Sublimating the Soul-Fucking Torment into a Creative Outlet

This entry originated at the end of this page » Another Mind-Fucking Tragedy (14 Sept 2018).

» Looking So Happy You Could Melt

You look happy here.

The Wizard and I | NBC's A Very Wicked Halloween (29 Oct 2018)

It made me happy to see you happy.

I included a different image of you here, in a section labeled » A Sense of Satisfaction that Permeates Even the Furthest Reaches of Your Soul (2 May 2018).

This is a remarkable performance. I have watched it more times than I would ever admit. It makes me feel good.

Your poor foot. It must be throbbing by now.

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••• today's entry continues here below •••

This image here of you comes near t=2:00 when you do this really cool transition thing with your voice.

The Brothers certainly seemed to respond to this transition.

Brothers react to Ariana singing the Wizard and I (10 Dec 2018)

At t=2:30 here, this vocal coach is struck by the same transition. See .. I dont know what you call the specific aspects of this transition like Tristan does .. but I know that it sounds cool.

The Brothers went apeshit when they heard you sing this transition.

I was thinking, "I have never heard her do that before. There is no end to this girl."

When you can sing like this .. you can have any guy you want. Any five guys.

» Society's Idea of Finding One Person to Satisfy All Your Needs and Desires is a Fantasy

On the subject of having any five guys you want .. I jest with you a little here .. because you are so hot, and so talented, and so sexy .. and because of the many other impressive attributes that you possess.

But, on a more serious note, check out what Brooklyn-based relationship coach Effy Blue says in this 24-min video by New York magazine (14 Feb 2019, Valentine's day).

Brooklyn-based relationship coach Effy Blue says that society's idea of finding one person to satisfy all your needs and desires is a big, fat fantasy (New York Magazine, 14 Feb 2019)

She says that society's idea of finding "the one" .. one person to satisfy all your needs and desires .. is a fantasy. A big, fat fantasy.

» Effy Makes a Valid Point that Agrees with My Existential Experience

My life-experience certainly supports her assertion. This is one of the reasons why, I feel, that the divorce rate is so high. And why infidelity in a marriage is not uncommon.

I have already mentioned how a girl who has never been married before often (not always) brings unrealistic expectations to a relationship that seems headed for a long-term commitment.

I could go into mind-numbing detail here .. but I simply wanted to mention this video and the ideas that it contains.

Brooklyn-based relationship coach Effy Blue says that society's idea of finding one person to satisfy all your needs and desires is a mythology (New York Magazine, 14 Feb 2019, Valentine's day)

I have chatted with my brother about the idea of the responsibility of being everything that another person might ever need (or want) to make them feel happy and satisfied.

Saddling someone else with such a responsibility .. to always be everything you might happen to need in an intimate relationship .. this is not fair to your partner.

And, like bro said, thinking that you can assume this responsibility for another human being .. to be their everything that they might possibly happen to need or desire .. this is a fantasy. It is unrealistic.

And it's not a pretty lesson to learn. No, ma'am. Not hardly.

» I Want to be One of Your Five

Surely there are some people who satisfy more of your needs and desires than others. But no single person exists who is able to satisfy them all.

This is why you probably need five guys. And if I can be one of the five .. ( pause for effect ) .. then I would like that.

I would like that very much .. probably more than I should. I mean, who wouldnt?

Who could resist such a thing? Show me the man.

» Getting Ahead of Myself (aka Conquering the World)

I may be getting ahead of myself here .. but, after you pick your first 5 and get that thing working well, to your satisfaction .. then you get to add seven more to make your complement a total of 12.

When you get the 12 up to speed .. operating at a level that you are comfortable with, satisfied with .. then you get to pick fifty-eight more .. to make it a total of 70.

Choose wisely .. because none of these 70 will be able to resist your call. (And even if they could, they wouldnt want to.)

Once you get the seventy humming along like a well-oiled machine .. then you add fifty more .. for a total of 120.

