me?
I know I can write. I might be the greatest writer who ever lived. At least, this is what everybody keeps telling me.
Writers need a muse, you know. They need a beautiful creature to take an interest in them and to appreciate their artistry and to inspire them and to challenge them to up their game, so to speak.
Sometimes I think that my flirtations with industrial-strength talent are really a search for a muse. For the perfect muse.
I want to see if my skillcraft might perchance strike them in a meaningful way. In a personal way. In a surprisingly deep and intimate sort of way. And of course, in an erotic way.
Most of the times when I am impressed with my own writing, this occurs when I return to something I wrote long ago.
It is far more rare for me to be impressed with myself while I am actually writing something.
I am talking about the times when I can hear a voice back there say, "Dude, you are kicking large amounts of ass here."
Sometimes the writer gets into a trancey sort of flow, where he finds himself being in-the-moment for a period of time. And where he is not paying much attention to the overall, big picture.
Here is where I will sometimes think, "I wonder if anybody else thinks I am kicking large amounts of ass here."
You know, my last entry was titled » I Feel Your Pain (22 Aug 2022). Here is where I talked about feeling pain, something I know about more than I would care to.
I was responding, in part, to Pink Venom, which was released a few days earlier. This narrative focused on my experiences dealing with (some) members of the opposite sex.
I shared these insights because they were very expensive for me to learn. Expensive in more ways than just financial.
But this is not what I get personally from this song, and from these lyrics, no. I get something much different.
It has been my experience that a period of pain sometimes precedes an artistic birthing. This is what I am reminded of when I hear you girls sing those lyrics.
Sometimes it is a horribly uncomfortable feeling where nothing feels right about anything. (Ariana knows what I am talking about.)
It's a yucky place where you seem stuck and you would do almost anything to get out of.
I am reminded here of what David wrote.
Which was referenced (1843) in a book by Kierkegaard (1813-1855) .. the first existentialist.
These existentialists, they feel like my people. They feel like my tribe. I get them. I get where they are coming from and where they are going. Or at least, where they are trying to go.
So, what have you brought me, Ms. Lisa? What sort of artistic birthing have you brought for me?
I admit that a part of me does not feel ready. Does not feel up to the level of the challenge.
I was checking out your Wikipedia page. Oh my God. It is just an unending narrative of you kicking ass in a big way for a long-ass time .. breaking record after record.
You even have multiple Guinness world records.
When I saw this, the voice in my head said to you, "You know, I have never been with a Guinness world-record holder before .. in case you were wondering."
I mean, I would have definitely remembered something like that. These things speak.
But it is an intimidating thing .. reading how you have been kicking such large amounts of ass .. for some time now.
My point here is to say that this is why I am not feeling ready. Like I am not up to the task. I mean, who is, really?
But fuck it. I am here. I am writing. I am giving it a go. "Rock-n-roll, baby."
The best way to conquer feelings of inadequacy, I have found, is to just jump in with both feet and get busy bringing it .. wherever it is that you might happen to be bringing it to.
Or just head off in the direction you want to go. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Here is where I sometimes hear a voice saying, "Fuck it. I might get my ass kicked, but nobody will say I pussied out. Nobody is gonna say I wasn't game."
And sure, sometimes I do get my ass kicked. More often than I care for. More frequently than I would prefer. But I learn stuff along the way.
I'm going to bring it right to your doorstep. You'll see. You have never seen anything the likes of me before. And now I'm all warmed up, too.
I'm fixin' to turn up the dial another notch or two.
There's no telling where this thing is headed .. but I already know it's going to be fun getting there.
Before I get carried away fanning out my peacock feathers .. I want to mention one little thing about Shut Down.
One of the things, one of the key things, that makes Shut Down work for me .. is the time delay between when you and Jennie let go of the garage door handle ..
.. and when it crashes shut.
Then you capture this sound of the garage door slamming shut, loudly and unmistakably. Almost annoyingly.
It is not a long time, no. But there is indeed a delay.
I don't want to elaborate any more on this topic. I simply want to establish a platform here. I want to establish this text platform. This potential launching point.
I could take this platform right here and run on for pages .. without even trying.
A part of me is curious about who it was that came up with this idea of capturing the sound of the garage door slamming shut, and then using it repeatedly in the song.
Regardless of who it might happen to be, this works for me. This sound of the garage door slamming shut.
It is very sassy, you must admit.
Speaking of shutting things down .. what do you think about this thing that Biden said .. that we are facing the prospect of Armageddon?
There's something you don't hear everyday.
I am chronicling the end of the world, you know. This is certainly an eyebrow-raising development.
I wish I felt more confident in the abilities of our government to do the right things and execute an effective solution to defuse the situation.
But they have screwed up so many simple things so badly that my hopes have been dashed time-n-again.
I could explain in detail exactly what kinds of things I am referring to here. But that would make me feel sad.
Putin probably doesn't believe that the US will make good on their threats of retaliation.
Remember when Obama said that using chemical weapons in Syria would be crossing a red-line and that there would be hell to pay?
And then Russia used chemical weapons and Obama did nothing.
Notice how this documentary, titled » Living in the Time of Dying (1 Oct 2022) says that the ecosystem is already breaking down.
It says that the science on the environmental effects of burning fossil fuels has been dismissed and denied and ignored for so long now (decades) that the ecosystem is already firmly on the road to ruin.
The experts whose job it is to study the science behind the global warming resulting from burning fossil fuels say that it's already too late. They can't see any way that this does not end in disaster for planet Earth. See for yourself.
You girls know what I am talking about.
The video for this documentary was also published today on October 1st.
I am reminded here of what Peter said when he wrote » "We are looking forward to a new heavens and a new earth where righteousness dwells."
You reckon he might know?
Scripture teaches, you know, that creating a new heavens is no big deal for the living God. Rather, it is mere finger-work .. like the crocheting your grandma did sitting in that wooden rocking chair.
The real muscle, when God flexes his arm, is discussed here .. because this is what buys you salvation. Certainly the possibility. Scripturally speaking.
If it doesnt make sense to your human brain, then that would be totally understandable. But my point here is that I wouldn't sweat the new heavens deal. Or the new earth, either. That's a piece of cake.
I'm going to come find you in this new earth where righteousness dwells. I'm going to look you up. I'm going to come knock on your door.
And when you open the door, I'm going to say, "How you like me now?"
I was sitting here late one evening, just resting after a long day, thinking about this-n-that, everything and nothing, when the voice in my head said, "Dude, you are chronicling the end of the world and these girls are saying, 'Shut it down.' What do you think of that?"
