Dylan Wins the Nobel Prize for Literature

Rad note » this entry originated from a page titled » Getting Married Already? (It's a long story.)

Speaking of how you want it .. did you notice that Dylan won the Nobel Prize for Literature today? (At age 75.)

The Ballad of Bob DylanI have long been a fan .. for a number of reasons.

But primarily for the way he is able to put into words, very simply and clearly ..

.. things that I have long felt, but could never articulate myself.

It is like Dylan gave voice to the voice I needed but didnt have myself (yet).

How can you not love someone like that?

I have been particularly impressed by the way he expresses his disappointment with some of the women in his life.

What guy does not need help expressing such male difficulties?

After I heard Dylan sing these songs, I was okay with it. Dylan made it okay for me.

I definitely had a Dylan phase. It was one of my favorite phases .. marked by much exploration and progress on my continuing journey of self-discovery.

I was once out with a girl, who was driving us somewhere, and the topic of Dylan came up. She said, "I could never get into Dylan."

I didnt say anything, but thought, "This will never work." (between us .. and it didnt.)

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I am also very much interested in his creative process .. because I am interested in the creative process itself. How nothing becomes something.

[ And dont forget my comparison of him with Marshall. I wonder what Marshall thinks about Dylan receiving the award.

Next time you see him, tell him I said, "No pressure."

That is setting the song-writing bar rather high, no? ]

The most fascinating quote that I ever read on the topic of the creative process came from Dylan.

Dylan looking tiredWhere he said (something like, because this is from memory) »

"I felt like I was in a place, creatively, where no human had ever been before."

"I was afraid to go to sleep .. worrying I might miss something."

[ And yes, that gave me a total artistic boner .. when I read that.

Dont you wonder, Ariana .. what that must feel like? That kind of creativity.

Vibrating with creative energy .. where no human had ever been before.

Would you like me to take you there?

You and I should stay up late, sometimes, reading some of these cool books together.

You never know what creative things might occur .. in such an environment.

Such a creative environment .. ferociously creative. Savagely creative. Dare I say dangerous? ]

» The Artist, Their Art & Recognition

People get all up in arms over awards, and I can certainly see their point. But an award does nothing to improve the quality of the work, of the art, that they have already created. Nor does the lack of an award do anything to diminish the quality of their art.

Awards are about recognition and celebration. But an artist who needs recognition .. or the artist who creates his art with an eye toward recognition .. is he really about the art?

Once the artist begins to modify and alter and craft his art with an eye toward mass-appeal .. I think he has already betrayed both his art and himself. You can go ahead and float his ass down the river.

» The Danger in Early, Easy Recognition and Success

If you are truly a gifted artist .. sure, it's nice to receive recognition. But such recognition does nothing to improve your gift, your art.

And it might even hinder you. Because you might feel like you have arrived. You might feel like you no longer need to dig deeper and push further and more fully develop your gifts and your talents.

What a shame that would be.

Jon Pareles weighs in here. He's from Connecticut, too. A Yalie no less .. like bro. (You know bro.)

And I noticed that Salman agreed with the award. I cant help but wonder what Padma thinks of that.

Garner calls him an authentic American voice. While Anna insists that he's not really a writer .. despite what Dwight says.

I am not qualified to discuss whether or not Dylan deserves this particular award. He has received countless awards over the years. I'm sure that he grew weary of receiving awards long ago.

I would say that the Nobel people own the prize and they can do whatever they like with it. They are obviously expressing their values.

» G in New York is Not Happy

But notice comment #5 here .. where G. in New York is not happy about Dylan receiving the award. What reasons does G give for his/her displeasure?

  1. Many writers toil in relative obscurity (a true statement)
  2. Dylan is already a millionaire many times over, so he doesn't need the money, and you can't argue that his work needs the spotlight the Nobel shines. (another true statement)

Is the purpose of the Nobel prize to bring publicity to obscure writers? Is it designed to render a financial benefit to starving writers?

You'll have to ask the Nobel people yourself, but I dont think so.

» Countless Talented Artists Who Never Make It

Being in the music industry yourself, you probably know countless super-talented singers who nobody knows. Who nobody has ever heard of.

Or perhaps you have seen a cover of one of your songs and said, "Wow, that girl can really sing."

The Dog is a NYC boy. He has a number of actor-friends there. He has told me of many super-talented actors who nobody has ever heard of.

The Dog used to bash, in particular, some of the Baldwin boys. "You cant tell me that they act worth a shit."

