Lolita and Joyce's Portrait Arrive from Amazon

Rad note » this entry originated from another page. It was moved here to its own, separate entry. (It's a long story.) Here ya go ...

Did I tell you that my new Lolita book just arrived? It came with Joyce's Portrait. I have listened to the audio book of Portrait, but you cant study the text with an audio book.

I especially loved listening to a narrator reading Joyce with a strong Irish accent. But for the paperback that just arrived, I couldnt help but notice that the 37-page introduction by Seamus Deane begins like so:

James Joyce | Age 6 (1888)A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916) ends with a beginning.

Stephen Dedalus emerges in the last pages of the last chapter as the 'I' who will 'forge .. the uncreated conscience of my race'.

Because this reminds me of what was said about Dostoevsky .. that he was » ".. one of a handful of thinkers who forged the modern sensibility..."

» You Down with That, Lover?

I think this is "the thing" that I want to do with you, girly. One of the things, anyway.

I want to forge a Third millennium sensibility with you. I want to forge the uncreated conscience of my race with you.

While we explore together the entire range of moral experience.

You down with that, girly? I should probably give you some time to think about it.

» I Dont Want to Hear You Squealing

I dont want to hear you squealing like a girl and whatnot .. cuz you're so scared.

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••• today's entry continues here below •••

If you want easy .. I am not the guy for easy. [ Dont try this at home, kids. This is only for highly-trained professionals. ]

How's that sound for a first date? I bet that you have never done such a thing before. If you are going to hang around with me, girly .. and if you insist on being quantumly entangled with me .. then buckle up.

Because you are going to see many things you've never seen before. And you will feel many things that you have never felt before. (At least, that's what everybody keeps telling me.)

This is why everybody has been telling you to give me up. Well, one of the reasons. There are more, of course. Many more.

I'm sure that you have heard the talk going 'round, with folks saying, "Ariana was such a nice girl .. until she got involved with that writer."

» Portrait Centennial

Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man (1916) by James Joyce2016 (December 29) is the 100-year anniversary of the Portrait book.

[ Ulysses, by the way, was published on 2-2-22, Joyce's 40th birthday.

Random House ranks Ulysses as the #1 best novel of the entire twentieth century. (English language.)

Notice how this page was posted on 2-22-12. ]

Lolita may be ranked the #4 best book of the century, but Portrait is ranked #3.

» Thank God for James Joyce

This book is the reason why I thanked God for James Joyce.

I wasnt trying to .. rather I couldnt help it. That's how grateful I felt.

You know the feeling .. when you learn that there's somebody else out there who is like you.

Somebody who really gets you. I very much like this feeling. Did I say very?

» A Brief Prosperity that Quickly Collapsed into Poverty

The very first page, adjacent to the cover, begins by saying that Joyce was »

"the oldest of ten children in a family which, after brief prosperity, collapsed into poverty."

Without knowing any of the details of his life, I could wax verbose on how this collapse helped to make James Joyce one of, if not thee greatest writer of the century.

I can see now that the writer needs to » come to the end of himself.

And sometimes this takes a while. (But it's rarely a pleasant thing.) Because he needs to be okay with nothing but his words.

» A Writer is Basically Somebody Who Puts Things into Words

See .. a writer is basically » somebody who puts things into words. And to the degree that you-the-person are in the way (.. between the thing and the words) .. this can hinder the writing. I can see that now.

I love James Joyce. He is a writer with the soul of a poet. I love people who make me feel less alone in the world. This is one of the reasons why I love you, girly.

» Oops .. Did I Just Say It?

Oops .. did I just say it? How did this happen? I was being so careful not to say it .. to merely dance around it .. and get close as I could. Without actually saying it.

It's all Joyce's fault .. I'm blaming the whole thing on him. I need to be more careful in the future. It's a slippery slope with you, girly .. and I just slipped.


I almost made it to the end of summer without saying it. The end of summer is little more than a week away. So close.

You cant say that I didnt try, girly. You cant say that I didnt make an effort. Sometimes our best efforts are simply not enough.

But you do make me feel less alone in the world. So I probably shouldnt be surprised.