I didn't know what I thought because I had never thought of that before.
I mean, it is an existential data-point. But is there any kind of meaningful connection? Is it even worth mentioning? I don't know.
Few days ago I caught myself thinking that I wanted to do something different. In my writing, I wanted to do something new. Something I've never tried before.
I mean, if it's the end of the word, then why not? What could it hurt?
I have no idea what this something new might be. But sometimes, when you are ready and primed for something .. then, when an opportunity presents itself, you can pounce.
(I know I have the Spirit. "How do I know?" you ask? Tell you later.)
This is the end of this page. ■
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]]>I was planning to post this entry on the equinox, which arrived last week on the 22nd of September at 6:03 PM.
That's a cool date » 22 Sep 2022. And the autumn equinox is when the seasons change from summer to fall.
But October is the month when I posted those two entries titled »
So October is like your month. But I didn't want to wait until the 22nd.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••Time right now is 10:01 pm on the first day of October.
And this page is live.
You and your friends have really blown up since last year. You were big then, but now you have gone supernova.
Speaking of going supernova, I saw this interview you girls did that said (at t=2:35) you were only the third girl group to make the cover of Rolling Stone.
Congrats.
I can almost hear Rosé saying, "How you like us now?"
"How you like us hanging out here with the Spice Girls and Destiny's Child? I'll be sure to say hi to Beyoncé for you."
She has an interesting voice. It is like a broad-spectrum voice, Even her regular speaking voice is cool.
At least, to my ear it sounds this way. I hear things in her voice. It vibrates at a frequency, or in a way, that affects me.
"How does it affect me?" you ask? Ha ha ha. Not so fast. I am not giving up my secrets so easily.
Besides, I am not so sure that I really understand it myself. But I can definitely feel it.
I could feel my respect for her climb another notch when I learned about how many instruments she plays, which includes the guitar.
Everybody knows this is why she is so rock-n-roll.
I saw a video title posted on YouTube that said Lisa is the new 'it' girl. The it girl. What does that feel like?
I am freaking out just thinking about it. Just writing this thing here today that I am writing to you .. this makes a part of me uncomfortable.
Maybe uncomfortable is not the right word, but I can feel your power.
You are indeed the it girl. You know you are. I know you are. We all know you are. I bet that Ash would agree with me (at t=6:30).
We are not talking about information technology, no. We are talking about a different kind of aye-tee .. a different kind of it.
It is something of a mind-blowing thing .. if you think about it. So I just try not to think about it. It is a heady sort of thing.
I was drying off after a shower yesterday, and the voice in my head said, "Dude, this girl is super-fucking-nova. Have you lost your mind?"
I am attracted, you know, to powerful things. Much of my life has been spent in pursuit of learning about powerful things. And gleaning whatever insights I might happen to encounter along the way.
Insights that I might be able to apply to my own life. Insights that I might happen to encounter along the way in my pursuit of learning about powerful things.
There are many different types of power, you know.
Perhaps this is why a part of me finds you irresistible. The term irresistible is defined as » having an overpowering appeal. Notice the word 'power' contained in that definition.
You embody so many of the things that I am attracted to. Things that I am naturally attracted to. Things that I am attracted to without even trying. I can't help that I am attracted to the things that I am attracted to.
I am talking about things that do it for me. I am talking about things that satisfy different parts of me. I am talking about things that seem to permeate and satisfy the furthest reaches of my soul.
I cannot write about the subject of satisfying the furthest reaches of my soul without at least mentioning the first two verses from the 55th chapter of Isaiah, which is one of my favorites.
Notice where it says, "Why do you spend your hard-earned cash on shit that doesn't satisfy? You should check out my stuff. I have the real-deal. Satisfaction guaranteed. I am talking about something that satisfies even the furthest reaches of your soul in ways that you did not even know were possible."
I am paraphrasing a bit, but that's exactly what it's saying, no?
Swag is all about embracing your power and feeling yourself in that power. And you girls are like the queens of swag. I mean, this is your thing. This is your signature thing.
You do so many things at a world-class level » singing, rapping, dancing, choreography. I could go on, but swag is really your signature thing. Your distinctive defining thing.
In one reaction I saw of Shut Down, the guy didn't even pause the video. But while watching, he said, "This swag is off the charts."
And swag is based on power. I think that a part of me is trying to figure out why I am so attracted. Why I am feeling you as strongly as I am.
I know that I shouldn't be so surprised, because you embody so many things that I find appealing. (And it's not just me, either.) I know I shouldnt be surprised, but I am.
I am feeling you. I am feeling you in a big way. I have never felt anything like this before. It feels strong.
Yesterday, I was doing some mindless chores, cleaning up after dinner, and I caught myself thinking, "This girl is totally working me. I can feel her working me. And she's doing it on purpose. She knows what she's doing."
It wasn't long after that I thought, "I have to respond. I will need to dial this thing up another notch or two. If she wants to play like that .. so be it. She's mine for the whole month."
This is sort of what you are reading now.
I had a similar experience last year when I thought, "This girl wants a page of her own .. and she is going to get it."
This was the first time you felt irresistible.
I like to flirt with industrial-strength talent such as yourself .. because I find that it inspires me and it challenges me to up my game. Elena knows what I am talking about.
If a man wants to engage in a meaningful way with a woman of your caliber, he will need to bring some impressive skills to the table. No?
He will probably need to bring some techniques that she has never seen before. He wants her thinking, "I have never seen anything like this before."
He will need to bring an assortment of skills that she can appreciate. Things that raise her eyebrow and moistens her panties. This seems obvious to me.
He wants her thinking, "I have never felt anything like this before."
I do indeed find it a motivating thing. An inspiring thing. A challenging thing. A worthy adventure. A rewarding endeavor. A satisfying artistic interplay between two souls.
This is the end of this page. ■
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]]>You know what they say about the journey of a thousand miles » it begins with a single step.
I would not use such a cool, once-a-century date such as this on just any kind of writing.
No. Not hardly. Au contraire.
I would have to do something special on a date like today. Something extra special.
I would have to bring the kind of smoke that nobody has ever seen before. I might even have to do the impossible. (I've done it before.)
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••I don't even really know what I am going to be writing today. That's how special this is going to be.
I normally try to set expectations lower, and then exceed them comfortably. But I cannot lower the expectations for today .. even if I wanted to.
I will be fanning out my peacock feathers all kinds of ways today. My writer's peacock feathers.