(My ego wants me to tell you that I have run a complement of a hundred nuclear-grade dudes .. like a well-oiled machine. Most people are motivated primarily by money. If you pay them well, their performance will reflect their appreciation. More money gets you better people. More experienced people. More motivated people. More talented people. You know what I am talking about.)

When you get the hundred-and-twenty operating as a single unit .. and this could take some time .. but when you have the hundred-and-twenty operating as an elite corp .. then you get to go all the way to 3,000.

» Conquering the World

And when you get the three thousand kicking ass and taking names to your queenly satisfaction .. now you are ready to conquer the world ..

.. if you want, of course .. if this is something that you desire, something that inspires you, something that motivates you .. maybe even something that challenges you. Something that you feel would be a good idea.

Is this an idea that ignites erotic things inside you? This idea of world domination.

There is a part of me that feels that there is a part of you this is indeed stimulated erotically by the idea of world domination.

I mean, you are already irresistible. Who can resist you?

» Exploring New Universes with Next-Generation Women

To me, the idea of world domination sounds like a lot of work. My ambitions are more exploratory.

I want to explore new worlds, new universes. You know .. like Kirk says, "To boldly go where no man has gone before."

In order to explore the types of realms that I am talking about .. I need a crew of well-trained, battle-hardened, freakishly-talented women ..

.. who can accompany me on my journey .. and provide me with insights that I will need.

» Women Who Intentionally Provoke My Predatory Instincts

The only time I really feel like dominating anything .. in an overwhelming sort-of-way .. is when you provoke me.

This is when I can feel the sense of aggression rise up in me .. and I can feel the claws come out.

This is when I get that laser-beam focus .. and I can feel something predatory inside of me crouching silently into an attack posture .. ready to pouce at just the right moment.

"She'll never even know what hit her," I think.

It's not usually a good thing for girls .. when they provoke me. They usually have trouble walking afterwards .. if they can manage to get to their feet.

» A Curiously Suggestive 3-Way Pattern-Matching Observation 

I dont know why I am thinking about it now .. but remind me to tell you about the matching patterns that I have been recognizing lately ..

.. patterns that match between you and the girl who you remind me of and powerful, influential, dominant women .. who I happen(ed) to find irresistible (for some reason) ..

.. and who take me to places that I did not even know existed .. and who are eerily able to make me feel the most pleasant and addictively wonderful sensations .. that feel both natural and organically grown.

I could certainly continue here with my manifold pattern-matching observations .. but I simply want to say that I was struck because there are three matching patterns here .. whereas normally there are only two.

I cannot think of another case of three such matching patterns that match this well .. which makes this thing something of an anomaly.

Do you think it might mean something? (I must really have a thing for powerful, influential women.)

» Different People Possess Different Strengths and Skills that Satisfy Different Aspects of Our Different Personalities

Regarding the idea of recruiting five different people (instead of just one) to meet our different needs and satisfy our different desires ..

.. In my mind, I see the other 4 recruits as people who satisfy needs other than sexual.

A guy is not necessarily going to be threatened by the idea of his lover sleeping with other women from time to time .. at least, I wasnt.

But it is unlikely that he will be comfortable wit the idea of her sleeping with other men .. as a matter of arrangement. (Although I hear that some guys are into this kind of thing.)

I see, for example, one of the five as satisfying your artistic needs and desires in a close, intimate sort-of-way.

I see another one of the five and satisfying more soul-searching types-of-things.

For myself, I would choose one girl who satisfies my intellectual needs .. who helped me grow in that area.

I would choose another to explore my erotic needs and desires.

For other things, someone like Selena Gomez, who has already dealt with the mind-fucking aspects that accompany a life-threatening illness .. such a person would be able to go with me more easily into these types of conversations than someone who has never encountered such soul-rattling things.

This is why I would probably choose her as the second of my five.

[ Plus she is the Queen of Instagram .. which makes her a powerful, influential woman .. by definition. Heck, even Brad Pitt got in trouble for succumbing to Selena's multi-faceted charms. But there are other reasons, too. ]

We all have many different needs and desires .. and the idea of having one, single individual who is responsible to meet and satisfy them all .. well, this is clearly unrealitic.

