Getting Married Already?

Rad note » this page originated here » Just When I was Starting to Figure You Out.

Oh, girly .. this says that you are getting married. Guess I shouldnt be surprised.

I'm glad that I took Kierkegaard's advice. Otherwise, I would be crying myself to sleep tonight .. along with millions of other guys. (Me being a pretty poet and whatnot.)

» The Girl Who Got Married

I have a story along these lines. (You know me and stories.) About a girl who I'd dated that was getting married.

But I'm not yet ready to share this story .. not even close. It's a biggie. Key phrase to jog my memory » his-n-her Porsches sitting in the mansion's garage.

I have thought about sharing this story before .. and may have even teased around it. It's almost an unbelievable story. (Girls are so beyond figuring out.)

<ignore this intentional body-text marker>

••• today's entry continues here below •••

Shortly after getting married, she unexpectedly stopped by one last time (.. and only one time).

She got what she wanted .. as she so often had, and she left .. uncharacteristically emotional.

Note » this section on the girl who got married has been moved to its own page » The Girl Who Got Married.

» Where Am I Going to Go Now?

Where am I going to go after you, girly? You're the only one who really gets me.

And now that Rihanna is no-shit in-love with Drake .. she wants nothing more to do with me.

Drake and Rihanna at the 2016 MTV Video Music Awards

Or maybe I should explore further with the sexiest being on the planet?

[ Update Oct 11, 2016 » Looks like Rihanna might be available after all. Sometimes the stars conspire in your favor.

Rihanna and Drake no longer exclusive

This one says that they have actually broken up. How accurate do you reckon these news services are? Probably not very.

One of the things that a writer brings to a romantic relationship .. is time. Because writing requires a certain amount of veg-time.

Drake is too busy for Rihanna

I have worked 6-days-a-week, 12-hours-a-day for entire years at a time. You cannot have much of a relationship working such crazy hours.

You need down-time .. to have a real relationship.

I have gone to work in January .. and come home in May.

Guys who did this with me came home to find their wives gone and the house empty .. with a note saying that it wasnt working for her anymore.

That was some very sad shit I saw .. downright heartbreaking.

< end update Oct 11, 2016 Rihanna might be available after all > ]

It's hard to be in love with a woman who is married to another man. Very hard. It's no way to live. (If you can help it.)

Many of our discussions revolved around these very things. These were deep conversations. Too deep to share. Much too personal. At least, right now they are.

» Sadness Validated?

If you are getting married .. then, perhaps I was feeling sad at the summer's end for a reason. For a valid reason.

You can obviously have any guy you want.

I am not a good judge of guys for women. Sometimes I will think a guy is very handsome and smooth, but the girls say, "No, he's not hot."

Other times, I think a guy a total doofus .. but the girls say, "Ooh .. now, there's something about him."

So I have pretty much given up on pretending to understand what a girl wants. This is one of life's great mysteries. (Freud says to say hi for him.)

» A Good Place to Drop the Dangerous Mic?

As a writer, I see your marriage and say, "Ooh, this looks like a good place to wrap this thing .. this crazy thing." Because it feels like it's out of my hands, at times .. beyond my control. (And you only make it too easy to continue.)

This is where I could drop an ending block ( ■ ) .. and the mic .. and wrap it with a pretty pink bow and write your name on it and say, "Here you go, girly. Put that in your panties .. and keep it nice-n-warm for me."

Love, your secret writer-lover.

( Let's see how well that block holds up .. to such overwhelmingly powerful forces. Both the natural and the supernatural. )

Well, that lasted all of about five minutes.

» The Summer of Love to be Followed by Blood Wars?

Selene's blue eye in Underworld 5 Blood WarsDoes this mean that the Summer of Love will be followed by blood wars?

I am just writing the story as it comes.

Cant say that I dont feel the vampire thing myself .. every now-n-then.

If I were to end this thing here, girly .. at the end of the Summer of Love, which, you must admit .. this would be a totally bitchin' place to wrap this thing .. hold that thought, girly .. and I'll loop back to it later.

