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» Tell Me a Story, Dad
My son would always say, "Tell me a story, dad." (.. when he was small).
He would tell me which characters he wanted in his story that day,
"Okay, dad .. today I want Pooh in my story .. and I want Piglet, too."
And, no matter what, he always wanted Tigger in his story.
Because Tigger was always getting into crazy shit.
You know how Tigger is.
He would cite for me the cast of characters that he wanted in his story that day.
And he would often choose characters from different stories. He didnt limit his characters to those in the Winnie-the-Pooh story. Tho they were certainly his main players.
Sometimes he would ask what one of the other characters was doing .. such as, "What's Piglet doing right now?"
I interpreted these types of questions as him being bored with my story. This is why I wanted to improve my on-demand storytelling skills.
But, when I was on .. I was very good. I surprised myself.
» I Impressed Myself with My Storytelling Skills
It is not easy to throw together a story on the spot like that. I could feel myself summoning an array of skills. And they werent always enough. They werent always sufficient. Sometimes I struggled.
But, when I was on .. when I was having a good day telling stories .. I was good. Very good. I surprised even myself some days.
Once you get into that creative flow .. then you just ride along with it. Go where it takes you. Good coffee helps.
Most of the stories that I told him came while we were sitting at the coffee shop early in the morning.
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» Storytelling Under the Old Olive Tree in the Courtyard
There is a full-grown olive tree growing in the courtyard at the coffee shop. A man from Greece once told me, while he was admiring this tree, and while I sat there under its shade one day (reading some Dostoevsky) .. this seemingly thoughtful man said, "This is a beautiful tree. I bet this tree is 60 or 70 years old."
The noise level at the coffee shop is such that it is okay to read a book there, as Perri would agree, and probably even Priscilla. [ « Priscilla is most impressive. ]
But for storytelling time, we would always go outside .. where it was much quieter. More peaceful.
There is a retaining wall that forms a perfect square around this olive tree. This retaining wall doubles as a cement seat of sorts.
I would pull up one of the many plastic chairs there outside at the coffee shop .. and stake out one of the corners and prop up my feet on this seat-level wall.
Then the bug would climb up on top of me and use my body as a couch of sorts .. reclining on top of me for story times.
I would usually lean back in the chair .. so as to achieve a more reclined trajectory.
This was such a totally bitchin' thing .. these storytelling sessions .. while his little body was curled up on top of me .. keeping me warm .. under the shade of the old olive tree. The wise, old olive tree.
» Sometimes Girls Would Walk By
Sometimes pretty girls would walk by while I was telling him a story there. Sometimes these girls would give me a look.
I probably should not say what these looks were saying. Not right now, anyway.
But sometimes, while I am in the middle of telling him a story, I would let my gaze wander over .. and allow it to make eye-contact with them .. with these pretty girls there in Newport Beach.
It feels like this girl is hypnotizing me .. with this look. Look at the eye contact that she is able to make in this image. What are her eyes saying?
» The Mind-Blowing Incongruity Between these Savage Looks and Life in the Hundred Acre Wood
Can you see the spectacular incongruity that blew my mind when a girl would walk by and throw a look like this?
While I am smack dab in the middle of the Hundred Acre Wood.
This girl here, who is also able to bring some major eye contact to the game .. she reminds me of the girl who got married, who was the most guy-savvy girl I ever knew.
I bet that this girl here is a smart girl. You can see it in her eye. And I bet you can also hear it in her voice.
» Savage and Meaningful and Suggestive
I can feel a part of me that is interested in her .. being interested in what kind of person brings a look like this?
She has a realness about her. I like her and I know absolutely nothing about her. Heck, she could be an axe-murderer for all I know.
I should lift out this section here on examples of looks that I find savage and meaningful and suggestive.
That would make for an interesting theme.
» There is No Such Savagery in the Hundred Acre Wood
It did not happen often, but when it did, the distance between these two worlds .. between the Hundred Acre Wood and the place where these girls would take me with these savage looks .. this would make me think, "I think I just had my mind blown."
The difference between these two worlds was simply too drastic for my mind to hold both at the same time. It's hard to describe.
There is no such savagery in the Hundred Acre Wood. No such nastiness.
