Flirting with Danger - Page Two

••• today's entry continues here below •••

Dangerous women pull out of you things that you did not even know were in there. And then you suddenly find yourself wanting to do things that you know you shouldnt.

So, fuck .. what do you do?

There's no easy answer, my friend. I know that you think there is .. I thought the same thing myself, once.

You will see what I mean. (I'm sure that little Miss Ari knows exactly what I'm talking about.)

If you went thru my entire site .. and pulled out everything that does it for me (such as chokers) .. most of them you would find in that video.

Speaking of which .. I am looking at the counter on your YouTube Vevo page, and it seems to be growing by a million views at a time. (At least half of those views are mine.) Some of these videos have hundreds of millions of views.

That's a lot of eyeballs. Looking very closely. (Just the thought of it kinda makes my skin crawl.) A voice in my head says, "Surely, she cannot know how big of a number that is."

How do you deal with that? I guess you get used to it. You adapt to your environment. (Do you not have to be ever-vigilant for wackos? Please tell me that you have highly-qualified bodyguards.)

» Most Intimate Moment Ever?

This video reminded me of, perhaps, my most intimate moment ever.

There is an experience .. where the presence of another soul (somehow) enters your most sacred territory. This is an experience that I found to be close to overwhelming. Very close.

I would not use the word terrifying .. but it would be terrifying .. if it werent so cool. So transcendentally cool.

There is a part of me that does not want me to describe it .. for fear of damaging or corrupting such a beautiful thing. And I somehow feel that such a thing is beyond ever figuring out. Its essence remains confined to the nature of the experience itself.

It is as if the person who goes into such an experience .. is not the same as the person who comes out on the other end.

» The Universe Shrinks and Time Stops

But I remember that she had perched herself above me. I was laying on my back. At the beach. After having crawled into the back of the SUV .. because it was chilly at the beach.

You could hear the waves in the distance. Smell the salt in the air. Feel the moisture on your skin.

It was after sunset, but not yet totally dark. Some dreamy instrumental music was playing quietly. And of course her hair smells good.

And her hair draped down over my face.

(Both girls have that same, long hair.)

And the walls of her hair formed a little tent, so to speak, that blocked out the rest of the world.

It was as if the entire universe existed in that little space there ..

.. formed by nothing but our faces and her hair. Entire galaxies existed in that intimate space.

A place beyond time. Time did not exist in that place. Or, if it did .. it was moving very s.l.o.w.l.y. (Very very.)

I dont feel as tho I really understand it .. but I know that I would not be the person I am without it. It was like she blew my mind.

This girl could kiss so good .. that it was better than sex. Now, I just felt my inner critic get all indignant for a moment .. so we all had us a little pow-wow aside and he conceded that it really was better than sex.

» Screwing Those Kisses Down Into Your Soul

My point being that » she was a good kisser. Very good. (And Ariana has those same kissable lips. Do you feel that kissing is more intimate than sex? It can be .. but not usually.)

She sent messages in those kisses. Messages about things which are not able to be captured with mere words .. no matter how talented of a writer you might be.

I'm not sure how she did it, but she would screw those kisses right down into my soul. This is the girl who said, "We want your soul." (And she was definitely coming for mine.)

She was a full-blown woman-in-bloom .. blooming all over me. What a beautiful, awesome thing to behold.

And yes, there were others, certainly .. but this is the one that came to mind after watching this video. (I am not trying to think of this. The memory is coming to me on its own.)

I know it's hard to believe that such a little thing can be so dangerous .. but they get inside your head and take you to places beyond madness. Beautiful, terrifying places. Exquisite is the word that comes to mind.

» There's No Figuring It Out

More than anything .. the thing that I tried to understand .. was how something so obviously wrong (morally and ethically speaking) could feel so right.

You cannot possibly know the number of hours that I spent trying to unravel that knot .. trying to figure out how such a thing could be.

I mean, it didnt just feel not-wrong .. but rather as right as right could be. The most right thing you've ever done .. by a long ways.

Perfection and bliss and everything that goes along with such things. Downtown Nirvana at sunset .. on a Saturday night.

And I could get nowhere with that knot. The smoothest knot you've ever seen. I mean, I would've been happy with just a little edge on the thing. Think of a baseball cover in grease.

And fuck if I didnt try to extricate myself .. on numerous occasions. It feels like you are trying to cut off your arm. You get the knife halfway thru .. but that's as far as you are humanly able. A part of you asks, "Why cant I do this? I do all kinds of difficult shit."

So you have the thought, "Maybe if I just give in to this thing one time, I will get it out of my system and then my life can finally return to normal."