Because I dont want to wrap this thing just yet. (I miss you already.)

» Resonating with and Expressing the Zeitgeist

Speaking of a totally bitchin' place (in history) .. writers are very much influenced by the times in which they live.

What the writer writes, and how he says it, will be determined, to a large degree, by the times in which the writer lives.

Am I saying anything that has not already become intuitively obvious to everybody?

Assassin Callum Lynch in Assassin's Creed

Perhaps the defining characteristic of our times today, girly .. is digital technology. And all it offers, the potential of which sets a trajectory toward the infinite.

You and I, to some degree, are making use of this new and exciting technology. This powerful thing. Epoch-defining power. (Ooh, I'm getting turned on right now.)

Regarding this seemingly infinite trajectory, you and your generation actually own more of the future than me and mine. Because you and yours will still be living in it .. when me and mine are long gone.

I am trying to keep my generation from fucking it up too badly for you and yours. (Because of my son.) It's proving much trickier than I had planned.

» The End of the World Comes with Economic Expediency

Egan wrote a book about the older generation fucking things up for the younger. They were so focused on economic expediency that they didnt even realize that they were trashing the environment .. until it was too late. Much too late.

The Dust Bowl seemed like the end of the world

The Dust Bowl is what they call it now. Back then, they just called it » the end of the world.

» I Put You and Egan on a Similar Plane of Respect

[ Speaking of Egan and the end of the world .. he is so fucking good.

I actually put you two on a similar plane .. even tho you both are two very different people. With very different art forms.

I dont do this on purpose, mind you .. rather it happens on its own. Maybe this is why Egan is the first person that I told about you.

You may have noticed how I use many of the same terms toi describe you both » ninja, throwing down, continuing to impress.

This is in my respect for what you both do .. each in your own way. I would use the term 'gifted' with both you and him.

I dont even know if people realize how good he is. Unless you actually try to do what he does, Im not sure that a reader could fully appreciate his skill set.

For example, in this column, he writes (3rd paragraph) »

I'm going to believe this same Donald Trump who urged Russia to interfere with an American election, because to believe otherwise, without irrefutable evidence, is a pretty damn horrific thing to imagine. It would mean that in a week, the Russians will have installed a stooge -- and done it with the right wing of this country cheering them on.

In the first half of that paragraph, he slides in the plausibility of his ninja's steely blade. Then, in the second half, he gives it a twist of implications.

That's how ninjas do it. Clean and efficient. I said to him (out loud), "Oh, you are so fucking good."

Sometimes when something that Egan has written floats into my mind, it makes me laugh out loud in the dark .. like a crazy person might do.

Of course, I quickly look around to see if anybody saw me acting crazy. ]

Hillary says that she is the last thing standing between us and the apocalypse. Is that hyperbole?

[ My style of writing, where I use the hyperlink to connect related ideas and concepts and patterns .. this style very much resembles how Unix works.

If you can see how those two patterns match, girly, then I would probably want to have sex with you. (For the sake of the species.)

» I Would Not be Able to Help Myself

And if you could describe the pro's vs the con's of Unix vs Windows .. and how that comparison applies to what you and I are doing .. then I would definitely want to have sex with you. I wouldnt be able to help myself.

Ariana on the floor .. oh, my.

[ Girly, girly, girly .. look at you here. Did you notice how I set this image of you .. right below the words » I wouldnt be able to help myself.(?) There's a reason why I set this image here. Girly, you are so amazingly smoking hot. Oh my God. Whoever is crafting these shots for you knows what they are doing. Please give them my best. A picture is worth a thousand words, the saying goes. I have actually already written a little love-letter to you here under this very image. In a way, this is cheating .. going back and adding content from the future. But if you are going to post photos like this, then you can be sure that I will pull out all the stops. Some might call this cheating .. but I wouldnt. Other artists gave Dylan shit for doing things that they called cheating. But I didn not see it this way. I saw it as extending the possible techniques of his art. Of his craft. I am not sure why, but this image of you makes it very easy for me to write. It feels like deep juicy-juice is coming out surprisingly easy. Hmmm. As a relationship progesses to deeper and deeper levels of intimacy .. we often find ourselves challenging our lovers .. to see more accurately exactly where their commitment lies .. and what might represent its limits. I normally let people come in pretty far, because I am fairly confident in myself. I know what I know. But, past a certain point, I vet their asses well. I will need to see into their soul and see if it a good soul. (Or not.) I used to not be a good soul myself .. so I know a lot about souls that I do not let in past a certain point. This page, girly, is getting so big. I am going to have to lift out more sections and give them their own page. Okay, I have off-loaded this. But that was not very much. I also off-loaded this, which was even less. ]