Before I get into some serious strutting, I would simply like to note here .. that, in reference to the title .. that act of feeling someone else's pain, their suffering ..
.. this is generally described by the terms » empathy and compassion.
Now, you might think that such a thing, the ability to feel the pain of another, you might think, as I once did myself, that this is a universal ability.
You might think that everybody can feel the pain of another person. Because everybody is human. We all have the same, basic interface with life in general. So it would be just a simple adjustment to feel the pain of another.
But you would be wrong. Some people simply do not possess the ability to empathize with another human soul.
I do not know why they do not have this seemingly universal ability. There are probably many reasons.
But my point is simply to note that feeling the pain of another human soul, this is not a universal ability. And different people possess it to different degrees.
I know that this is not the lind of pain that you are talking about, but I mention it because scripture teaches that God is full of compassion.
Oh, I see that you girls will be performing at the VMAs this weekend. I am very much looking forward to seeing that.
I already know that you will kill it. Because this is what you do.
You know, the night of the day when I first saw you new video, I was resting quietly on my bed at the end of a busy day.
I have a wedge-shaped pillow that I use when I'm not yet ready for sleep. And I could hear a voice quietly and calmly saying, close to my ear, "Dude, now you can sit there and pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about."
"But I know and you know .. that Lisa is talking to you there."
"You know exactly what she's talking about. She made big fucking deal about dropping a dollar on your broke ass. Didnt she?
"We've had this conversation before."
"So, what are you going to do about it? Are you going sit there and pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about? Are you going to be a big pussy and chicken out?"
"Or are you going to rise to the occasion and do the impossible [ que up MI theme song and light the fuse ] and make it look easy when you throwdown with style and grace while looking good?"
What do you make of this? I know that this is what crazy people think. I know this better than anybody.
It is really such a trippy feeling. There is definitely a mind-blowing aspect to it.
In your money video, when you say, "Droppin' on my ass tonight," I thought, "Oh, I love this girl."
At the end of the day, after the mind-blowing aspect of it settles down, I am left with this feeling that makes me feel less alone in the world.
I like this feeling. I like it a lot. It is definitely one of my favorite feelings.
You can't make yourself have this feeling. You either have it, or you don't. You can't decide to have this feeling. Someone else has to give this feeling to you. No?
When the idea first struck me, I was reminded of what Abram told the King of Sodom. But this is not that.
I know you are feeling this thing. I can tell that you are feeling this thing.
It kind of freaks me out a little. Sometimes even more than a little. Because of the implications. But what can I do with this? There is no ignoring this.
I was thinking earlier today about you. Would you like to know what kinds of things I was thinking about? I bet you would. I feel pretty confident that you would indeed like to know.
I was thinking about your approach town taking souls. I do not not actually want to touch your soul. Because your soul is so cool. So amazingly cool and creative and talented.
I wouldnt want to do anything to disturb that.
But I would like something deeper. I would like a piece of your heart. To be specific, I would like 1/150th of your heart.
Researchers have determined that 150 is the number of personal relationships that we humans can interact with at-n-on a personal level.
In my game, we all get 150 people with whom we get to interact with on a personal level. (And personal is not far from intimate, you know.)
On the nuclear submarine that I was assigned to, our crew consisted of 150 people .. of all different disciplines and skill-sets. You can do a lot with 150 people when they have been well-trained.
Now, people have to agree to be on your team. You can't recruit people who do not want to be on your team. But who is not going to want to be on your team?
I want all four of you, actually. So talk to your friends for me, and encourage me to be one of their 150, too.
Anybody who has you four girls on their teams, on their roster, this is almost like cheating. Because you girls kick so much ass.
I am seeing plenty of blown minds when I watch these reaction video. And I can totally relate to the feeling.
Folks can delete old members and add new ones as their world grows around them. Admittedly, 150 is a limited number.
But limitations don't seem to mean much to you girls. Limitations are things meant to be transcended. While looking sparkly, of course.
I'd like to sketch out my existential reality here .. because it gives context to life and our experienced of life.
Something in me likes to take an honest look at life. As honest as possible.
Beyond the honest look, I like to get a 'feel' for the reality of my experience of life. An honest feel. An impression. A gisty-like thing. It's hard to describe, but you know when you have it.
Anyway, I had labs on Thursday, the 18th. I remember planning that appointment. I put extra consideration into scheduling that appointment on that particular day. I wanted to make sure that I got it right.
That was the only day for that appointment that felt rught to me. For a number of reasons.
So, there was a chunk of iron sitting in my arm on Thursday afternoon. From which a girl took 3 vials (of blood) from me.
She took my blood after I had fasted for 12 hours. So I was hungry when I left.
Now this lab appointment was also the very first time that I called for transportation since I arrived here in SD.
Not having to call for transportation represented freedom to me. The freedom of not needing to ever have somebody come pick me up.
The labs are only a mile away. I have walked there and back a few times already. And I love walking through the city and feeling its vibe. I like this a lot. \
But the street that takes me to the labs runs along a bus route. And you can naturally smell the diesel fumes.
Then, right before you arrive at the labs offices, you cross over a big-ass freeway with four or five lanes going each way. Very loud.
After 12 hours of fasting, the carbon monoxide shows up in your blood. So this is why I called for transportation for 1-mile trip.
But I walked home. Chipotle is right on the way home at First-n-Broadway. I stopped there and ate the whole football-sized burrito like it was nothing. I was a hungry boy.
It was probably closer to 14 hours that I fasted. I do sense a little performance-anxiety when my labs come due.
Nevertheless this was a first for me in calling for transportation . where I am sort of conceding to my reality. I was conceding toi myself that's it's okay for me to call for transportation here in SD.
I don't lose any freedom by calling for transportation. I never want to limit myself with dysfunctional thinking that has remained beyond its useful life.
My general existential realiy since April could be chararcterized by one increasingly sucky thing after another. Most of it due to no fault of my own.
I don't want to wade into any suckiness right now. But I merely mention this for an existential datapoint.
April 1st was my 1-year anniversary here in SD. I was so freaking happy. A year after I was delivered from the authority of darkness.
Darkness does not like it, you know, when you remember when you were delivered from its authority and ugliness. No.
Because then somebody else might get the idea that they can also be delivered. The darkness wants to keep what it has.
The darkness is hostile toward even the idea .. that somebody might be liberated from the grasp of its authority over them .. with its merciless and cruel form of authority, based on fear and intimidation.
You know what I am saying. Everybody has been there, at one time or another. And likely very many times.
