Where is This Bed?

Where is this bed? You know the one I'm talking about .. the one with my name on it.

This song is so stuck in my head and talking to me .. saying things that some might consider nasty.

The idea of a powerful, sexy woman having a bed with my name on it .. this speaks to me. I can't stop it from speaking to me.

» More than Just a Flirty Song

Now this doesnt necessarily mean that I will cave to the invitation .. but merely dealing with the idea .. this activates in me things that are both exhilarating and challenging.

Who can resist such a thing? Show me the man.

Before you know it .. my imagination has picked up on this thing is is already running with it. Though I dare not say where these places lie.

There are all kinds of socio-erotic things happening here. It's more than just a flirty, seductive song.

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» You So Do It For Me

I was trying not to use any of the images from this teaser. You see how that worked out for me.

Ariana holding her ponytail poolside in Bed (19 June 2018)

Girly, you so do it for me. The geek in me is trying to figure it out .. why you so do it for me. (I am not trying to feel this way.)

I mean, you are not even singing in this shot.

When I was working with this image of you here .. trying to stay focused on the job at hand .. and not let my imagination run away with me ..

.. I could hear the voice in my head saying, "Dude, did you notice how she is holding her hair away from her neck? Away from her throat. She knows that shit gets your attention. She is daring the vampire in you. She does not look scared to me." 

It puts a man at something of a disadvantage when a super-hottie has the combination to his safe. To his soul.

Ariana looking fine poolside in Bed (19 June 2018)

Are you doing this on purpose? I dont even want to put into words what you are doing here.

I like everything about you. This is how you know that you are no-shit in love. I am so glad that we will always be in love forever.

These were challenging images to work with.

» Bed Choreography

Have you seen this choreo for this song? (2 July 2018)

Bed Choreo by Brinn Nicole (2 July 2018)

When I see these girls dancing in heels like this .. it always impresses me .. because I think, "I dont think I could walk across the room wearing those heels. How do they do it?"

I am seeing parallel lines in this image. Something is obviously speaking to me.

Parallel lines are sort of like abstraction for/of marching patterns. If you breakdown how well patterns do or do not match ..

.. you eventually arrive at a place of abstraction. Abstraction is the way a programmer is able to build bigger, and larger, and more complex things. It is the way that you harnass the power inherent in programming .. by harnessing complexity

I consciously use HTML in general, and the hyperlink in particular .. as a way of mimicking the technique of black box abstraction used in programming .. as a way of the harnessing complexity in my story, in my narrative.

This is why Tolstoy is so excited about the art-n-craft of writing in the Twenty-first century.

» I Know a Thing or Two About Power and the Practical Exercise Thereof

I am very much interested in power and energy .. of all types. I dont really know why, but I am. I like to figure out how it works.

This is the reason why I joined the Navy .. because they said that they would train me with everything there is to know about a nuclear reactor .. and they would even let me operate one.

I said, "Where do I sign?" They said, "You're too young. You need to get your parents' signature first." 

» Nietzsche's Will to Power

Perhaps I am interested in the ability to harness that power? Nietzsche would say that this is exactly what I was doing.

I know a thing or two about power .. and the exercise thereof. I have much practical experience and academic training along these lines.

But this is a deep, deep rabbit hole that we will save for later .. when we are ready for it.

» The Way You Look at Things Infers and Betrays and Reveals Your Underlying Value-Structure

Because the exercise of the will-to-power falls into (not entirely) a branch of philosophy called » Metaphysics .. which deals with questions about the fundamental (true) nature of reality.

Which is even more interesting than the will-to-power.

In our nation today, we have two groups of people who are looking at things from a very different point-of-view, a very different perspective, and therefore seeing things vary differently.

In order to adopt a certain view of 'reality' .. you need to make or adopt some value judgments. Some judgments about value.

This is why Nietzsche and his ideas can be so difficult to grapple with. Because he deals with things that reside on/at a deep level.

People who are unwilling to honestly take stock of themselves and challenge themselves .. is not going to read Nietzsche.

What is important to you and what is not is not? Write the things that you value on a piece of paper and give them some sort of numerical value.

Did you see how that rabbit hole almost sucked me in there?

