Flirting with Danger - Page Nine

[ Rad note » you are reading page 9 of 10. Page 8 is » here. ]

» The Smoking Hot Girl with the Most Inviting Look Ever

I was not going to share this next story, because it makes me sound like a big pussy .. but it keeps returning.

[ I have ignored the impulse to share this story .. at least a dozen times. My ego would have none of this kind of story sharing. Veto, veto, veto. But the impulse has become annoyingly persistent. I am getting the message. See if you can see why I wouldnt want to share this story. ]

See .. there are many things, many experiences, many stories from which I can draw here. I have already shared one of these stories.

But the one that I was thinking of .. when I wrote on the previous page about flaring sexuality and "my skin has never felt softer" ..

.. and the one that I thought about when I heard the (inviting) way you sing "Maybe I'll let you on it." the final time .. was this one girl in particular.

And she was sitting at one of the tall tables across the way with a couple of her friends, And these tables have four chairs.

She was sitting on the side of the table closest to me, right next to an empty chair. Her friends were sitting on the side away from me.

I was sitting in a direction facing her and her friends.

And it seems like these kinds of things always happen to me when I am feeling like hammered dog shit. When I am at a low-point. Because life was bending me over and giving it to me good-n-hard. Except the good part was not really so good.

Trust me when I say that I was very much minding my own business. I was sitting alone. 

Intimate close-ups of Ariana with her hair lightened and her defenses droppedAnyway, I looked up from reading the paper and this girl is looking at me.

She is making full-on, intimate-style eye contact right from the gitgo .. and she is making it look easy.

I wondered how long she had been watching me ..

.. but it surprised me that she did not immediately look away.

And I was kinda waiting for her to look away .. like all the other girls did.

And while I was waiting, I noticed how smoking-hot she was. I am not even gonna try to explain, because this will get me going. And I want to focus on other things here.

But she had the most inviting look I've ever seen a girl give me. I actually saw her drop all her defenses. I dont know if you know what I mean, but it is not a thing that I normally see outside of a bedroom (.. or a backseat).

<ignore this intentional body-text marker>

••• today's entry continues here below •••

I was actually reminded of this inviting look that comes from dropping-your-defenses .. when I saw some of the looks that came from lying on the couch in your official release video.

» Come to Me

The message that I get here is something like, "Come to me. I won't hurt you. I promise. Look .. I have dropped all my defenses." It is remarkable thing. (For me.)

And there was one open chair .. a tall chair, right next to her. And with her foot, as she is making eye contact, she pushes the chair so that it opens to me.

And a powerful craving came over me and I immediately looked down at my paper. A shitload of thoughts came. All at once, sorta.

And I could feel her eyes on me. And the most dominant voice in my head is saying, "Do not look up .. whatever you do. Just keep staring at this paper and pretending like you are reading it."

I was so not ready and this was so unexpected. And this girl was just so amazingly smoking hot .. and she looked so young.

I was definitely feeling confused .. and girls had already caused me so many problems and troubles and griefs. [ A girl was the reason I was feeling like hammered dog shit then. ]

While I was pretending to read the paper, I was trying to figure out what was going on. Because I did not feel attractive in the least.

On the contrary, I was feeling like hammered dog shit .. physically, emotionally .. and probably a few other ways, too (financially).

But, young girls like this had been coming on to me for some time by then. So I knew that something was going on with them.

I just wasnt sure what. They had definitely been freaking me out .. so I was already wary of them.

» Was I a Big Pussy?

So I just kept my head down .. and when I finally got up the nerve to look up, they were gone. And I breathed a sigh of relief.

I couldnt help but smile big. The voice in my head was disgusted with me and said, "You are such a pussy."

I quickly looked around .. to see if anybody had noticed. "I'm so glad nobody saw that," I thought.

It was just so unexpected and I was so not ready for anything like that.

So .. am I a big pussy?

Was I scared? You bet your ass I was scared.

If you saw this girl .. you'd know exactly what I mean. I could hear the birdies starting to chirp as the flew around my head, making their sweet sounds.

Tho, in a way, I am really scared of myself .. myself with her.

What if she tells me that she's 18 or 19? .. but she really aint? Of course, I am going to want to believe that she is (at least) 18 or 19. A part of me is going to be wanting to believe this very badly.

What if I even demand to check her ID? .. but it is fake? (My brother had a fake ID, which he showed to me.)

Lolita (1955) Vladimir NabokovHer smoking hotness and her inviting sexuality were the things that scared me.

Because of her age.

(Which is the essence of the problem with all Lolitas.)

With girls like this, it feels like I need to stomp on the brakes hard, and keep my foot firmly on them.

Because, if I let up even a little, I am all over them.

And I can be one charming dude .. when I take my foot off the brakes. (Without even trying.)

When I can feel the chemistry working, then I just let it work .. and see where it leads.

I dont try to make it work. Letting it work always takes you to much better places than you would go yourself. Certainly places that are more organic and authentic.