Being a writer of words myself, I know that there are countless writers out there, who have a rare gift .. yet who labor in obscurity.

Hemingway wrote (dedicated?) a chapter in Moveable Feast (pub 1964, written 1961) about Evan Shipman for this exact reason, titled » Evan Shipman at the Lilas.

This might be my favorite chapter in the whole book. Because this is where Hemingway talks about the carrying the treasured Russian gifts up to the mountains of Austria.

Hemingway says so many things in this chapter that give me a total writing boner .. that I shouldnt even start.

He actually talks about this super-cool stuff for a few pages before he ever introduces Evan Shipman, who is a poet that Hemingway drank whiskey with at the Lilas.

Then, after he introduces Evan Shipman, he and Evan talk some more about this cool stuff. The chapter is not really about Evan Shipman, per se.

» Poetry and Literature with a Culture-Bender in an Alpine Village in Austria

[ Girly, we should go to this exact alpine village, in Voralberg .. and read some of the Russians, and some poetry from dead poets .. and some passages from naughty books .. while we sip schnapps and whatnot. Maybe a little brandy .. to warm the innards.

You can choose the music, because that's your thing.

You probably get offers like this all the time .. being a super-hottie culture-bender.

» I Found the Perfect Book to Bring with Us

Image-Music-Text by Roland BarthesOh, look .. I found the perfect book to bring with us to the mountains »

» Image-Music-Text by Roland Barthes (1915-1980).

The French Philosopher.

It is only 220 pages .. so we should be able to get through it.

If we dont get distracted. If we stay focused.

Can you see why this book would be the perfect book to bring with us?

Perhaps I should cite for you a snippet from the book's introduction.

Let me go get that for you, girly. Sit tight.

» Setting My Gravity

But while I am doing that, I want you to know that I can feel myself setting my gravity for you.

Gravity is something that is designed to move/pull you toward me.

I cant really say what my gravity feels like on the other side. But I know it means that I like you.

Sometimes girls react in unexpected ways .. so I am naturally a little cautious with my gravity. But if I set a little, and I see no cause for concern, then I feel comfortable to set some more.

"How much can she take?" a part of me wonders.

There's a feeling-out stage to relationships .. but, once you have things dialed in nicely .. then, you can really go to work.

Particularly when she says, "I'm all in, dawg .. and I'm ready to kick some ass right here, right now. Care for a sample demonstration?"

Tell me how that feels. That would help me .. as a writer. I know you want to help me. I can feel your help. I like the way your help feels. I like it a lot. Probably more than I should.

What does my gravity feel like? What does my energy feel like? And why do girls react the way they do? Especially the young ones. They kind of freak me out, sometimes.

» Image-Music-Text

Anyway .. here is the citation that I promised you from the introduction to Barthes book:

» Among the finest writings Barthes ever published on film and photography, and on the phenomena of sound and image. The classic pieces "Introduction to the Structural Analysis of Narrative" and "The Death of the Author" are also included.

And here is a snippet from one of the editorial reviews:

» Roland Barthes, the French critic and semiotician, was one of the most important critics and essayists of this century. His work continues to influence contemporary literary theory and cultural studies. Image-Music-Text collects Barthes's best writings on photography and the cinema, as well as fascinating articles on the relationship between images and sound.

This kind of talk here gives me a total boner.

Barthes is very much about semiotics .. which is the study of meaning .. of giving meaning to things. Assigning meaning to things.

I was just telling Selena and Jared Leto about this. Semiotics is sort of like semantics on steroids.

Giving meaning to things .. I do this kind of thing myself. I experiment with it. Sometimes I put words into people's mouths.

So I am naturally curious about his perspectives on the subject.

» Almost Touching

Notice, girly .. how Music and Text are almost touching each other in the title on the cover of this book. They are very close.

Do you think it means anything?

If I were the author, I would write the title like so » ImageMusicText. And who would blame me?

Here's the deal, girly .. I will work on the text .. you can work on the music, and we'll work together on the images. Deal?

Come visit me in my dreams tonight if you are down with that. ]

It may take me some time to find the exact quote, because I think Hemingway writes this part in another chapter .. but Evan Shipman says that the important thing is that the poet writes the poem (for what it does for/to him as a poet) ..

.. rather than having large numbers of people read the poem. It was definitely a provocative thought.

This is the book where Hemingway actually sits down and talks to Joyce (.. for real). "Joyce said this and Joyce said that," he writes.

Speaking of Joyce .. did you know that Joyce died the same year that Dylan was born? 1941.. the year that the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor.