For now, let's get back to the dancers. Brinn Nicole's dancers. I saw a little clip of her being a good mom and it made me like her.

» Wrestling with a Python

These dancers are interpreting this song in the medium of dance.

If you date a dancer. If you find intimacy with a dancer .. uh, what was I just talking about>

Oh, yeah, intimacy with a dancer. My point here is that you know that she is going to be in excellent physical shape.

Sort of like dating a yoga-chick.

My impression intimacy with a yoga-chick .. is that of » wrestling with a python.

They are surprisingly strong. And they are so flexible.

After dating a yoga chick, I have had girls say things to me like, "Dude, you can't do that with my leg. I'm not that flexible."

I am like, "Oh, sorry .. I'm gonna get back to work here. Lemme try something different that you might like."

My point here was simply to say that I see a curious instance of a matching pattern with these two dancers.

» Decision-Making by Pattern-Recognition and Matching (Satanic or Divine?)

Pattern matching is a key way in which I make decisions and directions to take. Paths to follow.

If there is coming a fork in the road .. which one should I take? "Should I go left or right."

And these may very well be places of severe emotional or psychological stress. Which naturally affects your ability to choose wisely.

» Brinn Nicole's Impressive Choreography

Speaking of choreo by Brinn Nicole .. here she is letting it rip to Gaga's Teeth, which begins with the line » "Don't be scared, I've done this before." 

Brinn Nicole choreo of Lady Gaga's Teeth (21 Oct 2018)

That is a good line. That is the kind of line that gets a guy's attention. Who cannot imagine a situation where Gaga says this line to a guy?

As a guy, I can't help but appreciate her honesty.

It definitely helps when a guy knows where his lover stands .. regarding what hopes and desires and expectations and fantasies she might be harboring .. so that he can better and more fully satisfy her.

A woman will overlook almost any shortcoming .. any moral deficiency .. for a man who can satisfy her sexually .. it has been my experience.

I would have never believed it .. had I not experienced such things at work in my own life.

I was impressed by her choreo here (21 Oct 2018). She begins by croutching into a little ball.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Springs | Brinn Nicole choreo of Gaga's Teeth (21 Oct 2018)

Which is why I have named the above image » Crouching Tiger, Hidden Springs.

Here she starts to come out of her tuck position.

Brinn Nicole coming out of tuck position in choreo of Gaga's Teeth (21 Oct 2018)

Because her face remains hidden from view, this forces you eye to look elsewhere .. to the unwinding of the tightly tucked position.

Then she totally elongates and stretches out right before your very eyes.

Brinn Nicole elongates out of crouched tuck in choreo of Gaga's Teeth (21 Oct 2018)

As if to say, "Here I am. Ready or not. I hope you're ready .. because not many guys are ready for this. Certainly not full-strength."

Perhaps this speaks to my subconscious of a flower blooming. You can't look away .. even if you tried.

And then she does that impressive floor-work there near the beginning.

Brinn Nicole pounding the floor in choreo of Gaga's Teeth (21 Oct 2018)

The people watching there behind her were certainly excited to see this performance. They were cheering her on.

Here again, she is hiding her face .. which forces your eye to wander elsewhere.

She actually made me think of Jade there .. where I thought, "Oh, this girl is feeling me."

She attacks this choreo. She is sexy and is obviously very comfortable expressing her sexuality.

Brinn Nicole comfortable expressing sexuality in choreo of Gaga's Teeth (21 Oct 2018)

She is a lot of woman. A guy will need to be in excellent shape in order to handle a woman like this.

He will need to do more than just 10 or 15 push-ups. A lot more. He will need to be in the shape of his life.. and not just physically, either.

We are talking mentally, emotionally, spiritually .. and probably a few other ways that I am forgetting right now.

You can actually feel her energy. It comes through loud-n-clear. I have been impressed with other choreos that she has done.

Now, when I see a choreo with her name on it, I check it out .. because I know that it will be good.

He right arm has an entire sleeve of tattoos, while her other arm barely has any. (Low entropy is high energy.)

Something about that makes me curious about her. It suggests that she has a large reservoir of energy that I might be able to release.

» A Bed with My Name On It in Laguna

Speaking of a bed with my name on it .. remind me to tell you the story about the doctor-chick (.. who I met through the lawyer-chick).

