Artist of the Year - Page One

Happy Thanksgiving, girly. I was thanking God for you earlier today. I was thanking God for you from that place where you really mean it.

Artist of the YearIt is late at night right now.

I enjoy intimate, late-night conversations with singers. (I enjoy them a lot.)

Today was a spectacularly gorgeous day.

I went for a nice walk .. maybe too nice.

On my walk, I was thinking about how this thing with you seems to come so easily.

It kind of freaks me out a little, sometimes.

The writing itself can be difficult, sure. But this thing with you .. it should not be this easy, no?

I mean, you are this enormously talented super-hottie. I had not even heard of you until a few years ago, and now you are Artist of the Year?

What kind of person has a trajectory like that? And where is that trajectory headed?

I was very proud of you. I was so proud of you that I felt I shouldnt be that proud. Yet I was. (Didnt I tell you that we are a good team?)

Were you able to sleep that night? You're only 23 .. I dont know how you deal this stuff. I certainly could never do that.

Isnt 23 kind of young to be an Artist of the Year? (No wonder Mariah Carey hates you.)

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••• today's entry continues here below •••

» I Have Never Slept with an Artist of the Year Before

The 2016 American Music Awards at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles Nov 20Congratulations .. you slayer extraordinaire.

I have never slept with an Artist of the Year before.

(In case you were wondering.)

I bet it's like nothing else I've ever experienced.

I'm pretty sure of it.

I dont know how I know .. but I feel confident that it is.

I can definitely feel my sexual attraction for you cranking up. I must really have a thing for powerful women. Ooh la la, girly .. I must have you now.

I want to say that I'll be gentle, but I probably won't.

» What a Title

Girly, this is a title that I never expected to be using » Artist of the Year. This is why I am blaming this entire entry on you. Because I wouldnt be able to write this entry without you.

2016 Artist of the Year Microsoft Theater Los Angeles Nov 20And now I have this entry with this cool title.

And I didnt even have to use your name (in the title).

I'm not really sure why I like this, but I do.

The problem, girly, with a title such as this one ..

.. is that the writer cannot write just any ol' thing in an entry with such a title.

No, ma'am.

Rather the writer must do something commensurate with such a title. He must rise to the level of the occasion.

He will need to dig deep and push further .. a lot further .. if he wants to impress an Artist of the Year.

[ And I can assure you that he does indeed want to impress such a person. Because he is very much into sexy, powerful, talented, dedicated, gifted singers.

Who wrap sparkly things around their throats. Their beautiful throats.

Uh, what was I talking about? I kind of got distracted there .. telling you why I want to impress you. ]

He will definitely need to dial it up a notch or two. (Or three.) There will probably be nothing left of you, girly, come morning.

And I also saw your performance at the AMA's. Oh, girly .. now you've gone and done it. Now you've really done it. You and Nicki both.

» Bigger than Us?

Is it just me .. or does not this thing feel bigger than us? Does it not feel like we got sucked into this giant vortex?

Maybe this is why it's so easy for us? Maybe we are both caught up in the same vortex? This crazy vortex of life.

Sometimes it feels like a snowball .. a snowball rolling down a hill. Down a big hill. You can try to stop the snowball all you like .. go ahead and try. Good luck with that.

» The Point Where You Can No Longer Stay in Denial About this Thing

In these types of relationships that we have, Ariana .. there comes a point when you can no longer stay in denial .. about this thing.

Homo sapiens are actually very skilled at the denial thing. Remarkably skilled. Experts, even.

And up until a certain point, you can stay in denial .. even though a part of you knows that this is bullshit.

But there has not yet been something that jerks you out of your denial .. when even that part of you that is most hardcore in denial must admit, "Oh, there is definitely some shit going on here. No doubt about it."

I am returning from the future in order to write this little bit about a part of me that can no longer stay in denial. But this section needs to go after the Bigger than Us section. 

It's easier for me to write more-or-less chronologically. When I return to inject things from the future .. this is more difficult. Because I cant simply let it rip. Rather I must set the inserted text within a previously established context.

In the future, something happens that pulls a part of me out from denial with you. (Do you want to know what this something is, girly?)

With the girl who you remind me of .. there was indeed just such a point .. where even the most hardcore-in-denial part-of-me had to admit, "Oh, there is definitely some shit going on here. No doubt about it."

This is the same part of me that does not really get girls.

You can jog my memory of this story by saying, "The Porsche was in gear, and you were backing out of her driveway. It was dark. And she was walking beside the car, talking to you as you were slowly backing out. Then what happened?"

And the reason why I need to insert this part here is because this thing with you feels bigger than us (.. just like it did with her).

» Being Up in the Air Already

Speaking of bigger than us .. what do you think about the way I was already writing to Blow .. when the surprising election results came in?