Just being honest here. Honesty breeds trust. Trust breeds intimacy. (And you know what intimacy breeds.)

Unix is a powerful thing, girly .. very powerful. You know what I think about powerful things. They turn me on .. something ferocious.

» Writers of Erotic Love Stories of Centuries Past

Writers of centuries past certainly wrote beautiful stories for their lovers. To their lovers. About their lovers. Even with their lovers.

Ariana at one with the Internet of Quantum EntanglementBut none of them.

Wrote anything like.

What I am building for you.

Right here.

Before your very eyes.

And I know that they didnt put any more love into it, either.

Because they dont have my special sauce .. my digital sauce .. a secret family recipe.

(I know you are rubbing your eyes, saying, "Can I really be seeing what I am seeing? Doesnt seem possible.")

They never wrote anything like this .. because they didnt have this technology.

This twenty-first century technology. (And that's why they're so jealous .. not to mention that I have a super-hottie singer singing me songs.)

» You are So Much Fun that I Can Hardly Stand It Sometimes

Girly, this T-Mobile commercial that you did .. you are so much fun to play with .. that I can hardly stand it sometimes.

After I saw the first one a few days ago .. the voice said, "Ariana hitch-hiking on the side of the road in the high-desert near Joshua Tree, wearing a ski parka and pumps .. shit you will never see in real life."

Ariana standing roadside near Joshua Tree wearing a ski parka and pumpsI especially like the part where your infinite data goes super-nova.

Right before you answer the phone.

I did not even know what the eggplant emoji was. I had to google it.

Later, as I was laying outside, looking up at the stars, after a nice walk ..

I saw you holding the two eggplants, and I laughed out loud and said, "I bet you are."

Right after you said, "I am one with the eggplant emoji."

Girly, that is clever shit. It almost went over my head. (I got your eggplant right here.)

» For the Good of the Species

Clever turns me on. Clever says to the male reproductive sytem » "This might be a good female to mate with. She might have the kind of genes that we want .. for the good of the species. Let's sniff around here a little and see what we can find out about her. Maybe I will spray a little scent for her .. and see how she reacts."

This is a clever form of communication. It's all in the subtext. You must be getting quality help. In order to do this clever shit.

I can feel myself impressed. I am no longer so easily impressed, girly. After you have created a few universes .. and after you have built a few worlds with your own two hands ..

.. and after you have made mad, passionate love in these worlds to the finest of the fine .. then you are no longer so easily impressed.

I would come pick you up .. if I had a car and a driver's license. I know a nice place out there.

» I Seem to be Attracted to (and Turned On by) Powerful Things

Clever however, doesnt turn me on as much as power does. (Tho certainly you need to be clever if you want to wield power.)

You yourself are powerful, girly .. I can see that. Yes, ma'am.

Neo puts on his thermonuclear-grade shades and sees into the MatrixYou are powerful at multiple frequencies.

Powerful frequencies.

You resonate powerfully.

(You make me want to resonate right back at you.)

You actually have in your hand the power to bend the culture. That turns me on something ferocious. But dont ask me why.

I've never made love to a culture-bender before. I bet it's a lot of fun.

I bet you have never made love to the greatest writer who ever lived. I'm pretty sure you havent.

You would definitely know if you had. You would never be able to forget it. It would haunt you for the rest of your life. You'd be ruined for all other men.

I know this is what you want .. what you crave .. what you need .. what you desire. So badly desire.