» I Can Barely Handle One of You

This does not necessarily include (for me) the idea of multiple sexual partners. There was a period in my life where I was sleeping with two girls at the same time (though not together).

They wore me out. These girls wore my ass right out. Since then, I have never had a desire to have more than one sexual partner at a time.

» The Exquisite, Transformative Thing that Happens in a Soul-Connecting Relationship with a Beautiful Creature

I think it is the sense of intimacy that really-really does it for me. You can have sex without intimacy.

Sure, I enjoy a good, hard fuck as much as the next guy .. but that alone does not satisfy my soul. (Only my hormones.)

The sense of intimacy that accompanies a deep soul connection .. which is based on and founded upon a well-tested trust ..

.. with a beautiful creature who you respect and admire and appreciate .. this is the thing that satisfies for me like nothing else can.

Dove knows what I am talking about. This is why I would probably choose her as the third of my five.

Think about it and we'll chat more later. (Where I will share with you my choices for the other two.)

» You were Feeling this Song is a Special, Cool Sort-of-Way

You were feeling this song .. in a very cool sort of way. I dont think that I have ever seen you sing a song like this before.

The Wizard and I | NBC's A Very Wicked Halloween (29 Oct 2018)

This feels new.

I was checking out the lyrics. Very relatable. How come you didnt sing the beginning lines?

Did that really just happen?
Have I actually understood?
This weird quirk I've tried
To suppress or hide
Is a talent that could
Help me meet the Wizard
If I make good
So I'll make good

Sometimes it is more about what is not said .. that speaks to these things that are better left unsaid. Wouldnt you say?

I bet that Justin and Chris know what I am talking about.

» A Moral Responsibility to Future Generations

As a side-thought here, on the subject of » things best left unsaid ..

What do you think about the idea that everybody, every moral sentient-being, who is made in the image-n-likeness of God .. the Living God Himself ..

.. what do you think about the idea that every such creature has a moral obligation to speak out? .. in whatever way they choose.

Alexandra Waterbury shares her experiences at NYC Ballet with Amanda Knox (29 March 2019)

.. in whatever way they deem right and proper. In ways big or small. But in some way. Some meaningful way.

Zora Neale Hurston says that there is no agony like bearing an untold story inside you, from her autobiography titled Dust Tracks on a Road (1942)

.. and that every child of God has, not only the right, but also a moral obligation .. to speak out against injustices and nastiness and the types of transgressions that tend to leave lasting psychic scars ..

.. visited upon them at an age when they were too young and too small to defend themselves from such things.

» Speaking Your Truth for the Benefit of Future Generations

It is certainly a therapeutic thing, in the long run, to consciously revisit these places of trauma in a mature way .. when you are older and stronger and wiser and smarter and possess many mature life-experiences.

I bet that Aly knows what I am talking about.

Always speak your truth says Aly Raisman's shirt in Girls Like You music video (30 May 2018)

I see you Aly. You look good. You look happy. You look healthy. Good for you.

This video has close to 2 billion views. I do not know how many videos have hit the 2 billion mark .. but I know it is not a big number.

Obviously the song is speaking to people. To what do you attribute such unusually large viewing numbers?

Anyway .. these mature life-experiences can now help us deal with these injustices in ways that we were not able to do when we were small and defenseless.

» It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

Though, I admit, in the short-term it definitely sucks gigantic goose eggs. You are staring at these ugly scenes openly and honestly and feeling all the effects.

You are simply swirling in strong and threatening currents of emotion .. just trying to hold on to what little seems left of your life.

If you enjoy riding roller coasters .. then you'll absolutely love the raging undercurrents of traumatic things that you didnt even know were there.

» You Cannot Deal With the Effects of Psychic Wounds that You Refuse to Even Acknowledge the Existence Of

Because you have been intentionally ignoring and denying the effects and consequences of these childhood traumas for so long ..

.. burning much unnecessary energy dealing with never-ends symptoms that arise from these open, festering wounds.

Making one excuse after another why you cannot seem to rid yourself of these recurring problems .. which you probably blame on others.

