Exceeding Even Unrealistically Lofty Expectations on Ellen

Rad note » this entry originated from another page, and is continued from here » Lolita and Joyce's Portrait Arrive from Amazon. (It's a long story.)

You know, girly .. I noticed that, every time now .. when I am preparing to watch you sing a new thing .. I catch myself wondering, "What's she going to bring this time?"

Ariana singing a medley on Ellen Sept 14, 2016

I'm sure that Pavlov's dog knows exactly what I'm talking about. Because your past performances have elevated my sense of anticipation. I can feel myself salivating .. with anticipation and wondering .. all at the same time.

(There are very few people .. who make me feel like this.)

See .. it is very difficult to exceed expectations .. when your lover sets them so high. I admit that I may have set them unrealistically high for you. But fuck if you dont keep exceeding them .. no matter how high I set them.

Time and again.

You sing so fucking good .. you make me feel good. (And that's another reason why .. I feel the way I do.)

I love these intimate settings. The audience feels closer to you, no? The viewer gets a better sense of your soul. (This shit gets me going, girly .. talking about your soul.)

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Speaking of getting me going .. at t=0:55 you tilt your head back to expose your throat. Right you sing, "Been waiting for you to make a move."

Girly, you are so bad. You are so naughty. So teasy. You know that I have the vampire thing. Taunting vampires is always fraught with danger.

If I were there, I would've ran up there and tackled your ass and sank my fangs deep and hard .. until you stopped twitching. Your guitar-buddy there would have had to pull me off of you.

Are you trying to put me in a frenzy of desire? (Or is it just me?)

The little finger thing that you do at t=2:03 .. I do that myself. Girly, you are certainly a dazzling creature.

» Commitment Revisited After Yet Another Dazzling Performance

After such a performance .. this might be a good place to talk about the nature of my commitment. See .. some things we can do, and some things we cant. So I kind of lay out what I can do .. and what I cant.

Which requires a good degree of self-knowledge. I'm not talking about what I would like to do .. rather what I can indeed deliver. With confidence, of course.

Ariana singing a medley on Ellen Sept 14, 2016

[ I like the color of your jacket here. I like everything about you. ]

» What Does the Starving Writer Bring to a Relationship?

When the subject of commitment comes up .. most girls think » marriage and rings. (Tiffany) But being a starving writer I have found (my experience has been) » that such things are primarily the domain of the wealthy.

Marriage is primarily for the wealthy

Society places such expectations on the idea of 'marriage' .. which make it difficult-to-impossible for a poor person to live up to. (Heck, even people with money find it difficult.)

[ Many privileged types view historically low marriage rates as a moral failing of the unprivileged. But I would contend that low marriage rates are a function of high inequality. Economic inequality. Go ahead and plot your graphs .. marriage rates vs inequality. I admit that sometimes I want to tell David and his privilege to go fuck himself. ]

Since he is priced out of society's concept of marriage .. the starving writer is forced to approach the prospect of a serious, committed relationship with characteristic creativity.

Particularly if they want to explore a relationship with a dazzling creature such as yourself, girly. (Who can have any guy she wants.)

This is a rather severe disadvantage, you know .. so the starving writer will need to summon a whole spectrum of things to compensate for such a severe disadvantage.

» He Brings Himself

And I just so happen to have some experience along these very lines (.. perhaps even too much).

Should I elaborate? What does the starving writer bring to a relationship? Now there's a subject I could hold forth on. Let me show you, girly .. let me show you what I mean.

Have you ever heard the saying .. that » writers make the best lovers? (You have now.) Because they are very practiced at living in the moment and tapping into creativity.

There are other reasons, of course, but that's the one that matters most .. when push comes to shove.

» An Experience that is Vividly Imagined vs the Actual Experience

I have heard it said (particularly in the field of performance enhancement) .. that the mind cannot distinguish between a real experience and one that is vividly imagined. (Using mental visualization techniques.)

