This Really Does Feel Like the Next Level

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» I Am Feeling the Sense of Intimacy Crank Up

I am most struck by the sense ofm intimacy that comes with this level.

Nice sweatshirt, girly. Nice color. Nice girly color. I see you, girly. I was watching this interview of you here for a while when I suddenly wondered, "What is written on her sweatshirt there?"

I actually broke out my magnifying glass .. to make sure that I was reading what I thought I was reading. You mustve gotten this sweatshirt from Rita. (She likes girls, you know.) She made it to my Lolita page.

Sometimes little things can make a big difference. I can feel that this is definitely affecting me.

I see that you brought Toulouse along with you. You must really have a thing for dogs. Remind me to tell you about the name of the street that I walk by nearly every day. (It's probably just a coincidence.)

I do not go looking for this stuff. YouTube obviously has me figured out. But I saw the link to this video a few times and I didnt click on it.

Then, later, I just couldnt help myself. I somehow knew that this was going to happen.

» Both Exhilarating and Calming at the Same Time

There is an exhilarating aspect to intimacy .. no? Both exhilarating and calming .. at the same time.

There was a time in my life when the mere idea of intimacy seemed terrifying. (Did you happen to catch Childish Gambino's performance at the Grammys?)

Tomorrow is the 1-year anniversary of your benefit concert in Manchester. So I want to write a little something.

I like to get out ahead of things .. instead of being behind a step.

» Like a Fresh Start

This page is sort of different in that it is not a continuation from another page .. but rather, a fresh start on its own.

I dont know if this means anything .. but it certainly sounds good .. from a writer's perspective.

It suggests a deeper meaning and hints at foreshadowing.

» Waiting for You with a Special Treat

Right now, the time is 11:19 PM on the 3rd of June .. and this page is live.

I am sometimes quirky about shit like this. I have to do thus-n-such a thing by such-n-such a time. It is like a game that I play with myself. (I am sure that my nuclear-military training has something to do with it.)

A deadline can add a sense of immediacy to things. And sometimes we want to bring a sense of immediacy to our lovers.

I want you to have the feeling like I am there waiting for you when tomorrow arrives.

I will certainly add to this page, and even toss in an image or two .. but I want there to be something tangible waiting for you tomorrow.

This is why I feel like I am getting my foot in the door of your tomorrow.

Tomorrow is sort of like the good side of the bad thing. (I heard a little of your bop with Nicki. Very nice. I like it.)

» A Personal Attack

Do you remember when I wrote » "Who can really understand what you must be feeling?" 

Permit me to speak the unspoken. I hope it helps.

The Manchester suicide bombing .. though your flesh was not touched by the exploding shrapnel .. the attack was very much a personal thing directed at you.

And your values. And to people who share your values.

To the lives lost and their families .. this is an incomprehensible loss. I dont know how to deal with such a loss.

But the fact that shrapnel did not physically touch your flesh .. does not make the fucked-up'edness of the attack any less personal.

Your concert was specifically chosen out of all the other concerts that come to Manchester.

I did not click on the links, but there were YouTube videos with titles such as 'Why Ariana Grande's Concert was Speciofically Targeted." I am sure that you saw them .. tho I hope that you did not click these links.

The attack was an expression of evil of the worst kind.

This is very mind-fucking type of thing to deal with .. that there are people out there who hate you and the things that you represent so much .. that they are willing and eager to blow themselves up.

I hope that you have a good shrink / therapist who you can chat with regularly about this.

» Write It Now

I can hear a voice saying, "Tell her that the attack was done outside. It was conducted outside the physical boundaries of the concert venue. That makes a difference. That makes a big difference. Inside was safe. Write it now. Do not delay. At all." [ right now the time is 1:26 PM, 12 June 2018, fwiw. ]

» Remarkable Resilience

I know that I shouldnt be .. but I was surprised that you are still along for the ride.

Can you see, girly .. can you see how I might be a bit much for some girls?

If you are along for the ride, and clearly you are .. then, this means that you are familiar with gnarly places.

Your toughness and resilience is sort of perplexing me. Perhaps this is because you are such a little thing.

» The Ability to Effectively Manage Periods of Anxiety

What do you think, Ariana .. what do you think about the notion [ like I was telling Rihanna ] that the ability to manage anxiety .. represents one of life's ultimate skills?

