Another Blessing in Disguise

This page originated here from an entry titled » When the System Worships Mammon the Children End Up Paying the Price (19 July 2019).

» Speaking of Shrinking Back and Cowering ...

Speaking of shrinking back and cowering .. girly, I saw you surprise the TNT Boys here (19 Feb 2019).

Ariana surprises the TNT Boys (19 Feb 2019)

The term cower is defined as:

    1. To sink by bending the knees; to crouch: to squat or sink downward, especially in fear.
    2. To show submission or fear.

You totally blew their minds. You could see from the looks on their faces that their minds were completely blown.

Ariana surprises the TNT Boys and blows their minds (19 Feb 2019)

They were looking overwhelmed. (I know the feeling.)

You can be such a sneaky little shit sometimes. I like that about you. I like everything about you. (Probably more than I should.)

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••• today's entry continues here below •••

» Dont Make Me Hold this Note a Little Longer

And just when they were starting to recover, you would hit a note that blew their minds all over again.

Ariana surprises the TNT Boys, hits a note and blows their minds all over again (19 Feb 2019)

Merciless you are. This was a gorgeous note that you hit here. You just held it a tad bit longer than they did.

I played it over a number of times. I can see why his mind was blown.

He looked over at his buddies as if to say, "Dudes .. did you hear that? Holy shit .. that went right down into my soul. It fucked me up. I am losing my shit right now. I will never be the same."

» I Miss You

I miss you, lovergirl. I have been busy chronicling the end of the world .. as you can see.

» Witnessing the Rise of Naked Racism as a Defining Political Strategy

There is some very dark shit going on in America today. And so much of it, too. Things that people never thought they would see in modern-day America ..

The rise of naked racism as a defining political strategy (29 July 2019)

.. such as the rise of naked racism as a defining political strategy.

» The Unfolding of a National Moral Crisis

I bet that Brittney and Mara and Melissa know the national moral crisis that I am talking about.

Note that this section on the moral crisis currently unfolding in our nation has been offloaded and moved to its own page .. see here » The Unfolding of a National Moral Crisis » Witnessing the Rise of Naked Racism as a Defining Political Strategy (31 July 2019).

That thing quickly grew into its own thing.

» Badly in Need of Some Sweet Respite

I am definitely in need of some sweet respite .. which is probably why I am interjecting this section here into this otherwise ugly and depressing theme .. about how the SYSTEM is really about the money, and how it could give two shits about the kids.

[ I have since offloaded and moved this interjected section to it own page .. which you are currently reading. ]

How goes the tour? How about the foot? You had any bad ideas lately?

» Speaking of the Tour and the Foot and Bad Ideas

Girly, while I am busy chronicling the End-of-the-World .. I usually try not watch any of these "Showcase" videos that YouTube recommends to me ..

Ariana singing bad idea in concert with a heavenly captivating lingering Bb5 falsetto at t=1:55 (posted by MrSkinnyJeanz3 on 23 July 2019)

.. because then I would be tempted to get distracted from chronicling the end of the world .. particularly the uglier parts.

And it would be all too easy to drop into your sweetest of sweet respite.

It is so much more pleasant to drop into your sweet respite than it is to chronicle the end of the world.

But sometimes I will say to myself, "I'm just going to take a short break here and watch one of these showcase-videos posted by MrSkinnyJeanz .. but I am not going to let myself get distracted from chronicling the end of the world and begin writing about anything I happen to see there. Then I will get right back to work .. writing about wrapping up this rodeo." ..

.. even though I know there is a good chance that I will .. that I will indeed get distracted and need to write about something or other that I happen to see in one of these videos that showcase your singing ..

Ariana wearing a pink jacket and holding out her ponytail at t=5:34 while singing Side-to-Side (posted by MrSkinnyJeanz3 23 July 2019)

.. particularly if it is something where I just can't help myself. (Know thyself declare the Ancients.)

I am talking about something in one of your performances that speaks to me in a way that I simply cannot ignore .. no matter how hard I might try to.

It just keeps speaking to me and speaking to me .. long after I am done watching the video.

It doesnt stop talking to me .. until I capture the image and write about it. Then it will leave me alone and let me go back to chronicling the end of the world.