We might be able to fix this for you. A remedy of sorts. Kill two birds with one stone .. so to speak. One passionate stone .. properly thrown. With skill and efficiency. I'm sure you would appreciate my efficiency.

[ I spent much time studying time-management techniques .. because I needed to. The efficient use of time. The first step of which is » determining exactly what you want. (Goal-setting.) What do you want, girly? Whisper the answer in my ear. Tell me your deepest secrets. ]

Speaking of culture-bending fun .. I just went to your official Side to Side video .. because I want to grab an image of you as the "kind-of-blow" that I know that I like. (Which I use here on my Dylan Nobel prize page.)

And this video already has over 200 million views. Wow. That's a lot of eyeballs. In just one month. And for just one song.

Does that not blow your mind? What does that feel like? Can you feel the culture-molding power in the palm of your hand?

Have you seen the High-Rizers remix? They layer in Nicki saying, "Ariana," at t=3:50, right after you let rip. Beautiful how they did that. Understated, yet beautiful. People are remixing your music .. lots of people. ]

We are exploring together the limits of its capabilities. I am very much, you know, about exploring the capabilities of this technology. Because I am into using powerful things.

[ This is sort of why my writer's hand keeps slipping down into your singer's panties when nobody is looking .. slowly and silently .. so that nobody knows it's there. Nobody but you.

Writing about and resonating with and expressing the zeitgeist .. this requires me to connect to, and to resonate with it .. with the spirit of the age. (In an existential sort of way.)

Sure, there are other aspects to the zeitgeist .. there are the political and the social and the moral. I could go on for quite some time.

But my point is that you, girly, are a part of that equation. The popular culture. And I think that this is one of the reasons why I find myself attracted to you.

And to Rihanna.

I also think that this one of the reasons why writers and singers go together so well. PB&J, baby.

» Public vs Private

I could also talk about here how one is very public while the other very private. Opposites attract, no?

Because this other person has all these experiences and qualities that seem so foreign to you. Such a mystery.

And some people like to explore mysteries. Once I get curious about a girl ...

I probably shouldnt say any more along these lines.

Because I can feel something inside of me trying to get you to fall in love with me.

Wow .. that trips me out. It's doing it on its own. Girly, girly .. what am I ever going to do with you?

You know .. you start writing these things, these stories .. and perhaps they begin innocently enough.

Perhaps they are playful and flirtatious in the beginning. Particularly if the thing happens to sparkle nicely in your eye.

And maybe you send out a exploratory ping, but you receive back a return ping that is very different from what you had expected.

Much different. More mature. More provocative. More clever. More thought-provoking. More challenging. More fearless. More talented.

I could continue, but you get my point.

I probably shouldnt say any more along these lines .. these dangerous lines.

But this thing starts to take on a life of its own. ]

The writer of generations past did not have this technology. Perhaps it's just my imagination running away with me .. but I can feel their jealousy. It's easy for me to see why.

With printed text on a white, paper page .. the writer is laying out his thing .. his story .. his adventure. But with HTML .. and all that the language offers, such as photos and graphics and audio and video .. it feels more like you are building this thing.

And everybody knows that boys like to build shit.

» Cultural Appropriation vs Organic Authenticity

Today there is much ado about cultural appropriation. (Appropriation is a nice way of saying 'stealing' .. tho the source culture does not lose their culture, so perhaps 'stealing' is not the right word.)

I have thoughts along these lines .. because it is an interesting discussion. And this discussion intersects with the concepts of authenticity and organic writing. And also with some of Einstein's ideas.

Perhaps some other time we'll explore this discussion further.

» Looping Back to the Beginning

If I were to wrap this thing here, at the end of the summer of love, while you are on your way to the wedding chapel ..

.. I would point out how, one of the reason's why I captured this image of Selene's blue eye here is because it very much reminded me of that alert, but far-away feeling I had when I first saw you singing on SNL.

Ariana performs Dangerous Woman live on SNL March 12, 2016It was not even very far into the song, you know ..

.. when I hit the space bar to pause you.

And I stared off somewhere far and said (out loud) "You gotta be shittin' me."

