Flirting with Danger - Addendum to the Addendum Part One

[ Rad note » this page is a continuation from here » Flirting with Danger - Addendum Part Four. ]

» Post-Addendum Addendum

June 19, 2016 » I know better than to check your twitter or your instagram .. but I did catch your interview in Japan. (YouTube has figured out that I like you.)

I heard a voice saying, "Dude, this girl is obviously all-in. I dont know why you keep underestimating her."

Have I been underestimating you? (It hardly seems possible.) Am I going to have to up my game yet again?

(I got your pajamas right here, girly .. your writing pajamas .. right next to my own honest body of work.)

That is the sparkliest choker I have ever seen. It was kinda hypnotizing me .. the black outfit and that amazingly sparkly choker.

I like that choker. My new favorite.

I would chew that thing right off your neck .. and spit the diamonds onto the floor. (Right onto the pillows.)

Then I would let your know exactly how I felt about beautiful, sexy, dangerous, powerful, influential, Illuminati Ninja Princesses who wrap sparkly things around their throats.

And I'm sure that this would take some time. (Why hurry?)

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••• today's entry continues here below •••

» Building (Creating) Our Own Trusting Worm-hole Umbilical

It kinda feels like we are building an umbilical of sorts .. between us. A piece here .. a piece there. Here a piece, there a piece .. to build a trusting worm-hole umbilical of quantum entanglement.

I like you, girly .. probably more than I should. But, fuck .. you just make me feel so good. (Look, I am rhyming here .. without even trying. You do poetic things to me.)

I am not going to say that I love you, Ariana .. but fuck if dont feel that way.

Ten pages, plus five addendum pages .. that's 15 pages. (And that's not even counting The Surrender Girl .. which is totally your fault.)

What a spring this was. I broke all my rules for you. (Well .. not all of them. There are still a few I havent broken. But spring is not over yet.)

» The Summer of Love

The summer cometh tomorrow (June 20) with a full moon .. just for us.

I noticed that this article calls it a "once or twice in a lifetime event." [ About twice a century. ] I dont doubt that one bit .. not after what I've seen this spring.

The Post says that the last time this happened was in 1967 .. the "summer of love." (They gotta be shittin' me.) This rare astronomical alignment wont occur again until 2062.

I went back and combed thru the first three or four pages and the writing is actually pretty clean. Minor things here and there.

I need to get into a whole, different mind set in order to do that. More critical. An asshole of sorts (.. I'm sure that Mary Karr knows what I'm talking about).

I'm not sure if the latter pages are as clean. After a while, the writer learns what he wants to say (.. and what he doesnt want to say).

That makes for cleaner writing. The cleaner the writing .. the less the editing.

The girl who you remind me of .. she always encouraged me to go easy on the editing. (I still have not heard back from her, by the way.)

» The More Difficult the Thing...

Now .. if anybody knows what it is like to do hard things .. to do difficult things .. to do the impossible, time after time, and make it look easy .. that would be you. (Sure, there are others.)

So, I want you to help me do a little writing. (This must mean that I really trust you.)

I want you to complete the next sentence » The more difficult the thing .. the more ________ .

What word or phrase or description would someone like yourself put there? How would an Illuminati Ninja Princess complete that sentence?

I'm not complaining, mind you .. but this stuff is not easy .. certainly not as easy as I make it look.

» Dropping Down Another Notch

I can feel the _______ slip down another notch. That is very trippy. (I was going to put the word intimacy there .. but there is a better word. I just dont yet know what that word is.)

The term notch used here, suggests a quantum-level thing. Because non-quantum things reflects a continuous, smooth, unbroken progression.

Because it was a surprisingly deep drop .. considering that I was already feeling rather 'deep' with you.

I am feeling way-abstract things here .. so grain of salt. Suffice to say that I definitely feel like I am in a place that I did not know it was possible to be.

People need time and trust .. in order to go to these places. I just dont see any other way.

Very trippy shit we are doing here, girly. (If we get in trouble, I'm blaming the whole thing on you. But getting in trouble together .. only makes you tighter.)

I was in a horrible writing funk earlier today. I have learned that it is not good to complain because your way (to the Promise Land) is difficult ..

.. but I couldnt help myself from thinking, "I'm not even done with this 15-page ass-kicker .. and you already have more on the way?"

[ The way to the Promise Land *is* difficult .. make no mistake about it, my friend .. more difficult than I could have ever imagined. Much more. I would put it right up there close to the impossible. Very close. Take a look for yourself and you'll see what I mean. You are challenged every step of the way. Much easier to just retreat to the comfort of your Comfort Zone. So much easier .. at least, that's the way it appears.