» I Could Hear More of Your Heart, and a Bigger, Stronger Heart, Coming from a Deeper and More-Confident Place

For example, this thing that you do here at t=5:10 to 5:11 ..

Ariana showcase vocals, singing in concert at t=5:12 (posted by MrSkinnyJeanz3 on 23 July 2019)

.. this goes right down into my soul. You continue kicking ass here until t=5:15 or so, where Skinny writes "I love these little trills she's been doing."

But I would not call this thing you do at t=5:10 to 5:11 "a little trill." No, ma'am. Rather you are letting it rip with a full-throated wail.

What really struck me about this part .. and the reason why I felt compelled to respond .. was because it felt like I could hear you singing from a deeper, stronger place in your soul .. in your heart.

From someplace deep inside.

From a fearless place. From a confident place. From a place where your inner slayer resides. From that place where you kick ass.

Like I said, it was a full-throated thing that had a deep effect on me.

It is not easy to describe, because you have let loose with plenty of belts before .. and I have heard you sing from deep in your heart before.

But this felt like you were wailing from a deeper place with a bigger, stronger, more confident heart .. like your voice was filling the entire arena in an abundant sort of way.

» You So Do It For Me

This thing that you do with your hair in concert here ..

Ariana wearing a pink jacket and holding out her ponytail at t=5:34 while singing Side-to-Side (posted by MrSkinnyJeanz3 23 July 2019)

.. this reminds me of what you did in Bed with Nicki (19 June 2018).

I can hear it talking to me.

You so do it for me, girly. You are such a girly-girl. Look how fragile and easily-breakable you appear.

» Perrie has been Doing this Same Thing in Some of her Performances

I noticed that Perrie has been doing a similar thing in some of the videos by Little Mix.

Perrie holding her hair out in Bounce Back (14 June 2019)

Sometimes she holds he hair straight up.

She has a strong voice. I like her. Sometimes she does that growl-thing that she does. Ooh .. that really does it for me.

Here they all are .. looking very colorful and fashionable. The unicorn on the couch cracks me up.

Little Mix |  Bounce Back (14 June 2019)

Whoever designed this set had a lot of fun.

After I wrote those two pages about them .. those two BIG pages .. after I saw them at One Love Manchester .. I feel tight with them.

I remember thinking, "Oh, these girls kick ass."

Whenever they come out for a live performance, they always kick serious ass.

And I very much enjoy their acoustic performances where they harmonize so well.

» What a Savagely Confident Look She is Throwing Here

Speaking of Bounce Back .. check out Jade's piercing eyes here where she sings "However do you want me; however do you need me."

Jade's piercing eyes in Bounce Back when singing 'However do you want me; however do you need me.' (14 June 2019)

Wow .. this gaze feels downright hypnotic. So strong. So confident. So savage. It borders on intimidating.

I can feel myself struggling to deal with the intensity of it .. with her inner strength. She definitely got my attention right away.

There is a part of me that reacts to strong, confident, sexy women is a way that I do not entirely understand myself.

Whatever it might be, I can feel it kicking in here. It feels like some sort of power dynamic at work. At play.

I must really have a thing for strong, confident, powerful women. I mean, doesnt everybody?

I have heard it said that she is the nicest, sweetest thing. "Sweet" would not be a term that I would use to describe the girl pictured here in this soul-piercing image.

See .. you have to really have the confidence and inner-strength in order to pull off this thing .. this savage, confident thing.

I have seen women try to fake it .. but it does not work that way. It falls flat. It feels counterfeit. It feels phoney. It leaves a bad taste in your mouth.

But the real deal will hold your gaze and confidently stare you down.

Girly, next time you see these Little Mix girls .. please give them my best for me. Much respect.

» The Singer-Chick Who Climbed Down Off the Stage Wearing Pumps and a Short Skirt with Wireless Mic in Hand

Speaking of this song with the lyrics » "However do you want me; however do you need me," ..

.. remind me to tell you about the time when I was at a rockin' dance club in Irvine, which is where Lauren is from.

Where a live-band was playing up on the raised stage there. They had all male musicians and a girl singer.

She was kind of wiry, with an interesting, unbeat, ebergetic vibe .. wearing a short skirt and pumps.

I was there with a date and a group of friends. There were probably six or eight of us all together.