So anyway, it seemed as though I was telling my story to them while they were passing by. Some of these girls seemed to like my stories. Ask me why I felt this way.
Sometimes I would think, "Whoa .. that was a seriously savage look."
Sometimes they would say things, too. Exactly what kinds of things they happened to have said .. this I will leave to your imagination.
» Sometimes They Would Stop to Chat
But sometimes they would stop to chat.
Sometimes while I was responding to one of these super-hotties that I greeted with a warm, morning greeting .. from this warm, cozy, enchanted place where I was residing .. there under the old olive tree .. and smackdab in the middle of the Hundred Acre Wood ..
Uh .. what was I was talking about?
Oh, yeah .. sometimes while I was sharing a few pleasant words in the morning with these ladies ..
.. my son would reach up and put his little hand over my mouth and say, "Dont talk, dad."
They would apologize to him for interrupting his storytime. He was very protective of his reading time and his storytime.
» The Fashionably-Dressed Girly-Girl with Gigantic Bazoongas
There was also a girl who worked in the offices on the second floor, in the same building as the coffee shop.
She was pretty. She was sexy. She had gigantic bazoongas.
It wasnt that her bazoongas themselves were so enormous .. but rather that she herself was so thin .. which made her bazoongas look even bigger than they were.
I am not really into gigantic bazoongas .. but, I was checking her out .. because she was very pretty.
» Julio Told Me that Girls with Smaller Breasts are Better Fucks
It's not that I have anything against large breasts. I dont. But when I was 16, and working at a gas station after school every day, from 3:30 to 8:30 ..
.. one of the mechanics there told me, "Girls with large breasts think you are so into their breasts that they just lay there. They are lousy fucks."
[ He had just got done dating this girl with large breasts, who was apparently a lousy lay. ]
"A girl with smaller breasts," he continued, "will engage with you more. She'll get into it with you more and fuck you better. Girls with smaller boobs are better fucks."
This was at a time when I was still a virgin. So I would listen to these older mechanics who worked at the gas station when they held forth on the birds and the bees.
They were all full-blooded Italian guys in their mid-to-late 20's, and you shouldve seen the hotties who were stopping by to see them.
Amy has a set of gigantic bazoongas, and I bet she is good in bed.
They were always trying to set me up with older women. When you are 16 or 17, a girl who is in her 20's seems so much older and much more experienced. I was totally petrified of them.
Ever since then, I've always had it in the back of my mind that girls with smaller breasts were better fucks.
Though I certainly can see how this doesnt necessarily mean that a girl with large breasts would be a lousy fuck .. who "just lays there."
» Amy Encourages You to Stay Strong this November
Here is an image from Amy's famous No Nut November .. where she shows up with a handful of walnuts.
Notice how she has the camera positioned above, so that she is looking up at you.
I found her approach to be surprisingly effective. Suggestive in a teasing sort-of-way.
She has so many different looks and vibes that she is like 10 girls in one. Maybe 50. Who knows.
It feels like her outer appearance adapts to reflect her inner state .. more quickly and fully than most. Much more.
Amy uses encouragement as a technique or a strategy to defeat you and steal your November nut before the end of the first week.
Throughout the entire video she is encouraging you to "Stay strong."
I have never seen her like this before. She is employing and displaying her skills of seduction.
Both Shibby and Amy are playing here with the idea of what I wrote here, in a section titled » A Direct Challenge to the King of Edging.
» Shock and Embarrassment Associated with Large Naked Breasts
I have never been with a woman who had breasts as large as Amy's. The closest thing was probably when I suddenly found myself standing on that stage at that stag .. right in front of a bare-chested stripper with large bazoongas .. who had just asked for a volunteer from the audience.
I heard my boss yell, "Here he is," with both hands cupped around his mouth .. right before he leapt to his feet.
When I heard him yell this, I naturally turned to look behind us .. to see who this brave soul is, volunteering to go up there on stage with that almost naked woman .. and then thinking, "Hey .. there's nobody sitting directly behind us. What's he talking about? Where is this volunteer?"
That's about when I felt each of them (+ Julio) grab one of my upper-arms and literally lift me up off my seat. They were so fast. So sneakily fast about it.
