March 2016 Archives

Flirting with Danger - Page Ten

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» I Invite You to Have Your Way with Me

Fifth Harmony - Write On MeOh, look .. do you think these Fifth Harmony girls are coming on to me?

Because it sure feels like it.

I like them. Who does not like Fifth Harmony? Not possible.

From the right and from the left. You know. (And maybe even a few places in between.)

These girls are singers singing a song specifically written to a writer. Obviously talented singers.

They are singing to a writer .. who is writing AS a writer .. inviting him to have his way with them. So to speak. (Like I am having my way with you.) Urging him. Enticing him. Luring him.

They are touching themselves and not being shy about it, either. Has such a thing ever happened before? I am pretty sure that I would have remembered a song like that.

So many songs have been written over the years .. about so many things. Surely such a song must have been written before .. sung before. No?

That was clever how they did the video in black-n-white .. the color palette of ink on paper. They certainly seem to be feeling it. They are having fun.

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Flirting with Danger - Page Nine

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» The Smoking Hot Girl with the Most Inviting Look Ever

I was not going to share this next story, because it makes me sound like a big pussy .. but it keeps returning.

[ I have ignored the impulse to share this story .. at least a dozen times. My ego would have none of this kind of story sharing. Veto, veto, veto. But the impulse has become annoyingly persistent. I am getting the message. See if you can see why I wouldnt want to share this story. ]

See .. there are many things, many experiences, many stories from which I can draw here. I have already shared one of these stories.

But the one that I was thinking of .. when I wrote on the previous page about flaring sexuality and "my skin has never felt softer" ..

.. and the one that I thought about when I heard the (inviting) way you sing "Maybe I'll let you on it." the final time .. was this one girl in particular.

And she was sitting at one of the tall tables across the way with a couple of her friends, And these tables have four chairs.

She was sitting on the side of the table closest to me, right next to an empty chair. Her friends were sitting on the side away from me.

I was sitting in a direction facing her and her friends.

And it seems like these kinds of things always happen to me when I am feeling like hammered dog shit. When I am at a low-point. Because life was bending me over and giving it to me good-n-hard. Except the good part was not really so good.

Trust me when I say that I was very much minding my own business. I was sitting alone. 

Intimate close-ups of Ariana with her hair lightened and her defenses droppedAnyway, I looked up from reading the paper and this girl is looking at me.

She is making full-on, intimate-style eye contact right from the gitgo .. and she is making it look easy.

I wondered how long she had been watching me ..

.. but it surprised me that she did not immediately look away.

And I was kinda waiting for her to look away .. like all the other girls did.

And while I was waiting, I noticed how smoking-hot she was. I am not even gonna try to explain, because this will get me going. And I want to focus on other things here.

But she had the most inviting look I've ever seen a girl give me. I actually saw her drop all her defenses. I dont know if you know what I mean, but it is not a thing that I normally see outside of a bedroom (.. or a backseat).

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Flirting with Danger - Page Eight

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» PS ( So Into You, Too )

PS - This is very good. I have noticed that your music makes me feel good. It makes me feel lots of things .. but I would put them all in the 'good' category. (And I like feeling good.)

This song brings you close. I can almost hear you whispering in my ear.

There are many subtle influences in your voice .. which come thru. That really does it for me. Ooh .. that gets to me .. the way your voice comes in so far.

If feels like you are in there .. walking around. It is the sound of intimacy .. which brings those feelings of intimacy.

What a great dance song. The clubs will be rockin' this summer. Many sweaty bodies .. thanks to you.

"This could take some time." How do you sing that? It sounds .. different. More of these nothing little things that seem to say so much.

These are interesting lyrics. Am I am something of a word man, you know. So, even if I dont try to .. something in there starts analyzing the verses .. extracting the essense. The subtext. The existential message.

» Come Light Me Up?

For example, I could hear a voice saying, "Come light me up? How many times have you heard a girl say, 'Come light me up'? Where is she getting this phrasing?"

Light me up is no ordinary verse. Not hardly. I actually got that from Marshall. If you are vibing with me on that kind of level .. then you are even closer than I thought.

Much closer. (And I already know you are close .. because I can feel you on me.)

» Vibing at a Super-Deep Level?

A voice in my head seems certain, saying, "There is no way that this girl can possibly resonate with you on that deep of a level."