She is the girl who I dated right before I met my son's future mom. All three of these girls were based there in Laguna.

That's a good story .. the story about the doctor-chick. A downstairs type-of-story.

After showing me around the upstairs, which is the main floor in this house, and which is where you enter this two-story home ..

.. and after telling me about some of the problems that she was having with her cool kitchen floor ..

» She Gestured Forward

.. she gestured forward and said, "Let me show you the downstairs."

Downstairs was smaller than the upstairs. More plain. There was nothing much down there besides that bedroom with a bed in it. Maybe some storage space. The bedroom was not too big, but big enough.

"Big enough for what?" you ask? I will leave that up to your imagination.

I was impressed when she showed me the shower down there .. which was the biggest walk-in shower that I had ever seen in a private home.

It was completely tiled with no access door. You just walked right in.

You can so imagine yourself returning from a day at the beach .. which was only two blocks away. There in south Laguna.

Heck, I could almost see the sand swirling down the drain.

» You Look Like You Could Slide In There Very Nicely

After she was done showing me around her home, and as we were walking out of the downstairs bedroom, she looked back at me over her left shoulder .. and then she glanced down momentarily at the bed.

"You look like you could slide in there very nicely," she said.

She held that look, that eye-contact, for the briefest pause .. but it is interesting the way in which a mere moment can somehow transport you instantly into a place that feels very much like eternity.

Where you are walking among forces not limited by physical law.

Some eternities are good, while others are bad. This was the good kind of eternity .. where I was on top of my game .. and I knew it.

» Exploring the Momentary Eternity

I can feel something inside urging me and encouraging me and challenging me and maybe even daring me ..

.. to explore what it was about the look on her face, and especially about the look in her eye ..

Ariana staring deep into my soul | breathin (7 Nov 2018)

.. what it was that challenged me to explore the thing that did it for me. The thing that seemed to transport me to eternity in a moment. Instantly and unexpectedly.

» Getting You Into My Bed .. to Explore the Momentary Eternity

[ How you like me now, girly? Reaching into the future to take what I need. To take what I want .. whenever I might happen to want it. Would you call this cheating? I wouldnt. Not if I were making the rules. It is not even five months into the future .. so, if it is indeed cheating, then it is not very much cheating. Guys cannot be limited by things such as chronology .. not if they want to impress girls like you. I thought this a clever way to strike your consciousness so as to simply say, "I'm thinking about you right here-n-now in a special kind of way." In an exquisite sort of way. In a special place. You and only you. You and me and nobody else. Take that, girly. I know how you want it. I was taking it easy on you before .. because you are such a girly-girl .. and you look so fragile and so easily breakable. You have never seen anything the likes of me before. At least, that's what everybody keeps telling me. I think that this section here is a way, subconsciously speaking, to get you into my bed. By inserting this particular image of you here, taken from the future no less .. this is my way of linking the idea of my bed with the most intimate and sexy and beautiful aspects of you. ]

It is indeed a challenging thing .. to explore eternity here-n-now, in the moment. In the ever-present now.

I can hear a voice back there saying, "Dude, your balls are not big enough for that. Your balls are not big enough to go there. Maybe ten years ago they were. But not today. Just forget about it. This does not mean that you are a pussy."

[ Lance was always the master of talking you into doing shit that you really rather not do. Soon as you became wise to his tricks .. he would come up with new tricks. Im order to play the games that he wanted to play .. where he usually ended up kicking your ass .. at something or other. He was the most competitive person I have ever met. ]

» When Powerful Women Dangle Sparkly Temptations Before Your Eyes

But nobody can talk you into doing things that you know you are going to get in trouble for .. yet you go ahead and do it anyway ..

.. nobody can do this like a woman who understands how guys work.

A Deeper Letting Go with Mistress Mia (March, 2018)

The secret to training men to satisfy you .. in a way that you-and-only you .. like to be pleased and satisfied .. is to make his training enjoyable.

(Not painful .. unless of course, he's into that kind of thing. Then let him have it good.)

And this is all that I should probably say on the subject .. because guys will get mad at me .. if I give away too many guy-secrets.

Perhaps it is true what these voices are saying. Perhaps it is true that my balls are not big enough to explore such things, such territories. Such psycho-erotic territories.

