Remembering the Day I was Delivered from the Authority of Darkness

••• today's entry continues here •••

Patti just got done moving herself .. from a big-ass house, with 13 rooms and a cool spiral staircase there when you first walk in .. into a much smaller place.

She had been living in the town right next to where Nana lives.

She had been working on selling the house and going through all her accumulated stuff and moving for months.

She said that I was an inspiration to her during her move. She was impressed with the way I approached and tackled and handled my move.

My move seemed to happen on it own .. the way so many things played out and unfolded for me.

Many things lined up in surprising ways for me .. in order for me to be able to escape from Alcatraz so cleanly and so sweetly.

(Especially since I did not want to have to move in with another cranky old miserable woman, who seems to want nothing more, sometimes, than to make everyone else around them just as miserable as they are. I am talking about people who cannot seem to feel good about themselves .. without first making somebody else feel bad. They have one foot in the grave and they are desperately trying to convince everybody around them that they are not as crazy as they seem. What can you say to this? It is not enough, you know, that they go crazy by themselves, no. Rather they need you to go with them. They need you to accompany them on their journeys to Crazytown. How can you respond to this? It's such a sad thing. You cannot respond to them the same way that you would respond to an adult, no. They force you to approach them like you would deal with a child. So childishly do they act that it often seems like they stopped growing emotionally in the third grade. And like they are stuck forever there in that mindset .. in this third grade mindset. In this childish third-grade mindset. I am so glad to be out of thee. It is a good thing that we remember our deliverance from the house of oppression.)

When cousin Patti was finally finished at the end of February, she was beyond exhausted for days. I told her about the French proverb that says, "A man can go a long ways after he is tired."

She asked me to repeat it and said, "Ooh, I like that. I never heard that before."

Cousin Patti and the Dog and my therapist are my three most valued and most trusted confidants and advisors. And they will always have a similar take on my various predicaments.

When they all heard that I was on my way out of that nightmare, they were all so happy for me. I even thought that they seemed happier than me .. which did not seem possible.

It feels good when people you trust and care about are happy for your successes, no?

It is a cool, relevatory type of feeling when we can look back on our lives and see how things actually turned out for us .. individually, and we can see things with such depth-n-clarity .. because we have actually lived through it.

And somehow we are still alive. It seems like a miracle, but it actually took many miracles to keep us alive this long ..

.. especially after all those toothy alligators were chomping on our asses there for what felt like a very long time.

Any time a hungry alligator happens to be chomping on your ass in a big way .. this is always going to seem like it is taking forever for your deliverance to arrive, no? Or at least a long-ass time.

Who does not know exactly what I am talking about? It comes with being human.

These are places where we can look back and sometimes see how "That was a bad idea."

» A Sudden, Powerful, Freak Storm was Trying Hard to Keep Me from Escaping

My therapist, Elliott, he literally launched forward to the edge of his chair and he briskly rubbed his hands together between his knees .. because he was happy for me. He was excited for me.

This was when I told him, "Soon as I leave your office, I am walking down to the bank where I'm going to get a cashier''s check. Then I'm going to walk next door to Mailboxes Plus and send that sucker certified. Come the end of this month, homie's up out this bitch in a big way."

He said, "That's one of my favorite places. I love it down there. We usually get a room and spend the whole weekend, cutting loose. Maybe catch a game or a show."

It wasnt raining when I arrived at his office. But when came out afterwards, it was raining hard. And the wind was blowing hard.

The wind was trying to keep me from getting to the bank. I shit you not. This freak storm was blowing in the exact opposite direction that I had to go.

I got soaked from the legs down, because the wind was blowing so hard up Mission. Elliott let me use his umbrella, but that only covers so much of you.

I may have gotten soaked, but you can bet your ass that I got that check in the mail. I called them right afterwards and said, "Check's in the mail, dog. They said it will go out today."

They said, "Okay, we'll call you when we get it to confirm."