I have come off the Wellbutrin as of April, for which I felt a wonderful sense of accomplishment after 4 years on it.
And I was okay with coming off it. But the swings have definitely been more pronounced. The highs are higher, the lows lower. Both by a good margin.
But, like I said, I am okay with it. I can handle it. I can deal with it.
The reason why Father's day did not bother me this year is because of the tooth pain I was experiencing leading up to the day.
For a tooth that I had extrated in June. I was never so happy to lose a body part.
Pain is a funny thing, you know. I was eating so many Advil that I started throwing up.
The pain comes and goes. At first, it only comes a little, and not very often. But the situation gradually becomes increasingly dire.
This is why Father's day posed no problem for me this year. Like it did last year, when it fucked me up for a week or two.
I learned a lot about pain this summer. You can see things more clearly when we are in the midst of it. Things that we couldn't see at a distance. The nature of pain and its effects.
Then, I had to move again. I moved on August 1st. I only had to move to a different unit in the same bldg, and on the same floor.
But it was still an unsettling experience that took a toll on me. Probably from the psychological aspects.
This move down the hall took much more of a toll on me than the one coming down here.
That was a move that I wanted to make. Because I wanted to come down here. Because I wanted to leave there. Because I was being treated so poorly there.
But I did not want to make the move this month. It's a bizarro story that I may share later. But not right now.
August 1st was the anniversary of my "How you like me now? entry from last year. A part of me wanted to establish a annual pattern. Of flirting on this day.
But I could not do this because I was busy finishing up yet another move .. one which I had begun two weeks earlier.
The whole hallway had to move. Maybe thirty units. Nobody was happy about that. Plenty of folks looking tired and haggled.
These are the key existential realities helped form my mindset when I took in your pink venom song. It matters.
It matters where you are when take in a song for the for the first time. Because this is going to affect your experience.
These things probably mean nothing to anybody but me. But to me, they are significant. Because they speak to my existential reality, which is naturally going to affect my experience of your song.
Do you girls have a ritual that you do right before you walk out on stage? I am curious.
I mean, you are this enormously successful group in a business that is notoriously unforgiving. So whatever it is that you are doing is obviously working.
I know that it is really the countless hours of hard work and dedication to the craft that you girls have been putting in for years now. Without which, you would not be where you are.
But I am also curious about how the four of you work together to make this happen.
Do you have a ritual where you join hands when they say, "We're almost ready for you girls."
Do you consciously bring intention into this ritual?
A part of me feels like I am prying into things that are really none of my business.
Different girls bring out different things in me. I can feel it. I can feel the different parts of me being activated and turned on and lit up and going into motion.
It feels like I am discovering a part of myself that I did not even know existed before. It is a very cool experience.
A little scary because, I mean, how could you possibly possess something like this all the time and not even know it?
Not even realize it. Not even be aware of it. Because, if it could be true with this, then it could also be true of other things, too.
Here is where self-awarenes comes into play. And whenever I started talking about self-awareness and things related to escaping from self-deception .. then we are already very deep, and fixin' to venture much deeper.
The saving of the soul is very much connected to escaping from self-deception. Where you are really just learning about yourself.
But it is not uncommon to discover parts of yourself that might n ot be pretty.
You might find yourself to be an asshole. You might discover that you are really a dickhead. You might perceive that you are really a big prick.
I could continue, but you feel me. And sometimes the dickhead in you might not want to leave. He might like being a dickhead.
He is certainly very good at it. At being a dick. At eing a prick. (Because he has learned from experts over the years.)
I am getting away from my original curiosity about your pre-show ritual, if any.
Part of me imagines the four of you joining hands. Where one of you says, "What do we do?"
To which the other three say, "We slay. We take no prisoners. We slay them all. Everfy last one."
Then the first girl affirms her friends, saying, "You got that right. Let's do this. Let's do this thing."
And then, of course, the four of shout your now-famous 'Blackpink' war-cry in unison.
Next thing we know, you girls are walking out onto the stage to the deafening sound of cheers. It must be a very cool feeling.
And you girls are still so young. It's only going to get better from here. I know this seems impossible, but you girls make the impossible look easy on a regular basis.
You just seem so much bigger than life.
I know that this right here seems like the end of this page, but really, this page has no end. ■
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]]>You know, as fate would have it .. I received that big $1,400 stimulus check the very first week I arrived here. The timing could not have been better.
The child support people took my other check. They took it and they didn't even tell me. I figured they took it, but cousin Patti put her foot down.
She said, "No. You cannot just have money out there that the Stimulus people said they deposited into your account .. but you don't know where it is."
I said, "Okay, I'll call 'em Monday morning .. but I know they took it. They are always taking my money. Many times they have drained my entire account of even the last penny. I may have to medicate before I call, but I will call."
She said, "If they took it, then you will know what happened to your twelve-hundred dollar stimulus. But you cannot not know."
If I had the money, I would gladly pay twelve hundred bucks to not have to talk to them. About anything. Ever.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••I hate to even think about the child support people there in Orange county .. because it is Trigger City for me.
They have fucked me over for so long, and on such a regular basis, that I naturally associate the very idea of them with much pain-n-suffering.
Sure enough, they said, "Yeah, we took it. Here it is right here. We took it on such-n-such a date."
I was like, "Were you ever going to tell me that you took it? It's been over a month." (Obviously not.)
They said that I owe so much in back child support that I can never pay it off.
They said that they will continue to garnish my meager retirement for hundreds-of-dollars every month 'til the day I die. (And I wouldnt be a bit surprised if it continued for a while afterwards.)
There is a reason why I say that the system is about the money, and not about about the kids. The Family Law system there in Orange cty, anyway.
There is a reason why I say that the system is designed to bleed you dry and to grind your ass into the pavement on a regular basis .. 'til the day you die.
The punitive back-interest that they charge me is so much that even after paying them hundreds every month, I still owe them even more the next month.
And I don't even know if my son is alive. It has been many years since I heard anything from them. Oh, where have you been my blue-eyed son?
I remember hearing stories from the drivers who drove transportation for me back in Fallbrook.
I remember them saying things like, "My friend's daughter is 28 and he is still paying child support. They deduct it from his retirement."
I would wonder how such a thing could be possible. But now I know. I can see things now that I couldnt see before.
He is not really paying child support, per se. Rather he is paying the interest-upon-interest of back child support from the days whe he was unable to pay.
Maybe he had cancer or something. You never really know why he couldnt pay the child support that the court ordered him to pay. Things can quickly pile up to levels that become unmanageable.