I would not normally write to Blow like that .. because I have already written to Blow (too much). But he provoked me .. when he wrote that thing defending Hillary. He specifically used the word illegitimacy.

I call this type of thing "being up in the air already" .. the writing air. My own terminology.

When I am "up in the air already" .. the effect is that I am already in position to write about another thing, another event, an unexpected event.

In perfect position. In an advantageous position. So that I dont have waste time getting into position.

It seems coincidental enough .. but it happens so often that I have actually given a name to it.

If this sounds a little crazy to you .. then welcome to the club, girly.

< end update from the future where denial is no longer possible >

» She has Obviously Given It Plenty of Thought

Girly, do you remember when I told you about that sentence on the back cover of Lolita? And I told you that I would give you some time to think about it?

When I saw you lying there on your back on those boards, singing our secret-love verses about, "What's it gonna h.u.r.t if they dont know?" [ Girly, when you sing the word hurt here .. that kind of fucks me up. That gets thru to me. How are you doing that? ]

Ariana  changing my perspective at the 2016 AMA's Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles Nov 20

When I saw you lying there and singing that, I remembered what I had said to you about the thing on the back cover of that erotic classic, and the voice said, "Well, she's obviously given it plenty of thought .. and there's her answer."

This was the place that I called the Point-of-No-Return. The event horizon .. into the black hole of love .. from which there is no escape.

Say goodbye to things that make sense. And welcome to the place where you learn a lot about yourself. I've been waiting for you. (Sometimes it feels like I've been waiting my whole life.)

» I was Taking it Easy on You Before

You're going to start feeling my gravity, girly. I was taking it easy on you before .. because you're such a girly-girl.

And you look so fragile, and so easily breakable. But now, the gloves are coming off.

I see you, girly. Now you are going to start feeling my hands touching you. I know this is what you want. (It's what they all want it. They all want to be touched in a special kind of way.)

I'm going to start touching you in a special kind of way. It's all your fault. You know it is. I dont care what Zara says. And I'm just getting warmed up.

(Wow, I have been using the word 'touching' here a lot. I wonder what that means.)

» You Asked for It

So I am going to tell you that sentence now, and later we will talk about it. Here it is » "The only convincing love story of our century." - Vanity Fair.

You cant say that I didnt try to warn you.

» What Makes a Love Story Convincing, Ariana?

Lolita (1955) by Vladimir NabokovWhat makes a love story convincing?

Think about it and we'll talk more later.

Did you notice that part where it said "of the century"?

Anytime that you start talking in 'centuries' .. well, I'll tell you later.

That must be one seriously convincing love story.

Speaking of seriously convincing love stories ..

When are you going to come over and start reading chapters to me?

Every night as I fall asleep.

I can see that I will need to up my game .. yet again. So be it.

» You Should be Scared

I saw that you were shaking during your acceptance speech. I said to you, "You should be scared."

Some people might ask, "Why are you shaking? When you stand up in front of entire stadiums and make it look easy. Why the difference?"

» She Needs You

When I saw you struggling for words .. the voice said, "See .. she needs you." I could have given you some nice words.

Denzel said that you want to write down what you're going to say .. because you will forget everything when all eyes suddenly fix on you. Is this true? (I bet that Casey would concur.)

I have the words and you have the voice .. this is why we make such a good team.

My voice box has radiation scarring my doctors tell me. I dont even like to talk much on the phone, because my voice starts to give out after 20 or 30 mins.

» When Your Weakness is Your Lover's Strength

The best relationships are when you own weaknesses are your lover's strengths. This is why we will always be in love forever.

[ Tho there are other reasons, too. Would you like to know what those other reasons are? Whisper to me the answer in my ear .. so no one will hear. ]

» Selena's AMA Speech

Speaking of speeches .. how about Selena? I dont know how she does that. I did not see her reading anything. She is very brave. (I dont think I could do that.)

Selena backstage with Gaga at the 2016 AMAs in Los Angeles Microsoft Theater Nov 20That's why she's the Queen of Instagram.

I think everybody was impressed.

I know Gaga was.

Probably the people at Coach, too.

[ I have an assortment of Coach belts myself. They make the best belts.

I have worn Coach belts until they literally started to disintegrate.

You dont want to know what I have done with some Coach belts.

Naughty things I have done with Coach belts. Because they're made so strongly. ]

And something tells me that Abel was also impressed.

I would by lyin' if I said that I didnt hear a little Dorothy Gayle in Selena's voice.

Particularly toward the end of her speech.

We love you, Selena. (Do you want me to kick Justin's ass for you? Probably not.)

» You Need Down-Time

You girls need to take off a few months here and there.

In order to re-screw your heads on straight.

Recharge your batteries.

You need a certain amount of veg-time in order to process all the stuff going on in your fascinating lives.