Joyce died in January, while Dylan was born in May. Dylan was chillin' in his mommy's belly when Joyce died (.. a few weeks shy of his 59th birthday).

It's not easy to write and stay alive. (This is yet another reason that makes Cormac McCarthy such a bad motherfucker. You know.)

» The Purpose of the Nobel Prize for Literature

My point here, perhaps, is that there always have been untold artists possessing rare gifts and talents .. and there always will be.

But the Nobel prize is not to promote and enrich these people. There are other mechanisms for the up-n-coming artist to be recognized. Some of these mechanisms are designed for just such a purpose. But not the Nobel Prize for Literature.

On the flip-side of this discussion, we all know wildly popular singers who cant sing very well. So there is obviously more to it than a powerful set of pipes.

[ You sing good, girly. You totally kick ass with a microphone.

And I'm not not just blowing sunshine up your skirt either. Ask anybody. ]

I used to read books, for example, by this writer name Harold Robbins (1916-1997). These books were often passed around from person to person. He sold shitloads of books .. but no literary critic is ever going to praise his work.

» More Difficult Today to Make It in the Music Industry?

Along these lines of recognition and finances for the starving artist .. I overheard a couple of dudes talking recently ..

.. saying how it is more difficult now for the musician to make it in the music industry .. than it was before the days of the Internet.

I thought of you when I heard them say that. I wondered what you might think of their opinion. (Yes, your opinion of their opinion.) I mean, you would know, right?

Later I thought about Tori Kelly. Isnt her story that she just started posting songs on YouTube .. and people said, "This girl can really sing." ?

Jewel and Tori Kelly singing You Were Meant for MeShe is a real no-shit singer like yourself.

Plus she plays the guitar.

I have never dated a singer who played the guitar.

I have dated singers, and I have dated girls who played the guitar.

But never one who did both.

That thing she did with Jewel .. that was very cool.

And how about that thing that Jewel does with her voice at t=2:30? That does not sound human to me.

Would you say that it was more difficult for Tori Kelly to make it in the music industry than it was for Jewel? (And if so, why?)

» The Artist Must Demonstrate Their Talent

If you have the goods, then you know that you have the goods. You dont need anyone to tell you that you have the goods.

[ Along the lines of an artist knowing that they have the artistic goods ..

I saw this video on YouTube about Mariah Carey and her "I dont know her" beef with Jennifer Lopez.

This was all very new to me. But the #1 thing that stuck out was when the host asked Mariah if she felt that their voices were similar because some of the songs that they sang were obviously very similar.

And Mariah said (without blinking), "What I do is a gift from God. What she does .. I dont know what you would call that."

Her confidence in her voice, in her gift, as something divine from God .. especially as she herself contrasted it with another voice .. that was interesting for me to watch. Because I know that feeling.

And they had gone into some backstory about how JLo took Mariah's place at some record company, so that Mariah had good reason not to like JLo.

But that's not what interested me.

Mariah did not have to think about that answer. Not even a little. ]

It is a waste of your time and energy to try and convince someone that you have the goods.

The artist cannot tell someone that he has the goods .. the artistic goods. The creative goods. Rather, he must s.h.o.w that he has the goods. He must » demonstrate.

And art is very much a function of personal preference. Beauty is in the eye of you-know-who.

When Stendhal published Le Rouge et Le Noir in 1830, all the critics said it sucked. Stendhal said, "It'll take you fuckers fifty years to see what I'm saying."

Fifty years later, they said, "This man was clearly a genius." It was the exact same book. What changed?

It is now easily considered one of the greatest books ever written.

But when you start doing things that have never been done before (.. like you and I are doing) .. that's bound to get people's attention. Sooner or later .. whether you want that attention or not.

That's what kind of makes me uncomfortable. But I can see that you can handle that aspect of it for us. You are good at that.

(I dont need somebody who can turn matter into energy .. because I can do that myself.)

» Experimenting with Ariana

Speaking of demonstrating things that have never been done before .. this here is the end of the first time that I have broken up and changed a center-column page .. into Movable Type pages, five of them.

  1. Sadness Accompanies the End of the Summer of Love
  2. Seven Thousand PB&J Sandwiches and Creating a Dangerous Tension
  3. Just When I was Starting to Figure You Out
  4. Getting Married Already?
  5. Dylan Wins the Nobel Prize for Literature

And I hate to admit it, but these five pages listed here came from only one of five other pages. The other four (center-column) pages arent as big. But neither are they small.