One time I was sitting in court. I was sitting is the special money court where you wait your turn to take it up the ass. There were many other dads there with me, as usual.
And there was this little, scrawny, quiet Mexican dude .. who the judge said owed $175,000 in back child support. Holy smokes. That was the record. That was most I ever heard of somebody oweing in back child support.
I owed $16K in back support when they sent me to jail the first time. I remember, because a lot of the guards asked me how much I owed. (And why I was there, if they didnt know.)
The moms don't need to go to these money-court proceedings. No, sir. Here is where the dept of Child Support servces gives it to you up the ass on behalf of the mom.
Why bother the mom with these trivial financial matters when the county can fuck you so much better by themselves?
They can raid your bank account and take away your driver's license and even send you to jail .. to debtor's prison, so to speak.
They can make your life a miserable, living hell. And they are very good at it.
One of the problems that I see in there system .. is that the county Child Support people do not have access to all the information. They claim to operate as an independent arbiter, but this was not my experience at all. Not even close.
And I sat in court enough times to see how things work. (Not good. Very dysfunctional. Only the money is what is really important.)
And I would say to them, "What about this? And what about that? Do not these things factor into your decisions?"
And they would say, "Well, we don't know about that. We do not have access to all the information, particularly where a minor-child is involved."
And I would say, "Then why are you making decisions about me and my life like you know what the fuck you are talking about? Because you obviously dont." (Because they only know about the money.)
Kafka's got nothing on me. How deep into the legal sausage grinder do you want to go?
As long as I continue to take it up the ass here, from this unjust system, then this gives me the moral responsibility to continue to speak out.
It becomes my duty for those who come after me. It is the least I can do .. to speak my truth publicly. Any sentient soul would do the same.
This is sort of why I say that the system is really about the money, and not about the kids. I am talking about the Family Law system there in Orange county ..
.. where they order you to pay more than you can afford, and then when you can't pay, they toss your ass into debtor's prison. I know it sounds hard to believe, but this has most certainly been my experience.
I would not be surprised to learn that they were all similar in their roles as little more than a glorified collection agency.
Nevertheless, this is most financially secure I have been in a long time.
I had a thing last father's day .. which is always trigger city for me. I am pretty good by now at dealing with it, but I got trick-fucked this one.
That was back around the time you released the live Vevo pov.
Ooh, I just went back to that page to grab the link and already I am feeling some kind of way.
Wow, you really do make me feel the coolest things. What do you reckon this might mean?
But my point here is that I was rocked for a week or so after father's day. A weird thing.
It was actually the day after Father's day. The Monday after.
You can jog my memory by saying in a quiet, hushed tome, 'Hey, this is so-n-so from the front desk. We just a letter from Orange cty child support. They want to know if you live here. What should I tell them?'
You're supposed to tell them when you move. But I was busy with other shit.
Letters from the child support people are triggers for me. (Know thyself.)
Please don't let the child support people send me another nasty letter .. where they tell me how they can take whatever they like from me .. whenever they might happen to feel like it.
And then they go on to tell you exactly all the accounts and whatnot that they can raid .. whenever the fancy strikes them.
You think I am exaggerating, but I can assure you that I am not. Letters from Trigger City, which is the last place your ass would ever want to be.
If you cannot find your way out of Trigger City by sundown .. then, .. well, I am not even going to finish this sentence. Let's not go there.
The gist was that I got hit right after I had let down my guard. The timing of the thing was freaky. Seemed coincidental to me, yet eerily effective.
Basically I am on guard during these times .. during these times that are fraught with triggers. I close the blinds. I keep things quiet. I make no major decisions .. until the hazardous trigger-event passes.
I have done this many times now. I know what I am doing. I have a handle on these trigger-rich situations.
I might put in some soft earplugs. There will definitely be lots of lying down and resting and relaxing .. until the potential storm passes.
This father's day was the only time I had ever called my therapist for an extra session that wasnt scheduled.
It is now nine months later and I am just getting around to mentioning it.
I mention this here because there are a number of wow-like things that came out of that. And this will give me a doorway, a launch-point to take me there .. if I ever want to wander down that path.
I told him things I never told anyone. I told him these things because they had come up.
One of these stories I would call » The Transfer of Poison Begins at Two Bunch Palms.
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]]>The writing feels different today, no? I am so fucking happy that I can hardly stand it.
Cousin Patti said she can totally feel my happy vibe in my texts and emails. I try to keep them posted.
I lean on them so much when shit goes bad .. that, when things are going bright-n-sparkly for me .. then I try to reciprocate and show my appreciation when I can, like now.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••Patti just got done moving herself .. from a big-ass house, with 13 rooms and a cool spiral staircase there when you first walk in .. into a much smaller place.
She had been living in the town right next to where Nana lives.
She had been working on selling the house and going through all her accumulated stuff and moving for months.
She said that I was an inspiration to her during her move. She was impressed with the way I approached and tackled and handled my move.
My move seemed to happen on it own .. the way so many things played out and unfolded for me.
Many things lined up in surprising ways for me .. in order for me to be able to escape from Alcatraz so cleanly and so sweetly.
(Especially since I did not want to have to move in with another cranky old miserable woman, who seems to want nothing more, sometimes, than to make everyone else around them just as miserable as they are. I am talking about people who cannot seem to feel good about themselves .. without first making somebody else feel bad. They have one foot in the grave and they are desperately trying to convince everybody around them that they are not as crazy as they seem. What can you say to this? It is not enough, you know, that they go crazy by themselves, no. Rather they need you to go with them. They need you to accompany them on their journeys to Crazytown. How can you respond to this? It's such a sad thing. You cannot respond to them the same way that you would respond to an adult, no. They force you to approach them like you would deal with a child. So childishly do they act that it often seems like they stopped growing emotionally in the third grade. And like they are stuck forever there in that mindset .. in this third grade mindset. In this childish third-grade mindset. I am so glad to be out of thee. It is a good thing that we remember our deliverance from the house of oppression.)
When cousin Patti was finally finished at the end of February, she was beyond exhausted for days. I told her about the French proverb that says, "A man can go a long ways after he is tired."
She asked me to repeat it and said, "Ooh, I like that. I never heard that before."
Cousin Patti and the Dog and my therapist are my three most valued and most trusted confidants and advisors. And they will always have a similar take on my various predicaments.
When they all heard that I was on my way out of that nightmare, they were all so happy for me. I even thought that they seemed happier than me .. which did not seem possible.
It feels good when people you trust and care about are happy for your successes, no?