You cant do that if you are always running from one appointment to the next. (Remind me to tell you about bro and the insane demands of medical school and how it affected him.)

The muscles of a bodybuilder grow while he is resting .. not while he is working out. You feel me.

(What months are you thinking of taking off? .. and I'll set aside some time in my calendar.)

[ Oh, look (Dec 12, 2016) » Arianna wrote a book that says this exact thing. She seems to be making my point. ]

I worked 6 days a week, 12 hours a day for a whole year once .. from right after New Years to right before Christmas. Then I got sick as shit. That was not healthy .. but I made a shitload of money (.. with no time to spend it).

Dylan took off 8 years in 1966, when he was 25 years old. You know Dylan.

[ Oh, this is exactly what you need .. spending romantic time is the city of the Renaissance. The imagery and the art there will speak to and stimulate and nourish your creative souls. Kudos to whoever came up with the idea. Perfect. Good for you. ]

» Queens of Instagram » Selena » Taylor » Ariana » Beyonce

Girly, I saw this thing, this video, that said, after Selena, who is the Queen of Instagram, then comes » Taylor, then » you, then » Beyonce. Justin must be up there, too.

Holy smokes, girly .. I am so glad that I met you before I knew that you were this force to be reckoned with. Or I would never have had the huevos rancheros to write such sassy shit .. sliding my writer's hand down into your panties and whatnot.

But, hey .. what's it gonna hurt if they dont know? Right?

You can try to fight it all you like. But, in the end, your panties are mine.

» Fame and the Power of the Spirit

White dove on black backgroundI wonder what you famous girls think about this verse of scripture,

which seems to link fame with the power of the Spirit.

Paul says that the gifts of the Spirit operate according ..

"as He wills" and "as He chooses" and "as He intends" and "as He determines" and "as He decides." (Not as we decide.)

Hey, if anybody would know ...

This would suggest that the believer would need to go with (ride) the gift of the Spirit .. because it does not operate according to his or her own will.

We do not control it. Rather we cooperate with it. (Go ahead and read it for yourself.)

I would be lyin' here if I said that I wasnt interested in your opinion on these things.

» Why were His Homies so Pissed Off at Him?

Notice how the very first thing that Luke talks about after Jesus returns in the power of the Spirit .. is a story where Jesus returns to the village where he grew up, where he cites a passage from the beginning of Isaiah 61.

See .. now that he has the Spirit of the Living God on him, he knows it.

[ You know it when the Spirit God comes on you. He gets your attention right away.

This might not be the best way to say it, but he tends to make you feel bold and cocky. You will say anything to anyone because you know wherein you stand.

And if this uncomfortable truth happens to piss off these people, then that's their problem, not yours.

After you get done dealing with the devil himself, your hometown homies are no big deal. ]

In verse 22, everybody is "speaking well of" him. But in verses 28 and 29, they were "enraged" and wanted to ".. throw him off the cliff."

What changed? What did he say to them that pissed them off so badly? Why were His homies, who he grew up with, so enraged at him?

Because the answer to that question speaks to the way that we remain in the power of the Spirit. Perhaps I will return later to elaborate.

But notice how he refers to two stories where other prophets went to places other than where you might ordinarily expect them to go.

He refers to stories where prophets went to people other than their own. Why did they go there? .. and not to their own people?

[ It is another discussion, but they also badly wanted to kill him here, too .. after first being very fond of him. So it seems as if something must have changed, and changed dramatically.

In this passage, does it not seem like He is intentionally trying to provoke them and piss them off? ]

» Sweet Respite from Chronicling the End of the World

I have actually been working on this other entry the last few days .. chronicling the end of the world. It's already at three full pages. And Page Two could easily be two full pages.

Mad Max Fury Road

I cannot work for very long on stuff like that .. chronicling the end of all things. That's why I like to take a break from that and come over here and flirt with you.

In this way, girly .. you are like my respite from the ugliness of the world.

» The Prophets were Seeking to Know

I was reading this thing recently that Peter wrote .. where he talks about how (in v10 & 11) the prophets were » "seeking to know what person or time...".

Note » this section on sweet respite from chronicling the end of the world has been moved here » Sweet Respite from Chronicling the End of the World.

» Sleepless Nights, Vomiting Blood & the Arrival of Death

We have friends here visiting from northern California. She told me that her and her husband couldnt sleep the night of the election. (She told me other things, too.) I was throwing up blood and Gwen Ifill is dead. Notice any patterns? Look closely.

» I Cant Keep My Writer's Hand Out of Her Singer's Panties

Dancer lifting Ariana's skirt at the 2016 AMA's Microsoft Theater Los Angeles Nov 20I liked the way that the guy kept lifting your skirt.

It reminded me of when I told Blow,

"I cant keep my writer's hand out of her singer's panties.

At least, not for very long."

