Flirting with Danger - Addendum Part Four

••• today's entry continues here below •••

Stephen did nicely here and here. The second one actually made me laugh surprisingly hard .. which is no small feat, under the anything-but-funny circumstances.

And Samantha scores major points here. I dont understand how the FBI cleared this dipshit.

» More Harm than Good

I had been investigated more than a dozen times and by detectives in three different cities (Laguna Beach, Newport Beach and Costa Mesa) .. and I didnt even do anything.

[ Some people feel that this kind of unrelenting, long-term stress makes you more susceptible and vulnerable to diseases like cancer, because this kind of long-term stress weakens your immune system. ]

They had my ass in court every other week it seemed. (For literally years on end.) On this accusation and that. I've never owned a gun. Ever.

I was cleared of every single one of these accusations ( "unfounded" ) by an investigating body designed to investigate such accusations. Yet the accusations continued. For literally years.

I was taking the bus to court .. because they took away my driver's license .. because I wasnt paying her what they said I needed to pay. I said, "I dont even make that much money."

This obvious meant nothing to them. (I havent had a driver's license for 7 years now.)

Now, you might think that .. being unable to pay more than your even make .. you might think they wouldnt throw your ass in jail for this.

But you'd think wrong, my friend. Actually, you'd think wrong more than just once.

Didnt I tell you that the SY$TEM is really all about the money? They could give a fuck if you live or die. Because they aint about that. They aint about life.

And why did these crazy, false accusations continue for sooo long? Because the system e.n.c.o.u.r.a.g.e.d her to continue. (A lot of peole have jobs because of such accusations, and go to work when these accusations are made. I could see that, sure.)

» You Really Want Me to Respond to this Bullshit?

I had stopped responding to these accusations .. which you do by documenting your side of the story (which is always 180 degrees different from the accusation) ..

.. because I could see that my little documented spiel meant nothing, and that they only really cared about what the investigating body reported.

I mean, why waste any more of my time .. than they are already wasting?

But then they started giving me shit because I wasnt responding. "Oh, you want me to respond to this shit?" I thought. "I will respond .. but I can guarantee you won't like it."

I mean .. this is what I do. Katy Perry knows what I am talking about.

» I am Not Afraid to Toe-Up with these Fuckers

And I not afraid to toe-up with these motherfuckers in positions of authority over me .. when I know I am right. Especially these new people who come to the party after I have already been living here for years .. and they think they know it all.

After spending a few years here, then perhaps, they may. But then, when they have a few years of experience under their belts, I wouldnt need to toe up with them. (Because, then they would know what I know .. and not be so full of shit.)

See, the reason why the commodore said that I was cool, and the reason why he told that captain to go fuck himself .. is because he could see that I was right. (And it never hurts when the squadron master chief likes you. I liked him, too.)

But in the courts, you have no commodore. Rather you have a judge, who is his own judge. There are no such military checks and balances. At least, not for a person with no money.

If you say to your judge, "You are a shitty judge, the shittiest I have seen in years here .. and I think you are severely biased against me .. for many reasons that I would be more than happy to detail for you. I think you should step down from my case and give my case to a judge who can be less obviously biased against me." .. he can say, "No, I think you're wrong. I disagree with you. I am still going to be your judge."

Well, of course, he's going to disagree with me .. that's my whole point. But how can he be the one who makes that decision? Where are the checks and balances?

And sure, they give you a lawyer .. but the lawyer works for them. This is kind of why I call it a "system".

» It Might Take Me Ten Fucking Years

It is a rigged system, which is rigged against you. This system is not interested in justice. No, sir .. rather, they are interested in other things .. I'm sad to say.

(You dont need to be a lawyer or a judge to know the difference between right and wrong, my friend.)

"It might take me ten fucking years," I thought. "but these fuckers are gonna regret this shit." 

I bet that Jennifer Garner's character in Peppermint knows exactly what I am talking about.