It just seemed like she came with so many risks. And her hotness meant that even the slightest misstep could prove disastrous. (I know myself with girls like this. And I not myself.)

Much of my decision-making apparatus has developed around, and revolves around, the balance of risk vs reward. And while I could certainly see the award-winning rewards .. I did not have the huevos rancheros to accept or deal with that kind of risk.

Because I would have to thread-the-needle with her. (Something requiring both precision and difficulty.) And I was in no kind of shape to do that kind of threading.

If you read down below the beginning of the next section, where I talk about the Lolita vibe and what it says to me .. you will notice that I wrote » "I could go into great detail .. but not now."

Well, this is 'now.' This is some of that detail that I was talking about. Writing about it always makes it seem longer than it really was .. because I have to keep going there .. in order to extract the essence of the experience.

But it was probably only 5 secs .. from the time we made eye contact 'til I looked away.

Having resisted sharing this story about the industrial-strength hottie at the coffee shop with the most inviting look ever .. [ today, when I have gone back and when I am actually adding this particular section ] ..

.. perhaps now you can see a little better what I mean when I talk about how some girls seem to have an extra-long intuitive key into you ..

.. and how they are able to draw out of you things that other girls cannot (.. and not because these other girls dont try, either. But rather because they go about it in a way that doesnt work for me. Probably because they dont understand me.).

I mean, I cant say that I really understand how these girls do it .. but I can certainly feel them doing it. It's definitely a mind-blowing thing. (For me.)

It's like they know how you work inside .. even better than you know yourself .. and even if you might be kinda fucked up inside.

Perhaps this is because they themselves are a little fucked up inside. Or maybe they just have an intuitive gift (.. the extra-long intuitive key). I dont know.

But you can definitely feel them triggering this deep stuff inside of you .. ninjas tossing flash-bangs here and there .. lighting up things way down in there that you had long ago forgotten .. or that you didnt even know were there.

The first time the idea came to me, I thought, "There's no way I'm sharing that story." (Because it embarrasses me. My ego veto'd the idea in about 3 nanoseconds.) .. even tho I was looking at this girl (in my mind) while I was writing that .. about the "sexuality flaring off" of her.

» She was Literally Glowing

And yes, her skin did indeed look amazingly soft. I know that it might sound like cliché, or even hyperbole, to say that she was glowing .. but I can assure you that it's not.

And the reason that I am writing this here right now is because, in a way .. in a mind-blowing sort-of-way .. and certainly in an erotic sort-of-way .. you are this girl.

And that definitely makes you dangerous.

» Put THAT in Your Panties & Keep it Nice-n-Warm for Me

[ Heh yourself, girly. Put that in your panties .. and keep it nice-n-warm for me.

I am lifting up on the edge of the mattress right now. Can you feel me? You must .. because that sucker is curling up so far.

Soon you will be feeling the box-spring. I get extra points for that, you know.

Nabokov sends his best. Fitzgerald has the hots for you. And I'm not even going to tell you what Tolstoy is saying.

Voice » "Dude, you got her attention .. trust me. You can lighten up."

But I really want to do the super-gentle love-making that I do. That's really what I'm feeling.

And we need to go with what feels right to us .. no? That's really my favorite, too.

The girls all like that deep-mattress work. Stress-relief .. you know.

But I most enjoy the super-gentle stuff, in certain moods .. starting with the neck .. and lingering there until long after it's prudent or wise.

It is like peeling away layers .. one after the other. And the things you find there .. as you go deeper and deeper .. unspeakable. ]

I mean, this was the reason why I used that particular photo of you .. because you reminded me of this girl.

I realize that it was presumptuous of me to assume that I was the target of that song. And while my ego is healthy enough .. because of all the things that I have already been through, I am nevertheless tempermentally reluctant to be so boldly assumptive.

But perhaps now you can see why this was a thing that I just felt an easy certainty about .. because, beyond the way the song speaks to what I wrote here .. I feel like I have been here before .. with these industrial-strength hotties.

» What Lies at the Heart of that Something 'Bout

I went back and re-reviewed that page .. and this is also where I talk about my thing for singers. (who I liken to singing kryptonite)

So .. not only are you a super-sexy, Lolita-like hottie who touches herself and strokes the mic stand like no other .. who is waay too young for me ..

.. but you are also this amazingly gifted and talented and skilled singer. With this voice .. that does things to me .. and touches me in ways that I do not even understand.

And the reason I am being so plain here is because .. this is what lies at the heart of "the something" about me .. that makes you feel like a dangerous woman.

That would be » an acute appreciation of your sexual beauty, your provocative youthful boldness, and especially your gifted singing voice.

In other words, you meet all my dangerous woman criteria markers. I kinda wanna have sex with you right now. (Even if you are too young for me.) More than just kinda, actually.

My point here is that » this is intimate writing right here. I have to go deep to get this stuff. So a part of me is already feeling the love. If that makes any sense.

I can feel you making me a little crazy, sometimes. And sometimes more than just a little.

