Aggressive and Predatory Approaches Toward Young, Sexually-Attractive Women - Page Two

[ This entry continues from » Times are Changing (21.Nov.2017) .. or possibly from » Page One (21.Nov.2017). ]

» Do Women Enjoy Being Pursued by a Man?

Maybe I should start by saying that Charlie Rose seems like the most mild-mannered man .. does he not? He seems nothing like a Harvey Weinstein.

The reason why Charlie's statement struck me is because there is the idea out there that women WANT TO BE pursued .. that they LIKE to be pursued and perhaps NEED to be pursued .. in order to feel comfortable with a man, romantically speaking.

There is also the idea out there that women will even "play hard-to-get" .. in order to see just how much a man really wants her. How much he desires her.

» Acting Unfriendly

Notice the lyrics in Pink's new song, Beautiful Trauma » I made you chase me; I wasn't that friendly.

Pink | Beautiful Trauma

She makes my point for me. (Pink can really sing. She is a real no-shit singer. With the pipes to prove it. Much respect.)

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••• today's entry continues here below •••

I know nothing about the details of the things that Charlie Rose did to these women. I am merely speaking from my own personal experience ..

.. which is probably more than that of most American males. Considerably more .. tho probably not the same as that of most American men.

I have already mentioned how I dont really get girls .. not on an intuitive basis. Not like I do with things like calculus or quantum mechanics.

Perhaps this is because I never had a sister .. only a brother. (Heck, I even get gay guys.)

» The Defensive Posture Does Not Pursue

Earlier this year I was telling Ariana how » "I normally approach the prospect of an intimate relationship with a sexually-attractive woman from a defensive posture."

Key-word » defensive.

I could write untold volumes about operating from a defensive posture .. but my point here is merely to say that, in a defensive posture, the man » does not pursue.

He does not pursue the woman. And he certainly is not aggressive with her. (Some girls know how to summon the aggression. It feels like they fan the flames.)

The panther of aggressive male sexual energy when it sees something that it likes and wants badly

In other words, he is not one of those boys who try too hard. (Taylor knows what I am talking about here.)

» Negative Signaling

When Pink sings, "I wasnt that friendly." .. this is what I call "negative signaling." Negative signals tell me that she is not into me.

To me, this playing hard-to-get is gamey. This kind of thing is fine in high school, but adults should be more up front about their feelings .. more mature.

Suppose I run across a girl who I am feeling chemistry with. Is she feeling this same chemistry? Charlie Rose thought that they were .. when they werent. They obviously werent.

Was this merely a case of wishful thinking on Charlie's part? Or something else?

I think that it has become clear that Charlie believed these things .. because he wanted to believe them .. and not because they were true facts.

I mean, is this not obvious now?

» The Human Tendency to Believe What You Want to Believe Despite Contradictory Signals

If the other person isnt feeling this thing .. then it's not chemistry. Chemicals need other chemicals to 'react' with. If there is nothing to react with, then there is no 'chemistry'.

So the guy needs to determine, "Is this girl feeling this thing, too?" If a girl does not signal to me that she is indeed feeling the chemistry, then I leave it alone.

But, if there is chemistry .. on both parts .. then this is very difficult to resist. You dont even have to try. No effort is required. You dont have to try to make anything work. You just go with the flow. It will take you.

"Where will it take you?" you ask? Dont get me started.

I also told Ariana how I normally prefer offense, and that I am better at offense .. but that existential realities have forced me to play defense. I told her how I am cautious with girls .. because they sometimes react to me in ways that I do not understand. (At all.)

» She's not Really Into You

Regarding the Harvey Weinstein effect .. it has become clear to me that this thing that you get in a position of authority ..

Some of the women to come forward with allegations of sexual abuse against Harvey Weinstein

.. it is very easy to feel it is *you* that the girls are responding to. But it isnt. It is often simply your thing. (Not you yourself.)

Now, I am boiling down a large discussion .. but this confusion that the guy has .. between his thing that comes with his position of authority and he himself, the person .. much of these sexual harassment problems stem from this very confusion.

She's not into you, Harvey .. she is only really interested in what you can do for her.

I know that this reality is not the prettiest picture .. but it is the truth. Go ahead and read for yourself all their documented testimonies .. and you will see exactly what I am talking about here.