[ And it has been about 10 years now. ]

» You Can Bet Your Ass I Was Thinking It

But I went after the system itself in my responses .. including the judge at this time [ I was in court for so many years that I had seen multiple judges come and go ] for encouraging this bullshit .. that everybody agreed was affecting my son.

And no, the judge did not like it. And he let me know .. that he did not like it.

But I did not give a fuck (.. just like Abbe says). No, I did not say "Go fuck yourself," .. but you can bet your ass I was thinking it. (Abby knows what I am talking about .. at t=3:10.)

See .. she had clearly lost her mind. Which I could understand .. because I had put plenty of spicy pepperoni on her pizza. (Because I liked her.) So I was cutting her some slack in this area.

But the court should not be losing its mind .. right along with her. They get paid not to lose their minds. That's why I brang the thunder to their doorstep.

This is also the judge that took away my weekends with the Bug .. even tho the 730 evaluator did not recommend this. He actually went against the 730 evaluator's recommendations (.. which judges are reluctant to do) to fuck me over. 

I let him know that I was not happy about that. And I'm sure he got the message. I was very plain with him about that.

» Something's Gotta Give

If you bring enough pressure to bear .. something's bound to give .. sooner or later.

And I was contacting my congressman, the governor's office, newspapers .. desperate for any kind of help I could find. Because the court was clearly against me. And my son was caught in the middle.

And the court got my message, yes. They read her the riot act right there in front of me. They threatened her. They threatened to take him away from her. And she did not like that one bit, no.

» Prolonged Eye Contact with the Court Stenographer

While the judge is spelling things out for her in capital fucking letters .. the steno girl, the girl who takes notes on the stenography machine ..

.. she looks up and makes eye-contact with me .. while she is documenting what the judge is saying .. eye-contact which we held for an extended pause.

She had helped me in the past (.. which she probably wasnt supposed to do). So I knew that she was sympathetic to my plight.

I could tell you what her eyes were saying to me .. but my point here is that .. this was not a victory. Not hardly.

Rather, it was a most unfortunate thing .. that it had come to this. A swirl of unfortunate feelings. No one should ever have to come to this place of misfortune.

As a writer, I also feel sad .. because there were many super-cool stories I could share about her. But they are all overshadowed by this other shit. Unfortunate .. is the word that comes to mind.

» What Changed?

See .. it is clear that this judge obviously doesnt like me. I mean, he is 180-degrees out from the Harvard Law lady judge.

And I know why this is .. but I will not write that here.

He seems glad that the mom is beating up on me .. which is why he encouraged it to go on for so long.

But it's affecting my son .. everybody agrees that it is. So I was tattoo'ing that message right on his fucking chest.

[ You are encouraging her to continue acting crazy .. and everybody agrees that it's affecting my son. How clear to you need me to get? ]

And no, he didnt like it. But ask me if I gave a fuck.

He actually gave her veto power over me. He wrote in the court order something like » "Parents should try to work shit out .. but if they cant, then, whatever the mom decides goes."

She wanted me to take what little time I had with him, and take him to preschool (daycare) .. on two of the the three days that I had him.

While she only takes him on one of the four days a week that she has him.

Does this sound fair to you?

I called her lawyer and he said, "The judge gave her veto power over you. Too bad for you .. if you cant reach an agreement with her."

Meanwhile half the cost of the day-care gets charged to me. I do not have the money to pay some day-care people to watch him on two of the three days that I have with him. He would rather spend his time with his dad. Go ahead and ask him yourself.

Ask me how many people gave a fuck.

» It Took Two Day-Care Workers to Peel Him Off Me

It broke my heart when it took two day-care workers to peel him off of me .. while he is crying hysterically.

That shit right there fucks you up .. if you have never experienced anything like it.

So basically, she has made every decision between then and now. Because we never agree. On anything. (Ever.)

» "You are Going to have to Litigate Everything .. I Know Girls Like This"

On the subject of never agreeing on anything .. the very first time we ever went to court ..

.. I had a lady lawyer who handed me off to another lady lawyer, who was herself a former prosecutor (formerly worked with and for a prosecutor on these types of cases).