Of all the women I consider dangerous .. including the provocative young industrial-strength hotties, and the ones who have a voice that speaks to me on an engagingly erotic level .. most dangerous of all are the ones who make me crazy.

Interestingly enough, the fact that you are a powerful woman .. and influential woman .. this does not translate for me into something dangerous.

Perhaps I am just being naive here, and perhaps I really should be afraid of powerful women. But I do not feel myself at the same severe disadvantage with a powerful woman ..

.. like I do with young, industrial-strength hotties .. and like I do with girls who have voices that speak to me on a level that seems to bypass my rational decision-making apparatus.

» The Surrender Girl

Oh .. now this is making me think of another thing. (I should have known this would happen.) Not a thing about one of these young, industrial-strength hotties .. but certainly a scandalous story.

Normally, I would never share this story. Perhaps this, again, this is because it involves the element of surrender .. which can be embarrassing for the well-ego'ed male. This is the thing that links these two stories for me. I can see this now.

Joyce Carol Oates, in talking about Muhammed Ali, says » The heart of the champion is this: One never repudiates one's deepest values, one never gives in.

She makes my point for me. Surrender is the opposite of never-giving-in.

[ I like her because of what she said about the Great Gatsby. Tho I find it surprising that she is showing up here in this section on the Surrender girl.

This must mean that she's a very kinky girl .. the kind you dont take home to mother.

Mother: "Wasnt that Joyce Carol Oates that I saw you out with last night?"

Son: "We're just friends, mom .. relax." ]

See, a part of me feels like I surrendered to this industrial-strength hottie at the coffee shop. I mean, I could have simply went over there and chatted very nicely, like I usually do, and it would have been no big deal.

But, because she was so smoking hot (and so young) I was intimidated by her. And I am rarely intimated by anything. (I look for shit like that. I mean, I aint scared of captains or judges. I will tattoo messages right on their chest .. if push comes to shove.)

Perhaps intimidated is not the right word. I mean, I've never given this subject much thought.

And I am not even sure that I am actually going to share this story .. but I can certainly lead up to it and stop when shit starts to get steamy. Because it gets pretty steamy in a hurry.

Rad note » this section on the Surrender girl grew so large, and the subject drifted so far (.. hard to imagine, I know) .. that I off-loaded it to its own page .. see here » The Surrender Girl. [ I removed the link to it on the index page. ]

At the end of that page, you'll find a link that will return you to this exact section. Tho, you probably shouldnt read that naughty stuff about the kinky, innocent-looking Surrender girl.

< end update June 4, 2016 | the most inviting look ever >

» Maybe I'll Let You On It?

When I heard the way you sing "Maybe I'll let you ooon it" the last time (3:06) .. it made me think of these young, industrial-strength hotties.

I can feel that working me .. just like these hotties were working me. Oh, the feeling. That is hard to resist. I can feel it bending me.

That is the Lolita vibe .. on which I could go into great detail. About what it says to me. From my perspective. (You know my perspective .. because I see you working it. Rather effectively.) But not now.

I will say tho .. that when I heard you sing that, the voice in my said head, "Dude, she's only saying 'maybe' because it rhymes with 'baby'. But really, there is no maybe about it."

And you have to sing really good .. in order to get that kind of response.

Have you seen Red's cover? Her gestures .. particularly when she sings "Maybe I'll let you on it" .. well, see for yourself.

How about Alice's cover? You can hear the longing in her voice. That actually makes me sad. All girls, I guess, want some guy to come light them up .. no?

These are bold lyrics. Very bold. A part of me finds it difficult to believe that you actually sang this verse .. and so convincingly. (You are kinda freaking me out again.)

» Heh Yourself, Girly

Then, a few secs later, right after you tell me how you waaant it .. you do this little James Brown-type of 'Heh'. I love that. Along with that last "maybe I'll let you on it," it's my favorite part of the whole song. Sassy.

On-it and want-it .. might be the greatest-rhyme of all-time. "Heh yourself, girly."

There is a part of me that kind of puts together these verses and says, "Dude, I'm pretty sure that she is saying » 'I want you on it .. and I want you on it now."

"A little less conversation..." My voice does not last very long .. so you neednt worry. And I really like that you want to keep it secret .. tho I am not sure why I do.

» Why Am I Not Surprised?

Perhaps my point here (re: So Not Me) is that .. I'm not surprised that you are w.a.i.t.i.n.g (and waiting) for this guy .. to make a move. But I can assure you that .. he is definitely feeling you.

» The Elixir of the Gods

I remember when the girl who you remind me of said, "I've been waiting for this all night." My lengthy response sent her ass sliding up the mattress.

I pulled her back down (.. so that I didnt drive her head thru the wall) and I thru all the pillows onto the floor. Because I wanted nothing to get in the way. I wanted no distractions .. at all. I want to leave her nowhere to hide. And I wanted plenty of room to work.

