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This page continues from nowhere. It begins a new thread. This could be dangerous.

» Must Drop the Initial HTML Set-Up for this Page by Midnight Tonight

For some reason that I am not entirely sure about .. I feel compelled to post this particular page on this very day .. with this title.

[ Right now the time is 11:44 PM, and this page is live. That is cutting it a little close.]

Such mandatory things frequently (not always) seem to come when you are least prepared .. and you simply have to suck it up and throw it down.

» The Sneaky Way that Life Seems to Bring Its Bigger Challenges When You Feel Least Prepared to Respond

I have noticed that what I call 'nadir writing,' where you are giving external voice to internal voice .. when you really dont feel like it, physically speaking ..

This type of writing forces you to dig deeper .. to someplace beyond you own human abilities and talents and skills and strengths. Or, at least this is the way it feels.

I guess my point here is to say that, although the timing of such things might seem to suck .. if you can find a way to suck-it-up and throw-it-down .. you can get some really cool stuff .. that you can get no other way.

Plus it feeds your sense of artistic self-confidence when you are able to strike while the iron is hot, so to speak, and capture lightning in a bottle.

When you can execute a complex skill-set on demand in short order .. and even when you might not feel like it .. but you are able to do it anyway .. this is a powerful thing.

This is a powerful person. This is someone who can kick ass and take names. This a powerful person kicking ass and taking names and making it look easy .. even though it is far from easy. Very far. (Katy Perry and Cardi B know what I am taking about.)

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Filling it Up and Sending it Back to Ariya

» Sender was a Woman

Hi Ariya.

I saw your performance in St. Petersburg on 31 March 2019. (Video posted two days ago on 17 April.)

Ariya holding an empty box in St Petersburg that she is sending to me (31 March 2019)

It very much spoke to me .. in a personal and intimate sort-of-way .. which is why I feel compelled to respond.

I found your performance both enchanting and irresistibly seductive .. for a number of reasons. A large number.

» Currently in the Process of Filling Your Box

I just want you to know that I have received your empty box, and that I am currently in the process of filling it up .. as you instructed.

When I finish filling it, I will send it back to you.

Would you like to know what kinds of treats I will be putting in your box? (I bet you would.)

Many delightful and wonderful things .. I can assure you. Maybe even some things that you have never seen before.

» I Feel Like a New Woman .. How Do You Do That?

A number of women have told me things like, "I have never felt anything like that before. How do you do that? I feel like a new woman." 

See if you dont feel a few of these things by the time I am done filling your box .. and when you have had an opportunity to examine the little treats that I made just for you.

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I have Never Been Here Before

When I first heard that you were coming out next with a video for breathin' (released Wed, 7 Nov 2018) I wondered what kind of concept you would come up with.

"What's she gonna bring?" I wondered. "What can she bring with a song like this?" [ The scope seemed rather narrow .. the possibilities limited. Silly me. ]

Some days had passed and I forgot all about the video .. until I saw the thumbnail for it .. right there in front of me.

» The Most Excited Sense of Anticipation I have Ever Felt

This is definitely the most excited I have felt. By far .. and I am always excited to see your new stuff. But this was special.

The sense of anticipation with this particular video .. and the surrounding curiosity and the hint of a promise of worlds that I didnt even know existed .. was too much for me.

As if on its own, my hand shot out and hovered directly over the trackpad .. less than an inch away.

I was starting to click when I better saw the details of the image of you on the thumbnail.

Ariana breathin video thumbnail (7 Nov 2018)

That's when I froze. (I am cautious with girls like you.)

Even without clicking the link, the voice in my head said, "Oh, I see where she is going with this."

I see how you are, girly. I see how you work. You are clever. This I will freely admit.

You never cease to impress me and to challenge me. You sometimes do things to me that I cannot even put into words. (But that doesnt stop me from trying.)

So I didnt click on it. My sense of restraint has been impressing girls for years.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Five

This entry continues from here » Page Four (1 Nov 2018).

» Send a Moving Truck with a Couple of Strong Dudes

Maybe you could send a moving truck here .. a few days before New Years .. along with a couple of muscular dudes to load my shit. I have very little stuff.

Everything I have could easily fit into the smallest U-haul truck. And then they could take me to my new place.

I have no bed. No furniture. Just clothes and books and a laptop. A couple of bikes. It makes moving easy. Unencumbered.

Heck, I probably really only need one strong dude.

My mom used to say, "The things you own end up owning you."

You can spend a good chunk of your life just tending to all your stuff .. and not writing or creating, or tending to the things that are really important in life.

I got rid of most of my crap when I moved here from Orange county. (Here in northern San Diego county. It takes an hour to get to the OC. Probably 75 mins all the way to Laguna.)