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Flirting with Danger - Page Seven

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» Lolita (1955 Nabokov)

You actually make me wanna read Lolita (1955 Nabokov) .. you naughty girl.

Which the folks over at Modern Library .. who I happen to resonate with .. rank #4

on their list of the 100 Best Novels of the Century (English language).

Which, when you look at the titles of the other books listed there ..

.. you can see what a huge statement this is.

Lolita is also listed on my favorite list of the 100 Greatest Books Ever Written .. in any language (mostly novels).

Key word there » ever.

I started reading Lolita some years back .. precisely because I saw that Modern Library had ranked it so highly.

I have the book sitting right here. It is a shitty copy. The print is barely readable. I'm not even sure where I got this thing .. probably from the used book store there at the library.

I should order a new copy from Amazon.

» Banned in Many Countries

Current Lolita Cover | Vladimir Nabokov 1955Maybe you will come over, Ariana, and sit by my bedside,

and read to me a chapter every night.

As I fall asleep.

It looks like there are 36 chapters ..

.. in case you need to check your calendar.

And then, when you are done .. I will reciprocate.

And write a nice little story for you. I have no idea how it will go.

But I'm sure it will be banned in many countries.

The voice in my head said, "Dude, this girl is an international pop star. They do not have time to read bedtime stories to you. They are too busy kicking ass and ruling the world."

I said, "I wasnt serious. You're so literal sometimes. I was just teasing her with ideas .. just like she's doing to me. Payback, baby."

The voice said, "You taunt these girls at your own peril. One would think that you would've learned your lesson by now. Some guys are just slow learners, I guess."

But I remember being so impressed with it .. that it actually made my writing penis feel small. This is something that rarely happens.

See .. with most writers, there is at least one thing, and usually a number of things that they do .. that I resonate with. That I get. That makes me feel like I understand them.

I will catch myself saying, "Oh, I see what they are doing here .. I do that myself from time to time." Or even like with Joyce, who feels like somebody you grew up with, "He's one of us."

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Flirting with Danger - Page Six

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» The End of the Ride?

I have done this enough to know that .. as I move away from this thing .. my perspective changes. And you start to see the thing differently .. in a different light .. from a distance.

When you are all up inside of it .. you really have no perspective. You are so in-the-moment. [ Einstein said that space and time are really two different parts of the SAME THING. ] But this is where the writer must go .. in order to capture and convey these unspeakable things.

It is not an easy thing to describe .. but you have to go there. Looking in the window may cut it for some .. but a certain type of writing requires the writer to go there himself. And I will tell you .. that I was definitely feeling it. (Much of it I couldnt even write.)

But I know that, if I were to write this tomorrow, or the day after, or next week, or next month .. it would be a very different thing. And sometimes it is the immediacy of the thing .. that is what we really want .. what we really desire .. what we really need .. what we really crave. No?

It isnt until you are able to move away .. that you can see the thing with any kind of perspective.

And the thought I had today .. with my first glimpse of perspective .. where I saw the enormity of thing that was unleashed upon you .. an eyebrow-raising thing ..

.. was a part of me that felt close to sorry for you (.. probably not very different from the way Kate Kudson feels about Nick).

But another voice quickly spoke up and said, "It's her own damn fault. Do not feel sorry for this girl. She knew better than to summon the kraken .. but she did it anyway. She knew exactly what she was doing. She has no excuse. [ pause for effect .. followed by a curiosity ] Why do these girls do such things? These silly girls. They know better and they do it anyway."

Do you think I still have it?

» Another Perspective (the Handle Appears)

See .. for months now, I could feel something inside walking a circular path around this thing .. this thing that spans the entire distance, the entire length .. from the divine to the physical. And for us humans here on planet earth .. the physical pretty much means » the flesh.

Ah, now the flesh .. here is something everybody knows much about. Something that everybody has plenty of first-hand experience with.

But how do I capture this thing around which I have been circling for quite some time. How do I begin to unravel this greasy baseball?

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Flirting with Danger - Page Five

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» That Cool Feeling

There is a feeling .. when you feel like somebody really 'gets' you .. at a deep level. That is a very cool feeling. And earlier today, I was outside reading about the Existentialists.