Harvey Weinstein's accusers tell their stories by Ronan Farrow Oct 23, 2017

Seth MacFarlane suggested just such a thing at the 2013 Oscars, when he said that the five nominees for Best Supporting Actress no longer needed to pretend that they were attracted to you.

(Wow .. that little 30-sec clip has nearly 5 million views .. since Oct. 10, 2017.)

Or you could start with Salma's piece, titled » Harvey Weinstein is My Monster Too. (That's a wow-piece there.)

Salma Hayek writes about her experience with Harvey Weinstein | Dec 12, 2017

I loved her in Frida. That film seemed to breathe life into my soul .. no matter how many times I watched it.

Women are talking today says Salma Hayek

I remember wondering, "How are they doing that?"

» Younger Women with Older Men

The idea of a young, sexually-attractive woman playing to an older man .. not because she is attracted to him .. but rather, for what she can get from him .. this is old as time itself. Human time, anyway.

Evelyn Nesbit (1884-1967)

I bet that my friend Maria knows exactly what I am talking about here. Probably Evelyn Nesbit, too.

» People Stop Telling You What They Really Think

I may be in a better position to see such things .. because, as a contractor, you move into and out of positions of authority as needed.

And it has become clear to me that .. when you move into a position of authority, people stop telling you what they really think .. and they start telling you what they think you want to hear.

I am talking, obviously, about people over whom you have authority. Not the people who have authority over you. (Some people are obviously able to handle and exercise authority better than others.)

See .. the corrupting effects of power are very slow. Almost imperceptible. But over a long period of time, they can become a very ugly thing. As has obviously become the case with Harvey.

» The Network of Enablers Around Sicko Abusers is Even More Aggravating

Society expects the good people who work around bad people to eventually grow a spine and tell them, "This behavior is not morally acceptable, and may very well be illegal. Either way you need to stop." )

This 8-min video from the Washington Post, titled » Hollywood's Greatest Betrayal: How sexual predators operate in plain sight .. is simply outstanding.

This is the best single piece that I have seen yet .. that shines a light on the inner-workings of an otherwise unbelievable phenomenon.

The lengthy article on this ESPN page here (dated Jan 16, 2018) is titled » Nassar surrounded by adults who enabled his predatory behavior.

I bet that Olivia Cowan knows exactly what I am talking about here.

Olivia Cowan reads her statement

I have never felt comfortable talking about the real intimate stuff with the Wow girl, who was also sexually abused as a gymnast in her early teens. I am not really sure, to be honest, why I felt this way.

» Exploring Intimate Places with a Gymnast Who was Sexually-Abused as an Early Teen

But after I watched Olivia's statement .. it made me think of the Wow girl, and I suddenly felt ready to wade into deeper water there. I suddenly felt okay about it .. and this surprised me.

Because these are places where .. uh, I probably shouldnt get ahead of myself. But these are like no other places I have ever been. I did not even know that such places existed.

I will probably have to lift out this section .. because this narrative could go to many exotic realms.

» I am Feeling this Girl

Before we head down that path .. from which we might never return .. before we do that, I want to point out about Olivia's statement .. how she is going after the » Network of Enablers Surrounding the Sicko Abuser.

If you read what I have written about my experiences of dealing with "The System" .. or rather, it dealing with me .. then you understand how well I am feeling this girl here.

I forget the exact spot, but I remember thinking, "Oh, I am feeling this girl"

Good for you, Olivia. I feel your sense of rage .. your hurt, your pain .. your frustration, your indignation. I could go on here all fucking day long .. but you feel me.

You cried through the whole thing, but you did it anyway. That takes mountains of courage. You are a brave soul.

I acknowledge you. I salute you. You make me feel less alone in the world. It brings me a degree of encouragement just knowing that there are people like you in the world.

Fuck them. Fuck them all .. the worthless pieces of shit.

» Intimate Relationships Viewed as a Single Wheel Rolling Down the Road of Life

In any meaningful, intimate relationship with a sexually-attractive creature .. you could conceive of such a relationship as two separate things coming together as a single wheel .. that rolls along a road called 'Life.'

Now, if you have done this a time or two, then you know that it can be a tricky thing .. this coming together and rolling your single wheel down the road of life.

You also learn that any bumpy parts in the beginning .. will only grow more pronounced as you begin to bring this thing up to speed. Up to normal operating temperature and pressure.

I am trying here to find an entrée into this thing.