So right about now is when I can use that bed .. the one with my name on it. (You and Nicki must have ESP.)

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Four

This entry continues from here » Page Three (1 Nov 2018).

» Writing and Intimacy both Represent Formidable Challenges

One of the reasons why, Ariana, I am drawn to, and pursue, intimacy .. is for the same reason that I am drawn to and pursue writing.

Both can be tricky and challenging to negotiate .. both come with incubation periods that deter most explorers .. and both come with pay-offs that you can get no other way. (If you really must know.)

I wonder what Kierkegaard thinks about that.

Intimacy is probably the domain in which you learn the most about yourself. Perhaps this is because this is where you speak most openly and honestly and frankly.

» Nothing More Difficult than Escaping Self-Deception

On the subject of taking on challenging endeavors .. Wittgenstein says that nothing is more difficult than escaping self-delusion.

I would have to agree with him there. It might not even be humanly possible .. but I can guarantee you that the journey is not boring. Talk about things that you did not even know existed.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Three

This entry continues from here » Page Two (1 Nov 2018).

» Sponsoring a Starving Writer

Ewan McGregor as Christain the writer in Moulin Rouge!Anyway .. so I was thinking, girly.

Since we are already in love,

and because we make such a good team,

and because we now have a history,

a rich history,

and because we will always be in love forever ..

.. I think you should consider sponsoring a starving writer.

And in return, I will continue to write and push the envelope,

and continue what I have already been doing for years ..

so we can see where this story takes us.

I should probably give you some time to think about it.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Two

This entry continues from here » Page One (1 Nov 2018).

» When Life Starts to Crumble Around You

You learn a lot about people, girly, when their life starts to crumble around them.

Sandcastle at the beach with the tide coming in.

It happens to everybody, you know .. at some time or other.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page One

» The Homeless Starving Writer

Girly, I just learned today that, due to circumstances beyond my control, I will be more-or-less homeless come January 1st. (The day of new beginnings.)

SOS written in the snow from the film Arctic (1 Feb 2019)

Though, I must say that it feels right. It feels like change is in the air. It feels natural and organic. And timing is important.

(Eddie Glenn knows what I am talking about. Poor Eddie Glenn.)

I have been homeless before .. but that was back when I had a car, and a drivers license and some money. And some credit cards that werent max'ed out yet. And I still had good physical stamina. And a voice box that did not have radiation scarring.

[ All my doctors say that long-term stress is not good .. because it weakens the immune system. ]

» Responding to Anxiety-Inducing Events

Perhaps I am not articulating this accurately .. but you feel me when I say that anxiety can sometimes be a good thing. It can provide you with the motivation that you did not have before.

And it can even be the thing that helps kick you over into your true voice.

» Maybe I am Taking this Authentic Thing Too Far

Perhaps I am taking this authentic thing too seriously. Perhaps I should compromise my sense of artistic values.

Dont think I havent thought about it. More than once. Shakespeare knows what I am talking about.

'To thy own self be true ..' says Polonius in Hamlet Acts 1 Scene 3.

In the end, the thing that a writer is really after (.. okay, besides the super-hottie singers who sing from their hearts) the thing the writer really desires is ..

.. is simply the ability to speak to whatever-thing might need speaking to.

"Yes, I can speak to this thing here because I have been there. I have done that myself. Remind me to tell you that story sometime. That's a good story."

You gain insights and understanding while actually in a thing .. that you can get no other way.

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This entry originated at the end of this page » Another Mind-Fucking Tragedy (14 Sept 2018).

» Looking So Happy You Could Melt

You look happy here.

The Wizard and I | NBC's A Very Wicked Halloween (29 Oct 2018)

It made me happy to see you happy.

I included a different image of you here, in a section labeled » A Sense of Satisfaction that Permeates Even the Furthest Reaches of Your Soul (2 May 2018).

This is a remarkable performance. I have watched it more times than I would ever admit. It makes me feel good.

Your poor foot. It must be throbbing by now.

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Sense of SELF & Escaping Self-Deception

This page continues from here » Another Mind-Fucking Tragedy (14 Sept 2018).

» Sense of SELF Based Internally vs Externally

The thing that makes it easier with the dissolving and ultimate death of a toxic relationship .. is when you have confidence and self-respect for your own value and worth .. as a child of God ..

.. and knowing that you possess within yourself something truly divine .. upon which you can set your sorrows over the death of this relationship.

I have discussed this already on Page Five .. right after the section where I write, "Wow .. I actually feel like I am in love."

If your sense of self is based externally, then this makes the death of the relationship all the more distressing.

But the end of a relationship that it sucking the life out of you .. this is a net-gain for sure.

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