She knew her way around domestic violence accusations, which is why my other lawyer farmed me out to her for this part of the case (a case that would last for many years, unfortunately for me).

This former prosecutor lady (and yes, she was a total hottie) .. she told me, "You are not righteous DV. I know righteous DV, and you are not it."

DV = domestic violence. Righteous means that you really are a violent fucker.

Again, this is our very first day in court, where I have a temporary restraining order pending against me. (Which is obviously total fabricated bullshit.)

This hottie lawyer says to me, while we are waiting for them to open the doors to the courtroom, "I am going to go over there and talk to her. I am pretty good at talking to women and getting them to agree to drop the charges. Things are always so much easier if you can agree on something reasonable."

So she went over there. I myself could not go over there with her, because of the restraining order against me.

A minite or two later, my lawyer came back said, "You are going to have to litigate everything. I know girls like this."

I did not believe my lawyer when she said this .. but fuck is she didnt call it right at the very beginning of this whole thing. Downright prophetic she was.

I tried to get this judge to recuse himself from our case, saying that he was obviously biased and incapable of making an objective opinion.

(I made the quite the case. Trust me. I had to file a separate form for this. And I included a laundry list of of supporting facts with that form.)

But he refused. He insisted on continuing to be the judge on our case.

I'm not even going to tell you the #1 thing .. that really pissed me off. Because that will get me all fired up. And you won't believe it, anyway.

» Just a Matter of Time

Here's what I learned about dealing with these people in positions of authority over me ..

.. when you are in their world, they are king of that world. Particularly so, when you have someone like me, who has zero legal training and no more money for a lawyer (.. because I spent every last penny trying to defend myself against endless baseless accusations .. not to mention max'ing out all my credit cards).

But their world is merely a subdomain of my world. And in my world, it's just a matter of time .. before your ass is mine.

And no one is more patient. So, I wasnt sweatin' it .. at least, not until it started affecting my son.

I understand quite a bit about how authority works. And here's what I learned » everybody has people over them.. people above them. Everybody has a boss. Often many of them.

And I know that the gears of justice will inevitably click around to me .. Mr. Patience Himself. I can almost hear the weeping and the gnashing of teeth now.

I bet that Gary Oldman knows exactly what I am talking about here.

He is talking here about the great evolutionary gear clicking another notch toward justice.

You can feel, you can sense, when you are operating in this authority. And in the back of your head, you are thinking, "Oh, this is going to be so much fun to watch." (Because you have seen it before .. time and again.) It's inevitable. Just a matter of time and timing.

You have to warn them .. and if they dont heed your warning .. then, there was obviously nothing else you could do. You did everything you could do.

Now, it's out of your hands.

But, what can you do with people who simply refuse to hear the truth? .. no matter how many times you try to tell them?

There comes a point where you need to leave them to their own devices .. so that none of their lightning bolts get off on you.

» I Did Not Want Anything Bad to Happen to Her

But I did not want anything bad to happen to her .. because she's still his mom. And I could see (thru my own personal experience, unfortunately) that anything that affects her is going to affect him.

» Not that Kind of Shit

[ This was one of the few things that the Dog (ever) gave me shit about. And I love the Dog so much, and I trust him completely.

Because we have been thru so much together. And I have seen him under pressures most people cant even imagine.

[[ As an aside to an aside .. dont you feel that you know a person better when you have seen them operating under some degree of pressure?

Some people, soon as they experience the most minor inconvenience .. you can immediately see the nastiest nastiness come pouring out of them.

While others, such as the Dog, even under pressures most human beings could not bear .. they remain impressively kind and considerate. ]]

So when the Dog gives me shit about something, I listen .. and I listen closely. Because I know that he has my best interests at heart.

Genuinely .. to a degree that is so remarkable that it is actually difficult to put into words .. and is so inspiring that I have long tried to emulate it myself.

Sometimes I call him out of the blue just to say, "I'm just calling to tell you that I love you, Dog, and that I value our friendship."

And it is only too easy for me to fill these words with a genuineness that gives me great pleasure to fill them with. (Because I do love him, and I do value our friendship.)