» Rough Patches Rolling Your Wheel Together

Now, one small problem area early might be able to be worked out among two committed souls. And maybe even two problem areas.

But as the number of rough patches grow, this makes it increasingly unlikely that you will be able to make this wheel roll along in a way that is satisfactory to both components.

This rolling-wheel model includes the notion of up-n-down .. just like a sine wave. Life includes aspects of a sine wave. The sun comes up every day, and the sun goes down every day .. just like a sine wave.

Sometimes, during certain seasons of your life .. everything is clicking for you without even you trying. While other times, you can't seem to buy a break.

You know what I am talking about .. the sine wave of life. The periods and durations might vary dramatically .. but the patterns are familiar to everyone with a pulse.

But when the two of you can't roll your wheel together in a way that it mutually satisfactory .. then this can be viewed as a dysfunctional wheel .. because it is not working in a way that works for both components.

You could spent the rest of your life trying to assign blame to exactly whose fault it is why this confounded wheel isnt rolling the way that one or boh of you feel it should be rolling .. but this is a waste of time .. in my experience.

You might be thinking, "This relationship is working for me. It is working well. And I am feeling very much appreciated in this relationship."

Or you could be thinking, "This shit is not working. It hasnt been working for a while. I dont think that my partner has what I need in a relationship .. which isnt even that much."

» The Wow Girl was Very Fucked Up .. Yet She Seemed So Together on the Surface

See .. the Wow girl .. she was very fucked up. I do not know for a fact what it was that fucked her up so badly .. but she had been seeing shrinks most of her life because of sexual abuse that she had suffered at the age of 13½.

One of the things that interested me about her .. was how together her exterior image seemed .. compared to how big of a mess she was inside.

Another thing that struck me about her .. was how she was obviously a beautiful, rare creature .. yet she was badly mangled .. from a psychic perspective.

But this also gave her a disillusioned view of life which allowed our relationship to be based more on real life than on cultural romantic fantasies.

» Three Distinctive Traits Common to All Sexual Abusers

Researchers have identified three distinctive traits, three distinctive characteristics, three distinctive factors .. common to all sexual abusers.

These three characteristics come from an article titled » What makes some men sexual harassers? Science tries to explain the creeps of the world.

This article cites research done in '87 by John Pryor, who developed a scale that he called » Likelihood to Sexually Harass. Those three indicators are:

  1. a lack of empathy
  2. a belief in traditional gender sex roles
  3. a tendency toward dominance and authoritarianism

I am very familiar myself with these stated risk factors .. for the typical sexual abuser.

» So Broken Psychologically that They are Actually Incapable of Empathy

The lack-of-empathy, in particular, has caught my attention. Some people seem to be downright unable to exercise empathy and compassion .. which is simply imagining yourself in the shoes of a less-fortunate human being and imagining how they must be feeling.

My seat-of-the-pants diagnosis here is that some people experience such traumatic things early in their lives .. at a point when they are too young to develop the skills necessary to deal with such traumas .. and they grow up as broken people.

Psychologically broken. There are defects in their personality that can be camouflaged can never be repaired.

My own personal research into this area probed the following question that I had » Is this person simply choosing to be unempathetic and uncompassionate .. or are they simply incapable of such a thing?

Having a lack-of-empathy basically means that they dont give a shit what someone else might be feeling, particularly if someone else happens to be suffering, and especially when they are the ones causing this suffering to the other person.

» Dont Embarrass Me .. I Could Give a Fuck What You are Feeling Right Now

Notice where Harvey is recorded saying to the girl, "Dont embarrass me."

22-year old Ambra Gutierrez says to Harvey Weinstein that she is not embarrassing him.

He says this even after she tells him in many different ways that he is making her extremely uncomfortable and that she wants to leave.

22 -year old Ambra Gutierrez tells Harvey Weinstein that she wants to go downstairs

He either doesnt care what she is feeling, or is actually unable to. He is more concerned about his own reputation.

22-year old Ambra Gutierrez tells Harvey Weinstein that she doesnt want to.

So naturally, I found myself wondering, "Is this lack-of-empathy because this person is somehow incapable of such a basic human emotion .. or are they simply not inclined toward such things?"

» What's the Difference?

In the end, my answer was » "What's the difference?"

22-year old Ambra Gutierrez tells Harvey Weinstein that she doesnt want to do something that she is not comfortable doing.