» Teasing the Training of the Erotic Regimen that Tries Men's Souls

But if my balls did indeed grow to such a size .. where I spoke to the idea of the way some women just seem to do it for you .. to the point that it no longer even matters why (.. the point known as surrender by some more savage than myself).

But if my cojones happened to grow grande enough .. for me to explore and to speak to and craft into words the things that I find there .. things that I might stumble upon, things that I might happen to encounter unexpectedly .. there in such erotic realms  .. where it would be so easy to get lost.

I might very well title such a section » Trained to Satisfy.

Ooh, that is a saucy title for sure. Surprisingly organic, too. Parental warning definitely required. Both on the front and the back. Better put the kids to bed early tonight. This is sure to be banned in many countries.

I should probably stop right here .. after creating such a suggestive title. But if we are really going to explore the psycho-erotic aspects of the momentary eternity ..

.. then we will naturally need to talk about the training process .. that powerful, seductive women will be putting you through ..

 .. on your way to learning how to satisfy women who are turned on by exercising her dominant tendencies and exploring her erotic fantasies.

» Warning, Not for the Faint of Heart

And I should probably warn you here and post a formal disclaimer .. that such training programs, and what little I might know of them, such things are not for the faint of heart.

If I ever do decide to explore such realms .. well, you will want to steal yourself. You will want to grab hold of something sturdy. And hold on for dear life. (At least, that's what I did.)

People have told me, "You are a quick learner."

When I'm motivated, I am.

In order to explore such places, I have found that a man needs to be secure, not only in his own sexuality .. but also in his sense of self.

Because these kinds of realms challenge your typical social constructs regarding human sexuality and the more erotic aspects of male/female power dynamics.

Let the lessons begin .. if you dare. If you have the huevos rancheros necessary.

» Difficult to Resist the Sparkly Thing Being Dangled Before Your Eyes by a Powerful Woman

Anyway .. departing from our momentary eternity .. the doctor-chick broke eye-contact as she turned away and led me back up the stairs .. leaving me to think about what she had just said.

These kinds of things cause you to think about a million different things at once .. and she had not even read any of my writing yet.

As she started up the stairs, I glanced back at the downstairs doorway to the outside .. which she obviously didnt use. I couldnt help but imagine myself going in and out of it.

And I thought, "This is pretty tempting. This would be a sweet deal. Very sweet, indeed." 

I should probably mention that we had not been dating for very long .. when she hit me with this thing.

I remember thinking, "Wow .. this girl moves fast."

Things would have been very different for me .. if I pursued that tempting deal .. no?

» Can You See Why this Song Reminds Me of this Story?

Can you see how this song made me think of this story? I am sure that you can.

Writers do not look at the world and things in general the way that most people do.

Part of the problem stems from the way that people often project their own value-structure and desires onto you and your life and your desires.

They assume that you want and value what they want and value .. even when you dont.

This is why the writer's decision-making process can appear confusing or even insane to some people. It is an arcane process that I am not even sure that I could explain to you. Because it doesnt even make sense to me, sometimes.

And here I could get off on the mother-of-all-tangents .. but my point here is simply to say that I could feel these things coming into play. The forces and factors and influences that are difficult to describe.

See .. nine out of ten guys are going to jump at a deal like this. And who would blame them? (Not me.)

» The Socioeconomic Dynamics Behind an Established Doctor with a Starving Writer

See .. this girl is a doctor, an established doctor. She has her own practice in Irvine. (Where Lauren grew up.) She has her own home .. there in Laguna. Two blocks from the beach. Maybe three.

Laguna has the best beaches. Every beach has its own special flavor. Its own special charms. You need to live there for a few years .. before you can really get a sense for all the different flavors.

Meanwhile, I have nothing but a little money in the bank and my wits. It definitely made for an interesting male-female power dynamic.

This here is the kind of thing that forces a man to develop skills and insights that arent necessary when you have abundant financial resources at your disposal.

This wasnt difficult for me to see.

» A Couple of Blocks from Teri & Alan

I already knew some friends who lived right there in her neighborhood. Teri and Alan lived a few blocks away.

They are both great people. Good energy. Fun. They made you feel good to hang out with them.