» Organic Love from Organic Writing

Did you notice how naturally and organically that came? That I-love-you. This is one of my signature elements that I try to differentiate my writing with. That authentic aspect.

[ On the subject of differentiating thyself .. back when I was learning about web design and visual metaphor,

I remember selecting the color that I use on the home page .. that blue-green color that I use for the unvisited links and the side-bars.

I wanted something like the color of the glowing Cherenkov radiation. But I also wanted something distinctive.

I wanted a color that you didnt see every day. Why was I looking for such a color? A distinctive color. ]

That's not easy to do .. that organic stuff. I have to add my special sauce .. in order to do that.

This obviously means that I must really like you .. and that I'm trying to impress you. Because I see myself breaking out the good stuff for you. The fine linen. Even my signature stuff.

There is nothing quite like that first, authentic 'I love you' .. when it comes organically. Wouldnt you say, girly?

Especially when these I-love-you's come because our lover could no longer help themself. And when it becomes obvious that they do indeed love you .. even before they actually declare it verbally. I think you would agree with me here, girly.

Right here, right now .. I think you would agree with me.

Speaking of breaking out the good stuff for you .. have you noticed .. how the phrase "I'm not going to say that I love you..." parallels the title » Not Talking About Writing ?

Heh yourself, girly.

When you can see that it clearly comes from the heart .. and when it contains the thing that you need .. then you know it's not an illusion.

I try to let the things come to me at their own time, in their own way. This works for me .. this natural, authentic aspect to things.

You yourself work for me, girly .. you work well for me. In this natural, organic, authentic sense.

When things come to me in the natural, organic way .. ah, I probably shouldnt continue down this path. Down this tangent. I can already see the rabbit hole forming. Right before my very eyes.

» Distinguishing Yourself as an Artist

Let me just say this one thing here, and then get out of this point as quickly as possible.

» I am not a Competitive Writer Like Hemingway

See, Hemingway .. he is a very competitive writer. I am not competitive in the sense that Hemingway is competitive. At least, not in the way I understand him to be from reading his writing and some of the things that he has said along these very lines.

(Are you competitive, girly?)

Hemingway was dressed as a girl for the first five years of his life.Supposedly this was not such a strange thing among wealthy Europeans back during the turn of the century when Hemingway was born.

I couldnt be wrong, but it seems like that would fuck up any guy. And I cant help but feel that this is the reason why Hemingway felt such a strong need to emphasize the macho masculine aspects of his life.

But I do indeed believe that the writer, and any artist, for that matter .. should differentiate themselves. In whatever way they deem proper.

If someone were to ask, "What distinguishes your writing from that of others?" the writer should say, "I'm glad you asked .. let me show you."

[ Tho, it should be obvious .. if they have read your writing, and been exposed to your art. ]

Perhaps I should think about it before I say it, but I feel like my competitiveness comes out in this area of distinguishing yourself. Because this is where you are most being yourself (.. if done right, if done correctly).

» It's All Your Fault, Girly

I joke with you sometimes, Ariana .. that it's all your fault. But really .. it is. Do you know what this means?

Dare we find out where all this danger leads? Are you scared yet? (You probably should be.)

» Not Talking About Lolita

Speaking of launching out on your dangerous tide to discover where this dangerous journey leads .. have you noticed that I havent mentioned (yet) the new Lolita book?

Lolita (1955) by Vladimir NabokovThis is the Fifty-year anniversary book.

Oh, girly .. I can tell already.

From merely glancing at the back cover.

That this is going to be very dangerous.

More dangerous than I could have ever imagined.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I wondered.

I wasnt even trying to read the back cover .. because I knew what might happen.

But I couldnt help myself (.. you know what I'm talking about).

And just like with the earlier dangerous sentence that I read .. about the Existentialists .. my eyeballs seemed to lock on this sentence .. there on the back cover.

I tried, but I couldnt look away. I hesitate to even share with you this sentence .. which is why I first told you about Joyce's Portrait of an Artist.