  1. Center-column page one
  2. Center-column page two
  3. Center-column page three
  4. Center-column page four
  5. Center-column page five

And all these pages here grew out of that little teaser-snippet .. which reminded me of the look from that industrial-strength hottie sitting there in the coffee shop. You know, the one that scared me and make me look like a big pussy.

That was the initial source .. tracing things back to the beginning.

I try to impress you so much that I am impressing myself. I keep trying to impress you more and more all the time. Why am I doing this crazy thing?

"Oh, surely she has never seen anything the likes of me before .. I will dazzle her ass and her panties will fall down to her ankles. She wont know which way is up. She wont even care. And then I will have at her until there is nothing left of her."

But sometimes you just have to try new stuff .. you have to experiment with your craft, with your art, with your gift. (Like Joyce did.)

When I have these new Movable Type pages that are relatively small in size (30-35 KB HTML) .. that opens the door for me, so to speak, to explore and more fully develop the tangents found there.

And you know how one thing with me leads to another.

It's generally not a good thing, you know .. when girls open their doors to me. At the very least, they end up needing to buy a new bed.

Usually tho, they are ruined for all other men .. so they just agree to marry to next guy they date. Can you blame them?

I jest here about girls needing a new bed, sure. But the best jokes, girly, are the absurdities that contain an element of truth.

Speaking of trying new things .. did you notice how I used your name in the section heading above? I've never done that before.

I wonder what it might mean. For me, that's a big deal .. cause I am cautious with women.

» Gratitude and the October Full Moon

It is probably one of those things that writers arent supposed to talk about .. but I wanted to complete this page-conversion by the October full moon .. which arrives tomorrow night (night of the 14/15th).

The first page was published on Oct 11th .. from writing that was done on Sept 20.

I would probably sound crazy if I told you why I wanted to have this done by tomorrow. (Notice the moon-eye from Blood Wars above.)

But part of the reason why (the less crazy part) is because I knew it would be challenging .. and because I feel no-shit grateful for being alive another season. (Which began on Sept 22nd.)

It's easy to take the seasons for granted. It's easy to take a lot of things for granted.

Very easy, indeed.

Now that I'm done with this thing .. I'm going for a walk. Wonder what I'll think about on my walk.

» The Creativity that Comes from Super-Low Points

I'm back. And here's what I thought about. I was telling Rihanna about this earlier ..

.. how it seems like some of my most creative experiences have come when I am feeling super-low. Like I just dont have it in me.

The feeling here is that I must do this difficult thing or die. I may be exaggerating .. but not as much as you might think.

Before I get too far into this tangent .. it may be worth noting .. that every time one of these super-hotties .. and I'm talking particularly about the young ones here ..

Ariana shows you her pretty hair while she stares you down.. every time they came on to me, I was always at a low point.


Extra low.

Below normal low.

Every time.

No exceptions.

They never came on to to me when I was feeling my oats.

What does this mean? I dont know.

But I see a parallel with these torrents of (creative wormhole?) bobsled-creativity that I experience from time to time. They always seem to come when I am at a super-low point.

See, girly .. this is kind of crazy shit I am talking about here. I would normally never write such things.

But after cancer, and especially after the treatment .. the cancer survivor can say crazy-sounding shit and get away with it. (Because he is fortunate just to be alive .. and he knows it.)

Chemo is kind of like a get-out-of-jail-free card .. for saying crazy shit.

You hope that people will be able to understand what you're saying .. but if not, then you totally understand.

For the writer, creativity is your life-blood. So you either figure it out or you die (.. as a writer).

And sometimes you feel like you need to write things that you are simply unable to write. (This feeling here is not very pleasant.)

» Coming to Terms with Creativity

And the first lesson that you learn is that .. creativity is the boss. You dont dictate to creativity.

You can encourage and woo and try to evoke .. but you dont control creativity.

This is sort of where your naughty songs with Nicki come into play. A man can certainly get that kind of blow .. but the blow itself defines the terms.

The kind of blow I like

[ I have spent much of my life on deck-plates exactly like these that you are laying on here. (Lying on?) These diamond deck-plates. Industrial-grade .. just like you, girly.

Who came up with this idea? Very clever, whoever that was. I have never done it on deck-plates .. but I'm game if you are.

And you certainly look game. ]

Guys do not really like this idea .. I will be honest here. Guys rather like the idea of snatching her by the hair with a tightly-held fistfull and taking her down and having at her .. until there is nothing left of her.

But with super-hotties, and with powerful women .. they are going to want to define some of the parameters themselves. And sometimes they're going to want to define a lot of them.