Because you cannot even acknowledge these psychic wounds .. much less actually deal with them and finally put them to bed.

» Speaking Your Truth Serves as a Deterrent to Future Fuckheads

You do this not only for yourself, and for the people who share your life .. but also for future generations. Especially for future generations.

How many priests do you reckon would have been touching young boys inappropriately had they a thought in the back of their head that these kids would grow up to tell of their experiences? Publicly.

And call out names and dates and years and ages and locations and actions and behaviors and the consequences of these actions and these behaviors.

See my point?

» Silence Encourages Fuckheads to Continue Their Abusive Behavior

This is why I feel that everybody has a moral obligation to speak out against and tell their truth .. the worst parts of their truth. As ugly as those truths might be.

I bet that Nikki Klieman knows what I am talking about.

Legal analyst Nikki Klieman talks about Jeffrey Epstein's case involving the sexual assault of minors (7March 2019)

Because, if people think that they will get away with such things .. because the people who came before them got away with such things ..

.. then, they are encouraging the people who come after them to continue doing such things.

In such a way it is the silence itself that speaks to them and says, "Go ahead and do that nasty shit to those defenseless little kids who are currently in their formative years."

This theme here, where I speak to the moral obligation to speak out against injustices visited upon those too weak and too poor and helpless to defend themselves against an older, wealthy, powerful people ..

.. who threaten to harm them if they dare speak their truth publicly.

» Dont Shrink Back (Cower) in Fear at the Idea of Speaking Your Truth

This theme here reminds me of what Paul wrote to the Hebrews, where he is quoting God Himself from Habakkuk the prophet, saying (paraphrasing) »

"My righteous one shall live by faith. But if he shrinks back and pussies out (from living by faith), then I will not be happy with him. His spineless ass will definitely bum me out. I surely hope that he is ready to start growing a spine pretty soon. A righteous spine. Because he doesnt have much time left."

I would never say that such things were easy. But what is the alternative?

» Speaking Your Truth is How You Kick the Devil's Ass

Notice what it says in the book of Revelations .. that speaking your truth ( the "word of your testimony" ) ..

.. is how you kick the devil's ass ( in v11 "triumph over, overcome and conquer" ).

The suggestion here is that .. if you dont speak your truth ( the"word of your testimony" ) .. then you will not kick the devil's ass.

Maybe you are too scared to kick the devil's ass? Maybe you'd rather not piss him off?

You wouldnt the first.

» Speaking Your Truth: the Male Perspective vs the Female Perspective

I can see better now how many women have a fear of speaking out against abusive behavior ..

.. that they mightve suffered at the hands of men in positions of power and in positions of authority over them.

The more powerful the man, the greater the fear.

My existential perspective is naturally that of a male familiar with positions of power and authority and autonomy and influence.

» Believe Your Indications (Gauge Readings)

It is off-topic here, but regarding my existential perspective .. I merely want to note that ..

.. one of the things that the Navy really drills into your head .. while they are training you to operate their reactors ..

Nuclear-powered submarine underway surfaced

one of the most emphasized and repeated reminders (second only to the notion of » verbatim compliance .. with operating procedures) ..

.. one of the things most drilled into your head is » believing your indications. The reactor plant operator gets these indications from his gauges.

From countless gauges measuring countless different things. Temperatures. Pressures. Turbine RPM. Flow rates. Heck, even the number of gallons of shit currently in the shit-tanks.

» Living-by-Faith and Believing-your-Indications

This is a conversation too big for me to tackle here .. because it is complex and nuanced .. that of believing-your-indications vs living-by-faith .. but this would be a good place to start from.

Anyway, I wonder what title I would give to a new page with such a subject. ]

» Growing and Becoming More Real All the Time

Girly, is it just me? .. or are we not feeling no-shit in love? (I am not trying to feel this way.)

I was walking to the kitchen earlier today .. to make a cup of herb tea .. and I was thinking, "This thing feels like it's growing and becoming more real all the time."

From a certain perspective .. this is the craziest thing ever.

» You are on Fire

I also saw that performance of God is a Woman that you did with the BBC .. with the all-women orchestra. That mustve been so cool to actually be there.

