Recently in girls Category

I have Never Been Here Before

When I first heard that you were coming out next with a video for breathin' (released Wed, 7 Nov 2018) I wondered what kind of concept you would come up with.

"What's she gonna bring?" I wondered. "What can she bring with a song like this?" [ The scope seemed rather narrow .. the possibilities limited. Silly me. ]

Some days had passed and I forgot all about the video .. until I saw the thumbnail for it .. right there in front of me.

» The Most Excited Sense of Anticipation I have Ever Felt

This is definitely the most excited I have felt. By far .. and I am always excited to see your new stuff. But this was special.

The sense of anticipation with this particular video .. and the surrounding curiosity and the hint of a promise of worlds that I didnt even know existed .. was too much for me.

As if on its own, my hand shot out and hovered directly over the trackpad .. less than an inch away.

I was starting to click when I better saw the details of the image of you on the thumbnail.

Ariana breathin video thumbnail (7 Nov 2018)

That's when I froze. (I am cautious with girls like you.)

Even without clicking the link, the voice in my head said, "Oh, I see where she is going with this."

I see how you are, girly. I see how you work. You are clever. This I will freely admit.

You never cease to impress me and to challenge me. You sometimes do things to me that I cannot even put into words. (But that doesnt stop me from trying.)

So I didnt click on it. My sense of restraint has been impressing girls for years.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Five

This entry continues from here » Page Four (1 Nov 2018).

» Send a Moving Truck with a Couple of Strong Dudes

Maybe you could send a moving truck here .. a few days before New Years .. along with a couple of muscular dudes to load my shit. I have very little stuff.

Everything I have could easily fit into the smallest U-haul truck. And then they could take me to my new place.

I have no bed. No furniture. Just clothes and books and a laptop. A couple of bikes. It makes moving easy. Unencumbered.

Heck, I probably really only need one strong dude.

My mom used to say, "The things you own end up owning you."

You can spend a good chunk of your life just tending to all your stuff .. and not writing or creating, or tending to the things that are really important in life.

I got rid of most of my crap when I moved here from Orange county. (Here in northern San Diego county. It takes an hour to get to the OC. Probably 75 mins all the way to Laguna.)

So right about now is when I can use that bed .. the one with my name on it. (You and Nicki must have ESP.)

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Four

This entry continues from here » Page Three (1 Nov 2018).

» Writing and Intimacy both Represent Formidable Challenges

One of the reasons why, Ariana, I am drawn to, and pursue, intimacy .. is for the same reason why I am drawn to and pursue writing.

Both are tricky to negotiate, both come with incubation periods that deter most explorers, and both come with pay-offs that you can get no other way. (If you really must know.)

Intimacy is probably the domain in which you learn the most about yourself. Perhaps this is because this is where you speak most openly and honestly and frankly.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Three

This entry continues from here » Page Two (1 Nov 2018).

» Sponsoring a Starving Writer

Anyway .. so I was thinking, girly .. since we are already in love and whatnot, and because we make such a good team, and because we now have a history .. a rich history .. and because we will always be in love forever ..

.. I think that you should sponsor a starving writer. And in return, I will continue to write and push the envelope and continue what I have already been doing for years .. so we can see where this story takes us.

I should probably give you some time to think about it.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Two

This entry continues from here » Page One (1 Nov 2018).

» When Life Starts to Crumble Around You

You learn a lot about people, girly, when their life starts to crumble around them.

Sandcastle at the beach with the tide coming in.

It happens to everybody, you know .. at some time or other. Emile and Sinead know what I am talking about.

Sinead discusses life after Clevver (20 Nov 2018)

And more than just once or twice, too .. over the course of a lifetime.

Right after I called bro, I called cousin Patti. She lives in Connecticut. She is so good at helping me deal with shit like this. I called her every other day during treatment. When my voice gave out, we traded emails.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page One

» The Homeless Starving Writer

Girly, I just learned today that, due to circumstances beyond my control, I will be more-or-less homeless come January 1st. (The day of new beginnings.)

Though, I must say that it feels right. It feels like change is in the air. It feels natural and organic. And timing is important.

(Eddie Glenn knows what I am talking about. Poor Eddie Glenn.)

I have been homeless before .. but that was back when I had a car, and a drivers license and some money. And some credit cards that werent max'ed out yet. And I still had good physical stamina. And a voice box that did not have radiation scarring.

» Responding to Anxiety-Inducing Events

Perhaps I am not articulating this accurately .. but you feel me when I say that anxiety can sometimes be a good thing. It can provide you with the motivation that you did not have before.

And it can even be the thing that helps kick you over into your true voice.

» Maybe I am Taking this Authentic Thing Too Far

Perhaps I am taking this authentic thing too seriously. Perhaps I should compromise my sense of artistic values.

Dont think I havent thought about it. More than once. Shakespeare knows what I am talking about.

'To thy own self be true ..' says Polonius in Hamlet Acts 1 Scene 3.

But in the end the thing that a writer is really after (.. okay, besides the super-hottie singers who sing from their hearts) the thing the writer really desires is ..

.. is simply the ability to speak to whatever-thing might need speaking to.

"Yes, I can speak to this thing here because I have been there. I have done that myself. Remind me to tell you that story sometime. That's a good story."

You gain insights and understanding while actually in a thing .. that you can get no other way.

