Trick-Fucked on the Outskirts of Trigger-City

This page continues from an entry titled » Remembering the Day I was Delivered from the Authority of Darkness (19 March 2022).

» Perfect Timing

You know, as fate would have it .. I received that big $1,400 stimulus check the very first week I arrived here. The timing could not have been better.

The child support people took my other check. They took it and they didn't even tell me. I figured they took it, but cousin Patti put her foot down.

She said, "No. You cannot just have money out there that the Stimulus people said they deposited into your account .. but you don't know where it is."

I said, "Okay, I'll call 'em Monday morning .. but I know they took it. They are always taking my money. Many times they have drained my entire account of even the last penny. I may have to medicate before I call, but I will call."

She said, "If they took it, then you will know what happened to your twelve-hundred dollar stimulus. But you cannot not know."

If I had the money, I would gladly pay twelve hundred bucks to not have to talk to them. About anything. Ever.

••• today's entry continues here •••

» Trigger City

I hate to even think about the child support people there in Orange county .. because it is Trigger City for me.

They have fucked me over for so long, and on such a regular basis, that I naturally associate the very idea of them with much pain-n-suffering.

Sure enough, they said, "Yeah, we took it. Here it is right here. We took it on such-n-such a date."

I was like, "Were you ever going to tell me that you took it? It's been over a month." (Obviously not.)

They said that I owe so much in back child support that I can never pay it off.

They said that they will continue to garnish my meager retirement for hundreds-of-dollars every month 'til the day I die. (And I wouldnt be a bit surprised if it continued for a while afterwards.)

There is a reason why I say that the system is about the money, and not about about the kids. The Family Law system there in Orange cty, anyway.

There is a reason why I say that the system is designed to bleed you dry and to grind your ass into the pavement on a regular basis .. 'til the day you die.

The punitive back-interest that they charge me is so much that even after paying them hundreds every month, I still owe them even more the next month.

And I don't even know if my son is alive. It has been many years since I heard anything from them. Oh, where have you been my blue-eyed son?

» The Financial Bleeding-You-Dry Will Continue 'til the Day You Die

I remember hearing stories from the drivers who drove transportation for me back in Fallbrook.

I remember them saying things like, "My friend's daughter is 28 and he is still paying child support. They deduct it from his retirement."

I would wonder how such a thing could be possible. But now I know. I can see things now that I couldnt see before.

He is not really paying child support, per se. Rather he is paying the interest-upon-interest of back child support from the days whe he was unable to pay.

Maybe he had cancer or something. You never really know why he couldnt pay the child support that the court ordered him to pay. Things can quickly pile up to levels that become unmanageable.

One time I was sitting in court. I was sitting is the special money court where you wait your turn to take it up the ass. There were many other dads there with me, as usual.

And there was this little, scrawny, quiet Mexican dude .. who the judge said owed $175,000 in back child support. Holy smokes. That was the record. That was most I ever heard of somebody oweing in back child support.

I owed $16K in back support when they sent me to jail the first time. I remember, because a lot of the guards asked me how much I owed. (And why I was there, if they didnt know.)

The moms don't need to go to these money-court proceedings. No, sir. Here is where the dept of Child Support servces gives it to you up the ass on behalf of the mom.

Why bother the mom with these trivial financial matters when the county can fuck you so much better by themselves?

They can raid your bank account and take away your driver's license and even send you to jail .. to debtor's prison, so to speak.

They can make your life a miserable, living hell. And they are very good at it.

One of the problems that I see in there system .. is that the county Child Support people do not have access to all the information. They claim to operate as an independent arbiter, but this was not my experience at all. Not even close.

And I sat in court enough times to see how things work. (Not good. Very dysfunctional. Only the money is what is really important.)

And I would say to them, "What about this? And what about that? Do not these things factor into your decisions?"

And they would say, "Well, we don't know about that. We do not have access to all the information, particularly where a minor-child is involved."

And I would say, "Then why are you making decisions about me and my life like you know what the fuck you are talking about? Because you obviously dont." (Because they only know about the money.)

Kafka's got nothing on me. How deep into the legal sausage grinder do you want to go?

As long as I continue to take it up the ass here, from this unjust system, then this gives me the moral responsibility to continue to speak out.

It becomes my duty for those who come after me. It is the least I can do .. to speak my truth publicly. Any sentient soul would do the same.

This is sort of why I say that the system is really about the money, and not about the kids. I am talking about the Family Law system there in Orange county ..

.. where they order you to pay more than you can afford, and then when you can't pay, they toss your ass into debtor's prison. I know it sounds hard to believe, but this has most certainly been my experience.

I would not be surprised to learn that they were all similar in their roles as little more than a glorified collection agency.

Nevertheless, this is most financially secure I have been in a long time.

» The Only Time I Ever Requested an Extra Session with My Therapist

I had a thing last father's day .. which is always trigger city for me. I am pretty good by now at dealing with it, but I got trick-fucked this one.

That was back around the time you released the live Vevo pov.

Ooh, I just went back to that page to grab the link and already I am feeling some kind of way.

Wow, you really do make me feel the coolest things. What do you reckon this might mean?

» A Doorway and a Launch Pad to Some Places I Visited in Trigger-City

But my point here is that I was rocked for a week or so after father's day. A weird thing.

It was actually the day after Father's day. The Monday after.

You can jog my memory by saying in a quiet, hushed tome, 'Hey, this is so-n-so from the front desk. We just a letter from Orange cty child support. They want to know if you live here. What should I tell them?'

You're supposed to tell them when you move. But I was busy with other shit.

Letters from the child support people are triggers for me. (Know thyself.)

Please don't let the child support people send me another nasty letter .. where they tell me how they can take whatever they like from me .. whenever they might happen to feel like it.

And then they go on to tell you exactly all the accounts and whatnot that they can raid .. whenever the fancy strikes them.

You think I am exaggerating, but I can assure you that I am not. Letters from Trigger City, which is the last place your ass would ever want to be.

If you cannot find your way out of Trigger City by sundown .. then, .. well, I am not even going to finish this sentence. Let's not go there.

The gist was that I got hit right after I had let down my guard. The timing of the thing was freaky. Seemed coincidental to me, yet eerily effective.

Basically I am on guard during these times .. during these times that are fraught with triggers. I close the blinds. I keep things quiet. I make no major decisions .. until the hazardous trigger-event passes.

I have done this many times now. I know what I am doing. I have a handle on these trigger-rich situations.

I might put in some soft earplugs. There will definitely be lots of lying down and resting and relaxing .. until the potential storm passes.

This father's day was the only time I had ever called my therapist for an extra session that wasnt scheduled.

It is now nine months later and I am just getting around to mentioning it.

I mention this here because there are a number of wow-like things that came out of that. And this will give me a doorway, a launch-point to take me there .. if I ever want to wander down that path.

I told him things I never told anyone. I told him these things because they had come up.

One of these stories I would call » The Transfer of Poison Begins at Two Bunch Palms.

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