I remember my therapist saying, "Okay, now .. are you going to have some challenges and some problems to deal with at the new place? Absolutely. But ..."

That's when I thought, "Come on, Elliott. Fuck, I am not even out-of-here yet, and I still have lots of physically-taxing work to do .. in addition to fending off the crazies there at QAnon Central .. and already you are giving me headaches and problems to deal with before I even get there."

Of course, he was absolutely correct. They are trying to warn you, you know. They are trying to prepare you, to set your expectations to a realistic level. I can see this now.

Every new environment has it's own, unique set of challenges and circumstances to deal with. After moving some 30-something times, I know the deal.

I have skills out the ass in this area. I am the king of moving, and not because I wanted to be, either.

» The Valuable, Instructive Things Learned from Time Spent as a Captive at QAnon Central

Once I got here, I did not give a shit what kind of problems I had to deal with. They would be cake compared to the insanity I had to deal with living there at QAnon Central in Crazytown, USA ..

.. where the inmates were running the asylum. Where the inmates were in full control of the asylum, and where they made damn sure that you knew it.

Your ass will be reminded on a regular basis just who is in charge here, and what that means to you.

You would not believe the crazy stories I could tell. Much of it is instructive. It is clearly a warning for what not to do .. if you don't want to have your soul devoured by bizarre ideas.

Many of the instructive lessons that I learned as a captive at QAnon Central .. could be included under the heading » How to Lose Your Soul .. a little more every week.

» I Wasn't Going to Let that Stop Me

And Covid was a big thing back then. Life had slowed waaay the fuck down. It became difficult to get much of anything done.

But I wasnt going to let that stop me. I have skills, you know. I have experience. I have help. I have a lot of things that folks don't know about. And I like that they don't know.

I want them to underestimate me .. because this makes it easier for me. (I have stories.)

» Looking Back in Gratitude to My Deliverance from Living Under the Authority of Darkness from the Perspective of a Year Out

The end of this month, you know I am coming up on the one-year anniversary of my move here.

The move that delivered me, that rescued me, from the ugliness of living under the authority of darkness. I was there so long that sometimes it felt like I might never escape from my predicament.

My most dire predicament. My living nightmare where I felt rejected and despised.

After things are a certain way for a long time, then it can be difficult to imagine them being any other way.

I am feeling good about a number of things. Feeling thankful, feeling grateful .. for a number of reasons.

There are certainly plenty of reasons right now to feel sad. But there are also reasons to feel happy. And these are the things that I want to focus on here. (Sweet respite.)

» I Woke in a Panic

It was the second or third day when I first arrived here last year .. when I woke in something of a panic, thinking that I was still back at the old place in Fallbrook ..

.. where I was despised and rejected and made to feel profoundly unwanted. But then I woke, and looked around and saw that I was already here and not there.

And I breathed a big sigh of relief and I thought 'Thank God' and I fell back asleep to some of the sweetest zzz's ever. (Because I was well beyond the point of exhaustion for the last week or so.)

Things have only continued to improve for me since then .. since waking from a nightmare and learning that I was really here, and no longer there ..

.. and no longer to be bothered with the insanity that it is living under the authority of darkness. Because it suks very badly.

» My Aching Hands were the Sorest Part

I was beat up pretty good during that move. More than anything else, my hands were sore. My nice hands, you know.

Half of the entire back side of my left was was black-n-blue. I must have whacked it, though I couldnt remeber doing so.

My hands were just aching for a few days after I arrived here. Did I care? No. Not even a little. I was just so fucking happy to be here and not there .. that nothing else seemed to matter.

» Perfect Timing

You know, as fate would have it .. I received that big $1,400 stimulus check the very first week I arrived here. The timing could not have been better.

The child support people took my other check. They took it and they didn't even tell me. I figured they took it, but cousin Patti put her foot down.

She said, "No. You cannot just have money out there that the Stimulus people said they deposited into your account .. but you don't know where it is."