I reached above her and grabbed hold of the edge of the mattress .. and pulled up on it with the strength of a panther carrying its prey up a tree .. in order to force myself down onto her with as much weight as I could summon ..

.. arching back, to use my body as a lever. Because I want her ass to be feeling my gravity .. pressing down on her. (And I never want her to forget it.)

I marveled at the way the mattress was curling up under my claw .. because I was pulling up on it so hard. I could feel the strength pulsating thru my arm .. and it did indeed feel superhuman.

She is clearly feeling the pressure that I am applying to her slender frame. Exerting upon her. Superhuman pressure.

Her legs are wrapped behind mine and I can feel them locked down hard .. pulling me down onto her. (You know.)

This is about where she blurted out "God, you're so hard," .. so loud that I wondered if the neighbors heard.

I lifted myself up off of her slightly .. and glanced down the entire length of her body from this bird's-eye view .. to see exactly what I had gotten myself into.

That's when I knew I was in trouble. "God help me," I thought.

"I am so taking this Ferrari for a spin around the neighborhood to warm her up .. and then I am taking her ass out to the freeway .. and I am gonna open this bitch up. And we will see what she has under the hood."

I did not actually say those words, no .. but you can bet your ass I was thinking it. Because I could see right away that she was built for speed. Even better than a little, red Corvette.

The sight of her Ferrari purring so responsively underneath me .. turned me on so much and I could not stop myself .. from driving into her with the force of ten thousand men. Ten thousand crazed savages.

Something tells me that Jade knows the Driving Force that I am talking aboutI remember being concerned .. that I might dislocate her hips.

Because I was driving her ass so deep into the mattress.

Something tells me that Jade here knows exactly what I'm talking about. »

[ I see you, Jade. That's how it starts, you know.

I should not tell you who you remind me of.

Do you have a kinky power fetish? (Like Nicki and Ariana?)

What did Ariana tell you about me?

I know that you girls are on tour with her.

I'm sure that you mustve chatted about things.

Probably in some dimly lit corner somewhere.

Does she kiss-n-tell?

She is supposed to be keeping our thing a secret .. but you know how girls are with secrets.

When I saw this part of the video with you here, I thought, "This girl is feeling me."

I find you very convincing. I wouldnt be writing this if I didnt.

You made it here to Page Nine. Page Nine is no ordinary page. No, ma'am. Not hardly. ]

I would be lyin' if I said that the thought » "That box-spring is mine." .. never passed thru my mind.

And she was certainly making sounds .. like her hips were being dislocated.

Such sounds as I had never heard before.

But she wasnt complaining, no. She was definitely being a trooper about it and I admired her for that .. for her ability to hang with me. You had to give it to her there.

And as I slowly came out of her .. very slowly .. I could feel her grabbing onto me.

I could feel her craving me .. craving my stuff .. pulling me back into her. Desiring me .. back into her.

And this turned me on something ferocious. It made me crazy. I was out of my mind. I was out of control.

» Dazed & Confused

Ariana upside-down on the pommel horse at the 2016 MTV VMAs at MSG in NYC August 28And that's why, later on, she was so unsteady on her feet.

And in no big hurry.

If you really must know.

And I dont mind telling you that she had a bewildered, perplexed look on her face ..

.. staring off into space, saying, "How do you do that?"

I mean .. that's the question .. isnt it?

I was feeling very .. uh, I probably shouldnt say any more. All this talk of maybe letting me on it .. seems to be affecting me. [ I told you that the Lolita vibe works me. "Heh" yourself, girly. ]

But I remember that it felt so good that I didnt shower for a few days .. because I didnt want to wash her off of me. Her elixir. Because I could still feel her on me. Grabbing onto me. Pulling me back into her. Craving me.

[ Think of me .. the next time you touch yourself. Because now you know how I feel inside. ]

» Non-Verbal Communication

This reminds me .. of the day after .. when I was wearing her elixir. Not an easy thing to describe. But a uniquely cool experience.

I was standing outside at work during lunch this day .. and people are coming and going, mostly to the cafeteria and back to the plant .. and I was talking to this black dude, who was a boss in another department, where some of our people worked.

He was a good boss and got shit done, so I liked him. But he did not work for me. Nor did I work for him.

And all of a sudden, he stops talking mid-sentence because something had obviously caught his attention .. caught his eye. And he starts telling me what he would like to do to some girl. Like, "Ooh .. look at that..."

And I turned to see what he was talking about .. and she was walking down the little hill. And she was looking good. She definitely had a carefree spring in her step. That was plain to see.

Her hair was normally up, but on this day she had wore it down. She never wore her hair down like that. (She had enough hair for three girls.) And it was blowing around a little in the light breeze as she walked. She was definitely a sight.

And when she saw me, she altered her course toward where I was standing with this boss-guy. And the whole time, he is telling me quietly how smoking hot she was looking.

I mean, she was coming from some distance .. so he had plenty of time to tell me all the things that he wanted to do to her. And some of this shit was kinda nasty. But what was I going to say?