Often the Dog will give me shit about things .. but he does it in a way that makes me feel good. (Like he really loves me.) But this was not that kind of shit.

My point here is that .. yes, I heard him.

» My Rearview Mirror

But I couldnt bring myself to intention (« verb-ized) harm on her .. because of him. (Without him, she would have been in my rearview mirror long ago.) ]

And it cost me everything I had. And a lot of money that I did not have.

And I thought, "You fuckers are amazingly slow to figure out this shit that has been intuitively obvious to even the most casual observers for years now."

But, without my spelling it out for them in capital fucking letters .. I doubt that they ever would've seen the light.

(Because, in reality, they only really care about the money. Are you surprised?)

She was still very much an asshole, but the calls to the police and to child protective services magically stopped. But it had taken many years. Many hard years.

» A Good Question

You cannot possibly imagine how hard these years were. Very difficult, indeed.

You are trying to remain sensitive and compassionate and attentive and responsive to your child, to your still-developing young child ..

.. while you need to keep in place the defenses from all the other forces that are continually threatening you with serious and lasting harm ..

.. beginning with the mom, and the courts, and your creditors, and child protective services, various detectives.

Heck, even the dept of motor vehicles wants a piece of your ass. And they all seem to be fighting over any last penny you might still have in your possession.

I could make quite a list here .. of all the people lining up for a piece of your ass. Anybody who has ever tried to negotiate such a thing knows how difficult this is.

To say that it takes a toll on you, and on your health, is quite the understatement.

Would I still have gotten cancer without all this unnecessary harassment? That's a good question .. aint it?

I wonder what Michael Douglas thinks.

I had a lawyer until my money ran out and all my credit cards were max'ed out .. trying to defend myself against the unrelenting tide of accusations.

[ Some people are clearly not good for us .. for our health and sanity. No matter what you do for them, no matter how well you love them, it's never enough. They are like a bottomless pit. An emotional bottomless pit. ]

I had requested lawyer's fees .. but they denied me. Why would the court deny me lawyer's fees for having to defend myself repeatedly against accusations that everybody agrees, time and again, are total bullshit? (Take a guess .. go ahead. I dare you.)

So, perhaps you can see how it seems to me that, if you do nothing wrong, they will continue to fuck with you until you get cancer ..

.. but if you are a genuine dipshit wack-o, a known-violent wack-o, who sympathizes with and resonates with other hateful, violent wack-o's, then they will gladly let you go about you business and purchase military-grade assault rifles with no questions asked.

Can you see how I might have this impression about our systems that are supposedly set in place to protect us?

I'm sure that I'm wrong, but perhaps you can see how, from my perspective, it seems like they are doing more harm than good.

I could really get off on a wild-ass tangent here .. but I won't. But this is why I see a failure in these public systems. A big, fat failure.

The deadliest mass shooting massacre in our nation's history .. from a known-violent dipshit wack-o. What the fuck?

[ I told them that their asses were mine. And I aint done with them yet .. not by a long shot. He who refuses .. let him refuse. That's what I always say.

I am building a case for a higher court. These fuckers never seen anything like me before. I'm just getting warmed up. Wait 'til I take off my jacket.

Do you hear that sound? Sounds like the weeping and gnashing of teeth. Didnt I tell you? ]

» A Crisis Without Equal on Earth

Earlier in the addendum I mentioned that I was moving on to Nietzsche. And I said, "Maybe I should tell you later." (what Nietzsche is about for me).

Well, now is obviously later.

Speaking existentially .. Nietzsche is about (for me) » a crisis without equal on earth (t=1:20).

[ This is kinda where Marshall comes in. ]

» Setting the Trip-Wire

There is a thing, a writing thing, that I noticed Hemingway does [ I'm sure there are others ] .. where he mentions or references something, and later in the story he delivers on that reference.

He expounds on it. He returns to it. He sheds more light on that particular reference.

I dont even remember, right now, exactly what he was referencing .. but I remember the effect that it had on me .. and that I liked the effect.

