Another Mind-Fucking Tragedy

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» Not a Good Sign

When I first saw this video, I thought, "That's not a good sign."

I cannot even imagine what you must be feeling. But I know that it can't be good. Two years is a long time to spend with someone.

My brother's first wife was also a doctor. I remember him saying, "When I come home from work and tell her about my day, she knows what I am talking about."

I would imagine that you could relate .. being both singer-songwriters.

» A Mind-Fucking Sort-of-Thing

I saw this thing where Mac said that he battled depression pretty much his whole life.

Everybody says that he was just the nicest guy. This is very sad.

This is a mind-fucking sort-of-thing .. coming not long after that other mind-fucking thing.

Nobody should have to go through two such tragedies so close together.

Certainly nobody as young as you.

This is why I dont understand people who seem addicted to life-drama. Because life is going to throw you more drama than your ass can handle. You need not create your own drama.

People need not go looking for drama .. it will find you. And it usually doesnt take very long, either. Be patient.

Some girls are like that. Drama queens. These girls are not for me. I have had more than enough drama for a lifetime of living.

At the end of treatment, the thing I was really craving was "I just want to be bored for a while."

I have never wanted to be bored before. But it was just so much shit coming so hard and so fast for so long (2 months) that the thing I really, really wanted was simply for nothing to come for a while.

I really just wanted to be bored.

These kinds of traumatic things make permanent impressions in your psyche.

I dont blame you for staying home. I hope you have a good shrink or therapist with whom you can chat regularly.

» Without Deadline

This thing that you are quoted as saying here .. that you are going to work on new music without deadline .. this spoke to me when I first heard it.

But I was not really sure why it was speaking to me or what, exactly, was being said.

I think the reason why it stands out for me is because it signals or suggests that you have arrived. A mature confidence has settled in.

You can turn off the alarm clock for a while. What more do you have to prove?

I think that this signals that you are a more powerful woman now. And you know how I have this thing for powerful women.

I am speculating .. but clearly, something is speaking to me. I can feel the challenge of putting it into words.

You can't really make it come .. the words. Rather, you must let them come. (To you.)

» Feeling Natural and Not Forced

You know what I'm talking about.

"Feeling so natural and not forced," .. this was talking to me. But I'm not going to tell you what it was saying. That would be dangerous.

Girly, are you really dropping another album?

When you say stuff like "I dont want to conform to the routine or the formula," ..

.. this makes me feel glad that we will always be in love forever.

Sinead knew that this would get my attention. She has been looking very nice lately.

I bet that she would totally be into a threesome with us. You can see it in her eye .. in the sparkle in her eye.

» The Soul I've Been Looking for All My Life

Girly, if I were at a party somewhere .. and I happened to be standing in a small circle of dudes .. and I suddenly heard a voice behind me saying things like what you are saying here ..

.. uh, and especially if this voice had a certain sort of resonance to it .. which is difficult to describe, yet you definitely know it when you hear it .. because it rings true to you ..

.. if I heard such a voice behind me saying such things at a party .. I would want to wheel around immediately .. and see who it was that is saying such things.

But I would first gather my shit together, and go into vibe-communication mode .. in order to see if we vibe.

See .. I know that I have the thing. So when I turn to make eye contact, I will be vibing confidence on this thing. On this gift.

And I will want to display a degree of authenticity. I will want to LET this authenticity come .. in a natural and comfortable way. Never forced .. which can ring awkward.

So the underlying message that I am sending here, from the deepest parts of me, the message is "This is who I am. Do you recognize my value? (Which depends on your values.) .. because I think you might be what I've been looking for all my life. And if you can't, then you are obviously not the one. But if you are .. then you know that you have never seen anything the likes of me before."

The soul I've been looking for all my life.

Heh yourself, girly. Now I'm starting to get warmed up. Camila knows what I am talking about.

» [ The Secret Weapon ]

Dont make me have to break out the secret weapon. Because girls never recover from that. They never recover after I break out the secret weapon.

They are ruined for all other men. They just walk around, zombie-like, in a sort of daze .. trying desperately to remember the details of the good ol' days.

This is why I break it out only when I absolutely cannot help myself any longer .. and when she is totally asking for it. For the secret weapon.

Please dont make me do this. Please dont make me break out the secret weapon. I beg you. Dont make me do it.

Now, sometimes they just insist. They insist that I hit them with the secret weapon.