It is a cool, relevatory type of feeling when we can look back on our lives and see how things actually turned out for us .. individually, and we can see things with such depth-n-clarity .. because we have actually lived through it.
And somehow we are still alive. It seems like a miracle, but it actually took many miracles to keep us alive this long ..
.. especially after all those toothy alligators were chomping on our asses there for what felt like a very long time.
Any time a hungry alligator happens to be chomping on your ass in a big way .. this is always going to seem like it is taking forever for your deliverance to arrive, no? Or at least a long-ass time.
Who does not know exactly what I am talking about? It comes with being human.
These are places where we can look back and sometimes see how "That was a bad idea."
My therapist, Elliott, he literally launched forward to the edge of his chair and he briskly rubbed his hands together between his knees .. because he was happy for me. He was excited for me.
This was when I told him, "Soon as I leave your office, I am walking down to the bank where I'm going to get a cashier''s check. Then I'm going to walk next door to Mailboxes Plus and send that sucker certified. Come the end of this month, homie's up out this bitch in a big way."
He said, "That's one of my favorite places. I love it down there. We usually get a room and spend the whole weekend, cutting loose. Maybe catch a game or a show."
It wasnt raining when I arrived at his office. But when came out afterwards, it was raining hard. And the wind was blowing hard.
The wind was trying to keep me from getting to the bank. I shit you not. This freak storm was blowing in the exact opposite direction that I had to go.
I got soaked from the legs down, because the wind was blowing so hard up Mission. Elliott let me use his umbrella, but that only covers so much of you.
I may have gotten soaked, but you can bet your ass that I got that check in the mail. I called them right afterwards and said, "Check's in the mail, dog. They said it will go out today."
They said, "Okay, we'll call you when we get it to confirm."
I remember my therapist saying, "Okay, now .. are you going to have some challenges and some problems to deal with at the new place? Absolutely. But ..."
That's when I thought, "Come on, Elliott. Fuck, I am not even out-of-here yet, and I still have lots of physically-taxing work to do .. in addition to fending off the crazies there at QAnon Central .. and already you are giving me headaches and problems to deal with before I even get there."
Of course, he was absolutely correct. They are trying to warn you, you know. They are trying to prepare you, to set your expectations to a realistic level. I can see this now.
Every new environment has it's own, unique set of challenges and circumstances to deal with. After moving some 30-something times, I know the deal.
I have skills out the ass in this area. I am the king of moving, and not because I wanted to be, either.
Once I got here, I did not give a shit what kind of problems I had to deal with. They would be cake compared to the insanity I had to deal with living there at QAnon Central in Crazytown, USA ..
.. where the inmates were running the asylum. Where the inmates were in full control of the asylum, and where they made damn sure that you knew it.
Your ass will be reminded on a regular basis just who is in charge here, and what that means to you.
You would not believe the crazy stories I could tell. Much of it is instructive. It is clearly a warning for what not to do .. if you don't want to have your soul devoured by bizarre ideas.
Many of the instructive lessons that I learned as a captive at QAnon Central .. could be included under the heading » How to Lose Your Soul .. a little more every week.
And Covid was a big thing back then. Life had slowed waaay the fuck down. It became difficult to get much of anything done.
But I wasnt going to let that stop me. I have skills, you know. I have experience. I have help. I have a lot of things that folks don't know about. And I like that they don't know.
I want them to underestimate me .. because this makes it easier for me. (I have stories.)
The end of this month, you know I am coming up on the one-year anniversary of my move here.
The move that delivered me, that rescued me, from the ugliness of living under the authority of darkness. I was there so long that sometimes it felt like I might never escape from my predicament.
My most dire predicament. My living nightmare where I felt rejected and despised.
After things are a certain way for a long time, then it can be difficult to imagine them being any other way.
I am feeling good about a number of things. Feeling thankful, feeling grateful .. for a number of reasons.
There are certainly plenty of reasons right now to feel sad. But there are also reasons to feel happy. And these are the things that I want to focus on here. (Sweet respite.)
It was the second or third day when I first arrived here last year .. when I woke in something of a panic, thinking that I was still back at the old place in Fallbrook ..
.. where I was despised and rejected and made to feel profoundly unwanted. But then I woke, and looked around and saw that I was already here and not there.
And I breathed a big sigh of relief and I thought 'Thank God' and I fell back asleep to some of the sweetest zzz's ever. (Because I was well beyond the point of exhaustion for the last week or so.)
Things have only continued to improve for me since then .. since waking from a nightmare and learning that I was really here, and no longer there ..
.. and no longer to be bothered with the insanity that it is living under the authority of darkness. Because it suks very badly.
I was beat up pretty good during that move. More than anything else, my hands were sore. My nice hands, you know.
Half of the entire back side of my left was was black-n-blue. I must have whacked it, though I couldnt remeber doing so.
My hands were just aching for a few days after I arrived here. Did I care? No. Not even a little. I was just so fucking happy to be here and not there .. that nothing else seemed to matter.
You know, as fate would have it .. I received that big $1,400 stimulus check the very first week I arrived here. The timing could not have been better.
The child support people took my other check. They took it and they didn't even tell me. I figured they took it, but cousin Patti put her foot down.
She said, "No. You cannot just have money out there that the Stimulus people said they deposited into your account .. but you don't know where it is."
I said, "Okay, I'll call 'em Monday morning .. but I know they took it. They are always taking my money. Many times they have drained my entire account of even the last penny. I may have to medicate before I call, but I will call."
She said, "If they took it, then you will know what happened to your twelve-hundred dollar stimulus. But you cannot not know."
If I had the money, I would gladly pay twelve hundred bucks to not have to talk to them. About anything. Ever.
Note that this section, which deals with the anxiety produced by the Child Support people, who repeatedly take my money and have drained my entire bank account dry of every last penny on numerous occasions, this section has been lifted and moved to its own page.
See here » Trick-Fucked on the Outskirts of Trigger-City (19 March 2022).
Back in Fallbrook, I couldnt go anywhere without calling for transportation because I lived way up on top of a big hill.
And I had no car because the child support people in Orange county took away my driver's license way back in 2009 .. for not paying the child support that they said I needed to pay.
But since moving here a year ago, I have not had to call for transportation .. not even one time. I can walk everywhere that I need to go.
I love it. I love the sense of independence .. especially after being a prisoner for so long at QAnon headquarters, where the inmates were running the asylum .. and where mental health was in short supply.
Sometimes it seems too good to be true .. that I am really here (and not there). But I am definitely getting used to it .. more-n-more all the time.