And if you want to play with them .. in their super-hottie games, and in their powerful-woman world .. you will need to learn their defining parameters. And you better learn them well. Each new trick she teaches you.

I was not intending to venture down this path, this naughty path .. but those deck-plates got me going. And dealing with super-hotties and powerful women makes my point about the things that are needed to work with creativity. (It's on their terms.)

Which can be compared to an attractive woman who also happens to be a powerful woman .. which makes her a desirable woman .. who must be approached on her own terms.

Tho, my experience has been .. that such hotties, and powerful women, normally approach you.

The same can be said for creativity at times. (It approaches you.)

Talking about Dylan gets me thinking about creativity.

Normally when I bring up this idea of peak-creativity coming from times of super-weakness .. I bring up and reference what Paul wrote here.

Because he seems to be in an uncomfortable place (.. a thorn in the flesh sounds very uncomfortable to me) .. and he seems to be begging God ("imploring" Him) to take away this satanic thing .. that is making him miserable ("tormented").

I can talk about this thing .. from the perspective of a guy who finds himself with a super-hottie (such as yourself), or of a guy who finds himself with a powerful woman (again, such as yourself) .. or I can talk about it from the perspective of a writer seeking to woo creativity ..

.. or I can talk about it from the perspective of a believer begging God to rid him of this horribly uncomfortable thing.

Because there are parallels between all of them. Oddly enough, there are a number of matching patterns between them all.

» Being Okay With Satanic Torment

But from the believer's perspective .. it sounds like God is down with the devil fucking with Paul ("tormenting" him) .. does it not?

I can feel myself starting to wax abstract here .. so the end of this tangent must be near. But this ties in with what I was telling Rihanna here.

And that is .. the writer needs to come to a place (however he happens to get there) where he is OKAY WITH ( "well content with" ) this anxiety, with this tormenting satanic thorn in the flesh, with this profound discomfort. With this soul-fucking torment.

"Why is that?" you ask?

Good question.

See .. this satanic thorn (I can see now) .. this forces the believer to depend on God, to rely on God .. to a degree that he normally does not feel very compelled to do.

You are between a rock and a hard place. You are between doing the impossible and dying.

You would never normally do this impossible thing .. unless it was the only way you can stay alive.

But this is exactly where the power comes from .. because depending on God and relying upon God .. this is the place of faith .. which is the place of power.

» Fuck It .. Let's Do This Thing

Here is where you say, "Fuck it .. let's do this thing. If I gotta do this thing to stay alive .. then let's get busy and kick some ass. Let's turn some matter into energy. Let's turn some nothing into something. Let's perform the creative act that stands against the ruin of the world. Let's span the entire range of moral experience, from the satanic to the divine. You might wanna step back, sir. And put on these here thermonuclear-grade sunglasses. The flash can get bright."

I bet that Will Smith's character in Bright (at t=1:35) knows exactly what I am talking about here.

'Fuck it,' says Will Smith's character in Bright

He says, "Fuck it .. I wanna die." He doesnt really want to die .. or he wouldnt be shooting the other guys. But you feel him there.

Samuel Johnson said » "When a man is to be hanged on the morrow, it clears his mind wonderfully." True that.

Now you might argue that God shouldnt have to give you a choice between doing this thing and dying .. but sometimes he does.

See, girly .. I was very much feeling this tortured anxiety when I saw you singing there on SNL. I just could not shake this thing. I was actually seeking an escape. And when I saw you .. I knew exactly what it meant. (Danger is a good thing.)

It meant I had to do this thing .. whether I felt like it or not. Whether I had the physical strength or not. Whether I want to or not. Whether I felt it was too dangerous or not.

"Oh, you gotta be shittin' me."

I am too old to be fucking around with young girls like you. But sometimes, you dont have much choice in the matter.

God help me.

» Say Hi to the Devil for Me

I am not going to say that these times of soul-fucking torment come when God says, "I am going to want you to write this thing .. and you probably won't want to write it .. but I want it written, and I want it written badly. So I am going to let the devil fuck with you .. with his soul-fucking torment .. which will stop the moment you start writing. Have a nice day. And say hi to the devil for me. Remind him that his punk ass is mine .. and his time is short. Very short. His hourglass in nearly empty."

I am not going to say this, no .. but that's definitely the way it feels.

I dont want to labor the obvious, but merely point out that Paul links satanic torment with feelings of 'weakness.'