During one of their sets, they played this same song (Back to Life) .. and the singer-chick abandoned the mic on the mic stand and grabbed a wireless and climbed down off the stage in that short skirt and heels like it was nothing.

She must have done this many times before .. because she looked very practiced at it. I mean, it was a pretty high stage and she came off there like it was nothing .. even though she was wearing that short skirt and those flimsy pumps.

And then she came straight over to where I was dancing with my date and she started singing this song directly to me. Or perhaps I should say » at me.

» I was So Not Ready for That

She was making all the hand gestures and eye contact like she was saying to me that I could have her however I wanted.

Very convincingly, I might add.

I was so not ready for that. My date was smiling big and seemed to find some humor in it.

But this singer-chick had an energy that seemed to speak of confident, kinky things .. in a surprisingly authentic sort-of-way.

I was a little disoriented between the playful nature of what she was doing and the authentic vibe that she was putting off.

She was circling around me and getting close at times .. right up in my personal space.

She sang to me .. nobody else .. during this whole song.

You know how I have always had a thing for singers. And she was a very good singer. Very confident in her ability and in her sense of self.

She got to me. I was kind of fucked up after that. Disoriented. She rattled my cage nicely.

» When it Feels Like You're Exactly Where You Should Be and that Nothing Else in the Universe Matters

Anyway .. I was very much impressed by this heavenly, captivating, lingering Bb5 falsetto that you do here (at t=1:55) while singing bad idea.

Impressed is not really the right word here, but you feel me. I can feel myself challenged by how to describe exactly what it does to me.

It feels like it lifts me up and somehow carries me away to a heavenly place where no bad things exist .. to a place where your biggest problem is a distant memory.

Ariana swinging barefoot in the clouds in 'breathin' (7 Nov 2018)

It is a very lingering, relaxed, captivating thing .. that makes me feel like I am in love.

I very much like the feeling of being in love .. especially with a beautiful creature. It feels like I am exactly where I should be .. and that nothing else in the universe matters.

This is why I am so glad that we will always be in love forever .. one of the reasons, anyway. (Would you like to know some of the other seven thousand? I bet you would.)

I should probably get back to chronicling the end of the world .. but once I am here with you, then it is difficult to tear myself away and return to Uglysville.

» I Noticed that You were Crying Pretty Hard There

I saw that you were crying pretty hard in St. Louis earlier this month while singing R.E.M. You couldnt even sing. (Lyrics) Emile was telling me all about it.

Ariana crying during R.E.M at the Sweetener World Tour in St. Louis (6 July 2019)

I would be lying if I said I couldnt relate. We'll chat more about it later, privately.

My experience has been that you just want to let it go and get it out .. because thwarting it only fucks you up even worse.

I find this display of overwhelming emotion curious because I cannot cry unless I feel like I am in a safe place.

At first, I thought this very public place was not a safe space. But then I realized how you are actually here with an arena full of people who love you.

» Your Sweetener World Tour Itinerary Looked Brutal and Relentless and Long

Speaking of arenas full of adoring fans .. I saw you tour itinerary. It looked brutal to me. "I dont know how she keeps it up the pace," I remember thinking.

You would have some blocks of multiple back-to-back-to-back shows. The tour dates seemed relentless.

After a number of successful world tour, I bet you have a handle on the process. A good handle. Been-there, done-that.

So I would not be surprised to see you emotions starting to give way. I'm only surprised that we dont see more of it.

And then you somehow manage to fit in other appearances along the way.

» I Love You in the Live Lounge

This is a remarkable performance of this song here in the Live Lounge (5 Sept 2018).

I talk a little about this song » HERE (14 Sept 2018).

Is it just me .. or does this not feel bigger than us?

So much to chronicle .. so little time.

» Many Powerful Forces Trying Their Best to Kill Our Story

Girly, speaking of there being so much to chronicle .. we naturally believe for the best, but this doesnt mean that we can simply ignore our existential reality or dismiss the facts on the ground.

And due to circumstances beyond my control .. there are many powerful forces swirling about, like a swarm of angry wasps .. trying their best to kill our story. (And probably #meToo while they are at it.)

And they are fucking pissed. Downright incensed. They have no love for me. None whatsoever. I feel confident that you know exactly what I am talking about.

