The Darkness Didnt Get It - Page Two

This page continues from » The Darkness Didnt Get It - Page One (19 June 2021).

It is a sad, depressing topic to address. Time and again scripture talks about evil forces who deceive the unwitting, who also deceive themselves.

It says a lot of things that would make me very uncomfortable if I were them. And I told them as much.

Scripture says, you know, that God sends a powerful delusion on those who reject the truth.

They repeatedly dismissed my concerns, so I feel as though I genuinely tried to help. I feel like I tried to warn them about perils spelled out so plainly in the scriptures for those on that path.

You know what they say about leading a horse to water.

Note that this section has been lifted out and transferred to its own page » How Can QAnon Still be Such a Powerful Delusion? (19 Aug 2021)

» Why Do Some People Seem to Despise My Values and Hate My Very Presence?

Did I feel hated there? I could easily share with you all the reasons why I did indeed. But I will simply say that "Yes, I did. I felt hated. I mean, how could I not?" And for no good reason, too.

I was reading this thing the other day about how Jesus' friends initially received him with open arms .. but it wasnt long until they wanted to throw his ass out in the worst way.

I would be lyin' if I said that I couldnt relate.

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I mean, I am a nice guy. People like me. I have savvy social skills. I can get along with most anybody.

But I do not have much tolerance for insanity. For the insanity of others. I topped off on my own insanity.

I do not mind very much if another people wants do go insane .. if they want to entertain all manner of crazy ideas, and crazy thoughts, and crazy shit. No.

I only have a problem when they try to get me to accept their crazy shit. (Ask me how I know.)

I would say things like, "Uh, you know that I am heavily medicated, right? With several different medications for both anxiety and depression. And that I am currently under the care of multiple Mental Health professionals .. who have diagnosed me with numerous psychological conditions that they have categorized as 'major. I told you that before, right? I would love to chat more, but my therapist says it's not a good idea for me to talk about Hillary drinking baby's blood. He says that I already more than enough stuff to be concerned about. So I'm just going to go lie down right now. I am feeling a little lightheaded."

So unpleasant were many of these chance encounters at Q-Anon Central that I switched my whole schedule so that I woke and rose when she was preparing for bed. And I went to bed when she woke .. or thereabouts.

I know it sounds like I was going to extreme lengths to avoid interactions that might make me uncomfortable (or worse) .. but I was already struggling with "major" mental health issues of my own.

So my tolerance for critical complaints and for hostile threats were not very high, I will admit, despite a well-medicated interpersonal interface.

I remember when the writer-in-me said, "Dude, you must admit .. this would make for a great narrative. 'Let me tell you about the time I got evicted during the height of a deadly global pandemic .. while I was paying rent'."

Graph of new Covid cases in the US (7-day moving ave) charted from the beginning of the pandemic

How many people do you know who would fall into this category? Not many, I would imagine.

This is why I could hear a voice back there saying, "Oh, please evict me. Do what you have both threatened to do and what you have told me (in writing, no less, multiple times) that you have already done."

I knew that it wasnt really happening, so I wasnt stressed about it. Though I admit that I was surprised at the degree of residual anger and hostility that was obviouly pent up for some time.

Sometimes, if you arent feeling these things yourself, these things that others might be feeling, then it can be hard to imagine their mindset.

Many times I would tell my therapist about the things that I was experiencing .. and I would ask him (during one of our hour-long sessions every other week) .. I would ask him, "What do you think of that?"

Sometimes he would act like he found it hard to believe that the things I was telling him were true. This is where I handed to him my phone and showed him the text messages and I said, "Read them for yourself, Elliott."

He was reading for some time, let me tell you. The angry hostile threats .. promising to do you harm.

I do not read stuff like that. I do not accept such things. It is easy for me to reject such things. For a number of reasons.

But mainly because the source of this anger and hostile threats of harm .. does not know what they are talking about.

Plus, I have at least two, and probably three others who can verify that what I say is true and what they claim as being true is really just a bunch horseshit.

Though still, I felt disappointed that I did anything to make somebody so angry at me. So mad at me .. so willing to deliver such hostile threats of harm .. at great length and with regular frequency.

There are obviously things that I dont understand. From the way that some folks respond to me, I can see that there is obviously shit that I just don't get.

There was a time when I embraced the mindset associated with tit-for-tat .. but that was back in third grade. At some point you need to move on from tit-for-tat. No?

It just strikes me as so unbearably childish .. that I naturally gravitate away from such things. From such energy. From such hostility. From such threats. From such hate. From such resentment.

From people who seem to despise your very presence. Who seem to resent your using their water (because they tell you so and because they leave for you these angrty, nasty notes right at your door telling you so) .. if not for breathing their air.

So great was the external air of hostile resentment that surrounded me.

You'll see what I mean .. the next time you get kicked out of your earthly dwelling place during the height of a deadly global pandemic (i.e. world plague) before you are able to secure an appointment for a vaccine (.. because that would 'take too long') .. then you'll be able to understand what I am talking about.

If you are not able to understand what I am talking about right now, then this would not surprise me in the least. This would be totally understandable.

I would not expect most folks, most Americans, to understand what I am talking about here .. when I talk about the feeling of resentment and hostility and anger and such seemingly insane rhetoric.

From a spiritual perspective, scripture talks abouts the believer looking at themselves more critically than they look at others.

Jesus talks about people who like to criticize the spec of sawdust in their brother's eye, yet refuse the acknowledge the presence of the log in their own eye.