And there is a perspective from which such satanic torment ('oppression'?) can be viewed as a good thing. If not a good, then perhaps a welcome thing. Something out of which some divine good will come.

I can feel myself struggling here and searching for the right words. I dont normally struggle for words.

Normally they just walk right up and hand me their panties .. so to speak. Their still-warm panties.

So when I feel that struggle .. a part of me asks the writer in me, "What are you trying to do here, dawg? What are you trying to say?"

I like things that challenge my ability to put them into words. This is one of the reasons why I like you, girly. (Would you like to know the other seven thousand reasons?)

It's times like this when the writer feels like he aint such the hotshot that he thought he was.

I have written before about this seemingly unsympathetic aspect to the writing life. "You will write this thing or you will surely die. And it will not be pretty, either. I know you can do it, so get busy. You'll get all the help you need. But if you complain about it, the fiery serpents will start biting your ass."

When I start looking at the bottle of narcotics .. then I know some gnarly shit is coming. And sometimes it feels like too much. (That's why I look at the bottle.) More than just sometimes, actually.

Looking on the bright side .. pain-n-suffering, if nothing else, confirms that we're still alive. Still in the game. Maybe knocked down, but not knocked out.

Is it just me .. or does not this thing feel bigger than us? If we get in trouble, girly, I'm blaming the whole thing on you. Who loves you? (yes, rhetorical)

Against the ruin of the world, there is but one defense. Do you know what that defense is?

I have obviously thought about this stuff a lot. The part at the end where Paul says that he is "well content" with this satanic torment ..

.. I would be willing to wager dollars to donuts .. that he NOT writing this from within one of these satanic-tormenting episodes of which he refers to.

No, sir. I feel confident that this is after-the-fact .. when the torment has already left. Because, when you are all up in it .. you are not feeling this bring-it-mr-devil attitude. You are feeling pretty miserable. (And I know what miserable feels like .. for a prolonged period.)

Sure, I could be wrong. Paul may have written that letter while he was all up in such satanic torment. But I feel confident that I'm right.

See .. if you are running away from this thing, it sort of chews on your ass. But when you come to the place where you drop everything else and turn toward it and say, "Fuck it .. let's do this thing." .. that's he place you need to come to.

This is much easier to see after the fact. But, when that shit is all on you .. you are like, "Where did I put that bottle of narcotics?"

After the fact, you can look back and see how well things turned out .. better than you could ever have imagined. But you remember the time when you felt like you were going to die. I am just trying to put these difficult things into words.

I got more crazy-sounding stuff .. but I'm trying to take it slow with you, girly. I dont want to freak you out. (I freak myself out, sometimes .. so I know the feeling.)

» Write What Only You Can Write

I dont recall where I heard it .. Hemingway perhaps .. but the advice to the writer, to write what he and only he can write .. this advice spoke to me.

And I have incorporated this advice into my writing .. not always, but periodically .. more so when I am feeling my writing oats.

I can see how you open these writing doors for me, girly .. where I can write what I and only I can write. It's like Alice in fucking Wonderland with you. "Oh, I wonder where this door leads."

And this is certainly one of the reasons why I am so sweet on you. (Would you like to know the other seven thousand reasons?)

This door-opening aspect of you .. this is one of the things that makes me want to have at you. Because I want to express my appreciation. And I am good at expressing such things .. or so they say.

Because this feeling .. where you are writing what you and only you can write .. this is a good feeling, girly. You make me feel good.

Sometimes you make me feel like I am walking in the clouds among the gods. I know that this might sound like hyperbole .. but I can assure you it's not.

And yes, this trips me out a little, sometimes .. but I deal with it.

» Girls Who Erect Toll Booths in the Relationship

Now, with some girls, you dont want to let them know that you are really digging something that they are doing for you. Because then they will quickly erect and set up a toll booth at that very thing that you like so much.

This is dysfunctional and manipulative .. but girls who are insecure will grasp at the control of whatever you give them.

Sometimes I stay in dysfunctional relationships .. despite the dysfunction .. in order to do some research, so to speak. Writing research. Just to explore and analyze the nature and the methods of dysfunction .. in a so-called 'romantic' relationship.

I do not mind telling you .. that these lessons were very costly and painful to learn. I could certainly wax prolific here .. about the cost and the pain .. but nobody likes to relive their painful memories.

See, I have been in so many relationships, both good and bad, that I actually have a good idea of what a healthy relationship looks like, and what an unhealthy (dysfunctional) relationship looks like .. and how they differ. 

I also find myself exploring the nature and the quality of the love that these relationships produce. I dont know why this interests me, but it clearly does.