What's the difference between a person who chooses not to exercise empathy and compassion .. and someone who is broken to the point that are simply not able?

22-year old Ambra Gutierrez feeling very uncomfortable with Harvey Weinstein

I'll let you answer that question yourself.

But it begs the question even further » how do you show to somebody something that they do not possess the receptor to see? Who lack the necessary sensor. Whose equipment necessary to understand has been broken beyond repair?

» Traditional Gender Sex Roles vs a Willingness to Explore Beyond

Regarding trait #2, a belief in traditional gender sex roles .. abusers obviously use traditional cultural gender sex roles to their own advantage and against the women who they are abusing.

I have explored the notion of non-traditional gender sex roles .. partly out of sheer curiosity, and partly as as a result of predicaments that I found myself in.

A man needs to be secure in his own sexuality before he can have the self-confidence to explore non-traditional gender sex roles.

Traditional gender sex roles tend to be male-dominant and female-submissive. But some girls are very much turned on by the idea of dominating a man sexually. Ask me how I know.

» I Dont Always Signal My True Feelings

There is a place in the male mind, particularly in the less-mature male mind, probably as a function of the culture in which we live, where No simply means » "You're not trying hard enough," and Maybe means » "Keep trying. Keep pursuing me."

I realize that this might seem strange to women, and it is not a clear-cut black-n-white thing .. but human beings tend to believe what they want to believe .. and I can assure you that no guy wants to believe that a girl is rejecting him.

Does this make sense to you? Many factors come into play here. I may try later to expound more clearly, but for now simple awareness of this phenomena is all that I am shooting for.

» Clearly Expressing Your True Feelings in an Intimate Relationship

This is why I try to be clear about my feelings in my relationships. There are plenty of reasons why relationships fail. I do not want ambiguity or a simple misunderstanding to be one of them.

I have told Ariana, "This is working for me, girly. This is working well." She knows how I feel about her. There is no ambiguity.

» Positive Signaling

Speaking of Ariana .. the image of her sitting at the top of this page .. this is an example of what I would call "positive signaling."

That is what I would call a "subtle" example .. of positive signaling. Obviously there exists a spectrum of signaling .. from subtle to not-so-subtle.

» I Really Want You to Keep Pursuing Me Even When I Act Unfriendly

Here is where I would ask Pink, and all women, because I am genuinely curious » Do you women want men to pursue you even when you act unfriendly toward them?

Think about it and we'll talk more later .. because the answer is not as clear as it should be.

At least part of the problem here stems from the cultural idea that women do not always signal their true feelings, and that they are playing hard-to-get in order for the man to try harder .. in order for him to display for her his genuine desire for her.

Particularly when a man wants to believe that she really likes him as much as he likes her.

Can you see that?

» Differences in Cultural and Social Norms Between Paternal vs Maternal Homes

Along these lines of Beyonce and girls running the world .. let me say that, in my exhaustive research to understand the nature of intimate relationships with sexually attractive women ..

.. and what makes some relationships work so well .. compared with those that dont ..

.. I have noticed that a key ingredient seems to be whether you were raised in a paternal home (where the dad is dominant) or a maternal home .. where the mother is dominant.

These are things that are going to unconsciously and consciously color your ideas regarding what an intimate relationship should look like.

Surely you can see the potential for friction when stressful situations arise in the relationship between a man who was raised in a home where the man was dominant and a woman raised in a home where the mom was dominant.

I am not saying that one is better than the other .. only that there is greater potential for friction during the stressful times that come to any intimate relationship.

» Tendency to Retreat to the Security of your CZ when Facing a Stressful Situation

During stressful situations, people tend to revert back to the security of their comfort zones .. to the ideas and notions that they become familiar with while growing up during their formative years.

Even if you dont consciously subscribe to those familiar values, sometimes you are driven there under duress. It takes a strong person to break out of those entrenched patterns. Most people simply do not have what it takes to break free.

You run into a similar type of misunderstanding when two people from two different cultures try to make a relationship work intimately. What one person feels is easily permissible might offend the other .. because of differences over cultural norms.

I could so get carried away here .. because I have plenty of experience in this area.

Note that this is the end of this page. ■ This entry continues here » The Dark Side of the Morning - Part Two.

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on November 21, 2017 11:21 PM.

Times are Changing was the previous entry in this blog.

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