I was standing in front of those gi-normous bare breasts before I realized what happened. There were two or three steps up to the stage .. and I dont remember touching any of them.
I remember the crowd in particular going apeshit .. many of them leaping to their feet in joyous glee. Many who I didnt even know. I have already desribed this moment as a fluctuating combination of shock-n-embarrassment. That was a good description.
The Fashion girl, in particular, had breasts that looked very tame while they were sitting hidden away inside her dresses (her fashionable dresses).
But, when you got them puppies out into the light of day .. and saw them there, up close and personal, hanging heavy just above you, and well within reach .. then you realize just how big they actually are.
» What Makes Breasts Sexy?
Here is an example of a girl with smallish breasts. They certainly are not what I would call large.
(And I bet she is great fuck, too .. my intuition tells me.)
Here is a girl with small boobs in a pair of white overalls at the beach.
Am I the only one who finds this sexy? You almost can't stop your hand from reaching out.
» She Probably Saw Me Telling More of these Stories than Anybody Else
Anyway .. I would see her there a lot .. the girl with the gigantic bazoongas. She was always coming down for coffee .. and looking fine whenever she did.
She was always dressed well .. fashionably well. That shit gets your attention, you know .. looking all colorful and sparkly and whatnot.
She knows who she is. She probably saw me telling more of these stories to my son than anybody else. Which is why I am mentioning her here.
And I remember that she gave me the sense that she does not get guys .. when I first met her. I could very well be wrong .. but that was my intuition.
There are a few stories I could share about this girl .. about this fashionably dressed girly-girl who came down for coffee .. looking fine on overtime.
» She had Never Seen Anything the Likes of Me Before
I could feel her trying to get a feel for me .. trying to figure me out. She had never seen anything the likes of me before.
But if she wanted something like what I had .. who could blame her? If she wanted a bambino to climb up on her chest and cuddle up for storytime under the old olive tree.
Who could blame her? (Not me.)
If you happen to see her .. please tell her that I apologize for almost running into her with my bike. Tell her that this means that a guy likes her .. when he does things like that.
» Impressing Super-Hotties with My Storytelling and Writing Skills
I do this with Ariana, too, sometimes.
I try to impress her so much that I actually impress myself.
I mean, with her help, I might be the greatest writer who ever lived.
With her inspiration .. with her encouragement.
With the muse-like effect that she seems to have on me.
At least, that's what everybody keeps telling me.
When the age has finally come to an end, and the books are closed,
and the greatest writers of all time are assembled .. we will be there.
We will be representing for the twenty-first century.
We are a good team .. as you can see.
You can help cheer us on, Katie.
I think that I got it bad for her.
If you couldnt already tell. Singers so do it for me.
I can most easily be myself with a singer .. I have found.
» Curving the Writing Bullet Around Ariana's Ear
Speaking of director-chicks and impressing super-hotties .. there is a scene in one of Angelina Jolie's movies ..
.. where she tells this kid to "curve the bullet," .. around an obstacle (herself) and hit something behind her.
The kid is big pussy and doesnt want to do it, but he finally does and he learns something about himself in the process.
It's a cool shot. A sec after the bullet shoots by, the breeze from it kicks up a lock of her hair.
This "curving the bullet" speaks to me .. because I can feel myself b.e.n.d.i.n.g the language .. in order to impress Ariana with my writing skills.
"Watch this, girly," I can hear myself saying to her. "This is some shit that I know you have never seen before."
And then I will send whizzing past her ear another writing-bullet, so to speak, or a writing-arrow, of another image in the story that I am writing. Another page. Another chapter. Here it comes .. dont move.
She can hear it as it sails by. She can feel my fingers brush lightly across her neck as another installment whooshes by.
I can almost hear her saying, "How is he doing that?"
Sometimes she provokes me and I send the bullet right down into her panties. Only it doesnt feel like a bullet when it gets there. No, ma'am. Not hardly.
» A Guy Cannot Let these Young Super-Hotties Get Away with This Shit
You cant let these young girls get away with this shit, Katie. A man must respond, and show them that he is not a big pussy.
» I Want her to be Craving My Touch
She probably wishes that I would have touched her a little more strongly. A little more aggressively. And caressed her throat a little longer .. as each new chapter whizzes by.