They say things like, "I don't care that I'll be ruined for all other men. I want you to hit me. I want you to hit me with your secret weapon. Hit me with everything you've got. I dare you. I downright dare you. Or are you just another big pussy?"

What can a guy say to this?

» Zara Knows What I Am Talking About

Zara knows what I am talking about. This music video is definitely next-level for her.

She grew up in a different culture. That makes her a curiosity for me.

I like to try and get inside the head of somebody from a different culture. It puts your imagination to work .. if nothing else. 

I can feel myself trying to figure her out.

She did that thing with that model-dude. That was very ballsy. Chick-ballsy. Such a ballsy thing says that she is secure in her sense of self.

Which says to me that she is not going to be offended at something insignificant that a guy might say .. as would somebody who is not so secure, or insecure .. about their own sense of value and worth.

Self-esteem, I guess you could call it. The  term 'self-confidence' can sometimes evoke negative images.

My experience has been that insecure girls get offended at things that secure girls dont find at all offensive.

Do your own research and I am confident that you will concur.

» Backed Out of SNL

I just saw where you backed out of the opening-season night of SNL. Looks like Kanye stepped in for you. That was nice of him.

Nobody is going to blame you .. not even Piers Morgan.

The effects of such things lessen with time .. but the initial impact can be overwhelming.

Nobody knows you better than you .. when you will be ready. Or what you need.

Didnt I tell you that it usually doesnt take life very long .. to kick you in the teeth, again?

Did you see the cold open .. where Matt Damon played Kavanaugh?

I was impressed. I like him. Great skit.

He actually reminds me of my brother. And also my radiation oncologist. He got into Harvard .. so he is a smart dude.

» He is Hot Shit Now

And I saw the Weekend Update, where Pete talks about his summer getting engaged to you.

He is hot shit now .. because of you. I bet that everybody wants to be his friend. (Do you get editorial rights?)

» Speaking to the Socioeconomic Dynamics of Living With Kickass Powerful Women

He was talking about the socioeconomic dynamics of living with a kickass powerful woman.

He let us know that it is not all a free ride .. and that there are duties and responsibilities associated with his seemingly enchanted life.

Tho he didnt go into very much detail.

» A Bad, Sad Place After the Death of a Years-Long, Intimate Relationship

Maybe I shouldnt have mentioned this thing with Mac .. but, you must admit, it is a trippy coincidence.

I mean, I did not get the impression that he was suicidal. But I know that he is going to be in a bad place .. after you. Anybody would be.

I bet that Dr. Drew would agree with me here.

I dont care how strong you are, or how much self-confidence a person might possess .. this kind of thing is going to fuck you up .. in a rather profound sort-of-way.

I mean .. how can it not? And the longer it went, the worse it's going to be. I am merely stating the obvious.

And then you found somebody new so quickly. (Which is not surprising, since you can have any guy you want.)

And then you got engaged so quickly after that. (Which did surprise many.) This is going to fuck up any guy.

I bet that Selena knows exactly what I am talking about.

Even if you have plenty of self-confidence .. these kinds of things are very difficult to deal with. And even if you happen to know your value .. as a sentient moral being who is genuinely able to love and be loved in return.

» The Initial Shockwaves Can be Too Much to Handle

The pain wanes with time .. but the initial shockwaves, the emotional shockwaves, they can be overwhelming. Drugs only make it worse. And alcohol is even worse than the drugs. Much worse, in some cases.

Running on the beach is the best medicine that I have found. At Crystal Cove, of course.

The secret is to » con.vert the soul-fucking angst into a creative outlet. Make poetry out of the torment. Before it con.verts your ass into a pitiful pile of melancholy.

Oh, this is a great clip of him. He looks happy. He looks like he's in love. His eyes are smiling. (I wonder what he's looking at.) 

Nice choice of footage. This made me feel sad .. and I didnt even know him.

» Looking So Happy You Could Melt

29 Oct 2018 - You look happy here.

It made me happy to see you happy.

I included a different image of you here, in a section labeled » A Sense of Satisfaction that Permeates Even the Furthest Reaches of Your Soul (2 May 2018).

This is a remarkable performance. I have watched it more times than I would ever admit. It makes me feel good.

Your poor foot. It must be throbbing by now.

Note that this section has been lifted and moved to its own page .. see here » Sublimating the Soul-Fucking Torment into a Creative Outlet (29 Oct 2018)

This is the end of this page. ■

This entry continues here » Sense of SELF & Escaping Self-Deception (14 Sept 2018).

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