When you are talking to a dude who is trying to portray themself as something that they are not .. and he doesnt know that you have already been there and done that .. well, I am not even going to finish this sentence. But you feel me.

"I can converse on a meaningful level about this thing because I have been there."

This right here is the heart of (for me) the existential mindset and approach. By which I mean how all these experiences affect me personally. On a personal basis.

» Why Am I Feeling So Chill?

I was surprised at myself .. for reacting so calmly to the news. (Plus I got a flu shot today and was feeling a little achy.)

I was wondering "Is this because the Zoloft is so good? Is this why I am feeling so chill when I should probably be freaking out?" 

I could easily justify taking an Ativan right now with this kind of news .. but I dont feel like I need it.

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Another Mind-Fucking Tragedy

This page continues from here » Is This Not a Trippy Coincidence? (14 Sept 2018).

» More Trippy Coincidences

I hesitate to mention it .. but, on the subject of trippy coincidences, and things that cause depression and anxiety .. what do you think about Mac's most recent video titled Self Care (12 July 2018)?

Mememto mori, Mac Miller Self Care (12 July 2018)

Particularly the part where he carves into a coffin lid with the blade of a pocket knife the words MEMENTO MORI?

The song is titled Self Care, yet he is smoking a cigarette in a closed space. He takes a drag right after he sings, "I'm treatin' me right."

» Taunting Death

In other words, he is clearly not taking care of himself. He seemed to be taunting death.

Mac Miller lying in a coffin Self Care (12 July 2018)

Drunk driving is not only being reckless with your own life, but also with the lives of others.

Do you think he could he see his future?

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Is This Not a Trippy Coincidence?

This entry originated here » Anxiety and Depression - Page One (27 July 2018).

» Am I Feeling this Girl More than I Realize?

Girly, I noticed that you just released a song titled » breathin (23 Aug 2018). Dont you think that this is a trippy coincidence? (Given the lyrics.)

I posted my page on anxiety back on July 27, a month before you posted your breathin single. And you had also said some things along these lines with Jimmy on August 16th.

Shit started getting funky on July 1st. Ten days later I thought I was having a heart attack or dying. June was spent taking the escalator up to July 1st.

Sometimes timing is more important than at other times. You feel me. Maybe I am feeling you even more than I realize.

I had a similar feeling with Julie Allen .. in that I am obviously experiencing this terribly unpleasant thing .. which is connected to this girl .. to this very cool girl. A motivated girl .. who suffers mental health issues from time to time.

And yet it doesnt seem like I should be feeling this thing so strongly. And here is where I usually try-n-figure out how such a thing can be.

Speaking of trying to figure out how such a thing can be .. do you think that this anxiety is some kind of sympathetic sort of thing?

Selena is upset when Justin is upset

Selena knows what I am talking about. When you really love someone, you accept them flaws-n-all. No?

But, when I started having these attacks, I did not know that you were also having them. Heck, I didnt even know what they were myself. I didnt know what was happening to me.

I am normally very good at handling and dealing with stressful situations which could easily trigger anxiety. I normally kick large amounts of ass in this area.

Angst or 'existential anxiety' (at t=2:35)

You're right that it is like the worst feeling. Afterwards I thought, "I can see why they use waterboarding. It instantly produces severe anxiety .. not being able to catch your breath."

It sucks very badly. It feels like a form of torture. Especially when it seems like it is not going to stop. And when you dont know what is happening to you.

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Your Foot Must be Starting to Get Very Sore

» Better Get that Baby in a Bucket of Ice Right Away

Girly, your foot must be starting to get very sore .. from kicking so much ass.

Ariana singing GiaW 2018 VMAs Radio City NYC 20 August

[ What do you think, lovergirl, of this shot of you that I grabbed here? This was a very challenging image for me to work with. I kept cropping it down more and more. Can you see why? I see you, girly. Are you doing this on purpose? What a look. I am so glad that we will always be in love forever. Can you blame me? I see that you have your hair down here. ]

You should probably get that puppy in a bucket of ice right away. I hear that this can help keep down the swelling.

My brother is a surgeon who specializes in feet. (Lots of bones in the feet.) So I can get you a good deal if you need an operation.

I mean, if you keep kicking ass like this ..

Ariana singing Dangerous Woman with James Corden Carpool Karaoke (15 Aug 2018)

.. then, who knows what kind of shape your foot is going to be in?

You want to ice it off-n-on for the first 48-72 hours. Then transition to heat and massage to promote healing.

Let me know if you need help with the massage part. (Girls tell me all the time what nice hands I have .. if you really must know.)

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Titanic in a Single Take

I think that we are really no-shit in love .. for all intents and purposes. It definitely feels that way.

Ariana singing My Heart Will Go On (13 Aug 2018)

I see you here, girly .. with your back to audience. I see you. Dont think that I missed that.

You sing so good sometimes that I can hardly stand it.

This was a very creative endeavor .. especially the way you used parts of all those (13) songs .. and all those different sets.

You visit and explore, ever so briefly, so many different emotions.

I can feel the part of me that creates universes being impressed.

James is very good at this type of thing. He was holding his own. (I can tell that he really likes you.)

I particularly like the way you balance the tragedy with comedy. The comedy helps you better handle the tragedy.

I see your bandage. Looks like you got yourself an owie there on your hand. Do you want me to kiss it and make it all better?

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This page is an archive of recent entries in the girls category.

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