Because, you can plainly see what happens when I mention ( "ever so briefly" ) dangerous sentences. ( Am I teasing you here, girly? Is this part of my payback? )

» I Saw You on Ellen

Before I get too carried away on this tangent, tho .. because it might take a while .. I should probably mention .. that I saw you on Ellen. Just a short clip.

[ I like Ellen .. because she did the voice of Dory in Finding Nemo.

We must've watched that DVD a hundred times. A story about a dad crossing the entire ocean .. to find his lost son.

A good story. I can relate.

I particularly enjoyed the way she said (about the light in the dark) » "It's so beautiful .. I want to touch it." (t=2:00)

I also have a good story about a root beer float. ]

I'm not even going to mention how good you looked on Ellen's show. I mean .. why labor the obvious?

» Commitment in the Twenty-First Century

But I couldnt help but notice your use of the term » commitment. Because I have been noticing your commitment all along.

Ariana's impressive commitment on display (Hi Drew)

I have been surprised by your commitment. I have been impressed by your commitment. I have been inspired by your commitment. But most of all .. I have been challenged by your commitment.

And I doubt that I am alone in my feelings here.

[ When I think of the term commitment, I think of Fassbender. He brings an impressive professional commitment into play. ]

Assassin Callum Lynch in Assassin's Creed

Because my commitment to a relationship .. and yes, I do indeed commit to my relationships .. I feel that I commit m.o.r.e to a relationship .. than most people do. (Way more.) But I am not other people .. so I cant really be sure.

But we need to know what we are committing to .. right? And this can take some time. I will tell you later .. about the nature of the commitment(s) that I make to my relationships.

Seeing that you obviously understand the nature of commitment, and all that a commitment entails .. how much, do you reckon, that commitment is a function of motivation?

In other words, do you feel that you can maintain a strong commitment to something for which you feel little motivation? Or to something for which your motivation has waned.

This is not a trick question. I am interested in how you see the world. Because it's a perspective that few get to enjoy. And it cant be easy to get there.

Defining Terms » Commitment

Speaking of the nature of the commitment(s) that I make to my relationships .. here is one of the dictionary's definitions of the word:

n. The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action or to another person or persons.

(Is it just me, girly .. or do you not feel such binding? .. without even trying.)

But I see your commitment .. and the voices remind me from time to time .. of your commitment. It is indeed an impressive thing, your commitment. I can feel something in me respecting you for it.

Ariana the team player sheds diva image

( Dare I say "admire"? Because we always admire in others the qualities and traits that we ourselves lack or find particularly challenging. )

I committed six years of my young life to the military. And few of my early friends made it all the way to the end. So I know a little something about the nature and demands of commitment.

I can feel myself searching for the right way to adapt to your commitment .. in a way that both acknowledges and respects your commitment.

I dont usually do this .. because I'm not usually that impressed with commitments. (This might be why you have been waiting and waiting.) Because I actually feel honored.

» My Folks Didnt Get Me

When I was 9 years old, I asked my folks if I could get a paper route. They said that I was too young.

When I was 10, I asked them again. Again they said I was too young.

When I was 11, when another route became available, I really pestered them about it, and they finally let me get a paper route (delivering the New Haven Register).

But my dad, said, "If you get this paper route, you have to keep it for at least six months."

I had that paper route for 4 years. (There were combinations of dailys and Sunday papers. About 50 dailys and 250 on Sundays. I kept the daily route for 2 years.)

My point here is to say that my dad didnt know didnt know me. He thought I would wimp out after only a short time.

Neither of my folks really got me.

» The Place Where You Start to Learn Cool Things About Yourself

See .. with me (this is how I work, girly) .. I move toward this thing that I am feeling. Right now, you are obviously this thing that I am feeling. And as long as this thing (this relationship with this person) works for me .. I can proceed.

Now, sometimes this thing might give us reason for pause. But sometimes they dont. Sometimes we find no reason for pause. This is where you really learn a lot about yourself.

Because this is where the thing becomes a different thing. And you naturally find yourself wondering, "Do I have what it takes to become this new thing?" And sometimes we surprise ourselves .. that (strange as it might seem) we » do indeed have what it takes.

This is kind where I am starting to feel with you .. like our thing has become a different thing .. because I can find no reason for pause with you.