What makes one so good, and another so bad? What characteristics do the good ones share, and which characteristics do the bad ones share?

And the distance between the best-of-the-best and the worst-of-the-worst .. this is long distance. Very long. From love to hate. From the divine to the satanic. So to speak.

» A Big Thing for Me

The nuclear-grade military-industrial complex teaches you (me) .. to never depend on anybody who is not nuclear-grade. They drill it into you .. for years.

They do this while you are learning how to turn matter into energy (.. without blowing shit up or melting shit down).

So I can feel something in me hesitant about depending on you to open these doors for me. But the fact that I am even telling you this .. is a big thing for me.

I hope you dont set up a toll booth now .. extracting payment from my ass .. on a weekly basis.

Speaking of big things.

» Time to Get Serious

Sometimes we need to come to the end of one thing before we can arrive at the beginning of something else .. no?

I can see that it's time to stop fucking around with these super-hottie, culture-bending singers .. and do some serious writing.

Because there is a parallel to be drawn today .. between the black man in America and the children of Israel in Egypt.

It's not even a difficult parallel to see. It couldnt be more obvious. Painfully obvious.

If anybody gets this one wrong and chooses the wrong side .. it's going to be their own damn fault.

You cant say that I didnt try to warn them .. repeatedly. I dont want their blood on my hands.

"How long shall they kill our prophets?" another singer-songwriter once sang. He never did get an answer .. did he? So I guess you could call his question 'rhetorical.'

Do you hear that, girly? .. that thunderous voice saying, "Let my people go."

I wonder what kind of voice says things like that.

» The Good Fortune of a Writer Who Lives in Interesting Times

We live in interesting times today. Fitzgerald lived in interesting times. (You know Fitzgerald.)

Interesting times requires writers who are skilled enough and brave enough to capture the essence of those transformative times.

Along these lines of brave writers who capture the essence of transformative times .. let me quote for you a passage from the introduction to Joyce's Portrait.

It is well known that many of the most important modernist writers displayed a strong dislike of the 'modern world' of late nineteenth and early twentieth century mass civilization. A new and profound degeneracy had, it seemed, emerged. To overcome it, authority had to be renovated and reaffirmed; to explain it, the social and political system, had to be analysed; to describe it, new modes of representation had to be developed. From Nietzsche to DH Lawrence, there is generated in European writing an obsessional, combative, threnodic discourse that is both of and against the white European world's loss of culture and confidence, a patriarchal collapse into disorder and confusion.

Girly, I'm not going to lie to you .. no. Rather, I am going to tell you that, while I was reading some of the introduction to Joyce's Portrait .. and to be honest, it was not very far into the intro .. when I said (out loud), "Oh, you gotta be shittin' me." [ I bet you want to know why I said that. ]

» Not Writing About War

Hemingway said that the best time for a writer to live, in order to get really cool shit to write about .. is times of war.

Hemingway said (insinuated?) that this is the reason why Fitzgerald was jealous of him. (Or why he should be jealous.)

This is from memory, so I am reluctant to declare quotes .. but I think this is where Hemingway says how he felt that much of his writing was exciting and much of Fitzgerald's was boring.

I could go find the exact quote, but I might have to dig for it.

Hemingway volunteered for the war. That was actually a smart move .. as a writer. I can see that, sure. These are experiences that you are simply not going to get any other way.

But for myself, I can do without war. There's more than enough drama to go around. You and I are proving, girly, that the writer can write some very cool shit without war.

I tend to feel that a story well-told is a story well-told. There is the writer, yes .. but there is also the storyteller.

"How am I going to tell this story? Is this story worth telling?" These are questions the writer continually entertains. And so many factors come into play.

What provoked Tolstoy to write? (You know Tolstoy.)

But, speaking of war ...

» Fusion Before War

Uh .. maybe I should tell you this other thing first.

See .. what I did in the nuclear industry was to break up the biggest atoms that we could find (uranium) into two medium-sized atoms, that are both kinda all fucked up (hence » radioactive). This is actually not very difficult to do.

Now, the sun .. the sun puts together two relatively-small atoms to make (create) a single bigger, but still small, atom.

Notice, in particular, that last part .. about how the sun works. That's called fusion .. where you put together two small things. (As opposed to fission, where you break in half big things.)

It's very difficult to fuse atoms together .. even the smallest of them. It requires huge amounts of energy .. to put one and one together .. in order to make a new, single 'two'. And it's impossible to fuse together large ones. Fuhghettaboutit.