There are a number of way to view and to characterize my new environs here .. but I would be lyin' if I said that I wasnt feeling a Ready Player One kind of vibe.
I remember thinking 'That Ernest Cline guy is the real deal. I can see why Spielberg used his visions.'
My existential existence here, from a certain perspective, evokes plenty of images from Ready Player One and even from the Matrix.
There are both positive and negative aspects to such things.
I am going to find a nice image to drop in this section. Because there are cool places I could go from there .. all too easily.
You know, girly .. when I am down at the laundromat doing laundry, the local radio station that they play on the overhead speakers there .. they are always playing your songs.
It is sometimes a trippy, mind-fuck sort-of-thing for me .. because of the way your songs can evoke other things for me. I can sometimes feel it rocking me.
The way you songs can evoke such different things for me. Such strong things. Things that take me to very different places. You know what I am talking about.
It can be disorienting, for sure .. but in a good sort of way.
Or sometimes I will be walking along one of the avenues .. and I will hear one of your songs coming out into the street from some business or other .. despite the loud traffic.
They play a lot of you and Doja and Dua and the Weeknd and Bruno Mars and a few others. And they always play it nice-n-loud, too.
We humans need to adapt to our environment .. in order to operate most efficiently. Every environment is different. Some are a little different, while others are very different.
I have had to re-engineer a new system here .. a new flow .. one that works best for me and my needs.
I have moved more times than anybody I know .. since age 18, when I left for the Navy. At one time, I thought the Dog had me beat, but now I think that I have actually passed him.
I have 30-something moves under my belt. Maybe 32 or 33 times. My point here is to say that .. I have much experience moving and reorienting myself and my life to new environs.
I don't know a single person who has more experience at moving and reorienting their lives to a completely new environment than me.
I am sure that such people exist. But I have never met one of them who told me that they have moved more times than me.
For example, one of the first things I did after arriving here was to get myself a box at the local post office.
This way, if I move from here, I dont have to go through the hassle of changing my address again.
I can just leave all my mail going to the PO box. (I learned this trick when I moved to Laguna Beach.)
I have learned many cool tricks over the years.
The starving writer never knows when a super-hottie might happen to read some of his writing and say things like "Ooh, you do write well. Your starving ass is moving in with me next week. So start packing."
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Previous » this page was lifted from an entry titled » Blowing My Mind on a Regular Basis (22 Feb 2022).
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]]>Today is the last day of winter. Spring arrives bright-n-early tomorrow morning at 8:33.
So today seems like a much better day to publish this particular entry than tomorrow.
I want to be done with this nasty shit when spring arrives. I want this thing to be dust in my rearview by sunrise tomorrow, when all good vampires must go to bed.
Spring is the time, you know, of new beginnings .. for life here on planet Earth. (Or, at least it used to be.)
The Mark-of-the-Beast .. this is an old story about death and shit so bad that you will have to actually live through it .. in order to fully appreciate the cruelty of the beast.
There are certainly incentives to accepting the mark of the beast .. but these socioeconomic advantages do not come free-of-charge. No, sir.
There are obligations that come with accepting the mark of the beast. These obligations can be considerable and even daunting at times.
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]]> ••• today's entry continues here •••I am so fucking disappointed in his generation .. in his Me-n-My-Prosperity-First generation .. and in the values of that generation. And I know that I am not alone here when I write these things.
They have blood on their hands. They have innocent blood on their racist hands .. which is the worst kind. And they don't even give a shit.
Russell Moore tried to tell them, you know, and they ran his ass out of town. He tried to tell them that Trump was a not a nice person. They left deaths threats on his phone.
He said, "Uh, I don't want the job that bad. It was fun while it lasted, but I can see now that it's time for me to be moving on. See ya."
Chris Wallace knows the feeling .. of escaping from the moral decay as the world around them crumbles.
It is really some remarkable shit that we are seeing here in America today. Morally remarkable .. but not in a good sort of way.
Speaking of white evangelicals that make me feel sad ..
.. somebody close to prosperity preacher Ken Copeland please tell him why this was such a foolish thing to state publicly like this.
[ Hey, say hi to Jesse for me. Doesnt look like he has been missing very many meals lately. I had to crop off a good chunk of him because he was taking up so much of my image. Truth be told, none of you boys look like you are having any trouble at the dinner table. No. It is clear that you boys know how to operate a fork and a knife with a high degree of proficiency. Good for you. ]
This was a foolish thing to state publicly like this. This is a foolish thing to do for a number of reasons.
John wrote about the mark-of-the-beast, you know, in the book of Revelation. The Covid vaccine is nothing even similar to the mark-of-the-beast.
This so called prosperity preacher is worth some $750 million dollars. He is nearly a billionaire. He is not going to have any trouble buying or selling .. you can be sure of that.
He will regret saying this stupid thing .. if he hasnt already.
He is 85 years old. He is closer to 90 than to 80 .. and getting closer everyday. So he doesnt have much time left here on planet Earth with the rest of us. (I bet that Madeline Albright would agree with me here.)
If he doesnt want to get the Covid vaccine, great. I have no problem with that. But he should not be saying stupid shit like this publicly.
Shame on him. He knows better. It's people like him and Mike Pence and George W. Bush who give Christianity a bad name. Gaga knows what I am talking about.
You know, I would not be surprised one bit to learn that he was already fully vaccinated, and that he was merely using this mandate as a convenient piece of leverage ..
.. to argue why he needed to continue flying around in his fleet of private jets from his private airport sitting there beside his oh-so lavish mansion.
Would you?
This so called prosperity preacher was born in the middle of the Great Depression. So it is not surprising that he happens to value money and possessions and such things so highly.
It is not at all a surprising thing. Such things were scarce during the Great Depression.
It is certainly understandable to see how his value-structure might've become warped and deformed to value such things so highly.
He is using this Covid-shot mandate to travel as a reason why he needs to continue to fly around in his private jets .. so that he doesnt have to fly around with all you demons who fly commercial ..
.. when this is obviously detrimental to the environment.
He is trying to stretch here .. in his reasoning. But he is over-reaching. He is over-extending himself with his faulty logic.
He is over-reaching here to justify his long-standing disregard for the environment, and for the future-inhabitants of planet Earth, by flying his private jets everywhere.
He thinks this is christian persecution. The younger generation is calling out his sorry ass on valid grounds and he does not like it, no. He does not like it one bit.
This is because he likes to fly his private jets around here-n-there. I mean, who wouldnt?
