The Art of Giving Shit - Page One

Speaking of stories .. girly, the Dog called recently to say hi. He is very good about staying in touch. And I remembered the story that I told you and Nicki about whispered secrets.

Ariana whispering secrets to Nicki in Side to Side

After the niceties were over, I said, "Dog, do you remember that time we went to the Lollipop?"

Girly, the Dog didnt even say anything. There was a delicious empty silence on the other end of the phone.

You could almost hear his long-dormant neurons being activated .. as they lit up neural circuitry all the way back to our days in Waikiki.

A few seconds later he just started laughing. And it was the type of laughter that told me that I have him right where I want him.

It's not easy to catch the Dog off balance like this. So I was proud of myself. (Timing is everything, you know.)

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And he says a tentative, "Yeah." But he can tell already that I have him at a disadvantage. Because the Dog's memory is not as good as mine. (Even tho he is no dummy.)

Then I said, "Do you remember where we went after the Lollipop?" (You cannot possibly imagine how much fun this was for me.)

The Dog feels around a little, trying to get his bearings and he says somewhat confidently, "We went to the Sugar Mill."

"That's right," I said, very calmly, so as not to let him know where I am going with this thing. "Do you remember what happened when we got there?"

Now I really have him. He starts laughing again. Nervous laughter .. because he knows his ass is mine.

He starts somewhat unsure of himself, "Yeah .. we ordered.."

And I jumped in and said, "We? No, dog .. not we. You .. you ordered."

It was so much fun working him like that. I was working his ass mercilessly. He totally deserved it.

Notice how people try to blame me for shit that is not my fault. Sometimes I think there must be a sign hanging on my back, saying, "Blame me."

I love the Dog.

He has gotten me way more times than I've gotten him. So it felt extra special good to get him like this.

» When Giving Shit Means I Love You

The Dog is so good at fucking with you and giving you shit that it actually makes you feel good when he does it. He makes you feel like he loves you.

[ It should be obvious, but worth noting nonetheless .. that there is a huge difference between 'giving shit' and 'giving a shit.' ]

And he always brings a valid point that he works from. Or, at least, a pseudo-valid point.

[ Whereas I grew up with one brother and no sisters .. the Dog grew up with one sister, and no brothers. ]

This is how guys have fun with each other .. giving each other shit when they deserve it.

Girly, both you and the Dog make me feel less alone in the world. There are very few people who make me feel that way.

That's a good trick. You'll have to show me how you do that sometime.

I was giving my son dog-style shit when I took this photo of him. I forget what I was giving him shit about .. but he did not seem too terribly bothered by it.

He loved it when I gave him shit. (He has given me way more shit than I've given him.)

MGK giving this kid shit about rapping naughty lyrics

Here is an image from MGK's Bad Things » behind the scenes .. where he is giving this kid shit about rapping naughty lyrics.

I learned how to do that from the Dog. This is another reason why I love the Dog.

» Kids Always Want to Do Exactly What You Tell Them They Shouldnt

Here is a photo of my son at 2 years old, after his evening bath, climbing out of the crib.

I would say, "You better not climb out of that crib, Buck-o .. or you'll be in big trouble. Big, big trouble. Dont even think about it."

Climbing out of the crib at 2 years old

Whatever I told him that he better not do .. that is always exactly what he wanted to do. "Look at my leg, dad. Look what I'm doing."

I bet that Michael Bisping knows exactly what I am talking about.

Is that not the cutest thing you have ever seen? "Lucas, I'm fighting for the world championship tonight .. who's gonna win? What do you mean he's going to knock me out?"

Notice how they play the sound (at t=1:20) of a vinyl record scratching. A perfect place to play that sound.

He is from Manchester. God bless Manchester. That is a great video. Did you see those guys at the end, laughing their asses off? They couldnt help themselves.

[ This photo here is close to the age that he was when that girl said, "I want one just like that." Can you blame her? He is the reason why people tell me that I make good babies.