When I saw all the stars line up right before my very eyes. (So to speak.)

Girly, this shot of you here, your orange SNL shot .. I like this shot of you. I like it a lot.

I like it even more than I use it, and I use it a lot. You must've known that I would be using it a lot .. which is why you rocked it so hard.

The way your neck is exposed .. this makes me feel aggressive. You dont know. The vampire in me starts pacing back-n-forth.

Not very long ago, I was sitting outside, resting at the end of the day. And I thought of you singing this song, your Dangerous Woman song.

And I thought, "This girls is pretty ballsy .. singing this song." 

I mean, there's the song, and then there's what goes into the song. It looks like a lot of balls to me.

Girls with big balls freak me out sometimes, because you're never really sure what they're going to do, or what they're going to say.

But it's so nice when somebody really gets you. And it's even more rare when that somebody is a girl. (Many girls dont get me. Some arent even close. Some arent even in the ballpark.)

I guess if a girl is going to do what you do, then she will need cojones grande.

Girly, this thing here that I am doing for you, with you, to you .. this thing that I have been doing since I first saw you singing on SNL .. this thing is turning out to be such a lovey-dovey love letter that I am writing here.

I almost disgust myself at times. But that far-away look in Selene's eye did indeed zing me .. just like you zinged me.

» That Horribly Uncomfortable Place

I dont want to say that I was in such a "bad" place .. when I saw you singing on SNL. But I was definitely in an uncomfortable place .. where nothing felt right about anything. And I had been in this horribly uncomfortable place for longer than I cared to be. Much longer.

The moment I started writing, I felt better. Much better. I felt good again.

But that was then and this is now (.. the first week of October, 2016). And the writer who is in search of an ending .. is always looking for the beginning. So can he loop back there .. and tie a nice, pretty bow with the two ends. (Pink and purple in your case, girly. Girly colors.)

This was the problem with Lauren. I kept looking for the beginning .. as a way to wrap that thing. But I could never find it. I could never get there. If you cant find the end, you cant wrap the thing with a pretty bow.

» Satisfying Endings Rarely Represent Reality for Millions of Americans

This ending-at-the-beginning is a satisfying thing. (Do you like to be satisfied, Ariana? I'm sure you do .. very sure.)

The problem with such satisfying sensibilities .. is that they rarely represent real life.

Real life is a motherfucker for many people. Too many .. far too many. Not very satisfying .. for millions of Americans.

» The Madness of Fergie's Beautiful Life

Fergie reminding you that life is beautiful even in the midst of the madness[ Fergie would probably chime in here.

And tell you to remember that life is beautiful.

Even in the midst of the madness.

But it's not, Fergie.

It's not beautiful .. for millions Americans.

Not even close.

It's still a good song, sure. And this may indeed be your experience of life.

And, in your experience, life may indeed be beautiful .. even in the midst of the madness. I dont doubt that one bit.

But your madness is different from the madness of most other Americans. Very different.

Note: this section on Fergie has been moved to its own page here » The Madness of Fergie's Beautiful Life.

I resisted mightily. But alas .. I was not strong enough to stop that from happening. My first page of the New Year. (Happy New Year, Fergie.)

And that's probably all I should say right now. But if I were to continue, I might get into why this is. That I might.

Another reason why I grabbed this image of Selene's blue eye .. is because of what she says at t=2:00 » "Do I look worried?"

Moon eye Underworld 5 Blood WarsWhich comes right after the handsome, studly warrior dude says to her, "There are too many of them."

The voices often say this to me about you » "She does not look scared to me." When I ask if you're scared yet.

This is a bad-ass women kicking ass and taking names .. and looking smoking hot while she's doing it. In other words » a slayer slaying .. so I know you can relate.

How about that part where she shoots the dude in both feet? (t=0:45) "Do you understand your message?"

I bet that steamed up your panties nicely, girly .. seeing that the guy was on his knees .. begging and whatnot.

(I see how you girls are. Me, you & Nicki should go see this together that when it comes out. Bring spare panties with you.)

