Values & Priorities that are Rotting from the Inside Out - Page One

••• today's entry continues here below •••

Scott Blackmun knows what I am talking about.

I want to go over to that page where I write to Ben Sasse and I want to ask Ben what he thinks about these women here .. yet another example of how a young person succeeded despite decades of incompetence and irresponsibility on the part of adults in positions of authority.

I am starting to see a trend .. that I want to ask Ben about.

Rachael was the first one. She started it, and she aint going anywhere until she finishes what she started.

Uh, it says here (Jan 10, 2018) that Maggie Nichols was actually the first to report doctor Larry Nassar to USA Gymnastics for sexual abuse back in 2015. So I think that Rachael was the first to publicly accuse Nassar .. whereas Maggie was known as "Athlete A".

» Kyle on the Edge of a Couch

And at t=2:30 here (Feb 16, 2018) Kyle Stephens tells Larry Nassar himself "You were first arrested on my charges."

Right after she told him "I told counselors your name in hopes that they would report you. I have reported you to child protective services twice. I gave a testament to get your medical license revoked."

She says a number things that spoke to me. I dont want to get into these things right now .. because such a thing could go on for quite a ways.

As a writer, I need to steel myself for some things. I need to be ready.

» Contact with the Effects of this Thing from a Different Angle

In a way, I feel connected to these girls .. because of the Wow girl. I come at this thing from a different angle .. but it is part of the same thing.

In other words, I have had direct contact with the effects of this thing. I was not sure why she was so .. I am not really sure of the word to use here. But you could sense the residual effects of something traumatic in her. 

» She Sometimes Adopted a Defensive Posture

When we were making love, standard missionary position, she would sometimes put both of her hands against my torso, and she would absorb some of the force of my thrusts with her arms.

I never had another lover who did that. Ever.

Such a position is not about the mutual embracing of love-making. I could see what she was doing .. so I paused and took each one of her hands and placed them behind me, and I said, "Come on, Trace."

I didnt not come right out and say, "Don't do me like that." But this is what I meant.

» I Can Be That Person

I wasnt planning to get into it .. but, see, I can be the person who she needs me to be. I can be that person .. and only too easily.

I saw this thing where Trump is talking to Howard Stern about Lindsay Lohan.

He is saying that it is always the very troubled girls who are the best in bed.

I hate to admit it, but I would have to agree with him there. In my experience, this has indeed been the case.

And the thing is that they dont necessarily try to be so good in bed. Rather, there is just something about them. It comes very naturally to them.

I dont really know what it means .. except that this seems to reinforce my theory that .. it is a fine line between genius and insanity. And it is not always clear which side of the line you are standing on.

I probably shouldnt say any more along these lines. But now I can see how much I didnt know at the time.

And it is going to take more than just a repositioning of her hands to make real progress with this girl. Much more. I can see that now.

I can see that the more naturally you resonate with a person (of either sex), the more comfortable you feel with them. You feel like you can simply be yourself with this person .. and they will understand you.

» Super Bright-n-Sparkly to Very Dark Places

More than with any other girl .. life with the Wow girl went from super bright-n-sparkly to very dark places. And if you are familiar with this span, then you know that it is the distance of this span that really fucks you up.

Anyway .. I have been thinking about some of the things that Kyle Stephens said. They are fitting into the puzzle that I had with the Wow girl.

» Seems Very Together

But to my point .. doesnt Kyle seem like she has her shit together? I am talking external, surface presentation here. You know that she does. She seems very together.

She is articulating, with impressive poise, the nastiest shit. That's very difficult to do .. I dont care who you are.

» Her Parents Didnt Believe Her and Called Her a Liar

At t=3:30 she says that her dad committed suicide in 2016. Her parents didnt believe her when she told them. They called her a liar.

I bet that Ellen can relate to this.

As a parent myself .. I am not really able to wrap my head around that .. how you wouldnt believe your own child .. especially about something so serious.

I am trying to get there .. but I can't quite do it. I bet however, that Ellen's mom can get there.

I am so proud of these girls. Think of all the heartache and suffering and trauma and fucked-up lives they will save other little girls from.

Here she is again with a similar thing. It looks to be a different segment of the same interview .. where she is echoing a sentiment similar to what Mattie Larson expressed.

» When the Cavalry Never Comes and You're on Your Own

Speaking to the conscious imaginative act of visiting yourself as a young child .. when you are fully grown and strong and have plenty of life-experience under your belt .. so that you understand what is right and what is wrong ..

.. I could say a few things to this. But I should probably begin at the end and say that .. you eventually learn and discover that people who should be there for you .. who should have your back .. who should want nothing but good things for you .. and who you expect to protect you ..

.. these people so often let you down. And you eventually learn that you really only have yourself .. to take care of you .. at a primal level. These girls know exactly what I am saying here.

And nobody knows this better than Jeni Haynes (26 May 2019).

What a fascinating interview. That is one of the most inspiring stories I have ever heard. And I have heard some inspiring stories.

She is definitely one of the strongest people I have ever heard about. Much respect.

I heard that Maria was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder.

Anyway .. if you happen to have a friend or two who really get you and who are really there for you .. in your darkest hours .. well, you are a rich man, my friend. Or a rich woman. Either way, you are rich.