I want her wanting me. I want her wanting me to touch her more strongly. I want her craving that next touch. Two can play the teasing game.
Speaking of Ariana wanting me .. did you notice that Angelina's bullet-curving movie is titled » Wanted ? (Dostoevsky also talks about wanting.)
Angelina Jolie is a director-chick .. which is why I put this little story here .. with you director-chicks.
She got the Coen brothers to help her with the screenplay. They are real, no-shit artists .. those Coen boys.
They craft their stories with this beautiful multi-dimensional layering. I can feel something in me respecting them for their art, for their craft.
» Real-time Storytelling Skills Developed with My Son
I dont know how much of a part those spur-of-the-moment story-telling skills that I developed with my son come into play with this story that I am writing about/with/for Ariana.
But I know they do.
Because I can feel them working.
Those skills that I developed with my son.
Those story-telling skills.
You have some story-telling skills yourself, Katie Holmes .. being an actress and a director and whatnot.
I am actually considering lifting out this section here where I write to Katie Holmes and transferring it to its own page titled » Sex with Director-Chicks.
That would be naughty of me. But you must admit that it would be a cool title. I am into cool titles .. as you can see.
[ This is now done .. as of Dec 18, 2016. Happy birthday Katie Holmes.
I thought this clever to post on your birthday, given the story about the director-chick's birthday.
38 is a rocking age. You have most of the big stuff figured out by 38. So you can get right down to business.
This page is dated the 18th, because that's your birthday. But I actually posted it on the 19th.
When I lift out text to transplant in another page .. I have a little room to work with regarding the date.
I obviously had to post sometime after Thanksgiving, because that was the date of the source page.
And I remember wanting to lift out this section of text for some time, because it was so different from the source page.
But I could never get clear on the lift. Until today, and even that took a degree of resolve.
I normally do not need to summon resolve. (But I know how when I need to.)
Lifting out text and transferring to another page is not a creative endeavor. It is a shift out of creativity and into a techie mindset.
Anyway, that's when I checked your Wikipedia page and saw that yesterday was your birthday.
And I thought, "You gotta be shittin' me. Happy birthday Katie Holmes. Do I ever have a present for you."
I did not know that it was your birthday .. when I was writing about taking the director-chick to the strip-club.
Have you ever been to a strip-club?
I cant imagine you ever needing to clean pebbles out of your hair. You seem much too nice a girl for that. ]
Tho I would never write something just to have a certain cool title. The title always comes after the writing. The writing supplies the title, never the other way around.
This should be obvious, hopefully.
» Nothing More Sacred than Story
What do you think about the notion that » nothing is more sacred than story?
Think about it and we'll talk more later. I wonder what Maya thinks about this idea.
My copy of Catcher in the Rye came from Lani. She gave me a number of her books when she was done reading them for school.
The end. ■
» An Ivy League Girl
Speaking of classrooms where professors discuss the importance of story .. I see that you are a Columbia girl. Good thing that I did not learn that you were a Columbia girl until I finished this entry.
Otherwise, I would be trying to impress you. Guys say and do stupid shit, sometimes .. when they are trying to impress a super-hottie such as yourself. I'm sure that you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Tho, I have since gone back and added references to this. So it looks like I did know.
I felt my respect for you climb two full steps when I saw that you were a Columbia girl. Because I know what Columbia did for the Dog.
» Sex with Professor-Chicks
The Dog slept with his Writing prof at Columbia. I know that I shouldnt be surprised .. but I was.
Did you sleep with any of your professors? I only flirt with them, myself. I am normally cautious with girls.
» The Cover of the April 2017 Issue of Town & Country
March 21, 2017 »Today is the first full day of spring.
I was down at Moores today for my 6-month check-up with my radiation oncologist. (I am 2-years out. 26 months to be precise.)
I checked in at the desk there and took a seat in the waiting area, which has a view of the bamboo garden .. and I began to fill out the paperwork that they gave me.
When I noticed a striking set of eyes staring up at me from the cover of a magazine sitting on the table right in front of me.
I did not recognize you right away .. but I put down my clipboard and picked up the magazine when I saw your name on the cover.
They have some very nice shots of you in there. I'm sure that you were pleased with the way the article came out.