Because many of these things were things that I had done to her privately the night before.

» She Dismissed His Aggressive Advances as Mere Playful Fun

And we were not the only two people standing there in the shade of a tree and watching her walk down in the sunshine.

As she approached, he started to flirt with her, telling her how good she looked and stuff like that. It was clear that he was seriously worked up. He was being surprisingly aggressive with her.

I had never heard anybody flirt with her like that, and it surprised me. Kinda bold. More than kinda, actually. She greeted him nicely enough and seemed to brush off his flirting as playful fun, and then she turned away from him toward me.

I never said a word .. the whole time while she was approaching or while she was standing there with us. (But I could still feel her on me .. grabbing onto me.) This was when everything was brand new for us.

» They Get Aggressive When You Are Already in Love

Before I continue sharing this secret story .. this might be a good place to mention and point out that .. it has been my experience that girls come on to you most aggressively when you are already in love.

I mean, this guy was coming on to her rather ferociously. He was not shy .. not hardly.

You might think, like I did, that just because she is married to his boss's boss .. you might think that this aggressiveness would not apply to her. But you'd think wrong, my friend.

It always perplexes me .. when girls come on to me when I am already in love. And their aggressiveness kind of freaks me out a little, to be honest.

From a natural, biological standpoint, it makes no sense .. to be attracted to someone who is already in love. I always walk away from these encounters trying to figure them out. (This must be the geek in me.)

I mean, these are clearly fine women coming on to me. Super-fine. If they would have come on to me a few weeks earlier .. before I was in love .. they could have had me. (Easily.)

Were they not attracted to me before? Or do they find my emotional unavailability (to others, because I am already in love) .. is this what attracts them to me?

» Manufacturing Distance in an Intimate Relationship

Girls that have a fear-of-intimacy are not comfortable getting very close. They want d.i.s.t.a.n.c.e in the relationship. They need that emotional s_p_a_c_e.

And if it's not there, then they will go ahead and manufacture it themselves. How do you manufacture d.i.s.t.a.n.c.e in an intimate relationship? How much time do you have?

[ Einstein says that time and space (distance is merely a measure of space, a metric of space) are just two different aspects of the same thing.]

They will manufacture an e.n.d.l.e.s.s series of things (insignificant bullshit) to use as reasons why they cannot love and why they cannot take the intimate relationship to the next level.

I know that the term 'endless' seems like an exaggeration .. but go ahead and do your own research and I'm confident that you'll concur. Very confident.

As you might imagine, it isnt long until the question arises, "If this is really how you feel about me .. if you can see nothing good and only the bad .. then why do you even want to be with me?"

I used to be like that myself .. leery of true intimacy. (After a couple of girls had gone wacko on me and scared me .. like a person who has clearly lost their mind scares you.)

And if you dont really like who you are .. as a person .. as a human being .. as a kind, considerate, caring, compassionate human being .. who has something divine to contribute to the relationship .. to your 'intimate' relationships ..

.. then, you will not really want people to get very close to you .. because you will not want them to see how ugly you really are on the inside. (Been there, done that, dog.)

People tend to project themselves onto you. Good people will project their goodness onto you (.. even when it's unwarranted). And bad people will project their badness onto you (.. yes, even when it's unwarranted).

Do your own research and I'm confident you'll concur. But let's return to our story .. our secret story .. before I get to meddling here.

» Creating an Entire Universe Out of Thin Air

She did not completely turn her back to him, but she turned away enough so that he couldnt see her eyes.

And she said a few business-related things to me. (Because I often worked with her on a number of fronts.)

And her mouth is saying one thing .. but her eyes are saying something completely different. I was very much impressed with her ability to communicated in such a way. I was definitely feeling her. Big time. Very effective communication.

[ Check out Alicia's eyes at the very end here .. for an idea of what I am talking about. Is that not impressive acting? I can see why Fassbender likes her. You fucker, Fassbender. ]

I would be remiss here if I didnt at least mention that .. she had a very cool voice. Perhaps more than anyone else .. something in her voice spoke to me.

It went deep. The tone and timber of her voice. I do not understand it, but when she spoke .. it was hard for me not to listen closely. And when she spoke directly to me .. ah, nirvana.

Her voice spoke intelligence. It spoke thoughtfulness. It spoke confidence. It spoke wittiness. It spoke fun. Carefree fun. It spoke gentleness. It spoke caring .. kindness and compassion .. and a lot of it, too.

But there was something else in her voice. Something that intrigued me. I remember wondering, "Does she know that her voice has that effect on me?" and "Why does her voice have that effect on me?"

Whatever this thing was .. it spoke of the possibility of sliding into something deeper. And you just knew .. that this slide was going to feel really good.

I obviously felt no need to speak .. not even a single word. I felt comfortable with her in a way that I had never felt with anyone.

And the night before, I remembered that I wanted her to be feeling me the next day .. and maybe even the day after, too. I wanted her to be thinking of me. So I was applying serious torsional stresses to her .. from every conceivable angle.

