Starving Writer SOS - Page Three

This entry continues from here » Page Two (1 Nov 2018).

» Sponsoring a Starving Writer

Ewan McGregor as Christain the writer in Moulin Rouge!Anyway .. so I was thinking, girly.

Since we are already in love,

and because we make such a good team,

and because we now have a history,

a rich history,

and because we will always be in love forever ..

.. I think you should consider sponsoring a starving writer.

And in return, I will continue to write and push the envelope,

and continue what I have already been doing for years ..

so we can see where this story takes us.

I should probably give you some time to think about it.

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••• today's entry continues here below •••

» I See Your Tricks

Speaking of making such a good team .. I couldnt help but notice this thing that you do here .. near the very end of The Wizard and I (at t=3:37, 29 Oct 2018).

Ariana dips down to the mic stand and grunts near the end of the Wizard and I (at t=3:37, 29 Oct 2018).

One second before you do this thing here .. where you dip and grunt .. with this primal thing .. one second before this, the camera angle shifts.

Whoever edited this video intentionally cut to another angle just before you do this dip and primal grunt thing while aligning yourself with the mic stand.

This kind of thing requires planning and forethought and playfulness.

You can be such a sneaky little shit sometimes. I like that about you. I like it a lot. Probably more than I should.

» You are the Funnest Thing to Play With

This makes me feel aggressive when you do stuff like this. You are the funnest thing to play with.

Ariana singing the very end of the Wizard and I (29 Oct 2018)

Sometimes, when I am noticing and thinking about stuff like this .. I can hear a voice back there saying, "You know that's what crazy people think, right?"

I went back and re-read that thing I wrote to Jade .. about digging that grunt-like noise she made .. at the end of a vocal exertion of her own. (Sometimes I crack myself up .. but you can sense what I am feeling there, no?)

Girly, you are an amazing creature. You are a dazzling creature.

» Figuring Out How to Deal with the Dreamcatcher

I see that you are wearing something of a dreamcatcher around your neck here.

I have never seen a dreamcatcher wrapped around your neck like this before. I was trying to figure out how to deal with it.

I was employing various visualization techniques .. to determine which approach would work best.

See .. the chokers I would simply chew right through them. They were easy to deal with. You never stood a chance.

But the dreamcatcher .. this threw me for a loop. I mean, it looks so fragile and so easily breakable.

I finally determined that I would probably have to chew on your throat very gently .. while trying not to snag my fangs on the dainty dreamcatcher.

While I am doing that, girly .. while I am chewing ever so gently on your neck .. being careful not to damage the delicate dreamcatcher .. while I am doing this, I want you to tell me all your dreams. If you can.

No hurry.

» This is How it was Done Back in the Day

This kind of thing here, where a starving artist secretly aligns himself with a beautiful, wealthy benefactress .. this was how it was done back in the day.

The Red and the Black by Stendhal (1830)

Suffice to say that the artist needed to possess a unique skill .. along with multiple other talents .. if he ever hoped to realize such a relationship. (Ask me how I know.)

The Red and the Black by Stendhal (1830)

This is an interesting image on the cover of this book here, no? Kind of suggestive, if you ask me.

» Sometimes it Doesnt Matter if You are One of the All-Time Greats

Rembrandt knows what I am talking about. Sometimes it doesnt matter if you are one of the all-time greats .. if you can't align yourself with a Patron or (even better) a Patroness.

Here is a self-portrait of him done at age 54 (1660) .. when he was bankrupt.

Rembrandt van Rijn (1606-1669) Self-Portrait (1660, Age 54) Bankrupt

When he was broke. When he was ruined financially .. because he could find no Patron or Patroness who felt him worthy of their patronage.

How would you describe the look in his eye?

His Wikipedia page says » "His self-portraits form a unique and intimate biography, in which the artist surveyed himself without vanity and with the utmost sincerity."

That's not as easy to do as it might sound .. especially when you are bankrupt. (Ask me how I know.)

If only he could have sold that painting for what it is worth today (valued at) .. well, you know what I am saying.

My point here is merely to say that .. sometimes it doesnt matter if you are one of the greatest artists who ever lived. Sometimes it just doesnt matter. It should, but it dont. And this is why it's such a shame.

I very much enjoy analyzing different value-structures from different angles and perspectives and points of view.