[ It had me so freaked out, because it was so strong and overwhelming .. that I was drinking Sleepytime herb tea for breakfast .. instead of coffee. And that tea did not make me feel sleepy one bit. ]

I can tell you, my friend, that this is not how it works. This is like saying, "Maybe if I pour some gasoline on this fire, it will go out." I mean, you reach a point where you're desperate .. so you'll willing to try anything.

But, once you finally give in to this thing .. and you taste how sweet that nectar is .. oh, now you are really in trouble .. because now you cant stop thinking about how magical and otherworldly it felt.

You can actually feel her still on you .. long afterwards. And this thing keeps playing in your mind, over and over.

And your hormones are telling you every minute of the day, "We want more of that. And we want it badly. Very badly."

And the minute she enters your presence, these hormones immediately sense her presence and kick into high gear. They are shouting at you and they dont care who hears.

They are shouting, "Throw that down now and have your way with it. Have your fill. Snatch a fistful of that pretty-smelling hair and kiss those pouty lips so hard that you rip them right off her face. Then suck the soul right out of her."

And you can see from the glazed over look in her eye .. that she is feeling this thing, too. She looks unsteady. She is flushed. Her body is hot to the touch. You can feel the heat radiating off her from across the room.

Your heart is pounding and you are trying to control your breathing .. so that you are not panting.

It totally messes with your head. You start walking into things. Or you are driving your car, and you suddenly cant even remember where you are going. You are a million miles away.

What *has* become clear to me, tho .. is that, after watching this video .. you will have a better idea of what I was dealing with. Much better. Many parallels. Sisters. Girly girls. High estrogen. Enough hair for three girls.

You reckon that you are up for such a challenge? I think not, my friend.

» The Thing that Did It for Her

And the thing that did it for this girl .. the thing where she said (so to speak) "I am definitely getting me some of that." .. was when she learned that I could write.

I forget how the subject came about, exactly, but I learned that she was writing herself. Or, at least, she was endeavoring to.

I mean, she had quite a little bookshelf full of books on writing .. you know, there are countless numbers of them out there. But whatever the reason, she simply did not have the writing thing.

See .. I dont know if writing is something that can be developed [[ it's really only talking-on-paper or thinking-out-loud, when you get right down to it ]] .. but it wasnt happening for her. (She gave me all her books.)

She became a huge fan when I shared with her some stuff that I was working on. Not very polished .. because I had little time to work on it because we were working so many hours.

And as time went on .. she became surprisingly encouraging. And part of this encouragement was her saying (so to speak) » "You are such a gifted and talented writer that I am going to reward you and encourage you by giving you some meaningful experiences for you to write about .. and I am going to share with you secrets of secrets of which no man has ever heard before, since the ancient days .. and I want you to put these things into words the way that you do. And if you do this as well as I'm sure you will .. then there will be more secrets and more meaningful experiences. You're going to have to trust me on this, because there is no way that you could possibly know what I am talking about."

I'm just sayin' .. food for thought. She had a way of expressing her approval. A very personal way. Nothing like positive reinforcement .. on the spot. (You did not think it was my looks, did you?)

"You think I'm exaggerating when I say that you might very well be the greatest writer who ever lived .. but I'm not. Especially in the panty-wetting category. Let me show you what I mean. Give me your hand." (She was a big reader, too.)

» A Huge Influence on My Writing's Development

And my ego may be embellishing here, but still. She was a huge influence on my writing. Huge.

[ Not that I dont hear these kinds of things all the time, mind you .. voices telling me how good of a writer I am ..

.. how talented, how gifted, how original, how unique, how expressive, how trenchant. I could continue down this path for days. ]

Perhaps my point here is to convey how, on some level, on some deep level, very deep, I somehow associate you with writing. I mean, it feels so deep that I dont understand it .. yet I can still feel it.

I know that I shouldnt be surprised .. that my writing was the thing that did it for her .. because that was the thing that did it for ALL of them. But I was. ( I bet that Padma knows what I'm talking about. "Say hi to Salman for me." )

I can already feel myself sliding down this slippery slope .. toward that dangerous place where we dare not go. A dangerous, lusty place.

End of page 2. If you know what's good for you, then you wont read any further. Page 3 is much too dangerous and the flirting gets downright scandalous. But, if you really cant help yourself, then see here » Flirting with Danger - Page Three.

But, dont say that you werent warned. I actually slip my hand down into Ariana's panties on the next page. I want to see for myself .. if they are really as toasty as she insists that they are. And she does not protest .. she does not complain .. no, sir. She is definitely being a trooper about the whole thing. I am really starting to like this girl. She is game for pretty much anything.

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