November 2018 Archives

I have Never Been Here Before

When I first heard that you were coming out next with a video for breathin' (released Wed, 7 Nov 2018) I wondered what kind of concept you would come up with.

"What's she gonna bring?" I wondered. "What can she bring with a song like this?" [ The scope seemed rather narrow .. the possibilities limited. Silly me. ]

Some days had passed and I forgot all about the video .. until I saw the thumbnail for it .. right there in front of me.

» The Most Excited Sense of Anticipation I have Ever Felt

This is definitely the most excited I have felt. By far .. and I am always excited to see your new stuff. But this was special.

The sense of anticipation with this particular video .. and the surrounding curiosity and the hint of a promise of worlds that I didnt even know existed .. was too much for me.

As if on its own, my hand shot out and hovered directly over the trackpad .. less than an inch away.

I was starting to click when I better saw the details of the image of you on the thumbnail.

Ariana breathin video thumbnail (7 Nov 2018)

That's when I froze. (I am cautious with girls like you.)

Even without clicking the link, the voice in my head said, "Oh, I see where she is going with this."

I see how you are, girly. I see how you work. You are clever. This I will freely admit.

You never cease to impress me and to challenge me. You sometimes do things to me that I cannot even put into words. (But that doesnt stop me from trying.)

So I didnt click on it. My sense of restraint has been impressing girls for years.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Five

This entry continues from here » Page Four (1 Nov 2018).

» Send a Moving Truck with a Couple of Strong Dudes

Maybe you could send a moving truck here .. a few days before New Years .. along with a couple of muscular dudes to load my shit. I have very little stuff.

Everything I have could easily fit into the smallest U-haul truck. And then they could take me to my new place.

I have no bed. No furniture. Just clothes and books and a laptop. A couple of bikes. It makes moving easy. Unencumbered.

Heck, I probably really only need one strong dude.

My mom used to say, "The things you own end up owning you."

You can spend a good chunk of your life just tending to all your stuff .. and not writing or creating, or tending to the things that are really important in life.

I got rid of most of my crap when I moved here from Orange county. (Here in northern San Diego county. It takes an hour to get to the OC. Probably 75 mins all the way to Laguna.)

So right about now is when I can use that bed .. the one with my name on it. (You and Nicki must have ESP.)

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Four

This entry continues from here » Page Three (1 Nov 2018).

» Writing and Intimacy both Represent Formidable Challenges

One of the reasons why, Ariana, I am drawn to, and pursue, intimacy .. is for the same reason that I am drawn to and pursue writing.

Both can be tricky and challenging to negotiate .. both come with incubation periods that deter most explorers .. and both come with pay-offs that you can get no other way. (If you really must know.)

I wonder what Kierkegaard thinks about that.

Intimacy is probably the domain in which you learn the most about yourself. Perhaps this is because this is where you speak most openly and honestly and frankly.

» Nothing More Difficult than Escaping Self-Deception

On the subject of taking on challenging endeavors .. Wittgenstein says that nothing is more difficult than escaping self-delusion.

I would have to agree with him there. It might not even be humanly possible .. but I can guarantee you that the journey is not boring. Talk about things that you did not even know existed.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Three

This entry continues from here » Page Two (1 Nov 2018).

» Sponsoring a Starving Writer

Ewan McGregor as Christain the writer in Moulin Rouge!Anyway .. so I was thinking, girly.

Since we are already in love,

and because we make such a good team,

and because we now have a history,

a rich history,

and because we will always be in love forever ..

.. I think you should consider sponsoring a starving writer.

And in return, I will continue to write and push the envelope,

and continue what I have already been doing for years ..

so we can see where this story takes us.

I should probably give you some time to think about it.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page Two

This entry continues from here » Page One (1 Nov 2018).

» When Life Starts to Crumble Around You

You learn a lot about people, girly, when their life starts to crumble around them.

Sandcastle at the beach with the tide coming in.

It happens to everybody, you know .. at some time or other. Emile and Sinead know what I am talking about.

Sinead discusses life after Clevver (20 Nov 2018)

And more than just once or twice, too .. over the course of a lifetime.

Right after I called bro, I called cousin Patti. She lives in Connecticut. She is so good at helping me deal with shit like this. I called her every other day during treatment. When my voice gave out, we traded emails.

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Starving Writer SOS - Page One

» The Homeless Starving Writer

Girly, I just learned today that, due to circumstances beyond my control, I will be more-or-less homeless come January 1st. (The day of new beginnings.)

SOS written in the snow from the film Arctic (1 Feb 2019)

Though, I must say that it feels right. It feels like change is in the air. It feels natural and organic. And timing is important.

(Eddie Glenn knows what I am talking about. Poor Eddie Glenn.)

I have been homeless before .. but that was back when I had a car, and a drivers license and some money. And some credit cards that werent max'ed out yet. And I still had good physical stamina. And a voice box that did not have radiation scarring.

[ All my doctors say that long-term stress is not good .. because it weakens the immune system. ]

» Responding to Anxiety-Inducing Events

Perhaps I am not articulating this accurately .. but you feel me when I say that anxiety can sometimes be a good thing. It can provide you with the motivation that you did not have before.

And it can even be the thing that helps kick you over into your true voice.

» Maybe I am Taking this Authentic Thing Too Far

Perhaps I am taking this authentic thing too seriously. Perhaps I should compromise my sense of artistic values.

Dont think I havent thought about it. More than once. Shakespeare knows what I am talking about.

'To thy own self be true ..' says Polonius in Hamlet Acts 1 Scene 3.

In the end, the thing that a writer is really after (.. okay, besides the super-hottie singers who sing from their hearts) the thing the writer really desires is ..

.. is simply the ability to speak to whatever-thing might need speaking to.

"Yes, I can speak to this thing here because I have been there. I have done that myself. Remind me to tell you that story sometime. That's a good story."

You gain insights and understanding while actually in a thing .. that you can get no other way.

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This page is an archive of entries from November 2018 listed from newest to oldest.

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