» Very Difficult to Monetize Creativity

At t=0:37 in this video, Jordan Peterson says:

Jordan Peterson says it is very difficult for the creative person to monetize creativity.

"They (creative people) are cursed with the necessity of putting a foot out into the unknown and making sense of it. And then they are also cursed with the necessity of trying to make a living while they're doing that .. which they can't .. because it's almost impossible to monetize creative action .. which many of you who are creative will no doubt find out. It's very frustrating. But it's not that creative action is without value..."

This is why I found that School-of-Life video to ring so false.

Steinbeck is famous for saying » "The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business."

Steinbeck (1902-1968) says that the profession of book-writing makes horse-racing seem like a solid, stable business.

If anybody would know...

There are dozens of quotes along these lines.

» Figuring Out How to Eat as a Starving Writer

A starving artist does what he has to do sometimes .. in order to keep from starving. (I know that this sounds like a paradox.)

Such things require trust and this will be a way to develop trust even more. (A part of me hates depending on anybody for anything. This is one of my issues. Know thy issues.) And I am sure that I would feel inclined to express my gratitude.

See .. sometimes life presents you with paths and junctures that might take you out of your comfort zone. But these are actually good things. Although they can feel anything but until you adapt and work out the bugs of the new thing.

I dont need very much. I have been surviving financially for the last three years on $650 a month (SSI disability). It's not easy. I eat a lot or rice-n-beans .. but at least I had coffee money. (Now I dont even have coffee money. And I even had to cancel Netflix.)

But, I think that somewhere around $1500 a month .. a stipend of sorts .. would be more than enough. Living large in Laguna.

Back before the financial crisis I was making close to $3K a month off earnings from the site. It was easy to live in Laguna on $3K a month. La Sirena salmon sopas here we come.

But that didnt last very long.

» Michelangelo Knows What I am Talking About

This kind of arrangement was the way things worked back in the days of Leonardo and Michelangelo and other artists seeking sponsorship of one sort or another ..

Birth of Venus | Botticelli (1484-1486)

.. from wealthy, powerful patrons and patronesses. (.. especially the super-hottie patronesses. Because they come with benefits that you can get no other way.)

» Resonating with the Values of Your Tribe

You should talk to your friends like Taylor and Selena and Nicki and the rest of your Illuminati gang .. they could help start a Starving Writer fund.

I mean, we are all obviously part of the same tribe, no? A rocking little tribe.

It has been my experience that, when you have good people who know wtf they are doing .. then you dont need very many. (Mueller knows what I am talking about.)

It is just the coolest feeling when you feel like people who you admire and respect also understand you and appreciate you .. I think you would agree. Pretty sure about that I am.

Lawyers do this kind of shit, I think. Have your lawyer set it up. I will sign pretty much anything.

You want protect yourself legally and financially .. because you have a lot (.. and I have nothing to lose).

I bet that the folks who administrate the Genius grant .. I bet they know everything that there is to know about such things.

» Sponsoring the Best of the Best

As a side note, the folks who sponsor the Genius grant, the MacArthurs, they are one of the names always behind Frontline.

From a certain perspective, the value of the work that Frontline does is the best of the best. For a number of reasons.

They kick gigantic quantities of ass on a regular basis, which these days, is even more important than usual. (They must be wearing steel toe boots.)

For example, most recently they released a 2-part special titled » The Facebook Dilemma (29, 30 Oct 2018).

The Facebook Dilemma | Frontline (29, 30 Oct 2018)

They manage to assemble and cram a lot of deep-level material into two 1-hour segments.

And I have seen the MacArthur name on other such things that I also esteemed highly. So I can feel my sense of values resonating with theirs .. to a cool degree. (I know nothing about them personally .. but I like them already.)

Starving writers dont need very much. They are well-practiced at the art-n-craft of getting by with very little. Rice-n-beans make a complete protein, doncha know.

They simply need a place to stay .. a roof over their heads .. even if that roof is over a 1-car garage in north Laguna. And they need an internet connection .. even if that Internet connection is coming from the unprotected wireless from the folks upstairs.

If I was thinking in terms of unlimited dreams .. then something in North Laguna might be ideal. Within walking distance of the grocery store there on PCH.