It was actually Teri's place, but Alan was there a lot. Alan actually lived at an industrial park place were he build race cars. He was a real, no-shit race car mechanic.

He had to be secretive about it .. because he wasnt really supposed to be living there. I liked him a lot. I could be myself with him.

They through a party every year during the summer .. that attracted the most interesting people from around Laguna.

The discussions that you end up having at these parties .. mind-expanding shit. Professional people.

» Close as You Can Get

Their place was right at the beach. There were no other homes between their places and the beach.

They had a nice, big deck that made for a great place to have a party with plenty of people. (The gas grille was out on the deck.)

The bedroom was upstairs. They had a big, hi-def flat screen up there.

The whole top floor was one big bedroom, and it featured the slanty, sloping ceilings that are common among beachfront properties.

They even had one of those mini-portals that pass through the slanty ceiling and allow access outside onto a little, mini veranda .. barely big enough for six or eight people.

Ed Sheeran knows what I am talking about.

Sometimes Alan would say, "Come on," and we would go upstairs, and go out on that mini-veranda and smoke a joint. Sometimes there would be 4 or 5 people out there .. with people coming and going.

He always had great weed. I would take one hit .. maybe two. I am kind of a lightweight. It is nice smoking a joint with the smell of salt air .. and hearing the sound of the waves crashing on the beach.

Living so close to the beach presents a problem that corrodes your electric connections over time, and anything else that is metal.

» A Smart, Articulate, Well-Educated and Highly-Motivated Yoga-Chick

I may return to share a little about the doctor-chick. I liked her. She was smart and obviously very motivated. She took me to some very nice things. 

She was a yoga-chick, too.

Yoga chick doing yoga on the boardwalk at the beach

She actually took classes with my son's mom. (All the girls told me how much they enjoyed her traditional-style classes.)

There are some stories along these lines, but it wouldnt be right for me to share them. Nothing outrageous, but I dont feel at liberty to elaborate.

» Developing a Sense of Self-Worth that is Not Based on Finances

A man needs to have plenty of self confidence and be secure in who he is, and his in sense of SELF and his sense of self-worth .. in order to make something like this work. It challenged even me.

This is obviously because of the culture in which we live .. the money-worshiping culture. Copeland knows what I am talking about.

» The Universe Tells Anna that She Needs to Develop Her Internal Sense of Self-Worth

Anna knows what I am talking about.

Anna Akana | Know Your Value - Learning to validate yourself from within, not externally (25 July 2019)

This was very good Anna .. which is why I am including an image-reference to it here.

This is advanced-level personal development stuff.  This is big-girl stuff. Big-boy stuff.

And yes, it takes a long time .. but you just keep plugging away, heading in this general direction, and life will give you plenty of opportunities to keep upping your game .. your Self-Worth game.

I am not going to say that process is easy, or very much fun .. but you just keep continuing to do things that you did not think you were capable of doing ..

.. and eventually you will be surprised at how far you have come.

» The Pursuit of Inner Serenity is Often Turbulent and Trying

Things that used to rattle you and unsettle you will eventually have little or no effect on your inner sense of serenity. Your inner sense of confident serenity.

I am impressed already. Just the realization of this idea (from the Universe) is a major step that puts you on this road. (It's kind of a lonely road, to be honest.)

Setbacks are not uncommon .. especially early on. But just take them as indications of places where you need to do more work.

You just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and go at it again .. with the knowledge of what you learned by getting knocked down. You will be tempted to quit many times.

» I am Not About the Money

I was telling Jude about my thoughts along these lines when I heard her sing the lines » "'Cause if you had no money we will be alright. And if you had no money you would still be mine."

I thought "I heard that shit before."

If I were about the money, then I would have taken up the doctor-chick on her offer to "slide in there very nicely."

I would have hooked up with her and drank plenty of expressos at the Heidelberg.

» The Heidelberg Would Make a Great Writer's Home Coffee Shop

Speaking of the Heidelberg .. the most tempting thing, as a writer, was the cool cafe and bistro just a block or two from her place. I had already been there many times and loved it.

Outdoor patio at the Heidelberg Cafe & Bistro on PCH in south Laguna Beach

Weekends there were always mobbed, particularly during the summer months .. but mid-week wasnt bad.