So I knew that she was feeling me .. while she was standing there. (I actually wondered if she were sore.)

And the black boss-dude was standing there the whole time .. while she is talking to me. She only talked for 30 secs or so .. very briefly.

» Her Flirty Comment Surprised Me

And I still had not said a single word. And as she was walking away, she turned back (to her right, because the boss is standing to my left) after a number of steps and called out to me and said something that could be construed as flirty. (Or merely playful, depending.)

But when she turned back, she turned in the direction AWAY FROM the other dude, which made it more difficult for him to see her face (.. because of all that hair).

Her flirty comment surprised me, because I wanted no one to know.

It was actually closer to flirty than to merely playful. So I was both happy, because she made feel so good, and unhappy, because this guy heard her say it.

And as she walked out of earshot .. this guy turned to me .. and you could see from the look on his face that he was very much perplexed by what had just happened.

He had a very serious look in his eye. He leaned in closely and he said quietly, "Are you doing that?"

I immediately laughed it off as a completely absurd idea and checked my watch and started to walk back into the plant, saying "I gotta go."

[ These are the first words I have uttered since he spied her walking down the hill. Tho, it's more of a gentle slope.

I did not really have to go. But I knew right away that I wanted none of this conversation. ]

But after about 6 or 8 steps, my curiosity got the best of me and I couldnt help myself (like Lot's wife) and I turned back (over my left shoulder) as I was walking away .. to see his reaction.

And I could see from the look on his face that he was not convinced. Not hardly.

And I knew that this was not a good thing. I was kinda hoping that his ego would prevent him from sharing our encounter with anyone. Because he did have an oversized ego. (Which is what made him fun to talk to.)

The rumor mill at work was particularly vicious, and I worked hard to stay out of it.

» Walking in the Clouds Among the Gods

But the real reason that I wanted to share this weird, little story .. is because of HOW GOOD she made me feel here .. how remarkably good ..

.. when she walked up and brushed off the surprisingly bold advances from this guy and turned away from him .. who was kind of a ladies' man. (Black guys are usually smoother with the ladies .. you know.)

And I never said a word to her. While this other guy was totally coming on to her .. in a way that I had never heard anyone do with her before.

(Did she somehow bring that out in him? Or was he always like that with her? She certainly had never looked like this before. She had never worn her hair down like that .. ever. Not even one time.)

» Indescribably Delicious

But I could tell that she was feeling me. That was very easy to see. This unspoken communication .. perhaps I will delve further into it some time in the future. Because I find it fascinating. This deep, non-verbal communication.

But when this other guy was obviously lusting after her in the worst way .. and she so deftly brushed off his advances and focused all her attention on me .. and engaging me in this mind-blowingly intimate way .. right there in front of this guy ..

.. it was like she created our own little world .. our own little universe .. out of thin air. That was a very cool thing. Which gave me a very cool feeling.

If it is not downright indescribable, then it is very close.

Rihanna's eyes in This Is What You Came ForOh, look .. Rihanna is helping to describe this feeling.

Thank-you, Rihanna.

What eyes you have.

Expressive .. is the word that comes to mind.

Tho I am not sure that I am even able to convey exactly how this made me feel. But I know that I had never felt anything like that before.

I mean, there was definitely a surreal air to the whole thing. Which is why I can recall it so vividly. Particularly the associated feelings.

You feel like you are walking in the clouds. And the sun never stops shining. And there's this overwhelming sense of easy contentment that penetrates and pervades and permeates the furthest reaches of your soul.

I know that you know what I am talking about here .. because of the way your echo/reverb trails off on "fall in deep" .. because that is exactly the feeling.

Your lover does something that causes you to fall into this thing. And you think, "Whoa .. this thing goes on for quite a ways. What happened to the ground?"

And if you are somebody like me .. who always tries to understand things .. well, good luck with that, my friend. Cuz you're gonna be needing a lot of it.

» The First Date

This story here, where she caught this guy's attention, midsentence, is actually very similar to what happened on our very first 'date' .. if you could even call it that.

That first date .. now there's a story. That's probably 5 or 10 stories in one. Super juicy shit. Downright electric.

I am not going to tell you all my electric stories .. but I can share this one little tidbit.

» Meeting at the Movie Theater

We both went home and showered after work and then met at a movie theater that she gave me directions to. It was still very much daylight out when I arrived at the theater. Daylight definitely seemed safer with this girl.

At the movies in La La Land

I arrived first and was buying some popcorn when the kid behind the counter became transfixed by something behind me.

Something had grabbed his attention completely. He was just talking to me a few seconds ago. Suddenly he was dumb and stupid. So, naturally, I turned to see what had fucked him up like this.

And it was this smoking-hot chick walking across the parking lot toward the entrance. I could see what had captured his attention. I honestly did not even recognize her at first (.. probably because of the over-sized, super-dark shades that she was wearing).

I just thought, "Wow, that girl is certainly most impressive."