I have already lived on McKnight Drive there in North Laguna on the ocean side of PCH. This is dead-end street so no through traffic. Quiet. You can walk down the center of the street much of the time.

There are some nice apartments on the right just as you turn into McKnight. If I remember correctly, the number was 176. Carol was the owner/manager. A 2-story building with six or eight 2-bdrm apartments. A stone's throw (or two) from Crescent Bay Point Park.

» Maybe the Best Six Weeks of My Life

Girly, speaking of that place there in North Laguna .. the one on the ocean side of PCH .. remind me to tell you about the time that I was living out of a garage.

It was an extra long 1-car garage .. for which I was paying $200/mo .. which I could afford at the time. But not the $2K for the apt.

There were six or eight garages total. I was in the one at the far end, which was nice.

People used the garage mostly as storage. Everybody just parked on the street in front of the place .. right along the row of super-tall palm trees there.

Some even rented them out. For example, a Ferrari was parked in the unit next to me. It looked brand new. And I never saw it driven.

There were plywood walls separating my unit from the next, but you could climb up and peek through the cut-outs where piping and electrical conduit ran through.

I had all my shit in there. All the way in the back behind multiple maze-like barricades that I had constructed with all my stuff .. was where I had aet up my futon as a bed.

I would leave early and return late, well after dark .. after parking on an adjacent street.

The people who were living upstairs had unprotected wifi that gave me a good, strong signal. The garage was wired with electricity, and I had a big-ass space heater in there for the colder nights. Some nights were very cold and rainy and windy and nasty.

I would go to the local 24 Hour Fitness there near Fashion Island in Newport beach .. and shower and take a crap. (Not necessarily in that order, tho.)

And while I am there, heck, I might as well grab a quick work-out and hop on the Stairmaster for a little cardio .. to help manage the stress of being homeless and this unending custody nightmare.

I started getting in outstanding shape. I wasnt actually trying to get in such killer shape .. but since I was already there .. why not? It was too easy. If you have spent much time at the gym, then you know that simply showing up is a big part of working out.

I bet that this chick here, squatting heavy .. I bet that she knows exactly what I am talking about.

Chick squatting heavy with a set of strong, well-toned wheels.

Once you walk through those doors, you made it. You are over the biggest hump.

At least in the beginning .. until you have a routine establish. At some point, you begin to actually need to go work out.

I will probably need to lift out this section here and transfer it to its own page. But my point here in sharing this little snippet is that .. these mightve been the best six weeks of my life.

I could go into much detail as to exactly why I feel this way .. including the level of physical fitness and the therapeutic aspects of spending plenty of time out in nature. The more beautiful the nature, the better.

I was feeling noticeably happier and healthier and more relaxed and more myself. More confident in myself and my abilities. I remember trying to figure it out.

'Who is the happier man?' asks Hunter Thompson

Plus I had a nice tan going on because I was spending so much more time outdoors. Everyday I took a stroll through Heisler Park and thanked God for a number of reasons.

And I won't deny that I enjoyed the part where I was being a sneaky little shit .. by living somewhere not legally allowed .. coming in late at night, well after dark, and quietly leaving early, hoping that no one notices. (Ariana knows what I am talking about.)

Whatever might be the specific dynamics behind how I felt during this period .. I somehow feel like Alan Watts knows what I am talking about.

» When Real Life-Experiences Turn Out Much Different than You had Anticipated

Another reason why I share this story .. is because this is exactly opposite what I had expected going into this 'homeless' phase.

I had never been homeless before .. so I didnt know what to expect. In some ways, it feels like the end of the world.

Do not pray for an easy life, says Bruce Lee. Rather, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.

But I discovered that it is not. I was actually thriving better than normal. The difference was impossible to miss.

There is also a big story about how I got back into a place .. a story with many wild tangents of its own.

When you handle a difficult, challenging situation well .. this tends to build confidence and self-esteem and rich experiences and all kinds of other good stuff.

The Man in the Arena by Teddy Roosevelt (23 April 1910)

Yes, it was kind of a hassle, especially because their was no toilet there. But I dont know if I've ever been happier. This satisfied a part of me that I didnt even know that I had.

[ When I move back to Laguna .. which is the best town I have ever lived in .. and which used to be an artist colony .. and where artists can no longer to afford to live .. when I move back there, ask Selena the next time you see her ..