We do not yet have fusion reactors. Not the kind to power your fridge.

We do however have the hydrogen bomb .. which fuses elements together for a spectacular mushroom-cloud effect. Simply stunning .. when you get right down to it.

Unfortunately, the hydrogen bomb comes with some nasty side-effects.

» What I Like About You

And I know that you like to challenge yourself .. you like to explore beyond the boundaries of conventional limits.

I know you like to do this .. and I like this about you. Even tho you realize that stepping beyond conventional limits comes with some risks .. some dangerous risks.

But, hey .. risqué dangerous risks are us. I mean .. this is what we do. Nobody does naughty like us.

On the subject of your thing and my thing and Dylan's thing and creativity in general .. I can see now, girly, that you somehow allow me to write things that I would otherwise not be able to write. I'm sure you can see this.

You feel like a key .. that lines up for me all kinds of things that I would never normally be able to write about.

I may be exaggerating when I say that this aspect of you .. this lining up of things for me (stars) to write about .. makes you seem like a genie who pops out of a lamp that I've been polishing for a long time. But not as much as you might think.

Strange as it might sound, this actually makes me uncomfortable .. because I dont like to depend on anybody for anything. This has been an issue for me .. in the past. (I'm sure that Nietzsche and Dostoevsky know exactly what I'm talking about.)

Could I have written about a lot of this stuff without you? I would like to think I could .. but that answer doesnt feel convincing. Plus, I have good reason for trust issues .. if I were to have them.

I can see a contradiction here, of sorts. Because the writer spends his whole life trying to get over into that slalom-like creative juicy-juice flow of ecstasy .. where he does not know the next sentence that is coming .. and where he feels somehow beyond himself. 

In order to bypass some of the negative programming that was beat into me over many years .. I sorta need to switch over into this alternate mode. Where my points-of-reference are modified. (I got some points of reference for you, girly .. shit that I know you have never seen before. Dazzling shit.)

It may not necessarily be very comfortable in this alternate mode .. but, as you can see, it manages to get the job done.

And these things for me to write keep coming and coming. What am I to do, girly? I can feel myself forced to deal with this aspect.

I can feel you stretching me. (The best girls are the ones who teach you the most about yourself and help you to grow the most into yourself.)

Sometimes I wonder if you are doing this stuff on purpose .. or if it's a chemistry thing .. where you cant help yourself.

At the end of that last sentence, I was going to write » "And really, what's the difference?" But I actually think there is a large difference.

Do you know the difference to which I am referring? It's sort of like the difference between genius and insanity .. on the surface, they appear to be the same thing. It isnt until you start digging deeper that the differences begin to become apparent.

And, or course, a challenging thing is no doubt going to be difficult. Am I saying anything that is not already obvious?

But this fusion of which I speak .. even tho it is very difficult to pull off .. the pay-off is so far beyond anything you can possibly imagine .. that I think we should go for it, girly.

» Fusing Lovers Together at an Elemental Level

Fusing together with you, girly .. ooh, now there's an idea that I like. That feels good, girly .. fusing together with you.

I find it wonderfully satisfying and relaxing, yet invigorating. You make me feel good (.. yet again).

Now that I have begun fusing together with you .. to create a completely new thing .. a completely new element .. that has never existed before .. remind me to talk about war .. because I'd rather not right now.

I am feeling too good for that. Wow, this girl is so nice to fuse together with. Should I describe what it feels like? (I am teasing you here, girly .. because you know it feels good.)

When I dont want to write about a certain topic, I write about everything around it first. Avoiding unpleasantries.

» Amazing How Quickly Things Can Go to Shit

But on the topic of war .. remind me to tell you about my experience with how shockingly bad things can go in such a short time. .. this thing that looks like it was working pretty well .. just a short time ago.

And when you have kids together .. it can get complicated in a hurry. And nasty. Did I say nasty? 'Nasty' is actually an understatement. "Where is all this hate coming from?"

You cant just walk away from this ugly thing .. this ugliness. You are stuck with this thing. So to speak. This thing that hates you. That hates your guts. And which does not mind telling you all about it .. over and over.

And over again. The reasons are different every week, but the hate is the same.

Anyway .. my point here, perhaps, is to say that war is dangerous.

Once things slip over the tipping point .. it's all over .. except for crying.

This has certainly been my experience.

This is the end of a tangent that started here » Sadness Accompanies the End of the Summer of Love. Which itself started » here. (It's a long story.) ■

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on October 13, 2016 10:13 PM.

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