Colleen came and got me before I had much of a chance to really dig into the article .. but I took particular note of where it said:
Despite her success in front of the camera, it may not be long before she gives up acting for good. "For now I like acting and directing," she says, flashing a smile. "Eventually I'll just direct."
"I bet," I said, when I read that. (Let me know if you need help cleaning pebbles out of your hair.)
I also took note of where Soderbergh said »
There's a weight to her, and it's not forced. There's just something going on behind her eyes that makes her compelling. She's always looking for a way to evolve and be better than she was yesterday.
I would have to agree with him there. (I like that Soderbergh guy. He's the real deal.)
There is indeed an unforced ease about you .. about who you are. As a person, you are not trying to be something that you are not. I can see that, sure. Who is like Katie Holmes?
Evolving and being better than you were yesterday .. this is much more difficult than it sounds. So I felt my respect for you climb when I read that.
Mostly tho, it was this quote that stuck with me after I set down the magazine:
I've become more confident and gotten more interested in storytelling as a whole. Also, I've been feeling inspired to put my point of view out there. It's scary, but the process of it is something I really love.
Telling stories that you are comfortable telling .. which would naturally be from your point-of-view. Werent we just talking about this exact thing?
Fuck if I am not feeling a thing with you here. (It's kind of trips me out a little.) I particularly like that you are a good mom.
I also took note of where the article said » Katie thinks visually. I have a little story along these lines that I may return later to share with you.
This page is actually too big for a single page. I should break it up into two or three pages .. or off-load sections to their own page.
» Owie when Swallowing a Twizzler
Two weeks ago I was eating a piece of red Twizzlers twists (.. because I was trying to be like Ryan Gosling. I mean, what guy isnt? But there are some people that you simply cannot hang with) ..
.. when I swallowed and felt something in my throat hurt pretty badly. Like something jabbed me in my throat .. from the inside.
I'm not sure if a piece of Twizzler got caught in there when I swallowed, but my throat was definitely hurting.
Perhaps I turned my head when I swallowed. I have some radiation scarring in there, so anything to do with my throat, such as talking and swallowing, is not as simple as it is for most people.
Note that this section has been moved to its own page .. see here » Trying to be Like Ryan Gosling.
» Probably Just a Coincidence
March 29, 2017 » It's probably just a coincidence, Katie .. but, did you notice how they were playing Ariana's song, Into You .. while you were making your entrance? And not just any part of the song, either.
Your look here says, "I can't believe that you played that song, Whoopi, while I was walking out here. You are in so much trouble. You are gonna get it for this. I'm gonna have to think of something really good .. to pay you back for this."
This is me putting words into your mouth. I only do that with girls I really like. (How am I doing?)
I was a little freaked out when they played that song while you walked out. I was so not expecting that. It caught me completely off guard .. because I associate that song with other things.
See .. playing this song here at this particular point .. this speaks to the male psyche. You cant stop it from speaking to you. ('You' here being a male psyche.)
I am not going to tell you what this says .. but I'm sure you could imagine.
Here you are thinking, "Oh my God .. they're playing that song by Ariana. And they're playing it so loudly, too. They're really blasting it at full volume. How did I not see this coming? I know that Whoopi is behind this. She is so gonna get it for this."
Playing that particular song there actually works with my narrative here .. because I titled the entry » Sex with Director-Chicks.
And I totally lit-up that director-chick. It took her a while to come back to earth. Little Nicholas told me that I ruined her for all other men.
Whoever came up with the idea to play that song there .. kudos to that person. Artistic kudos. Beyond artistic.
Oh, to be a fly on the wall when they were making that programming decision.
Or maybe they dont even play the music live. Perhaps they simply lay over the audio track onto the video afterwards.
I won't even mention your responses to the series of questions that they asked you. At least, not yet. But I think that we are totally vibing. It feels very natural, no? Very easy.
Speaking of vibing .. I hope that you said 'hi' to John Oliver for me. I like him. He makes me laugh like a crazy person sometimes.
He does stuff that nobody else does .. and he makes it look easy.
This entry is way too big for a single page.
Update: I have now broken up this entry into three pages:
That could be dangerous.
The end, again. ■
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