After a few secs, I realized that it was her. I became confused .. because I could feel the panther in me wanting to claw at her ass in the worst way. But I couldnt. Or at least, I shouldnt. Right?

We are seeing this movie as a couple of friends who work together. We had been working together for some time by now. Her husband is my boss's boss.

I liked this girl. She was smart. She was fun to talk to. She was guy-savvy.

I felt very strange about what I could and couldnt do .. about what I should and shouldnt do. And about her intentions.

I had never seen her look like that before. She was dressed in something black and snug and curvy. I felt at a severe disadvantage. I could feel myself reaching for skills that I never needed to use before.

She was just acting like everything was normal and hunky dory and we were just two friends catching a movie together.

I should stress here that she already knew me pretty well at this point.

Later, after the movie was over, as we walked out of the cold, well-lit, air conditioned theater and into the steamy warmth of the parking lot in the dark of night, I forget how it came up, but she told me that her husband was 3,000 miles away.

And I thought, "Oh my God, this is just like the shit that happens in the movies .. I wonder what's coming next."

What came next .. now there's a story. We both drove separate cars, so what's going to happen now?

But I'm not going to tell you that story. You could not handle that story. I couldnt handle it either, but that didnt stop her. Not at all.

It might have slowed her down, sure .. but not very much. That was one of the best nights of my life .. oddly enough.

I was one sparkly motherfucker that night. We were sparkling together. It was a long time before I stopped sparkling like that. It feels good to sparkle. And once you sparkle like that .. uh, I should not finish this sentence.

» The Girl Behind the Girl

But she started to show me and reveal to me (bravely) the girl behind the girl .. and this is what I live for. The electricity and the chemistry were off-scale.

I should not say any more along these lines .. but when she climbed into my car .. uh, I should definitely quit here.

I dont want to be a big story-tease .. but the writer must GO TO these places .. in order to write about them.

And the last time I went there, it was a long time before I emerged. And the person who emerged was not the same person who had originally entered.

These are transformative experiences. Very powerful. More than I could handle. But she somehow proved irresistible.

» So the Man

I know that you want me to tell you what her eyes were saying to me .. in that brief, little eternity. But I am not going to write that here.

These things are unspeakable. Words are inadequate. Because it's really about the experience .. about the feeling. I just dont see how you can convey such a thing .. without giving someone the experience.

But I can tell you however .. that, as I was walking back into the plant, the voices in my head were saying » "Dude, you are so the man."

» How Can This Impossible Thing Feel Like the Thing I've Been Searching for All My Life?

But from the logical, rational side of things .. you are wondering » "How can this impossible thing feel so p.e.r.f.e.c.t (for me) .. like the thing that I have been searching for all of my life?" (In an overwhelming sort-of-way)

And I can tell you, my friend, that you will get nowhere with that .. I mean, nowhere that makes any sense. (Trust me.)

But when somebody has that thing .. that something that you need and want and desire and crave .. what can you do with this? What can you do with such a thing?

You cannot resist such a thing. I have had girls tell me, "You are the strongest man I've ever met." .. probably because I worked long-n-hard at building this strength.

By pushing myself. By challenging myself. By letting myself be challenged by others. And by getting myself into predicaments that I needed to develop superhuman skills to get out of. And especially by getting my ass kicked.

But I could not resist this thing. Not even close. Irresistible can become cliche. But I'm talking about the dictionary definition of the word. (I bet that Ariana knows exactly what I am talking about here.)

» The Thing that Makes All the Difference

It would be easy for me to be misunderstood here .. because I am going to make a somewhat cursory statement about a large and complicated topic ..

.. but perhaps you can see now how .. it's not really whether you are a stud or whether you are a babe. (That matters, that counts.)

But rather that .. you have the thing that this other person needs, wants, desires, craves.

So it really is very much about that "something 'bout" .. that you sing about. So enchantingly.

» I Can Feel You Craving My Energy

Heh yourself, girly. I know you want me. I can feel you craving me. Craving my energy.

What is it with you young girls? I know how to deal with girls like you. Naughty girls like you.

I normally just try to ignore them .. but, when you can no longer ignore them .. then, you must deal with them.

And I will be dealing with you, girly .. most severely, I can assure you.

I have some experience in this area. Are you scared? You probably should be.

A voice said, "Dude, if you go ahead and write that about the something 'bout .. she will be impressed and she will want to have sex with you .. in the worst way. I just think I should warn you here. Because that is your special thing that you two share together .. that something 'bout, something 'bout. And you are going to make it very special for her. I'm just warning you."

I'm guessing that this was my ego talking.

This is also why nobody should feel the least bit diminished .. if a girl or a guy isnt "into you". Because, it doesnt mean that you arent cool or valuable or a worthwhile person. It simply means that you dont possess this "something" that the other person needs, wants, desires, craves.

» The Empathy that Comes from Shared Dysfunction

And sometimes, these girls, and I'm sure guys, too .. sometimes they need a certain degree of dysfunction in the relationship .. in order to feel comfortable. Dysfunction is not the right word here, but you feel me.