I liked their tiled floor on the outdoor patio. It can get a little noisy on PCH, and sometimes you might even smell diesel fumes .. but it is still a great location.

Heidelberg Cafe & Bistro on PCH in south Laguna Beach

They have great coffee and baristas who make great coffee drinks there.

» First Thing You Learn After Moving to Laguna

The first thing that you learn after moving to Laguna is how to navigate the town during periods when traffic swells with tourists. You learn how to navigate the backstreets. 

The worse the traffic, the further back you must go.

» Duties & Responsibilities Associated with Sliding Into Beds in Laguna

See .. these kinds of things .. where I slide ever so nicely into beds with my name on them in Laguna .. both north and south Laguna .. I happen to know a little something about such things.

You do not just "slide into" such beds .. no, ma'am. It aint that easy. It aint as easy as it sounds, and it certainly isnt as easy as I make it look. Because there are duties and responsibilities associated with sliding into such beds.

Ask me how I know. (Dakota knows what I am talking about.)

These professional girls have high standards. They want only the best and they expect nothing less. You will need to bring your A-game and show them who is boss.

» That's What They All Say

When the girl said, "I have never felt anything like that before," .. I did not say, "That's what they all say," .. but you can bet your ass I was thinking it.

And I have gotten the impression, more than once, that girls didnt really want me, per se. Rather they merely wanted my DNA, my chromosomes .. my genetic code. For obvious reasons.

I could tag along if I wanted .. but it wasnt really necessary .. and they'd almost prefer that I not. "I am not really into guys very much," their actions state. "I just want a baby that grows up to look like you."

Climbing out of the crib at 2 years old

And who has your pleasant, easy-going disposition. And your intelligence.

Punkin Pie watching Frances play Fancy Pants

And your sense of humor.

Look at my leg, dad .. look what I'm doing.

And your motivation.

My blue-eyed son

"And I want it sooner rather than later. So let's get busy. There's no time to waste."

Zoe knows what I am talking about when she writes that her grandmother » "wanted more kids, so she very briefly married a man she had met at the neighborhood plant store in order to get his sperm to have a fifth child."

She makes my point .. in a piece titled » A Guide to Dating Women Raised in a Matriarchy. It is definitely an interesting piece.

» People Who Grow Up in Matriarchy vs Those Who Grow Up in a Patriarchy and the Effect of Partnering with Someone Who has a Comfort Zone Very Different from Your Own

A matriarchy is a home where the mother is in charge .. where the mother is the boss .. where the mother rules the roost.

If a man who was raised in a patriarchy .. where the father is in charge .. where the father is the boss .. where the father calls the shots .. and he hooks up with a woman who was raised in a matriarchy ..

They will have very different comfort zones. The woman will feel most comfortable and at ease in an environment where the woman is ultimately in charge .. and where, what she says, goes.

Contrary, the man will feel most comfortable, and most familiar with situations and environments where the man is the boss. Where the word of the man is the final authority.

When people become stressed, for whatever reason, they tend to revert back to their comfort zones. They seek situations and environments with which they are most familiar.

I have done a considerable amount of firsthand experiments along these lines.

» This Difference in Comfort Zones Can Become a Major Factor in an Intimate Relationship Depending On Whether You were Raised in a Particularly Strong -Archy

This is why, one of the very first things I will inquire about with a new, prospective intimate partner is » "Tell me about what is was like growing up in your home. Was your mom in charge? Or your dad?"

In other words, I want to know if they grew up in a matriarchy or in a patriarchy. I want to know about where their comfort zone lies.

Sometimes girls will say things like, "My mom was in charge of our house .. but that's not what I want for myself."

This is not something that you can choose as an act of your will. Your particular comfort zone is not something you can pick-n-choose. Not hardly.

You are talking about things that have been deeply ingrained into you since birth. You are talking about aspects of your personality that have become a part of who you are.

I am not saying that one is necessarily better than the other. I am not saying that a patriarchy is necessartily better than a matriarchy, or vice versa.

I am merely saying that they are different .. and when push comes to shove, you will each be trying to establish an emvironment that is very different from that of your partner.

Now, I admit that I am curious about a relationship where the man grows up in a strong matriarchy, and where the woman grows up in a strong patrirchy.