Everybody is aware of this passage because everybody knows people like this. (Wendy Williams is the first person that comes to mind. She actually makes a living out of her ability to run down others.)

» You Could Never Make Up Something Like This, Folks .. So Why Even Try?

I was paying rent $500 a month for a room in a very nice house. I wasnt being threatened with eviction and told the sheriff had already been called and was on his way over to get me right now .. because I wasnt paying rent.

No. Just in case you were wondering. This wasnt the issue at play.

"What was the issue at play?" you ask?

Not so fast. I am not that easy. At least, not for something like this.

» Gateway to Boner-City in the Existential Narrative of Life

For the writer-in-me, the possibility of such existential realities appear before me like the gateway to Boner City, USA.

Because such things provide the writer with access and avenues into areas that a human being simply is not likely to encounter .. and certainly not very often.

Foxes have holes. The birds have their nests. But the son of man has no place to lay his head. At least, not during this deadly global pandemic.

Besides, you could never make up shit like this, folks. So why even try?

The part of me that tends to see things, to see things in life, more nakedly and more plainly .. and the storyteller in me, they combine forces to react with the initial stages of glee ..

.. when I encounter situations and circumstances that most folks would consider unfortunate, or as being mistreated.

Because some of these things suck very badly. Nietzsche said that it's not the good or the bad aspects of life that matter, but rather it's the living of it that counts.

My point here, I suppose, is to say that experiencing experiences that many would characterize as being 'shitty' .. this allows me, the writer in me, to speak to these things .. in a firsthand, I-was-there, sort of way.

Some people like to talk about things for which they have no firsthand knowledge. No firsthand experience. Yet they talk like they know what they are talking about.

Here is where you could politely say, "You clearly have no idea of what you are talking about. Which is understandable. Because you are never there." But why waste your breath?

There are some places in life, you know, that you take yourself to. You yourself make it happen because you have what it takes to get you there.

But there are other places in life that life takes you to. You suddenly find yourself in a very different place.

Now this place may be very nice. A sweet deal. Or not. It might suck very badly. Nietzsche would say it doesnt really matter.

» I Get Why They Don't Get Me

I am sharing this aspect of my perspective as a way to try to convey why I can certainly understand how folks might not get me.

I get why they might not get me. I get it. My very presence clearly made them uncomfortable.

When Jesus described his generation, he summed up those alive at the time by saying that they were like children (really adults being childish) ..

.. who complained and criticized him for not responding in the way that they had expected he would or should .. when they tried to provoke such a response in him.

He is basically saying, "This whole generation doesnt get me. They don't get what I am all about. I am not into their childish things, so they cannot even begin to understand me. I get why they don't get me. Our values, and the things that are important to us, are very different."

I resonate with the feeling behind the statement here.

There are many such statements that I resonate with .. such as this one, which basically says » "Your ideas are full of shit because you don't know what the scriptures actually say or teach." 

I would be lying if I said that I didnt feel rejected and despised. But let's return to my penthouse suite. (Because that's where I am right now.)

After running my fingers along the walls, I tossed my well-battered black leather USC attaché onto the bed, and I let the deep sense of satisfaction and completion and deliverance soak into me.

Deliverance is usually a muscular thing. Deliverance is a key part of salvation. Deliverance is when a stronger entity or force comes to your rescue your sorry ass out of a bad place.

Out of a tight spot, you might say. With the sound of trumpets rapidly approaching.

Probably because you did something stupid (again) and now your sorry ass is out of answers and needs rescuing. Where does a person go when they come to the end of themselves?

Here is where you learn that the cavalry isnt coming. You're on your own, dawg. Might as well get busy. There is so much cool stuff that you are going to learn.

After I tossed the battered black leather attaché onto the bed, I said, "Might not be much, but I manifested this. Getting your ass kicked is how you grow and learn your lessons, kids. This space is mine. Here I answer to no one."

» The Thing a Writer Really Craves Down Deep at his Truest Core-Self

This might be a good place to mention, dear reader, how I feel that one of the deepest desires for the writer ..

.. is simply the ability to write whatever he needs to write.

I know it doesnt sound like very much to ask for .. but in real-life, 'tis a surprisingly illusive thing.

You can feel it working there in the distant background .. always guiding you toward the place, and toward the circumstances, to where you can just be yourself.

I wouldnt go so far as to say that it represents the writer's holy grail .. but it is definitely Boner City.

In a sense this is freedom that you are seeking. Freedom is an interesting word. Particularly when we are talking about freedom as something human beings desire to possess.

This subject, regarding the idea of freedom, and of the experience of freedom, and what true freedom would look like .. compared to the notion of a mindless, pre-programmed automaton ..

.. this is too big of a topic to address here. But one worth having. One worth exploring in the future.

Did I feel at liberty to write whatever I felt like writing there at my last address?


I mean, that didnt stop me. But obviously other dynamics were at play. Things you might call hindrances.

"Hindrances to what?" you ask? That's a good question. But I'm not telling you.

This is the end of this page. ■

This entry continues with a different theme here » Now I'm Warmed Up (4 July  2021).

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This page contains a single entry by Rad published on June 19, 2021 6:19 AM.

The Darkness Didnt Get It - Page One was the previous entry in this blog.

How Can this Impossible Thing Feel Like the Thing I've been Looking for My Whole Life? Page One is the next entry in this blog.

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