And the fact that they are not "into you" might very well mean that you are not fucked up enough for them. I know this might sound bizarre, but do your own research and I'm confident you'll concur. Very confident.

See .. if you do possess the dysfunction that this person needs, wants, craves, desires .. then this is going to allow you to resonate in a compassionate way with them.

And this is really what they want and need. They dont actually need the dysfunction, but rather the sense of empathy and compassion that comes with understanding certain dysfunctions.

Again, dysfunction is not really the right word here, but you feel me.

And after a while, you learn that people just need somebody who understands them and accepts them and loves them for who they are, and doesnt come with holier-than-thou judgment or condemnation (.. which certain parenting styles can induce).

» If She Doesnt Dig You .. Maybe You Aint Fucked Up Enough

I probably said too much already. But my point here is that nobody should ever feel bad if somebody isnt feeling you. Because, this might very well be a good thing, my friend.

And if she digs you, it might very well mean that you are fucked up like she is. So .. grain of salt with rejections and when things dont work out.

Some people get broke up over rejections and relationship falters and it's totally unnecessary.

Myself, I possess pretty much every dysfunction that a girl could ever want .. and then some. Again, dysfunction is not the right word here. But there isnt much that I cant empathize with.

To what degree does the term 'resonate' include empathy and compassion? I think to a large degree.

Can you feel this large degree of mine resonating with you, Ariana? On you? To you? I'm sure you can. My energy.

The energy of the world's greatest writer-lover. Resonating with you .. resonating with your soul. With your beautiful soul.

When somebody can light up your world like that .. so dramatically .. and make you feel like you are walking in the clouds among the gods .. well, do I really need to finish this sentence for you?

Because you make me feel like this. ( "Dude, you are so the man." ) You make my nights flame with fire.

I do a little slayin' myself, girly. One slayer always recognizes another. Say hi to Buffy for me .. and that pack of ass-kickin' ninjas of yours. Because I can see that the slaying must continue. The slaying must go on.

Tho I havent had much need for these slayin' skills lately. So I apologize if I seem a bit rusty. Bear with me. It gets better .. it always does. (Slayers know how to set the expectations low .. so that their prey lowers their defenses.)

In his prodigious imagination, he has already lit you up and thrown you down .. and fitted himself into you .. in the most perfect way possible .. so to maximize skin-to-skin contact. Two snakes entwined forever.

Because he wants more than to merely touch your body .. he wants to touch your soul. (He actually wants to do more than just touch it.)

He wants to commune with you .. while cruising the galaxy together. Fully merged. And I'm pretty sure that he has some special planets that he wants to show you.

» Searching for a Frequency to Resonate Most Perfectly

Something inside of him is searching for your rhythm .. so that he can adapt himself to your particular groove. Something in him is searching for a frequency at which the two of you can resonate most perfectly. Most naturally. Most effortlessly.

If you've ever found a lowest common denominator in math class, then you have a feel for what I'm talking about.

Sometimes I dont find the thing I am looking for. This is nature's way of telling me that this girl is not good for me. (Or maybe I am not good for her?)

But I usually find what I am looking for.

And then, once he finds it .. you will know. You will feel it. You will feel it vibing with you. You will feel it taking you .. to these places beyond madness.

Stranger in a Strange Land» Welcome to My World, Girly

Then you will start to hear him talking to you. You will hear him telling you how much you turn him on ..

.. and what he would like to do with all that sexual energy you are giving him.

Telling you what creative things might become of it. Welcome to my world, girly.

You have probably already felt him .. pressing up against you .. testing your particular dimensions. Optimizing the fit.

It's like he is able to leave his body and explore other places.

Perhaps this is merely his imagination .. or maybe it is something more. Perhaps you have felt this something-more of his .. searching for that perfect fit ..

.. where the two can most easily become one. Most naturally.

I'm sure you have. Probably more than once.

» A Special, One-of-a-Kind Unity

I should probably quit here. But it is this special one-of-a-kind unity .. that he is searching for.

But things just need to feel right for him. He's cautious .. because of past experiences with things that he does not really understand.

He is asking himself, "Is this thing going to blow up on me like that last thing did?" [ Classical conditioning is a bitch. ]

Tho, with you .. I somehow suspect that it's your fame that gives him pause.

When I heard you sing, "Made too many mistakes." .. I said (out loud) "Welcome to the club."

» The Things I Hear in Your Voice

I heard so many things in your voice in that song .. things that lie somewhere between the merely remarkable .. and the downright impossible.

I would be lyin' if I said that there wasnt a part of me .. that wanted to make a baby .. with the source of those things .. that I heard. (I make pretty good babies .. they tell me.)

(Please dont release any more songs until I finish this thing .. or it will go on forever. I am going to try to be done by release date. I think I can do that.

It does not look good for fitting everything into a single page, tho. Not at all. I should have known this would happen.)

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on March 19, 2016 3:19 AM.

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