Such things are not uncommon when you head toward directions that I am taking this thing. (I am not surprised. I knew that this was going to piss them off .. the powers that be.)

And there are so many of them. When Marshall says, "Line 'em up," .. well .. they are all here, lined up and licking their chops.

Without getting into the gory details, I can say that I have never seen so many lined up before .. salivating at the idea of kicking my ass until there is nothing left .. grinding my ass into the pavement .. after they bleed me dry.

I could always see that, if I was going to do this thing .. that I would have to pay a heavy price. (I always knew that I had the goods to do it.)

» I Would Rather Not Do this Ugly Thing .. If that Means Anything to You

I have read commentary about the account of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane .. particularly when he prays, "Let this cup pass from me."

The commentary says » "It is unlikely that He was asking to avoid the cross."

But that is exactly what he was doing. He was saying (paraphrasing), "I would rather not do this ugly thing where I get my ass kicked very badly .. if this means anything to you. But if I gotta do it, then I gotta do it. And if I gotta do it, then fuck it, let's do this thing."

Anybody in his situation would say the same thing. "I would rather not do this thing..."

I was resisting the idea of writing this section here because the idea of it sounded defeatist to me .. and I have already needed to do the impossible a number of times.

Inside I feel confident and game .. but outside, I must admit .. it doesnt look good for the home team.

Something about this next level feels different. More serious. The competition seems more dedicated and determined. (Ask me if I give a fuck.)

A part of me actually loves stuff like this. A part of me welcomes stuff like this.

We dont really know how far we can go, and how much ass we can kick, until we are actually faced with some serious, world-class competition.

"Bring it," I can hear a part of me saying. "Is that all you fuckers got?"

When I was writing the SOS piece, I realized that I could never write such things without encountering such situations .. sucky as that situation was. (Very sucky, indeed.)

Even this section here, I would not be able to write this were it not for the predicament that I find myself in.

So maybe it is really a blessing in disguise. (If it is indeed a blessing, then it is certainly well-disguised.)

On the other hand, you know what they say » "No good deed goes unpunished."

The last time I felt something like this, I started having panic attacks and could not catch my breath.

This was indeed a very sucky experience .. but from it I got a unique and deeper sense of connection with you.

And, for me, this is what life is all about .. a transcendent connection with a beautiful creature .. who you trust and admire and respect and appreciate and want to get to know better.

Our story has already gone so far beyond what I could have ever imagined .. that I actually feel more grateful than anything.

Though I must admit that there is much more that I would like to write. (I feel like I'm just getting started.)

» Resist Getting Too Attached to Anything in the Phyical World

But like a sand mandala .. where whole teams of Tibetan Buddhist monks spend countless hours and days and weeks and months diligently working on a particular design ..

.. the lesson is that we should not get so attached to any earthly thing so much that we lose sight of the big picture .. which is the overriding reality of how the eternal divine presence transcends the impermanence of the physical world.

I am actually very good at not getting too attached to anything earthly .. because I have been working at this Zen-like aspect for so long now.

» Could this be the End of the Line?

Even if this train were to come to the end of the line right here-n-now, I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Who has written stuff like this? Show me the man. (Moses himself, you know, never actually made it into the Promised Land.)

But you know me .. I enjoy a good challenge .. because this is how we grow and develop and test ourselves.

And this is where we show what we have, and where we are best able to develop the full range of our skill-sets .. and where we are able to display the depth our capabilities.

I do not shrink from such challenges. I will keep coming until to the very end .. kicking ass and taking names.

But if the story goes away, then you will know. I just didnt want you to wake one morning and to find our love story gone. The site gone. With no forewarning. With no heads up. (That would certainly suck.)

Update 11 Nov 2019 - The threatening problem has receded. It was between the 4th and 6th of this month (Nov) when things suddenly turned around.

But the last few months have not been the most fun ever.

I knew things would be okay .. even when I couldnt see how. Things always work out in the end. 

But I was not expecting this particular solution. Which is why it surprised me.

This is the end of this page. ■

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on July 19, 2019 7:19 PM.

When the System Worships Mammon the Children End Up Paying the Price was the previous entry in this blog.

The Unfolding of a National Moral Crisis » Witnessing the Rise of Naked Racism as a Defining Political Strategy is the next entry in this blog.

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