As you can see, I put a lot of effort into him. Effort and love. From day 1. I'm sure you can see it. It's right there in his eye. You can't miss it. Super-human.

» Not as Easy as I Make it Look

It's not easy to be a good dad when people are calling the police and child protectives services every other day for years on end to tell them that you are a horrible dad.

In their opinion, of course.

That shit takes a toll on you after a while. And the courts seem only too eager to oblige. You try to not let that toll affect your kids .. but I can assure you that it's not as easy as I make it look. ]

For this shot I held the camera at my chest (for a more natural shot) and was saying to him, "Do not dare try to climb out of that crib, mister .. or you will be very sorry."

Look at my leg, dad .. look what I'm doing.

Does he look very sorry to you? When a child looks at you with eyes like this .. this is indescribably delicious. (Or when he touches your face like this.)

I submitted some of these photos with my responses to the court. "Does he look like he's being abused?" I asked.

Notice how, in the other photos of him posted here, he seems to be hamming it up for the camera .. which I am pointing at him. He is being cute and he knows it. (He knows how to work me.) Mr. "Guapo," as the old Mexican lady called him.

But this one here is just us having fun. "Look at my leg, dad. Look what I'm doing."

There was a period there, for quite a stretch .. when I wasnt sure if I'd be seeing him the next week.

You cannot imagine how that fucks with your head. That is some kind of exquisite mind-fucking right there. And I won't even get into all the restraining orders.

This is why I always wanted the current week to be as cool as possible .. filling him with as much love and affection and attention as I possibly could.

» The Prophet Who Turns the Hearts of the Fathers to the Children

And dont think that Cormac McCarthy doesnt have a little something to do with the sparkle in that boy's eye.

Cormac McCarthy (1933- ) | The Real Deal

This is why Cormac reminds me of Elijah the prophet. He turns the hearts of the fathers to the children.

Cormac has a young son himself, by the way. His name is John.

Cormac McCarthy is the real deal. And he knows it. (Just like Jessie.)

» The Real Deal

Jessie J | Real Deal

Speaking of real deals .. girly, I know that you know this Jessie J girl pictured here. You sang that song with her and Nicki. That is a kick-ass song that you girls sang.

» Bang Bang All Over You

You know the song that I'm talking about. Dont pretend like you dont know what I'm talking about.

Girly, that song has nearly a billion views. Holy smokes. You cannot possibly know how big of a number that is.

That song has some eyebrow-raising lyrics. (Oh, I see .. that is actually a Jessie J song .. which features you and Nicki.)

"Bang-bang, all over you. (I'll let you have it.)" Oh, girly .. these are very naughty lyrics that you girls are singing here.

[ I have a 'bang-bang-all-over-you' story myself. It was a beautiful thing. Let me tell you. She let me have it. Many times she let me have it. But who's counting? ]

» Recipe for Trouble

Girly .. you and Nicki and Jessie .. all together .. that is a recipe for trouble if ever I saw one. There's a lot girl-thing going on there. Strong, confident girl-thing. (I am feeling something here.)

I remember when I first saw that video. I remember thinking that you girls were pushing the envelope. Pushing boundaries. Leaning hard on them. The lyrics, the beat, the visuals, the energy, the subtext .. everything was pushing the envelope.

"Good for them," I thought.

Jessie J .. she brings serious vocal talent to the table. I have seen her listed on various Best Singers lists. She has a strong voice.

I was struck here by how happy she looks .. how genuinely happy. Good for her. I mean, if I were doing this music video .. driving that cool, old car down to the beach .. I would be feeling pretty happy myself, I'm sure.

Interesting lyrics, no? I certainly think so.

» The Real Deal Welcomes Opportunities to Prove Their Realness

The concept of the real deal .. this is an interesting conversation. What does it mean to be the real deal? What is it that makes somebody the real deal?