Back in my most righteous entry (2012), I wrote that I prayed something like, "I might crash-n-burn, but I wont pussy-out." Today, I would revise that statement to reflect that » you will definitely .. crash-n-burn. You will definitely get you ass kicked. Many times. I can see that now. But you get up and you dust yourself off and you lick your wounds and you go on .. and now you have learned something valuable. The scars become stories .. eventually. Or you can just pussy-out. James says that we all stumble in many things. So I probably shouldnt feel too bad. You know James. ]

Today is Sunday the 19th .. the last day of spring. Summer arrives tomorrow.

So, in the back of my head, I am wondering .. am I done with this girl tomorrow?

And then the severe writing anxiety-misery thing arrives .. so I was very confused. ( "What is this about? I am barely finished here. No rest for the weary?" )

And it is again about/for you. ( Voice » "Dude, why are you so surprised?" )

And I am thinking .. if this girl is the thing that I need in order to be okay (as an artist, as a writer, a you-write-or-die writer) .. I have no idea what a world like that would look like.

There is a part of me that definitely thinks this gives you a lot of control over me.

A part of me is clearly uncomfortable with the idea .. but another part finds it .. well, it finds it erotic. (That must be the kinky part of me.)

Voice » "Dude, how do you get yourself into these things?"

Lolita Cover with Lips | Vladimir Nabokov 1955I have not yet read Lolita.

But my understanding is that the older gentleman in that story had it bad for the girl.

For the much younger girl.

Real bad.

Is that your understanding, too?

For some strange reason .. writing this here-and-now, I feel better already.

If I were to try to characterize the writing .. from the nature of the writer's-angst ..

.. then I would say that this writing here is very difficult to do.

It's certainly not as l.o.n.g as the one that came on March 19th .. but it was even more ________ (not sure of the word that goes there).

To a degree .. the nature of the angst speaks to how much the thing WANTS to be written. This is my impression here, and this is very abstract, so grain of salt .. because I am feeling things that are hard to be put into words.

But, you feel me when I say that this thing here, this writing here, wanted to be written even more (badly) than everything else that came before.

(Which, of course, I couldnt write without first writing all the other .. so, is this the capstone to this thing?)

Some of these things I write because I feel they may speak to you. (If no one else.)

These types of things make you want to write them very badly [ they make you want to write them right now, no waiting ] .. and they make you feel very good to write them.

It's a little trippy, because, if I didnt see that Japan interview, then I wouldnt have been able to write this here-and-now today. (I'm not really sure how I know that, but I do.)

But I am throttling my exposure to you (.. no twitter, no instagram, no more new songs) .. because you are having such an effect on me.

[ I do however, like to check out some of these reaction videos .. because they crack me up. Some of them are talented at what they do. ]

I mean, I havent listened to any of your other songs. (Apologies .. I will later, I'm sure.) Because the ones I've heard already are More Than Enough.

[ The easy Caribbean groove you did with Nicki .. I know that I definitely like that, too. I like everything about you, girly.

That's one of the ways that you know when you are crazy-in-love .. when you can see nothing wrong about your lover.

Their flaws only make them all the more lovable. (Because they make them unique.) ]

Yet, things still manage to get thru.

» Not a Chance, Girly

I saw YouTube trying to serve me on multiple occasions a link to some video you had made, which was titled something like » Bedtime with Ariana .. where you have some friends over, and where you looking particularly tasty.

And I said out loud to you, as I was looking at the link to this YouTube video, "Not a chance, girly .. not a chance. Dont even think about it."

I did not click on the link. I see how you are, girly. I see how you Illuminati Ninja Princesses work. I see your tricks. I'm a quick-study, you know.

Because, once I go there .. then the imagination kicks in.

Oh, there it is again. It's titled » What bedtime looks like in Hollywood! I'm not even going to link to it. It looks like it's from your Snapchat. (Another thing I never check.)

I've been to bed many times in Hollywood .. mere walking distance from the famous sign .. and I always liked it.

» Retro-Perspective from the Last Full Day of Spring

Speaking of things that get thru and the writing angst of March 19th .. I remember when it all began. It was not far into your SNL video.

When I saw all the stars line up and I paused the playback. And I stared off somewhere far and said aloud, "You gotta be shittin' me."

Because I was so not ready for that. (I can only imagine the look on my face.)

And I could feel it .. the energy .. the coal .. the inspiration .. the drive.

And there was no telling where this thing would go. I mean, I knew some of the towns that we would be passing thru .. on the locomotive.

But even then I could see that this thing was heading to places I had never before been to.

So, now I can look back on that moment .. with some reflection and perspective.

How 'bout you, girly?

I could never have imagined this .. not in a million years.

Tonight is the last night of spring. Tomorrow we sleep in summer splendor.

<end post-addendum addendum june 19 japan interview>

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on June 19, 2016 6:19 AM.

Flirting with Danger - Addendum Part Four was the previous entry in this blog.

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