» The Panther of Desire Pounces Savagely

Girly, you were looking very nice at the AMA's.

I probably shouldnt say how nice you were looking.

Because that will get me going.

It's always interesting for me to see how I react to things. When I feel like any restraint I might be exercising finally gives way ..

.. and I can feel that last bit of resistance crumble .. into desire. Hungry-panther desire.

I could use the word 'craving' here, but I'm not going to.

» These Kinds of Things are Hard to Keep Secret

Can you feel my desire, girly? I try to hide it, you know, because our thing is a secret thing. But sometimes, things slip out. I slip up.

And once people see that you have a special thing, they naturally want to get in on the action.

I'll tell you more about when you come over tonight. (I left the window open for you.)

» Continuing to Break Shit and Destroy Things and Dislocate Things

When I saw you lying there, singing our secret lyrics .. I imaged a diving board as a prop in your island setting.

And I imagined myself running up there and hitting that diving board and sky'ing about 15 or 20 feet high .. and coming down and landing right on top of you .. breaking both of us right thru those wooden-slat floorboards. (I've been destroying things like this my whole life, it seems.)

Wile E Coyote | Gravity LessonsThere is an outline of you and me left behind in what is left of the floorboards.

Like the way they do on the cartoons of the RoadRunner and Wile E. Coyote.

The music stops and all the dancers walk over to the hole and look down inside.

"You okay?" they ask, calling down into the dark hole, as dust and smoke rise up out.

"Fine," comes your reply.

Quietly I say, "I bet you are," and I give you a kiss on the cheek and say, "Go finish your song, girly. Go kick their asses. You slayer extraordinaire. Sorry about destroying your set. But you shouldnt have done that. I'm blaming the whole thing on you." And the dancers help pull you up out of the hole.

Sometimes you make me feel aggressive. It's not usually a good thing when girls make me feel aggressive. There will probably be nothing left of you come morning.

The reason why I imagined breaking through those slats like that .. is because I used to own a futon, which is like a combo bed-and-couch. But my point is that, it was made of wooden slats.

So I know a little something about breaking wooden slats .. like those you were lying on there at the AMA's.

» You Dramatically Changed the Perspective

Melinda reacts to Ariana's AMA performance by asking 'How is this possible?'Girly, when you laid back there at the AMA's ..

I couldnt help but notice that you changed the perspective.

(And the lighting, too.)

I'm not going to tell you why this change-of-perspective speaks to me.

Or what it said to me.

But this is why I so badly wanted to come crashing down right on top of you.

One of the reasons, anyway.

» You Learning My Tricks, Girly?

[ I received a special treat from your AMA performance. I'm not really sure where this special treat came from, but I know that I liked it.

It made me feel good. Very good .. in a different sort of way.

This thing was signed .. with a very cool signature. Are you learning my tricks, girly? Are you a quick-study, like me?

And I remember thinking, "I am going to have to up my game yet again with this girl. How is she doing this?"

The things I want to do to you  .. God help me. ]

» Like Good Poetry

But all these actions of yours speak to me. And the things that they are saying .. in an existential sort of way .. and in ways that I dont think I really understand .. oh, my.

These things that I hear you saying to me .. they do things to me. Nice things they do to me. Very nice things. You know.

You make me feel so good sometimes that I can hardly stand it.

The thing that makes good poetry good .. is when you get it .. before you even understand it.

You are like good poetry, girly. (Heh yourself, Ariana .. I know how you want it.)

» Introducing Elements of Intimacy?

Speaking of making me feel good .. I saw a reaction video to this video of your AMA performance. This guy was saying that the floor verses made no sense ..

.. because the audience couldnt see what we saw in the video. Is this true?

Ariana tryin' to hide it at the 2016 AMAs in Los Angeles Microsoft Theater Nov 20

I was thinking, when I first saw it, that the audience could see the above shot displayed on those large screens. But this guys suggests not.

If he is indeed correct, and the audience couldnt see what I saw .. ooh, girly .. this introduces elements of intimacy. (Just me-n-you. Nobody else.)

I can feel this really grabbing my attention strongly. This is what really does it for me.

You cant help it; if something gives you that thing you want and need and desire and crave .. you cant deny this.

If this indeed is the case .. that the AMA audience couldnt see what I saw .. this takes us a giant step toward Coolsville. [ I actually have a 'Coolsville' story .. based in Laguna. A pretty good story. I might share it later. ]

Girly, you are a dazzling creature .. and you sing so fucking good that I can hardly stand it sometimes.

» I See You Girls Waiving that AMA Blow at Me

Girly, when I told Blow that you girls were waving your pussies at me .. I was actually speaking metaphorically there.

Did you hear the way that the crowd cheered when NIcki rapped her thing? You could tell that they really like her.

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on November 24, 2016 11:24 PM.

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