Now I'm Warmed Up

••• today's entry continues here below •••

I was not talking krap when I said this. I really do feel warmed up.

I have never said that before. Not that I can recall., anyway. And certainly not to one of these talented, powerful super-hotties. You'll see what i mean.

This is just me being me. I like being me. Some girls do not really like me. Because they dont get me.

They only like somebody who adapts to a pre-fab version of their dad. Because that is all that they are able to get. To understand. To grasp. You feel me.

Surely it is something that will include a large number unrealistic expectations .. that involve things that you have already moved beyond long ago.

Things that you have no interest in ever returning to. I could continue down this road ad naseum because I have already been there and done that. But you feel me.

But when I happen to find someone who seems to genuinely appreciate me for who I am .. and not for who they want me to be, or need me to be, whatever the case.

Rare as it that I find a soul who appreciates me as I actually am, and who might respond to me in a positive way ..

.. pause for effect ..

.. then this tends to have the effect that I can simply and more easily be myself. More fully. More naturally.

I like the way that this feels .. when I can more easily and more fully just be myself.

I know that it certainly doesnt sound like very much to ask for .. but there are actually many people who do not want you to just be you.

Surprising as this was for me. (I could write a nice treatise right here on this topic. But I won't.)

When I know that I possess a particular thing, a certain skill-set, perhaps, a certain insight .. that I know that one of these multi-talented, rich-n-famous, super-hotties will appreciate, or find appealing in an irresistible way ..

.. then this tends to bring out a different aspect of my personality. My multi-faceted personality.

"What aspect?" am I talking about, you ask?

I am not going to give away the goods so easily. No, ma'am. I am going to need a little something-something to bring to the table. A little leverage. (You know the table I am talking about.)

But I have noticed that women tend to respond strongly whenever this particular part of my personality starts to glow more brightly.

» Don't Make Me Get All Nietzsche on Your Ass

I dont want to scare anybody, but I will share with you here that when I was really feeling myself after the move, and after I had recovered from the move (mega rest) ..

.. and in responding to some of these provocations .. I caught myself saying, "Don't make me get all Nietzsche on your ass."

This has to do with which path I will take in my writing. I can feel myself responding to your artistry.

It feel like I need to grow personally and develop my craft and innovate new skills .. in order to respond to you in the way that I need to.

I have been upping my game as I formulate a response. A proper response.

This is sort of where my head was at when I said, "Don't make me get all Nietzsche on your ass."

That's when I had the thought, "Ooh, that sounds cool .. getting all Nietzsche."

This is an example of a real-life response that came naturally from me to one of these super-hotties .. that has worked its way into my writing.

I like to weave my real-life responses into my writing, where imagination is free to inject ideas and whatnot.

I feel like this tends to give my writing a more natural and organic feel to it.

» Even Nietzsche Couldnt Handle Nietzsche

Girly, even Nietzsche couldnt handle Nietzsche. Nietzsche lost his mind. He went stark raving mad .. and he never returned.

What was it? .. what was the thing that finally drove Nietzsche over the edge? What did he see that brought his brilliant mind to its breaking point?

Nietzsche bragged, you know, about walking up to the edge of the abyss and staring down into it .. like he was fearless about the idea losing his mind. So it shouldnt be very surprising that he did indeed go crazy.

Speaking of thoughtful men losing their minds .. women have always interested me. How they work. How the internal gearing works.

You cannot possibly imagine the number of times I have thought, "That's the craziest thing I've ever heard."

» Expressing a Heartfelt Sense of Gratitude for Deliverance from the Authority of Darkness

Anyway, I dont feel that it is possible for you to truly fathom the sense of gratitude I feel for this deliverance. This muscular deliverance.

And for the way everything transpired. That makes a big difference. One surprising development after another.

Even though I feel like it is not possible for you to truly understand the depth of the gratitude I feel, I refuse to let this stop me from trying. From trying to express and convey my sense of gratitude.

Surely it will challenge and test and try my writing skills. My ability to put things into words. Nothing challenges the writer like attempting the impossible.

I have learned so much of late. Wow. You cannot possibly imagine. Not in a million years.

It's not the kind of stuff, it is not the kind of wisdom, that folks naturally seek after. But it is a valuable wisdom nonetheless. I can see that now.

Lessons learned in the existential realm. I am actually starting to figure things out.

If you use the image of a sphere as the reach and experience of your life .. my sphere-of-experience here feels about 4 times bigger.

I am not trying to feel this way. This is just how I naturally feel here.

Sometimes we dont even know what it is that we have been searching for our entire lives .. until we get it.

It almost feels like you stumbled upon something that you werent even looking for. Because you didnt know that you wanted or needed this thing. Maybe even crave.

The writer, and even people in general, we all learn things from the mistakes we make. From the bad decisions that we make. From the dumb shit we do. From the foolish paths we pursue.

Who does not know exactly what I am talking about? Who has never said to themselves, "Oh, this was a bad idea. I can see now that this was a dumb thing to do. What was I was thinking? How could I have been so stupid?"

Would you like to know more about the things I have learned? About these valuable lessons? about these costly lessons? (I bet you would, dear reader. I bet you would.)

Because I had to steal fire from the gods in order to learn these things. The gods do not like it when you steal fire from them. (Ask me how I know.)

Ask me what I did when the voice-in-my-head said, "Oh, now you've really done it. You are going to get your ass kicked very badly for this. The gods are furious with you. There is a meeting going on right now in Zeus' stateroom to decide what to do with you. So just stand the fuck by."

Everybody always wants to know what it was that you did to piss-off a man of much-vested authority .. vested with an authority that I might or might not be inclined to respect .. depending on how he is wielding that authority and what he is doing with it.

You feel me. I am a blank-check for no man. I dont care who you are. No man is above the law.

And I know my way around. Because I have been around .. doing this, and that, and the other. All kinds of crazy shit.

Does it get me in trouble when I am not able to muster the level-of-respect that an authority figure might feel they deserve?

Of course, it does. I have a boat-load of stories. Maybe two boat-loads. But I learned shit along the way.

I would gladly tell you all about these things that I have learned along the way in my journeys through life .. but you would never believe it.

You would be thinking, "What an imagination this guy has."

This is the end of this page. ■

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