» They are Coming

This is where she says, "Tell your boss I'm coming for him."

I am famous for saying » "They are coming .. on horses swifter than leopards. Stand the fuck by. And dont say you werent warned either." Sometimes I throw in » "You'll see what I mean."

Infamous, maybe? Depends who you ask.

With you, I started using the statement » "He who refuses .. let him refuse." .. probably because I was trying to impress you. (Guys do crazy shit when they are trying to impress a girl.)

Sometimes I write things .. and I dont even know why I write them. ( "Who are you really, dude? Who says stuff like this?" ) But writing them definitely makes me feel better.

Maybe you know why I write some of these things .. these crazy-sounding things.

I forget where I wrote it, but one time I wrote » "I can almost hear the weeping and gnashing of teeth now."

[ Oh, I remember now. This is the problem big documents .. you forget where you put stuff.

Speaking of putting stuff in places .. how's my thing doing? Still nice-n-warm I hope.

Girly, sometimes I return to a page after being away for a while .. for a number of weeks.

And I read things like this, and I crack myself up.

"Nice-warm, I hope." I can be a funny fucker, sometimes. I dont really try to be .. I just cant help myself.

But being so hot .. you bring out this in me. You elicit these types of responses. You evoke them. (This is why it's all your fault.)

This is sassy shit that I am writing here to you, girly. Good thing I met you before I knew what a force you were. Or I never would have had the huevos rancheros. ]

That's when I said to the writer in me, "Dude, you're so good. Where do you come up with stuff?"

One time I even wrote » "For the Scripture says to Pharaoh ..."

The word 'Scripture' there, in the original language, is simply » writing. (I was telling Selena about this.)

Being a writer of words myself .. this kind of stuff interests me.

I have many unusual interests, girly. You interest me. You actually fascinate me .. it seems obvious, at this point. And you are nowhere near what I would call 'usual'.

Heh yourself, girly .. I know how you want it.

I learn fast .. once I see the light on something. I'm a quick study, you know .. when properly motivated.

» Centurion-Level Motivation

Remind me to talk about motivation .. the kind of motivation that is used to create universes .. like the one that you and I are creating together.

I know quite a bit about the topic of motivation. (At a centurion level, which covers a lot of distance .. social and economic distance. And probably a few other ways, too.)

» My Parents were Counter-Motivational

My parents sucked at motivating me. They actually were counter-motivational. (De-motivating?) Seems difficult to do, I know .. but they somehow managed.

Note » this section on motivation and parental dysfunction has been moved to its own page » Motivation and Parental Dysfunction.

» Dylan Wins the Nobel Prize for Literature

Oct 13, 2016 » Speaking of how you want it .. did you notice that Dylan won the Nobel Prize for Literature today? (At age 75.)

The Ballad of Bob DylanI have long been a fan .. for a number of reasons.

But primarily for the way he is able to put into words, very simply and clearly ..

.. things that I have long felt, but could never articulate myself.

It is like Dylan gave voice to the voice I needed but didnt have myself (yet).

How can you not love someone like that?

I have been particularly impressed by the way he expresses his disappointment with some of the women in his life.

What guy does not need help expressing such male difficulties?

After I heard Dylan sing these songs, I was okay with it. Dylan made it okay for me.

I definitely had a Dylan phase. It was one of my favorite phases .. marked by much exploration and progress on my continuing journey of self-discovery.

I was once out with a girl, who was driving us somewhere, and the topic of Dylan came up. She said, "I could never get into Dylan."

I didnt say anything, but thought, "This will never work." (between us .. and it didnt.)

This section on Dylan winning the Nobel prize quickly grew large. So I moved it to its own page .. see here » Dylan Wins the Nobel Prize for Literature.

This is the end of this tangent .. the end of the Summer of Love tangent. ■

You can return to the previous page here » Just When I was Starting to Figure You Out.

The contents of this page were originally written » here. (But now, you can never go back.)

Analyze this page's HTML profile » here.

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on October 6, 2016 10:06 PM.

Zara Insists that It Aint Her Fault was the previous entry in this blog.

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