Because too many children have nobody.

» In a Toxic Place with Only a Difficult Way Out

But you are your own cavalry. If you dont deal with and process the exceedingly toxic effects of this abuse in your life .. then it won't be dealt with.

It will become a festering wound in your psyche that you will spend the rest of your life trying to camouflage and ignore while you continue to deny the existence of something that is obvious to everyone around you. Painfully obvious.

There are many more people who fit the latter category .. because the other way is so difficult. So very difficult.

And now that you are grown, and strong, and know how to kick much ass and get shit done .. at a certain level, you can bring a degree of healing to this thing .. by going back there and putting your arm around the shoulder of your younger self ..

.. and saying, "It's gonna be okay. I got ya. It's gonna suck, but I'll get you through this. Then we will have some real fun. We'll go to Disneyland .. the happiest place on earth. Fuck them. Fuck their values. Fuck their shitty values. And when you get older, we will tell our story. We will go into great detail. As honestly as possible. This will serve as both a testimony to those who come after us, and a warning those who might consider such abusive behavior."

Anyway, I like how the Post breaks up this interview into bite-sized segments (4 mins). You cannot handle very much of that in one sitting.

I dont even think that she is being interviewed. I think that she is simply holding forth .. in front of a camera .. and sharing her story, and her experiences.

» Incredible Courage on Display

Speaking of finding yourself in an unfortunate place with only a difficult way out .. I heard this outstanding characterization by Dan Wetzel of these women who testified.

The host asks Dan about his most visceral moment. To which he responds by saying (at t=4:40).

"The one that really stands out to me was the 15-year old girl the other day who got up to speak. And you think about a high school sophomore. Let's say she has to give a presentation to her history class. She's nervous that morning. She's practicing. It's nerve-wracking. She might not want to do it. This girl, and so many others, walked into a courtroom .. talked about the worst day of her life .. incredibly private information ..  sensitive information .. in front of the child molester, the judge, 150 people in the audience, and a whole bunch of TV cameras. And you watch 'em shake, hear the papers moving .. the tears, and you watch 'em power through this and do it. Incredible courage."

I have never heard it put better.

Even though you are seeing such incredible bravery on display right before your very eyes .. it's still hard to fathom how these women were able to summon such courage.

I am so proud of these women .. they give me hope for the future.

» If You Bring Enough Pressure to Bear, Something is Bound to Give

Anyway .. this is exactly what you need here » girls who are smart, focused and pissed. If you bring enough pressure to bear .. something's bound to give.

You just keep cranking it up .. little by little. They will eventually get the message.

They will think, "Oh, this thing is coming right for me .. I better get the fuck out of here."

And if they dont, then you do what Gretchen did .. you drive the stake right into their heart .. looking them dead in their eye when you do, and say, "I told you that I was coming for you .. didnt I? You can't say that I didnt try to warn your punk ass."

If we have to put up three billboards outside of each of these organizations .. then this is what we will do.

» Out with the Old, Failed Values .. in with the New & Improved Priorities

These organizations that she is talking about failed these girls on such a grand and vast scale that everyone with the slightest culpability needs to go.

I am referring to her dialogue that begins at t=3:20 .. see here:

"It was empowering, and it was beautiful to see so many women reclaiming their voice .. but it was also incredibly heartbreaking .. because the vast majority of us did not need to be there. Had those first reports to MSU head coach Kathie Klages in 1997 been taken seriously, the vast majority of victims would not have been in that courtroom."

» Values & Priorities that are Rotting from the Inside Out

This is so fucking infuriating .. on so many levels .. that it boggles the mind. You could see that Norah herself was fit to be tied.

She is livid. At t=4:00 Rachael says » "USA Gymnastics is really an organization that is rotting from the inside out."

If anybody would know...

Oh, I like this girl. She is fearless. She is coming for them.

Here she says (10 Dec 2018):

"This report makes it abundantly clear, if it was not so already, that little girls were not worth anything to USOC and USAG. I was not worth enough. The hundreds of little girls that were abused by Larry, the dozens that were molested after 2015, when USAG and USOC knew he was a serial pedophile, were not worth enough to them.

What we have seen in this report is the tip of the iceberg. It is betrayal upon betrayal. Not only did they betray us when we needed them desperately to protect us, but when Jamie [Dantzscher] and I came forward, they betrayed us again, because they knew what Larry was. They had evidence of his sexual abuse.

It is time for Congress to act. We cannot trust that what is in this report is the full scope of the investigation. Congress needs to step in, and they need to find out what really happened. Because what we are seeing in the gymnastics world is the tip of the iceberg and there are hundreds of children still dependent for protection and for safety on these people and that is unacceptable."

It does not surprise me that she says USA Gymnastics is an organization that is » rotting from the inside out .. because the values that dominate their whole fucking generation are rotting.

This is the end of this page. ■

This theme continues here » Values & Priorities that are Rotting from the Inside Out - Page Two (26 Jan 2018).

This page originated here » Doing the Work (05 Oct 2017).

Analyze this page's HTML profile » here.

Movable Type archives

Radified home

<ignore this intentional bottom text spacer, too>