What do you think about that? The ability to tolerate significant periods of anxiety in your life .. without being overwhelmed by it.

» Why Did I Do That?

I notice that I just used your name there. I rarely use your name like that.

I dont try to do that. It just comes naturally and organically. It feels right.

I am curious about why I used your name there. I honestly dont know why I did.

» Dealing with Tests & Trials

But I know that the ability to manage anxiety effectively .. the thought of this makes me want to make love with you .. in a spiritual sort of way. (I am not trying to feel this way.)

I am guessing here that the reason why I am feeling so spiritual with you is because of what Paul said .. that this ability to effectively manage periods of anxiety .. is the thing that secures for you the promises of God.

When you lay hold of the promises of God by faith .. I can guarantee that you will learn the meaning of the words testing and trial .. beyond mere anxiety. Well beyond.

Go ahead and give it a try and you'll see exactly what I mean.

The trying of your faith .. this is an interesting topic. For another day, perhaps. (Some of these topics are best approached through the back door.)

I know a lot about the trying of your faith .. in an existential sort-of-way. Sometimes I conduct experiments in this area .. just to see what happens.

Sometimes things work out the way that I thought they would .. but sometimes they dont.

» When It Feels Like You Can't Take Any More Satanic Oppression

Remind me to talk to you about the idea that God gives a special grace (favor) when you are in a difficult place because you are suffering some sort of injustice because you have chosen to do the right thing.

I might sound like a nut-case if I went into any detail .. but you have had both super-wonderful and super-sucky things happen in your life. So I somehow feel like you can relate.

Everybody has good things happen and bad things happen in their life. But your good things are very good, and your bad things have been very bad .. both in the extreme. In my opinion, anyway.

The underlying scriptural message seems to be that the favor comes because of the suckiness. It's a big subject, but think about it.

Paul was saying (paraphrasing), "I can't take anymore of this suckiness that is following me around. I need you to deliver me from this persistent, nagging suckiness."

But God said, "Chill out, dog. I am providing you with more than enough favor for you to handle it. Stop being such a big pussy about it."

Food for thought.

» I Know How You Want It

Sometimes we dont even really know what it is that we were looking for .. until we actually get it.

Sometimes I think about this thing with you, and I wonder, "How can this impossible thing feel like the thing I've been searching for my whole life?" (I never get an answer that makes any kind of sense.)

Heh yourself, girly. I know how you want it.

I can feel you craving my energy.

You just sing so fucking good, sometimes, that I can hardly stand it.

» What is it About SNL Dudes that Attracts the Super-Hotties?

I see that you have begun dating Pete Davidson from SNL. (You can have any guy you want .. any five guys.)

I liked that parting note that you wrote about Mac. Selena knows what I am talking about. You dont want to ruin all those good times and happy memories that you shared .. just because the relationship is no longer working for you.

I think that you said he was one of your favorite people on the planet.

If I knew then what I know now .. that SNL dudes get all the super-hotties like Brad Pitt and George Clooney do .. then I wouldve never went into nuclear power. I wouldve become a comedian at SNL.

What is it about SNL dudes that attracts the super-hotties? (I saw this YouTube video about SNL dudes and their super-hotties. I was thinking, "This guy must have a gigantic schlong," .. to get a super-hottie like that.)

I think that SNL is off for the summer and therefore the timing seems provident.

I think that you need to be a certain type of person in order to do live television.

» SNL is a Huge Cultural Force

SNL is a gigantic cultural force. You can feel their cultural huevos rancheros.

I remember when the dog said that his two favorite shows were SNL and the Sopranos.

Sometimes the dog will call me when he's walking down a street in Manhattan .. on his way to someplace or other. I can feel the city vibes coming through .. and I like it.

The dog makes you feel like he really loves you. He is able to talk to you on a deep level.

» Engaged After Only a Few Weeks of Dating?

Oh, I saw this thing that said you two are engaged. Emile says that you need more time together first, but I feel happy for you.

Prince Harry and Meghan would probably tell you that you need more time together .. before making such a commitment.

Statistically speaking, the odds are against you. But you have defied the odds before.

(No matter how things turn out, we will always in love forever.)