.. ask her if she wants me to kick Justin's ass for her .. if I happen to see him. Justin likes Laguna. ]

Or Corona del Mar. But I am not picky. Or Newport Beach. Or the Balboa peninsula. Or Balboa Island. Anything but the Laguna canyon, because the canyon gets freezing cold. (Ask me how I know.)

After living on a submarine for a few years, anything seems nice.

What I am most looking for, and what most writers want most of all, I suspect .. is simply the freedom to write what needs to be written.

I bet that Judith knows exactly what I am talking about. Many things can affect and impinge upon this freedom that I am talking about.

Anyway .. I just need a place where I can read and write.

There are many cool stories that I could tell. And some that I feel would be instructive. But I need more freedom to tell them. I trust that you feel me. It's not easy to describe.

Dostoevsky could not write what he wanted to write. He had to write in a sort of code, and get the government (Czar's boys) to sign off on it first. (Fuck that noise. That censorship noise.)

» How Starving Writers Bust a Move with Super-Hotties they Want to Impress

And then maybe you could stop by for a few days here-n-there.

Ariana | Let Me Love You (coastline, moonrise)

To what degree, Miss Ariana, to what degree do you feel that fame makes you dangerous? (Think about it and we'll chat more later.)

I can definitely sense the fame-thing that surrounds you. I would definitely say that it does indeed make you dangerous.

This is the kind of thing that has the power to turn lives upside down. You know what I am talking about. You know this better than most. Much better. Much, much better.

Celebrity, popularity, reputation .. fame goes by many names. (I bet you know them all.)

I know that you are going to be crazy-busy with your upcoming tour. But we could work something out. Something organic that feels right and natural and inevitable .. like it was meant to be.

» Role Playing

I will play Tolstoy, who is taking 4 years to write something that he thought would be done "in another 15 days." (You reckon I might be able to relate?)

And you can play Tolstoy's wife .. and provide him with the feminine insights that his writing lacked .. when he was writing what many consider to be the greatest novel ever written in any language ever. (Did I say 'ever' ?)

We need to learn from the tricks and the techniques of the greats .. and take advantage of them .. by making them our own .. and taking them further than they ever dreamed possible .. to places that we didnt even know existed.

This was one of the keys that made the Medici a force during the Renaissance. They sent representatives, armed with bags of silver coins ..

Medici paying priests for ancient scrolls (at t=2:10)

.. to find-n-fetch scrolls containing knowledge and wisdom from classical antiquity .. from more than a millenia in the past.

The Medici were seeking knowledge and lost secrets from the ancient world (at t=3:45).

They sought out the secrets and uncovered the wisdom from those who had come before.

The Medici finding ancient scrolls of lost secrets from the ancient world (at t=3:50).

How does that sound, girly? You think that you might be down with that? You think that you might be down for a little role-playing?

You know about role-playing. You have played a number of roles. I bet that you could teach me some tricks in the area of role-playing.

I should probably give you some time to think about it.

» I Am Cautious with Girls Like You

You can't say that I didnt make a move. You can't say that I pussied out. You can't say that I was a big pussy.

Sure, it mightve taken me a while .. but that's because I am cautious with girls like you.

I need to feel things out first .. and make sure that this girl is what she seems to be. And this can take a while. (Prince Harry knows what I am talking about.)

» The Value of Honest Dialogue

On the down-low, of course .. because I value my regular-guyness. Because I value people talking straight to me.

Because I want to get to know the real person .. and not some unrealistic self-deceived fabrication that they have concocted and cobbled together over the years.

I do not want to get to know the person that everybody else gets to know.

You probably have a concentric series of rings around you .. with each closer circle, the security becomes tighter and more restrictive while the sense of intimacy becomes greater .. no?

See how I keep trending toward intimacy? That seems to happen on its own.

» Able to Give Voice to Her Inner World

One of the reasons why I feel that I was able to develop such a deeply rewarding relationship with the wow girl .. where I learned so much about this girl, and her perspective .. and in the process about life in general .. was because she had spent so many years in therapy.

In other words, she was well-versed and practiced in exploring her inner life and putting into words the feeling and intangibles of this inner life. She was very good at giving voice to her inner world.

I was also impressed that she knew (was aware of, conscious of) both her limitations and her issues.

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on November 1, 2018 11:01 PM.

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