It lingers when we're done GiaW BBC (29 Oct 2018)

This is another big deal. You are kicking serious ass. You are on fire.

I noticed the little finger gesture that you did here when you sing "It lingers when we're done."

» I Dont Think I've Ever Gotten Chills Like This Before

This comes right after you did that super-kickass woo-woo thing that you do.

Ariana does super kickass woo-woo at the BBC with an all-female orchestra (29 Oct 2018)

That gave me chills. On both forearms. I dont think that I've ever gotten chills like that before.

And dont think that I missed this thing that you did here:

Ariana turns away from the audience while singing God is a Woman at the BBC with an all-woman orchestra (29 Oct 2018).

.. right before you come to the part where you do that super-kickass thing that gave me goosebumps.

What are you doing here, Ariana? Where did you go? I dont recall other singers ever doing something like this .. where you turn away from the audience.

Ms Rebecca the vocal athlete certainly seems to appreciate your otherworldly vocals.

Rebecca the vocal athlete reacting to God is a Woman (20 Dec 2018).

In her comments Rebecca writes "The whistle register is piercing, and the whistles don't have disconnected tones attached to them. She is a true performer with a sassy touch."

That makes me feel like I am in love .. when you do that thing.

» Propelling My Soul to Places that I Did Not Even Know Existed

It feels like your hand reaches inside of me and grabs hold of my soul and squeezes it .. taking my breath away.

Good thing that you dont do that for very long.

Ariana singing kickass whistle notes for God is a Woman at the BBC (29 Oct 2018).

I cannot handle very much of that at one time. That is some potent stuff.

I have watched this performance more times than I would ever admit .. and I never get tired of it.

I could watch this video a million times, it feels, and it still makes me feel the same way that it did the first time.

There is no fading for me. I love it every time. "What kind of creature makes a sound like that?" I wonder.

Maybe if I watch it enough times, I will start to figure it out.

That's a good trick, girly. You'll have to show me how you do that sometime.

I like learning new tricks from super-hotties such as yourself. I like it a lot .. probably more than I should.

And of course, when I see singing instructors singing your praises .. this only reinforces and confirms these things that I feel when you sing.

» Are You Really Real?

Speaking of singing instructors who sing your praises .. this vocal coach here, Rached Hayek .. he says that it is "hard to believe" that you are real ..

Singing coach Rached Hayek says that it is hard to believe that Ariana is real because her acoustic singing of God is a Woman in the Live Lounge is so perfect (23 Sept 2018).

.. in a reaction that he posted (23 Sept 2018) of you singing God is a Woman in the Live Lounge (posted 5 Sept 2018). 

Heck, he was barely 15 secs into the song when he held up his forearm and said, "Got goosebumps already."

You can actually watch him losing his mind .. little by little, as you continue singing.

Is this not what have I been saying all along? .. that you are so freakishly talented and that your singing is so otherworldly .. that it is difficult to believe that you are really real.

» Or is a Mad Scientist Fucking with My Perception of Reality?

This is why it feels like there must be a mad scientist fucking with my perception-of-reality, manipulating the electrical impulses to my brain, which is probably sitting in a vat of warm, gelatin-like substance (.. probably in an gated industrial park somewhere in New Jersey).

"Let's try this," the mad scientist says to his apprentice-helper, as he continues to tweak the electrical impulses to my brain. "Let's see what he does if we do this. Let's see how he responds. Let's really fuck with his mind this time .. and see how he handles it."

» Sublimating the Soul-Fucking Torment into a Creative Outlet

I first wrote about the idea of employing creative arts as an effective form of therapy back in an entry titled » Best Party Ever | Creative Arts as Emotional Therapy (Feb 2014).

It seems that the military and the VA also feel like there is valid therapeutic effects found in the process of con.verting your soul-fucking torment into a creative outlet.

Masks designed by traumatized veterans at Walter Reed Medical Ctr

This 'process-of-con.verting' the soul-fucking torment into a creative outlet .. you could call this process » sublimation.