I said, "Okay, I'll call 'em Monday morning .. but I know they took it. They are always taking my money. Many times they have drained my entire account of even the last penny. I may have to medicate before I call, but I will call."

She said, "If they took it, then you will know what happened to your twelve-hundred dollar stimulus. But you cannot not know."

If I had the money, I would gladly pay twelve hundred bucks to not have to talk to them. About anything. Ever.

Note that this section, which deals with the anxiety produced by the Child Support people, who repeatedly take my money and have drained my entire bank account dry of every last penny on numerous occasions, this section has been lifted and moved to its own page.

See here » Trick-Fucked on the Outskirts of Trigger-City (19 March 2022).

» I have Not Needed to Call for Transportation Even Once Since Arriving Here

Back in Fallbrook, I couldnt go anywhere without calling for transportation because I lived way up on top of a big hill.

And I had no car because the child support people in Orange county took away my driver's license way back in 2009 .. for not paying the child support that they said I needed to pay.

» Where All the Lights are Bright

But since moving here a year ago, I have not had to call for transportation .. not even one time. I can walk everywhere that I need to go.

I love it. I love the sense of independence .. especially after being a prisoner for so long at QAnon headquarters, where the inmates were running the asylum .. and where mental health was in short supply.

Sometimes it seems too good to be true .. that I am really here (and not there). But I am definitely getting used to it .. more-n-more all the time.

» Ready Player One Makes Ernest Cline's Visions Legit

There are a number of way to view and to characterize my new environs here .. but I would be lyin' if I said that I wasnt feeling a Ready Player One kind of vibe.

I remember thinking 'That Ernest Cline guy is the real deal. I can see why Spielberg used his visions.'

My existential existence here, from a certain perspective, evokes plenty of images from Ready Player One and even from the Matrix.

There are both positive and negative aspects to such things.

I am going to find a nice image to drop in this section. Because there are cool places I could go from there .. all too easily.

» They are Playing Your Songs in the Street and Loudly at the Laundromat

You know, girly .. when I am down at the laundromat doing laundry, the local radio station that they play on the overhead speakers there .. they are always playing your songs.

It is sometimes a trippy, mind-fuck sort-of-thing for me .. because of the way your songs can evoke other things for me. I can sometimes feel it rocking me.

The way you songs can evoke such different things for me. Such strong things. Things that take me to very different places. You know what I am talking about.

It can be disorienting, for sure .. but in a good sort of way.

Or sometimes I will be walking along one of the avenues .. and I will hear one of your songs coming out into the street from some business or other .. despite the loud traffic.

They play a lot of you and Doja and Dua and the Weeknd and Bruno Mars and a few others. And they always play it nice-n-loud, too.

» Nobody I Know has Moved More Times Since Age 18

We humans need to adapt to our environment .. in order to operate most efficiently. Every environment is different. Some are a little different, while others are very different.

I have had to re-engineer a new system here .. a new flow .. one that works best for me and my needs.

I have moved more times than anybody I know .. since age 18, when I left for the Navy. At one time, I thought the Dog had me beat, but now I think that I have actually passed him.

I have 30-something moves under my belt. Maybe 32 or 33 times. My point here is to say that .. I have much experience moving and reorienting myself and my life to new environs.

I don't know a single person who has more experience at moving and reorienting their lives to a completely new environment than me.

I am sure that such people exist. But I have never met one of them who told me that they have moved more times than me.

» I Learned a Few Tricks Along the Way

For example, one of the first things I did after arriving here was to get myself a box at the local post office.

This way, if I move from here, I dont have to go through the hassle of changing my address again.

I can just leave all my mail going to the PO box. (I learned this trick when I moved to Laguna Beach.)

I have learned many cool tricks over the years.

The starving writer never knows when a super-hottie might happen to read some of his writing and say things like "Ooh, you do write well. Your starving ass is moving in with me next week. So start packing."

This is the end of this page. ■

Previous » this page was lifted from an entry titled » Blowing My Mind on a Regular Basis (22 Feb 2022).

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