It made you-the-reader feel like Hemingway-the-writer really loved his readers .. really cared for them.

I call this particular technique (my own terminology) » setting the trip-wire .. the literary trip-wire.

But, when I set that trip-wire .. regarding what Nietzsche meant to me .. I wasnt really planning to deliver on it. Because it seemed so far from the present topic.

Then Pulse in Orlando happened. And the delivery seemed to come on its own.

In a way, I watch myself work. I watch what I write, and from this certain perspective .. I am trying to figure out myself. "What the fuck are you doing here?" I sometimes ask myself. (More than just sometimes, actually.)

And I could fall off here into such a tangent .. but my point is that, and my reason for inserting this commentary is, perhaps, that ..

.. I can feel myself sending you little secret messages .. that are trying to tell you .. that I really love you. (And that's a true-true statement.)

Heh yourself, girly. Slayers Inc.

This seems to be happening on its own. Like something in me is sending you secret messages .. affectionate messages. So weird. But there you have it.

» This Shit Will Make You Crazy

Nietzsche went bat-shit crazy. He completely lost his mind. He fell off the deep end. And he fell hard. And he never got back up.

Nietzsche was a visionary. He saw the same shit that everybody else saw .. but he saw it in a little different light.

Nobody really knows for sure why Nietzsche lost his mind, tho gamblers would probably go with syphilis .. which was bad, back in the days before wonder drugs.

The thing that did it for him .. the thing that triggered Nietzsche's descent into insanity .. was when he saw some guy beating a horse on the street.

Nietzsche ran up and hugged the horse's neck, trying to spare the helpless animal a cruel and merciless beating.

To me, this speaks of a sensitivity for the helpless.

There were many others there who saw the same horse getting beat, but only Nietzsche tried to protect the helpless animal .. and who, unfortunately, lost his mind in the process.

My point here is that .. when you see things in a certain light .. it can make you crazy.

» Trick-Fucked Into Defending Values that Have Already Been Condemned

Now, I dont know everything. But, what I do know is this » you never want to find yourself in a place .. where you are trick-fucked into defending a losing proposition ..

.. or defending values that have already been judged and condemned.

That's what I know.. for certain. We live in dangerous times, my friend.

Let no one say that I didnt try to warn them .. repeatedly. He who refuses .. let him refuse. That's what I always say.

See .. if you get trick-fucked one time, then you could say I didnt know that I was being trick-fucked. But, if you willingly accept and embrace and believe lies a second time .. then, you no longer have gullibilty as an excuse.

Because you have already been down that road. You already know where these lies take you. Now you yourself will be held responsible for your decision.

I cannot tell you the number of times that I thought, "These fuckers are digging their own graves with their mouths. How can they not see that? They actually seem proud of it. Do they really love money that much?"

You will see what I mean .. sooner or later. It's inevitable. I can almost hear the weeping and gnashing of teeth now.

Dumb & Dumber » Blair & Bush

Welcome to the new age .. where we have some new rules.

It's bad enough that you fuck up the whole world for your own generation ..

.. with your incredibly shitty decision points.

But try not to fuck it up for the generations that come after you, too.

And all of it being over money.

» The Signature Defect

The point where the Wealthy put money into the hands of our elected officials ..

.. that is the exact point of corruption in our government today.

That is the root problem of why our country is so fucked up.

The signature defect. (Here's a graph for people who like pictures.)

I can hear Lord Cromwell calling to them now.

Our elected officials claim that this money doesnt affect their decision-making process. But, come on .. who are they kidding?

They make this preposterous claim, hoping that the ignorant and the uneducated will believe them, because they want the money .. and they want it badly.

Very badly, or so it would seem. They want it even more badly than they want the trust of the American people.

This is exactly why the American people no longer trust our elected officials. They are corrupt .. because they desire the money from the Wealthy more than our trust.

"Fuck your trust," their actions say to us, giving us-the-people a big middle finger. "We would rather have all this money that the Wealthy are so generously "giving" us .. to tell them all the things that they want to hear."