I wonder how such an intimate relationship would work.

» With Your Name On It

You know .. I couldnt help but notice the phrasing "with your name on it". Because I used this very same phrasing in a section labeled Ulterior Motives, which is part of an entry titled I Can't Quit You Either (30 April 2017).

Where I wrote:

Then I could call you up .. and say, "What's shaking, girly? I got this song playing in my head that has your name on it."

I somehow thought that I wrote that phrase in the section where I try to coax Ariana up to the mountains for the holidays for a few days of fun-n-whatnot. You know .. poetry, brandy, a fireplace, dogs. [ Which is actually part of the Dylan Nobel page. ]

I had to query a search engine. "Oh, so that's where I wrote that." That was an interesting page. Sometimes I surprise myself. That page was one such time.

I sometimes feel like I am writing beyond myself, or ahead of myself, or better than I can write. I know it sounds crazy.

What do you do .. when you do things that you did not even know you could do? What do you do with this?

I bet that these BlackPink girls know exactly what I am talking about. "Wait til' I do what I do and hit you with that ddu-du ddu-du du."

That is impressive choreo and styling. The term blackpink made me think of Jade.

They just released this video today .. the same day that I am posting this entry.  I try to draw on cultural references in my writing. Current cultural references.

I feel that this lends a touch of the zeitgeist to my writing.

At the bottom of that page, I include the image of you that started it all. When I first saw that photo, I remember thinking, "Oh, this is exactly what I am looking for."

The rest is history.

» The Erotic Interplay

But also notice that it (my writing) is a response to that song. (Quit.) This is where I am getting my conceptualization of this thing as a strand of DNA .. a long strand. Which is still continuing.

It is this interplay .. something in this interplay .. of responses .. that I find so fascinating.

» Gravity and Cohesion for You

I also noticed that I used this phrase (with your name on it) way back on Page Seven (19 March 2016) .. in a section labeled » Tolstoy's Hidden Rabbit Hole .. where I write »

I have some twenty-first century internal cohesion for you, Ariana. It has your name on it. Tho it is harder to conceal than I thought it would be. Much harder.

Besides the obvious flirtiness here, I am playing with the word conceal .. which plays off the word hidden in the section title .. because I am talking about Tolstoy's Hdden Architecture in Anna Karenina.

I am showing you that I feel Tolstoy here .. on a level deeper than superficial .. because I play with some of these things myself.

I am doing this because I am trying to impress you.

» Shifting to an Outside-In Perspective Over Time

Sometimes I will return to an older page .. in order to retrieve a link that plays off of something that I am currently writing.

And sometimes I will read some of the surrounding text there. Going back to March of 2016 .. this is more than two years ago.

When I read something that I have written two years ago, this feels like I am looking at the writing from the outside in, instead of from the inside out.

It is hard to describe, and I admit that it sounds a little crazy .. but I think that you feel me here.

I see things differently when I look at the writing from the outside in. And this is all that I should probably say on the matter right now.

» The Last Entry Before Manchester

I just went back and looked .. and this was a the last entry (30 April 2017) before Manchester (23 May 2017).

[ Nobody is going to say that you didnt rise to the occasion .. under the worst kind of circumstances. With help from your friends, of course. Girly, you have the coolest friends. ]

I remember seeing the footage from the train .. that was an an interesting feeling.

And I remembered back to when I first stepped aboard. I didnt know where I was headed .. but I knew that I wouldnt be the same person .. when I got to the other end of wherever it was that this thing was going.

It was a very trippy feeling. I wouldnt say haunting .. but heading in that general direction.

You deal with self-doubt at these places. At these critical junctures. Moments of doubt .. who does not know exactly what I am talking about? Who has not experienced the challenge of a moment-of-doubt?

"Are my cojones grande enough?" (Guess we'll find out.)

Sometimes you just got to say, "Fuck it .. let's do this thing." .. even if maybe you might not really feel up to it at the moment.

The end. ■

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on June 15, 2018 6:15 PM.

Writers are Forged in Injustice was the previous entry in this blog.

When Governments Inflict Lasting Psychic Trauma on Children as a Matter of Policy - Page One, Part A is the next entry in this blog.

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