» Con.verting One Thing into Another Thing

The term sublimate is defined as »

  1. (From chemistry) To TRANSFORM directly from the solid to the gaseous state or from the gaseous to the solid state without becoming a liquid.

  2. To DIVERT the energy associated with (an unacceptable impulse or drive) into a personally and socially acceptable activity.

  3. To MODIFY the natural expression of a sexual or primitive instinct in a socially acceptable manner.

  4. To REFINE and exalt; to heighten; to elevate.

The word sublime is also associated with the term sublimate. What does the term sublime mean to you, Ariana?

The general sense here is that you are CHANGING one thing into another .. such as the state of a physical substance, or some type of energy, or even primal sexual desires.

Ooh .. I almost want to write that again .. primal sexual desires .. just dripping with primal sexual energy, I'm sure

» Turning Lead into Gold

In other words, you are functioning and operating as a sort of alchemist.

The key aspect, I think, associated with this idea .. is that you are » changing something that is (relatively) bad into something (relatively) good.

The ancient alchemists sought to turn lead into gold .. because gold is viewed as the more valuable element.

On the table of elements, lead (Pb) is atomic number 82, while gold (Au) is atomic number 79. So lead is slightly heavier and denser than gold .. by 3 protons worth. Not much at all.

The atomic number is the number of protons that each atom of an element contains. It is thee defining characteristic of an element.

In other words, you can change the number of neutron or electrons and still have a version of the same element .. but if you change the number of protons, now you have a completely different element.

So the alchemists of old were basically attempting to (somehow or other) strip away 3 protons from each atom of lead .. in order to con.vert it into gold.

As a side-observation, notice that they were trying to strip away protons, and not add extra protons to a lighter element .. because that would require more energy. That wouldve been more difficult. Much more.

» Do You Resonate with the Term Sublimate?

Do you feel that this term, sublimate, accurately describes your approach to dealing with Mac's death in the weeks and months that followed? .. and which followed the tragedy at Manchester?

I would be lyin' here if I said that the term sublime did not accurately apply to some of your performances .. and especially to the way that they made me feel.

» The Sublime Touch

I cannot tell you the number of times I have wondered, "How is she doing that?" .. where it feels like your arm comes right out of the screen and grabs hold of my heart and squeezes in a way that feels like nothing I have ever felt before.

Afterwards I will think "Oh, I love this girl."  .. when I can feel you touching me in a strikingly real and personal sort-of-way.

When you can make someone feel downright sublime .. when you can touch them in a way that brings pleasure to them in their deepest of deep places ..

When you can make someone feel like they are experiencing a primal, ancient intimacy with a truly beautiful creature, who they respect and admire and appreciate .. and who is able to touch them in ways that they did not even know were possible ..

When you can make someone feel like their soul has been released from the bondage of the phenominal world .. when you can make someone feel like this .. uh, I should not finish this sentence.

I will let you finish this sentence yourself, girly.

» The Place that Soul-Fucking Torment Brings You To

It is a topic too big to cover here .. and I can see how it would be easy for me to be misunderstood ..

.. but remind me to tell you about the notion, the concept, the idea, that it is precisely this soul-fucking torment that (somehow) puts you in the place, the position, the alignment, which allows you to receive some other very cool things.

Seemingly unrelated things.

I would probably sound like a nut-case if I went much further .. but I somehow feel that you might know what I am talking about .. because of what you have been through recently.

These mind-fucking things that are so tragic that you struggle to deal with the fallout.

Think about it and we'll talk more later .. probably somewhere candlelit, and talking in hushed tones. I can almost smell the incense now.

» Transferred to its Own Page

I should probably move this new section to its own page.

Up.date: this is now done. You are reading this new page right now .. a page dated 29 Oct 2018.

This is a cool title .. you must admit.

This is the end of this page. ■

If you enjoyed this page, then you might also appreciate this entry here » Sense of SELF & Escaping Self-Deception (14 Sept 2018).

This entry originated at the end of this page » Another Mind-Fucking Tragedy (14 Sept 2018).

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on October 29, 2018 10:29 PM.

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