But, then I went back to check on something in a chapter I had read earlier .. when I saw where I had written at the top of the page: dangerous + provocative » good, bourgeois » bad.

And then I started thinking about other things .. you know » this, that & the other. (Should I elaborate?)

» Wow .. I Actually Feel Like I Am In Love

So I got up and went for a little walk .. And I thought, "Wow .. I actually feel like I am in love." And the voice in my head said, "How is this even possible?"

I dont think I'll ever be able to figure it out, but it still feels good. Very good. ( "Is this not the coolest thing? The strength of it surprises me. What a connection. You are going to have to teach me how you do that. Hopefully soon." )

» Sense of Self | Internal vs External-Based

As cool as it feels to be in love .. and really, what could possibly be better than the feeling of being in love with the coolest, sexiest girl in the entire galaxy in the springtime? Maybe a root beer float on a hot summer's day .. but that's about it.

But Kierkegaard would caution you [ .. at t=6:00 » Despair over the Earthly ] not to invest your sense of self too heavily into anything external. I find this to be wise advice .. for numerous reasons.

I'm confident that Bukowski would concur.

You always want to keep pushing forward, keep growing as a highly-evolved sentient carbon-based life-form, keep expanding your horizons, keep learning new things, keep challenging yourself to improve at whatever it is that you do, keep growing and outdoing your old self. Keep stepping out of your comfort zone .. from time to time.

You want to continue to have meaningful experiences that lead to personal growth.

But if you get too dazzled by these dazzling girls .. then you can forget to keep growing .. because you are craving them .. you are craving their stuff .. everything in you is craving them. Because it feels so good to be with them.

But growth requires your mind to be able to focus on other things.

It's hard to describe .. but I can somehow feel you thru your music .. which is in me. I have listened to lots of music, but I have never felt anything like this before. (You can blame it on the arrival of spring if you want .. but we know who's to blame here.)

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Flirting with Danger - Page Four

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» Already Beyond My Limit

I try to limit each month's writing to 100-kilobytes (uncompressed HTML in Dreamweaver) .. the voice in my head saying, "Dude, if you cant say what you gotta say in a hundred kilobytes, then you're saying too much." I am already at 345 .. and climbing rapidly.

(You know that guys got it bad for you .. when they start breaking their own rules for you.)

This type of writing can get lusty. Very lusty. But human beings are lusty creatures .. and sometimes we feel lusty. You know. Particularly so in the spring. All aflame with genetic programming and hormonally driven desires (cravings). While repression has been shown to make people crazy.

You cant help it .. it's part of human nature. And we need to embrace our humanity.

» Your Own Separate, Unique QE Team

Speaking of humanity .. digital technology and the Internet combine to create new and exciting ways for people (humans) to communicate with one another. People who would otherwise likely never be able to communicate with each other.

Without the Internet and digital technology, it is unlikely that Ariana would have been able to reach out and touch me like this. And these young ones .. who grew up with the Internet .. they have an intuitive feel for it. For how it works and what it can do and what it is capable of .. as a communication tool.

And when you are feeling a person .. and they are feeling you .. does this not feel like you are sharing your own special, unique thing? Your own little intimate resonance that you and only you two share.

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Flirting with Danger - Page Three

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» A Dangerous Method

Speaking of dangerous, lusty places .. it might be worth mentioning here, as a related diversion from our increasingly precarious slope, that I saw the Netflix DVD last week ..

.. tilted » A Dangerous Method (2011, by Sony Classics, Certified Fresh) starring Fassbender (as Jung) and Viggo (as Freud) and Vincent Cassel ..

.. with Kiera Knightley (as their crazy patient whom they cure with their dangerous method) and Sarah Gadon (as Jung's wife).

These are all super high-testosterone guys .. and there is so much latent, repressed sexuality in this film that you can feel it oozing out of the lusciously shot scenes .. which all have a great artistic element. Tho I feel inadequate to describe.

You never see all three men together in any one scene .. for that would be a critical mass of maleness.

If you set all three men together, facing inward, forming a little triangle, and Keira walked into the center of them .. she would spontaneously combust. 'Poof' .. there she goes .. up in smoke. Poor Keira.

I am not easily surprised, but I was clearly surprised by this film. You will have to see for yourself what I mean. Cronenberg is the director and he is very good at pushing limits. (All kinds of limits.)