Come live out here with us little people for a while .. and you'll see more clearly what I mean. (Dont just visit .. but rather, come live with us for a while.)

I dont know how else to spell it out for them any more clearly.

Should I use capital fucking letters, maybe?

I have been trying to tell them, for what seems like a very long time now ..

.. that our elected leaders have teamed up and joined forces with the Wealthy ..

.. to craft an national algorithm that works only for them.

It is clearly designed to give more power to the Powerful and more wealth to the Wealthy.

Self-serving motherfuckers.

» Your Shitty Self-Serving Algorithm Does Not Work for Us the People

And I have been trying to tell them that their algorithm does not work for us .. nor do we accept their shitty, self-serving algorithm. (Did I stutter?)

Now, either they can fix it themselves (inept as they are to do anything that does not put money into their pockets) .. or we will bring increasingly uncomfortable amounts of thunder to their doorsteps.

Are you getting the message yet? .. or do I need to make myself more clear?

Because, I can certainly wax more clearly for you .. if you need me to .. if you are having trouble grasping the gist of my message. (Please tell me that you are getting the message.)

Welcome to the new age. Let me show you around a little .. how we do here.

I have learned, from my years in various management positions .. that people tend to hear what they WANT to hear. And I can assure you that this is a message that I know (from . your . actions) that you DONT want to hear.

I am hoping that you are smarter than this. But I have been wrong about our elected officials before.

So, sometimes you need to tattoo the fucking message right on their fucking chest .. before they get it. Do you need me to get out my tattoo pen?

I am trying to save our country from these greedy fuckheads who care only about the money.

Perhaps it is already too late. Perhaps the country is already on a path to chaos that is already irreversible.

But if you really care about the country (and not just your own bank account) .. then I would certainly hope that you at least TRY.

Perhaps a little Dylan might help jog them from their bubble-world. He said » "When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose."

And your shitty national algorithm gives us pretty close to nothing .. when you divide it up among so many..

.. because your shitty national algorithm of historic inequality gives so much to those who already have far more wealth than they could ever possibly spend in a thousand lifetimes.

More clarity you need? I got lots more for you. And all of it comes free of charge.

Let me know (by your actions, of course) that you are getting the message .. otherwise I will assume that you just arent getting it.

And I will naturally feel inclined to make things clearer for you .. because I love my country so much. Unlike some of you greedy fuckers.

» Hillary vs Lord Cromwell

Hillary, give Wall Street its money back. Give them back the whole powder-blue duffel bag stuffed full of fifties and hundred-dollar bills.

Man that must've been some fucking speech you gave, Hil .. to get "paid" all that money.

More money than most Americans make for doing years of back-breaking work.

By the way, what exactly did you tell them?

That must have been some highly inspirational shit .. for them to "pay" you so much money.

I'm surprised that your speeches havent been leaked to the public yet.

Perhaps, 48 hours before election day, they will all come out. (I'm pretty sure that they will.

I wonder how much somebody might be willing to pay for them. They probably have them already.

Doesnt Putin have nice things to say about Trump? Wall Street is opportunistic by nature. They can certainly see the value of a secret recording of your 'speeches'.)

Oh, look .. I was right. Yet again. You should've seen that coming, Hill. It was so obvious.

How could you not see that coming? What else cant you see coming? Where are you focusing your attention .. to miss the obvious like this?

Rad note » I have moved my love-letter to Hillary to its own page where it belongs .. see here » Hillary's Lack of Foresight & Alarmingly High Veteran Suicide Rates

At the end of that page, you'll find a link that return you here to this exact section.

< end insert July 16, 2016 please fix the fucking VA and help our veterans heal >

End update June 12, 2016 ■■■

End of Addendum Part Four. I just cant seem to quit this girl. The Addendum to the Addendum is here » Flirting with Danger - Addendum to the Addendum.

Previous page » Flirting with Danger - Addendum Part Three.

Analyze this page's HTML profile » here.

Radified home

<ignore this intentional bottom text spacer, too>