» The Point of No Return

This is kind of the place where you start to fall over into this thing .. and you know that you are going to be beyond ________ ... I am not even going to say what you are going to be beyond.

In physics, this is known as the event horizon .. the point of no return. One thing is for certain .. after you go over the event horizon .. you will never be the same again.

Say goodbye to the old you.

Now .. do you still want to know the sentence that my eyes fixed upon there on the back cover? The back cover of Lolita? You know .. the erotic masterpiece that is a masterpiece because of » love.

I'll give you some time to think about it. But I wouldnt get too distraught over it .. because we're probably already beyond the point-of-no-return. It kind of feels inevitable, no?

See, girly .. once we get over into love .. all bets are off. Now, you're in my world .. subject to my rules. You wont know which way is up (.. and you probably wont even care). Now you are at a severe disadvantage.

» Taking Advantage of Young Hotties

And I might be tempted to take advantage of you .. of your disadvantage. (I'm pretty sure of it.) Kate Hudson knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Lolita the greatest novel of rapture in modern fiction | Vladimir Nabokov 1955This is kind of the thing that makes Lolita a naughty story ..

.. the idea of an older man (like me) "taking advantage of" a young girl (like you).

A pretty, young girl. Even a sexy young girl.

But what happens when this pretty, young, sexy girl starts working your ass?

What if they want you to "take advantage of" them?

Because, I am not so sure that you want to know the answer to that question.

(I am pretty sure that you cannot handle the answer to that question.)

But what if they start doing and saying things that make it difficult for you to resist their charms?

What if they somehow manage to melt your resistance and make you breathe hard?

Or what if they get their friends to help them .. to help them tag-team your ass? What then? (Of course, this is a purely hypothetical question that I pose here.)

» Living with Lolitas

Speaking of dangerous things that make me breathe hard, and for which I have first-hand experience .. I hesitate to share this with you.

And perhaps I shouldnt even bring it up. But, on the topic of Lolita and lolitas ..

Lani at Noguchi Gardens, Costa Mesa.. the Film school girl had a teenage daughter,

who was pretty and fun and cool and thoughtful and kind,

and probably a few other adjectives.

» The Queen of French Toast

She was the queen of Saturday morning french toast ..

.. for all her sleep-over girlfriends from the Drama dept.

And she was smart, too .. well-read for a high-schooler.

She gave me a number of her books when she was done with them.

On second thought, maybe I shouldnt have brought it up. Forget I said anything about it.

Well, maybe there is this one thing .. that I can share. On second thought .. I better not. (I'm already in enough trouble.)

But .. if something did happen .. I mean, seeing how we lived together for a number of years .. in countless unexpected situations .. would anybody really be surprised if something did indeed transpire?

» Wanna Get High?

She smoked a little ganja .. the sacred herb from the foothills of the Himalayas .. on the weekends and during the summer break. Sometimes she would come home from school on Friday and say, "Wanna get high?"

» I Should Not have Watched her Lick that Glue-Strip

I watched her lick the strip of glue on the super-fine paper wrapper. I probably shouldnt have watched her do that. Pretty sure. Close to positive.

(Did I just use the term 'super-fine'? Maybe I did.)

She was an expert roller .. her slender fingers nimbly working the paper wrapper.

» Dont Tell My Mom, Okay?

She lit it and took a hit. With her arm extended toward me, she looked up and made eye contact and said, "Dont tell my mom, okay?"

She was kind of holding her breath when she said this.

Lani lolitaFuck, what would you say?

Because I've already said too much.

» Telling Naughty Dangerous Stories

Do you still want me to share with you this sentence?

From the back cover of Lolita?

Think about it .. think about it long and hard.

Very hard.

Because once I share with you this sentence .. there's no going back for me-n-you.

Before .. I said that you should "probably" be scared. But now, you should definitely be scared.

There are a number of sentences on the back cover. But I didnt read any of the others.

Because, when I saw this one, my eyebrows popped up and I said, "Oh, you gotta be shittin' me."

I've been saying this a lot, girly .. ever since you came along.

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on September 11, 2016 9:11 PM.

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