The ladies at The View are blaming you and Pete for starting this new trend, which Nick-n-Priyanka have adopted.

What are you looking for in a man? What kinds of things are important to you? What are your deal-breakers? What do you find irresistible? Wanna fool around?

As long as you are enjoying each other's company .. you are already ahead of many relationships where people spend much of their time fighting and bickering about assorted sundry bullshit.

» I Know the Feeling

It was only after a few weeks after our first date that my son's mom said, "Your starving ass is moving in with me next week." (This was before I made her a mom, of course.)

I knew that this violated my own rules of engagement .. but I said, "Fuck it .. let's do this thing. Let's get busy and make a baby."

It doesnt take very long if you are diligent and dedicated and determined.

Everybody has their pro's and con's .. their strengths and weaknesses. Every relationship involves trade-offs.

She had her good parts and her bad parts. I thought that I could manage the bad parts. I was obviously wrong.

He is sweet on Stanley Tucci .. which makes me sweet on him.

Am I jealous? I'll never tell. (I am definitely jealous that you went to Disneyland. Did you squeal like a girl on the scary rides? For many years, I went to Disneyland on my birthday. If you go mid-week during the middle of January, after everybody is burnt out from the holidays .. you pretty much have the whole place to yourself. Short lines = lots of fun rides. One time I went on a weekend day during one of the summer vacations months. (That was a very stupid thing to do.) My son's mom cried on the Indiana Jones ride and she flat refused to ride Space Mountain again under any circumstances.)

» Do You Feel Like a Different Person?

I want to ask you if you feel like you are a different person with a different person. And to what degree. A small degree or a large degree?

I mean, you are not a completely different person .. but I usually feel very different with different lovers. To a remarkable degree.

Think about it .. because you are in a perfect position to answer such a question.

» The Effect You have on Peoples' Lives

Oh, here he is with Jimmy. He is saying that people now give him respect (tip the hat) because of you.

It gives people hope that he is with you. He is so funny. I am so happy for you.

But us guys can certainly appreciate his response. I mean, who would not be over-the-moon ("winning the lottery") to be with you? (That's a rhetorical question.)

His video was trending at the #1 position. See .. you are super-popular. Even people around you get caught up in your thing.

I can feel that this aspect of you gives me pause. It makes me want to keep you at arm's length.

Tho, I am not entirely sure why I feel this way.

» Isnt this Exactly What I have been Trying to Tell You?

Here he is with ET saying, "I will marry you tomorrow," .. on the day he met you.

Girly, why am I not surprised? I mean, who can blame him?

Is this not exactly what I have been trying to tell you all along? .. that you can have any guy you want.

You obviously whipped your dazzle-factor on him. Potent stuff.

» Jojo is a Dangerous Woman

Oh, speaking of the next level .. look at Jojo here (4 June 2018).

She just released a choreo to Dangerous Woman. Holy smokes .. that is strong. I had to pause that before I got a minute into it.

I was not ready for that.

I find my reaction interesting because I was just saying how she is a full-strength woman .. and how guys check themselves before putting the moves on such a girl.

This was my feeling here .. like I needed to go do some push-ups first, and get in shape before I finished watching her choreo.

» The July Cover of British Vogue

Speaking of the next level .. I see that you are featured on the July cover of British Vogue. What record are you playing here, lovergirl?

Girly, you look so fucking good here .. oh, my. You are like ten girls in one .. which is why you can have any five guys you want. That would be two of you for every guy. (No guy is going to complain .. trust me.)

These curves make me want to ride a roller coaster .. in the worst way.

I have hurt girls who did things like this, you know. I was not trying to hurt them .. no, ma'am. I just got a little carried away .. you might say. It's completely understandable.

I have been known to throw pillows onto the floor myself. I didnt want there to be any place for her to hide. And I wanted plenty of room to work.

My imagination is running wild with this image of you. I can't seem to stop it. Kudos to whoever it was that crafted this shot. This might be my favorite shot of you.

I can feel it working me .. on a number of levels. A surprisingly large number. Fuck if I dont feel like I have been here before.

Am I having a déjà vu right now?

I used to have a sweet Bang-n-Olufsen turntable.

You feeling retro, here? Did I mention how good you look?

It's not really fair that you can look this hot and sing so good, too.

To be continued...

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