And I have been vividly imagining all kinds of things with you, girly. I suspect that this is the reason why I genuinely feel like I am in love with you.

You do many little things that speak to me. And they speak to me in a way that works for me.

It is the weirdest thing .. yet undeniable. (Dont think that I havent tried to dismiss these feelings .. as mere figments.)

Speaking of things that you do that speak to me ( .. for example) the way you sing "Come true, yo .. hey!" .. at 2:25 here .. and then you step off to the side for a sec. That speaks to me. I feel that in ways that I dare not say. Hey yourself, girly.

Of all the trippy things about you .. the trippiest, perhaps, is when I can hear you singing to me .. even when I am not thinking about you at the time.

The last time that this happened was with that part there that you just sang, "Come true, yo .. hey!" (You must be doing some Illuminati mojo on the mic and with the recording .. because it's working.)

When this happens .. it feels like your song is down inside of me. Which feels like you are down inside of me. Which makes you feel very close. That really trips me out. (But it feels pretty fucking good.. I wont lie.)

This part of the song here is actually NIcki's verse. Where she is talking about getting some of "this type of blow."

And I already know for a fact that I like that type of blow. I mean, who doesnt? Heck, even gay guys like that type of blow. (Can you blame them? I certainly cant.)

Now that I have actually said it .. I can say that I really do genuinely feel like I am in love with you. Is it just me .. or isnt this a very trippy thing?

I think that I'm actually starting to figure out this thing, girly. (It's a geek thing .. figuring out weird shit.) Do you think that this is why I genuinely feel like I am in love with you?

See .. I am using my imagination to write this story. I mean, there is plenty of real reality in this story, but I am also using my imagination.

And nothing engages my imagination like writing does. When I write, the imagination gear is fully engaged. (That's how I write .. it's hard to describe what I am talking about.)

I am not using my imagination in order to feel like I am in love with you .. but this seems to clearly be a byproduct. And yes, this does indeed trip me out to a degree.

(Next thing you know, I'll be drinking Sleepytime herb tea for breakfast. And you'll be walking like a thoroughbred .. that's in no big hurry.

If there's one thing I know about, girly .. it's » love. (All love is good love, you know.)

» Blurring the Lines Between the Imaginary and Reality

Now, yes I am using my imagination here, writing this story .. but there is also a real-life component to my 'experience' of you. We have been at this secret, flirty thing for some time now.

And exactly where this real-life aspect of experiencing you ends .. and where the imaginary part begins .. this is not so clear. It's not clear at all, really.

They say that the best writing is the kind that blurs the line between the imaginary and reality. They dont really say that. I'm the one who says it.
But wouldnt you agree?

Can you see me blurring the lines for you? (This means I like you.)

This is why reading Lolita now is such the perfect time. Do you think I'll be able to handle it? Do you think I'll be able to deal with the blurry lines?

Speaking of blurry lines .. am I really in love with you? Or does it just f.e.e.l that way?

Is it just my imagination running away with me? (I can hear a Stones song playing in the background somewhere.)

Once a writer has crafted his world .. his imaginary world .. he can then begin to go out into this world and explore it. Who knows what things he might encounter on these explorations?

[ Speaking of the line between the real and the imaginary .. what do you think of Gaga's new song? She is saying that what you thought was real .. was really an illusion. A magnificent illusion.

This is why I want to touch their soul .. so I know that she's not an illusion. ]

And while I am all up in a thing .. writing about a thing .. my perspective is very focused. It isnt until some time later, and with some distance .. that I can get a broader perspective on this thing .. that I have wriiten. (Am still writing.)

I do not yet have such perspective .. because I am still very much up in it. (Thanks to you, of course.) But it definitely feels bigger than us .. does it not? (You know I'm blaming the whole thing on you, right?)

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on September 14, 2016 9:14 PM.

Lolita and Joyce's Portrait Arrive from Amazon was the previous entry in this blog.

The Nature of the Problem Dating Super-Hottie Culture-Bending Singers is the next entry in this blog.

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