When a boxer, or a fighter, overreaches, it opens them up to counterattack. They expose a vulnerability. They present a weakness, or a weak spot, for their opponent to capitalize on.
Mr. Copeland has exposed his vulnerabilities here. The Mark of the Beast .. I think not, Mr. Copeland.
The Mark of the Beast enables a man to buy-n-sell. You are not lacking in this area, sir. You are in no way lacking when it comes to buying and selling.
Few folks are able to buy-n-sell like you are .. very few indeed. This is why it was so foolish of you to cite the Mark-of-the-Beast in this particular situation.
You should've listened to Kenneth Hagin when he summoned you and formally rebuked you. You should've given heed to his scriptural words of rebuke and correction.
Because it is people like you who give Christianity a bad name.
Have you put away the pointing of the finger yet? It doesnt seem that way, Ken.
Look at the look in his eyes here. This is why I cropped this image down so tightly around his face .. because of the look in his eyes.
The eyes are the window to the soul. You can get a sense of somebody from looking into their eyes. What do you see in his soul when you look into his eyes?
Does that passage remind you of anybody? Does that passage sound familiar in any way?
Speaking of the eyes being the windows of the soul .. there is a passage in Matthew's gospel that has always perplexed me.
It is contained in verses 22 & 23 of chapter 6, which is one of my favorite chapters in the whole book. Trump knows the book I am talking about.
[ This image cracks me up. Trump is clearly not a happy camper here. You can almost hear him thinking, "How did I let Ivanka talk me into this? This is the stupidest thing I have ever done. Let's just hurry up and get this over with. My hand is starting to burn." ]
I based my whole Righteousness entry on v33. Seek ye first .. even Catholic boys like me know that one.
This chapter concludes, by the way, by saying » 'You are wasting your time worrying about tomorrow, dawg. Trust me when I say that you have more than enough shit to worry about today, right here-n-now.'
But these other two verses talk about the eye being the light, or the lamp, of the body. I would read that and think, "Uh, say what?"
The subject seems to change for these two verses .. but it really doesnt. Though I could never see how those two verses fit in there like that in any sort of logical way.
Because these two verses are set in a section that is clearly talking about money and finances and treaure and shit like that.
I could never see how the eyes being the light, or the lamp, of the body .. fit in with money and finances and treasure .. until now.
I should probably thank Ken for helping me to see this.
This passage concludes by saying (drumroll, pls) » If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness.
How great is that darkness? Well, how great is it?
They are playing with words here in another language .. things which not not always translate over smoothly or easily into another langauge in another culture living at a very different time.
It is talking about stingy people who want it all for themselves and nothing for anybody else .. as compared with generous people.
You know, Ken .. your children's generation will be your judges. And they are not going to judge you very favorably with the way you demonstrated such disregard for their environment.
I bet that you are a denialist when it comes to the effects that man is having on his climate by burning fossil fuels.
You are a denialist so that you can continue to jet around in your private jets, indifferent to the damage this does to the environment.
I get it, Ken. Lisa Guerrero gets it. We all get it. Everybody gets it. My only question is, 'Why don't you, Mr. Fingerpointer?'
Here is a little thing from my Blackpink girlfriends. It's only 3 mins.
I want you to check it out and then get back to me with your thoughts. (Just talk into a microphone somewhere and I'm sure that it will get back to me .. eventually.)
They are inheriting, along with their entire generation, they are inheriting the world that your generation is leaving to them.
They are inheriting the planet, the ecosystem, the place where folks live and work and play and breathe and have their being.
If they don't do it here in this ecosystem that you-n-your generation are leaving to them .. then they ain't doing it. Because this all they got.
You and your generation has treated the environment with disregard and disdain.
Most generations try to leave a better world for their kids and their kids' generation.
But your generation is the first time that a generation has actually left the world is a shittier condition than the one that they inherited from their parents' generation.
And the production of greenhouse gasses that are generated by burning fossil fuels is a big part of this shittiness that you-n-your generation is leaving behind.
Does this not generate a sense of shame in you? Or have you really become incapable of ethical functioning?
I see this as an opportunity for you, Ken. I see this as an example of the youth teaching their elders wisdom.
You could certainly learn some things from my Blackpink girlfriends .. especially regarding the state of the ecosystem that you-n-your generation are leaving to them-n-theirs.
I bet that Elihu knows exactly what I am talking about.
You have been called out, both formally and publicly, by both generations on either side of you .. both your elders and your children's generation.
What do you think, Ken, about this verse in Revelation 12:12 .. that says it will be terrible for the earth and the sea?
I have never been to bible school like you, sir .. so I am naturally curious about your thoughts on the matter .. on this particular verse.
This verse says that it will be "terrible for the earth and the sea." The earth and the sea .. this is the sum total of the environment, no?
The earth and the sea .. this is the ecosystem. This is the planet that John is talking about, no?
John says that the reason why it will be terrible for the earth and the sea .. is because the devil has been thrown down to the earth.
And when the devil saw that his sorry ass had been booted out of heaven, he was pissed big-time. He was pissed like a motherfucker. He was downright furious.
I am updating and translating this verse into contemporary English so that folks will understand it more clearly. But I feel that it represents a valid modern rendering.
I guess my point here is to ask why you-n-your generation are helping the devil to bring such terrible things to the earth and to the sea?
To the environment. To the ecosystem. To the planet.
Why are you helping the devil here, Ken? Is it really that important for you to continue to fly around in your private jets?
The mark-of-the-beast .. ha ha ha .. I think not, Mr. Copeland.
What do you think, Ken, about what Rev. Rob Schenck said about the moral collapse he has witnessed among his evangelical peers?
You never want to find yourself in a place where you have been trick-fucked into defending values that have already been judged and condemned .. at the highest levels.
You know this, Ken.
You also know, I am sure, that Faust is the guy who made a deal with the devil at the crossroads .. where he exchanged his soul for the good life here on Earth.
The term faustian is defined as » insatiably striving for worldly knowledge and power at the expense of spiritual values.
Wikipedia defines the term as » imply sacrificing spiritual values for power, knowledge, or material gain.
This is one of your own saying this. It is a sad thing .. a very sad thing.
Goethe's Faust (German, 1832) is listed there as one of the 100 Greatest Books Ever Written in Any Language (.. along with four titles from Dostoevsky).
There is a reason why the Faust legend has been alive for so long.
Hey, maybe Ken knows where I can find the moral line that the white evangelical will not gladly cross for Donald Trump.
Uh, on second thought, he probably doesnt know. I can hear Bono singing in the background.
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