What is it about Freud's method, and especially Jung's adaptation of that method, that makes it so "dangerous"? What is it about me that makes Ariana feel like a dangerous woman?

» Flirting with Danger

I might have to flirt with her ass .. using one of my most dangerous methods. You know how I have this thing for singers. She is growing up so fast, isnt she?

She is still so young, but this video makes it clear that she is eager to put that behind .. and move on. To bigger and better things. Even dangerous things.

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Flirting with Danger - Page Two

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» One Dangerous Thing Always Leads to Another

I would be lying if I said that she didnt remind me of somebody. Talk about a weakness for which you seem to have no defense.

This girl, who little Miss Ari reminds me of .. she once told me, "That's the reaction I was looking for." ( I so dont want to tell that story .. but it was definitely a dangerous vibe. )

This girl taught me more about girls .. than any other girl. By a wide margin .. very wide.

She was a girly-girl herself .. but she knew guys. (All brothers, no sisters.) So she knew what I knew, and what I didnt know.

She taught me about girly girls. Deep girly stuff. Big girl stuff. You couldnt have a better teacher.

"A woman is like an instrument .. she must be played with skill. Sometimes she needs to be played gently .. other times she needs to be played roughly. And if you listen, if you really listen, she will let you know the difference."

Sometimes you just get caught up in the vortex of life. What can you do? Except hold on and try to enjoy the ride. (I'm sure that David Petraeus knows what I'm talking about.)

» Touching Echoes of Ancient Things

I can feel anew the echo of ancient things. Powerful echoes. Obviously powerful.

I can feel myself starting to wax poetic. The only language suitable for such things.

Should I continue? (I was so not expecting this.)

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Flirting with Danger - Page One

Rad note » this entry originated from another page. It was moved here because the subject drifted far enough to warrant its own, separate entry (.. which has grown to fill 10 pages).

» Dangerous and Provocative is Good

At the risk of getting carried away with the subject, let me mention, ever so briefly .. that the very next paragraph, which comes right after the one that contains the passage about "long existentialist hair" ..

.. where the author describes the scene in these subterranean Parisian jazz cafes following the war .. the very next paragraph begins like so »

"In this rebellious world, just as with the Parisian bohemians and Dadaists in earlier generations, everything that was dangerous and provocative was good, and everything that was nice or bourgeois was bad."

The sentence jumped out at me and demanded closer examination. Vetting. I mean, these are my people saying these things .. so it feels more personal than it would be coming from an annoying schmuck.

The author goes on to share examples of what she means by this.

Later this same evening, I was thinking about this, about how dangerous and provocative things seemed good to the existentialist (and others who might be artistically inclined) .. very much minding my own business ..

Ariana performs Dangerous Woman live on SNL March 12, 2016.. when I saw the video on YouTube,

where Ariana sang (live) on SNL

a song titled » Dangerous Woman,

where she is telling me how I make her feel like doing naughty things.

(Can you blame her?)

» A Cappella is for Lovers

Have you seen the a cappella version?

It totally reminded me of the singer-girl, singing to me ..

.. as we walked down the super-wide sidewalks of New Haven on a Saturday night,

looking for a place to go dancing.

Room to dance before the dance floor fills up with sweaty bodiesWe liked to go early.

Before the dance floors filled up.

To do some real dancing.

After they fill up with sweaty bodies, you can hardly move.

So we would go someplace else.

Or grab a bite to eat somewhere.

She sang to me all the time .. at her place, in the car ..

.. but it was on those sidewalks, where she was dressed up all pretty, and looking so sexy ..

.. that it really hit me. "Why arent my feet touching the ground?"

She was very comfortable in her sexuality. And of course, everybody sitting at the restaurant tables outside there on the sidewalk is watching and listening. "Come back!" they call, waiving their arms.

Groups of people pass going the other way .. but she pays them no mind. Their looks say, "Dude, this is some very cool shit." I give them a return look that says, "I know."

There is nothing like a singer singing to you as you walk leisurely down super-wide sidewalks .. as the sun sets on a steamy Saturday eve. I dont think my feet ever touched the ground.

It was one of the coolest experiences of my life. I mean, she was diggin' me and you could tell. And she knew how to show it. She is obviously feeling good.

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