Nobody is born a real deal. The real deal must prove their realness. This is why real deals do not shy away from challenges .. but rather welcomes them.

They themselves are curious about how far their realness can take them. You know what I am talking about.

Girly, say hi to your friend Jessie for me .. the next time you see her.

Jessie J | Real Deal

You have the coolest friends.

I remember that one performance where you girls did that song at an awards show .. and you came in from the back .. down the aisles. That was very fucking cool .. how you girls did that. Very ballsy.

Now with Jessie here, I have images of all three of you girls on the same page .. like a reunion or sorts.

I must really have a thing for singers.

» I Dont Know If You Girls Could Handle It

I have gone back and inserted this section here on Jessie J where I mention how Cormac McCarthy is the real deal. I only do things like this with girls that I really like. Because they have to make it worth your while.

Being paired with Cormac McCarthy .. especially in an artistic sense .. this is a very cool thing .. existentially speaking. It says things to me. "What kinds of things?" you ask?

I dont know if you girls could handle it. (Harold Bloom certainly couldnt handle it.)

This page here, where I write about my son and the Dog .. this is obviously a special page for me.

» Modeling Good Parenting Techniques (Not Bad Parenting)

I should probably note here that I learned more about how to be a good parent from the Film school girl .. than from anyone else. She was dedicated and devoted to her kids more than anyone I had ever met.

She told me many times how she felt that her own mother was not there for her and her brothers .. while they were growing up across the street from Disneyland (.. and sneaking under the fence after school).

Maria and Grandma Nancy at the Irvine Bowl in Laguna Beach

And she was determined not to repeat those same mistakes with her own kids.

I very much admired and respected her for this. She would drive all the way back from USC (in LA) to Laguna Beach in order to make it to one of her daughter's high school plays. She even went when she was feeling sick as shit.

She never missed .. not even one play. (Ever.) If you have ever tried to be that kind of parent, then you know how difficult it is.

» Parenting from a Sense of Guilt

Now you might argue here that she performed these superhuman feats of parenting because, at least partly, of the guilt she felt .. over cheating on her unpassionate jewler-husband .. with a young latin guitar player not much older than her kids.

Which is the thing that led to the break-up. Which is the thing that led to the divorce. Which is the thing that traumatized the kids at such a tender, young age .. a vulnerable age while they are still developing and forming their personalities.

Here I would have to admit that you were indeed making a valid point.

[ I have had a number of parents, who were more experienced than myself, tell me,

"If you're going to break up, then it's best to do it when they're still young .. because, this way, the kids won't feel like it's their fault."

My son was not yet six months old when his mother and I separated. And no, he doesnt feel like it was his fault. ]

When the parents came to tell the boy that they would be separating, he stuck his fingers in his ears and refused to listen. "I can't hear you. I can't hear you."

The divorce seemed to be harder on the boy than the girl. The boy is naturally going to identify with his father. And his mother is rejecting his father .. because she feels that he doesnt have the emotional range that she needs in her marriage.

He was always very chill. I liked him. I dont see how anybody wouldnt like him.

And he played a mean game of beach volleyball .. there in the powdery sand at main beach in Laguna. Justin knows the place I'm talking about.

» Not Able to Make it Work

I am familiar with this sense of guilt that comes to the parent. I never cheated on my son's mom .. but I felt bad that I was not able to make it work with his mom.

Especially because I am well-versed in relationships. I have much experience. I know what works and what doesnt. I know what a good relationship looks like and I know what a bad relationship looks like.

I know what a healthy relationship looks like, and I know what a dysfunctional relationship looks like. I could go on here, but you feel me.

» Intimate Relationships are Built on Trust

[ Intimate relationships that involve children are difficult under the best of circumstances.

Once you start actually trying to hurt and to harm your intimate lover .. that relationship is done.

You are far beyond what is required to make an intimate relationship work .. because an intimate relationship requires trust.

