This page continues from here » Anxiety and Depression - Page Three (27 July 2018).
» One Month into Antidepressants
It has now been one month since I started taking these antidepressants. I started with half a pill for the first two weeks, and then transitioned to a full pill (50 mg).
I confess that I didnt really notice any effects from the antidepressant. A few times I caught myself thinking, "I feel happy .. but I can't think of anything different to make me feel happy. So maybe this is how the antidepressant is making me feel."
I mean, the opposite ( anti ) of feeling depressed is » feeling happy, no?
But, for the most part, I felt different only when I took the Propanolol or the Ativan.
The Propanolol takes me straight to Chillsville, and the Ativan eliminates any hint of anxiety. (I only take half an Ativan, because I have to make these 5 pills last the whole month. So I only take them when I really need them.)
I can't say that I notice any effects from the Ativan, except for all anxiety going away. It is really is remarkable stuff .. when it comes to stripping away anxiety. But if I didnt have any anxiety, I dont think that I would feel anything from taking the Ativan.
On the other hand, I can definitely feel the effect of the Propanolol. If you have ever experienced turbulence while riding in a jet, then Propanolol makes everything seem smooth and relaxed. You feel chill. Not quite tired, but heading in that general direction.
I take the Zoloft at night before bed. I do feel tired after taking it, but I am already tired, because I am ready for bed. So I can't really say for sure that the antidepressant makes me tired.
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» A Space Seems to have Opened Between Me and Anxiety-Producing Things
But now, a month later, I think that I am starting to feel the effects of this antidepressant. It feels like there is now a space, or a gap, or a void, that has been opened up between me and anxiety-producing things.
Anxiety-producing things are still there. I can see them. I acknowledge them. But they no longer seem to produce anxiety. It feels like the anxiety is not able to climb onto me. It is not able to jump onto me and attack me.
It feel like the loop between anxiety-producing things and me has been interrupted. There is a link that has been broken.
When I first felt this effect, I thought, "This is pretty cool. There is the anxiety-producing thing right there .. but I dont feel any anxiety from it."
» Slightly Increased Ping Delay Between Me and the Outside World
It also feels like a slight delay between me and the outside world (.. where anxiety-producing things are).
If you have ever played games online, then you know what I am talking about. It feels like my "ping" to the outside world is a little longer.
Ping is the time that it takes, usually measured in milliseconds, for a signal (32 bytes of data) to make a round-trip from your computer to some gaming server somewhere, and then back again. (Coast-to-coast ping is roughly 300 millisecs, or ⅓ of a second.)
A faster (lower) ping makes your computer feel more responsive, while a slower (longer) ping makes your gaming experience feel clunky.
(I use the free version of PingPlotter most every day .. to glean network info.)
Anxiety makes you feel like you are getting pinged by negative info faster than you can deal with it. So interrupting this cycle is exactly what you want.
More antidepressants (higher doses) put more "space" between you and anxiety-producing things, and increase your ping to the outside world.
At least, this is the way that it feels to me.
» Antidepressants Target and Affect Neurotransmitters
I saw my shrink this week. He upped my dose to 100 mg. Antidepressants are an interesting thing, because they affect the way that you feel about anxiety-producing things, and not the things themselves.
They affect how your neurotransmitters work in your brain.
I learned about neurotransmitters and how neurons work in Psychology class.
Notice that the brain functions on an electro-chemical basis.
Antidepressants are also interesting because they are used to treat both depression and anxiety .. which are sort of opposite things. Depression is feeling down too low, while anxiety is feeling up too high.
» Better Able to Enjoy Life
My shrink says that the goal of proper dosage for the antidepressants is to strike a balance between depression and anxiety.
He said that the goal of the proper dosage is to maximize 'enjoyment' of life. If you are too depressed or experiencing overwhelming anxiety, then it is difficult to enjoy life. True that.
I find it interesting that he uses the term 'enjoy' .. because this is exactly how I am starting to feel. I feel like life is more enjoyable now. You feel like you are better able to enjoy life.
He said that, if your dose is too high, you start to feel 'numb'.
Anyway, the best way that I am able to describe how this antidepressant makes me feel is that there is now a "space," a void, a gap, that has been opened up between me and anxiety-producing things.
And that there is the slightest delay between me and the outside world.
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