And once you start trying to hurt and to harm your intimate partner .. I can assure you that they no longer trust you.

And really .. what kind of relationship can you have without trust?

And how can you trust someone who is trying to hurt you? Who is trying to do you harm?

Because that is what an enemy does. An enemy tries to hurt you. An enemy tries to do you harm.

It takes a long time to build trust and it is surprisingly easy to lose.

And the best way to destroy trust in an intimate relationship is to attack your intimate partner and try to do them harm.

Go ahead and try it for yourself and you'll see exactly what I mean. ]

My son told me straight up that he wanted his mom and dad together. "That's what I want," he said.

He didnt stutter when he said it. He didnt hesitate. Heck, he didnt even blink.

It didnt sound like an unreasonable request when he said it. I could certainly see his point.

I could so fall off into the mother-of-all rabbit holes here. Because I have thought a lot about these things. There is a haunting nature to them. This stuff goes very deep. In a number of ways.

» Correcting Dysfunctional Parenting or Repeating It with Your Own Kids

There is a thing, where some people, when they grow up and become parents themselves, correct in their own parenting practices the shortcomings and the dysfunctions that they suffered at the hands of their own parents.

While other parents seem to simply repeat the patterns-of-dysfunction that their own parents visited upon them. (Which they probably learned from their own parents.)

And they frequently become even more dysfunctional than their own parents were .. adding their own special flavor of dysfunction to what they learned from their parents.

I dont really understand how a parent can repeat the very same behaviors with their own children that they suffered at the hands of their parents while they were growing up.

I have had people tell me things like, "I dont want my mother to raise my children," and "I never leave my children alone with my mother."

I mean, I can certainly see how a child who grew up in a dysfunctional home would become familiar with dysfunctional parenting techniques.

But what are they learning? Are they learning what things not to do to their own kids? Or are they really learning how to trick-fuck their own kids?

Anybody who grew up with shitty parents and then became good parents themselves .. I very much admire that. (Because I know how difficult it can be .. to turn around such things.)

» Loving with a Genuine Love Requires a Purified Soul

It may be worth noting here how this verse of scripture seems to be talking about how (paraphrasing) » loving with a genuine love comes from a soul that has been "purified" (.. by "obeying the truth" ).

This is actually a gigantic subject .. into which I could easily get lost .. seeing that I know quite a bit about love and loving. Particularly the genuine kind that Peter is referencing.

But my point here, and the reason why I am mentioning this verse here .. is because it seems to suggest that loving with a genuine love requires "purification".

This notion resonates with my own experience. And I can tell you that this "purifying" thing is not easy.

No, sir. Not hardly. Au contraire. It feels like your soul is being ripped apart. Or like a part of you is dying. In other words, it's not much fun.

Yet it is the thing that gives you the ability to love with a genuine love. So, what's the alternative?

» Some People are Easier to Love than Others

Punkin Pie watching Frances play Fancy PantsAnd yes, I understand that some people are easier to love than others.

Sure, I get that.

I get that better than most people.

Much better.

Much, much better.

I have consciously endeavored to love some people who were not very lovely ..

.. in order to explore this very topic in detail. In much detail.

I would love the unlovely with a similar mindset as the athlete in the gym lifting heavy weights .. in order to help build my love-muscles.

If you can genuinely love the unlovely .. then you can easily and more fully love the lovely. Try it and you'll see what I mean.

This is why I am able to speak to such things with the confidence and authenticity that comes with an abundance of firsthand experience.

Some people make you feel so loved .. while others manage to make you feel hated. No?

There is nothing quite like the feeling of being genuinely loved by a truly beautiful creature. The way that they are able to make you feel .. this is the thing that inspired me in that direction. I wanted to be able to make people feel like that.

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on January 11, 2017 1:11 PM.

Connecting with the Soul Behind the Dazzle - Page Two was the previous entry in this blog.

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